Conversation


I have tried and tried to have meaningful conversations with my dad. They always devolve into him telling me about how much money he has. After waxing eloquent about his monetary station, the conversation lapses even further into such banal topics as weather and local sports franchises.

Every attempt I make at deflecting the conversation into something not about his finances lands me directly into a conversation about how hot it is, how wet it isn’t, how cold it was, etc… It doesn’t matter if the topic attempted is about finances or about retirement, if the topic cannot be steered back to HIS FINANCES then the phrase “how about that…” is quickly followed by heat, rain, snow, wind, etc… If I attempt to re-energize the conversation with something not weather related, BAM! Right into sports.

It makes me sad.

To recap:
If dad had invested in a sports franchise named after a weather phenomenon, his conversations would come down to mere talking points provided by a prospectus and PR department
By the way, the ‘rents are in town today
My grandma is turning 94-ish this weekend
Saturday is Wifey and my wedding anniversary
11 years of wedded bliss
Bliss! I tell you
Not sure what I am showing for Digital Thusday tomorrow
I am sure it will be all digital-ish though

The Visitor

This morning as I was taking Little Man his breakfast of champions (Cap’n Crunch with sliced bananas) my cell phone did something odd… it rang. “Who would possibly me at 8:30 in the morning?” I asked myself. I then admonished myself for not just waiting a second and looking at the phone’s caller ID. I am so impatient sometimes. I pick up the phone which, in truth, was not actually ringing, it was doing its weird arcade machine kind of noise. Well, I looked at the phone and saw that it was none other than Capt. McArmypants calling me before I started my day.

To cut to the chase, McArmypants is visiting this weekend. I am sooo excited. Now while I am up stoopid late at night being sleep deprived, I will have company. That’s how it works, isn’t it? Long awaited return of friend = stoopid late nights and simultaneous candle end burning, yes?

Anyhoo…this will be the inaugural meeting between Q and McArmypants. I already know who is going to win this encounter and she is only 9 pounds and some change. I would even give her best 2 falls out of three. It is going to be absolutely wonderful watching this confident man melt before the fire that is Q. The rough PTSD exterior will be flayed from him like something that flays things really well… you know a flayer-thingy. All that will be left is an even rougher emotional interior weeping at the beauty and awe inspiration that we know as Q.

The same thing happened when McArmypants met Little Man. McArmypants was able to build up his shell in time to be deployed in a combat zone. Way to go Capt. I hope this time the shell is a nice candy coating.

To recap:
This melting of rough exterior of course relies upon Q willing to be not held by Wifey
I will post right before going home
I need to go home
I am tired
The US plays Guatemala tonight in a World Cup Qualifier
The US should win, but winning in Guatemala is not as easy as one might think
I need to buy some more Cinnamon Chip bread from Great Harvest
Wifey likes it for breakfast
Little Man likes it for any time ever
Mmmmm bread
Listening to Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys

20 Questions Tuesday: 98 - Family

Here it is Tuesday again, so 20 Questions Tuesday: 98 – Family is coming at you.

Thanks this week go to JA Coppinger, Capt. McArmypants, Lsig, Belsum, Allrileyedup, and JW.

Peefer, Wifey and is on a kick to whip something up to use with your questions for next week, so don’t think I forgot you there. Heck, I am not even sure you read this blog anymore.

Anyway, on to the questions:

1. Do parents ever see their kids as older than 12? Will you be able to see yours as adults?
Some parents really do, but they are rare. I hope that as Little Man and Q grow up and mature that Wifey and I will grow up and mature as parents as well.

2. Siblings – how do people raised at the same time, in the same place, by the same people, turn out SOOOO different?
I. Have. No. Idea. It truly is amazing.

3. When was the first time you realized the way your family did things was not the only way – or even necessarily “normal”?
I think I was in college at the time.

4. What does “family values” even mean?
That the frozen meal is supposedly big enough for a family to eat it, you glutton.

5. Who has more cause to be more resentful/jealous of their sibling? Zan of Jana or Tito of Jermaine or LaToya of Michael or Cain of Abel.
LaToya of Michael. They are both crazy, but he is crazy with crazy money, which makes him able to shrug off the legal issues..

6. Why does no one love the middle child? WHYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?
Because they are rather whiney.

7. In many cultures, large extended families live together under the same roof Grandparents to grandchildren. Everybody takes care of each other and the elderly are not marginalized to 2 hour visits at the "home" once a month. How dumb is that!?!?
A-men.

8. Describe your family in one word.
Anachronistically-Denial-Ridden... is that one word?

9. How many siblings do you have? How many does Wifey have?
I have one older brother and Wifey has no “full-siblings”, but a menagerie of “half-siblings.”

10. On a scale of 1 to 10, how crazy is your family (consider mine about a 9)?
For this question, I am considering “Family” to include my parents, brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and their spouses and children. I am not including Wifey’s fam because she has a blog, damn it!

This is an interesting question because from the outside my family seems fairly innocuous. No arrest records, no psyche ward trips, etc… So from the outside I would say probably about a 4 or 5. They seem “no crazier than most.” As you delve in deeper and realize how many people aren’t looking at the same blue sky or think opening a llama farm is the key to their yet-to-be- success, that number goes up to a 7 or 8.

11. I find that distance makes the heart grow fonder when it comes to some members of the family. Do you agree?
I agree that you find that distance makes the heart grow fonder when it comes to some members of your family.

12. I’m leaving on Friday for a week long family reunion at a beach house in NC. Does this make you shudder or are you jealous? (Incidentally, only 43 of us are coming this time but I can not wait to see everyone!)
I believe I shudder, but not from jealousy. Yep, definitely shudder.

13. Do you have separate birthday parties for the Little Man: one for his/your friends and one for family?
We have had, and seem to continue to have multiple parties for Little Man. Some are no more than “play dates” but it makes this month a birthday extravaganza.

14. Should family secrets be let out or should they stay hidden? Why?
I am a big proponent that family secrets should be open-aired somewhat. You don’t want to hurt anyone, so maybe it is not a good idea to create and advertise a web-site associated with your family secrets, but I also think that secrets should be less secret so that people will realize the craziness of their family is really pretty normal.

15. What is the etymology of the word “family?” What should it be?
I was going to act like I knew this, but here is the link to where “Family” comes from. As far as etymological roots are concerned, this is fine. I think that in practicality, family can mean any group of people that you feel most comfortable around.

16. One of Jack Handey's deep thoughts are "it's a shame when families are torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs." any thoughts on this?
Depends on the family being torn apart.

17. Do yetis have families? Care to elaborate on the hippo family unit?
Yetis have a system very similar to bears. Cubs stay with mother’s until they hit adulthood and then strike it on their own. Fathers are solitary beasts that occasionally have conjugal relations. Hippos are weird. There does not seem to be any especially strong bonds except between mothers and daughters and mothers and young males. No one really knows why they congregate into pods.

18. What is Little Man's response if you ask him who his family is?
Mama, Papa, Little Man, and Q

19. Why did people think “All in the Family” was funny?
I have often wondered that. I also wondered why the local TV station had this show on immediately after cartoons on the weekday afternoons. GAH, just thinking of the theme song sends shivers up my spine.

20. Do you think the annoying family members actually know they are annoying and relish in it, or do you think they are blissfully unaware of the fact that they get on everyone's flippin' nerves?
I think that, like most people, family members are blissfully unaware of their annoyingness.


To recap:
Orange Rice for dinner tonight
Well, Little Man is having Orange Rice
I will find something else to eat
I am a bit tired of the Orange Rice
Still concepting something for Digital Thursday
I might see if I can get some hi-res inked stuff and color it up
Or I might see if I already have something of that ilk hanging about
Hanging about digitally, of course
Man, do I need some sleep
Listening to March of Death by Zach de la Rocha and DJ Shadow
Download it

One if by land, two if by sea


Well, I live in Central Ohio, so it is the solitary lamp in the bell tower. Nothing attacks C-bus by sea!

That’s right the parents are making the trip to see Q, and Chez SRH is getting ready for the invasion. Tonight Wifey and I will fortify our positions and get ready for the inevitable parental encroachment.

Things on the Have to Get Done Before the Parents Get Here To Do List:
  • Drill into Little Man not to say who his least favorite grandparents are

  • Finish Q’s room, even though it will not be used for a while longer

  • Put away all bank statements and/or credit card bills

  • Clean bathrooms

  • Remind Q that she can be held by those other than her mama

  • Grovel at the feet of Wifey since I will be at work during most of the visit

This visit already seems like it will be a rough one. For some reason the relatively appropriate parental reactions of 3 months ago seem long forgotten. I am not sure why the craptastic switch was flipped, but that seems to be the case. It is going to be a rough one. They will not be here until tomorrow evening, but that is soon enough.

Luckily they will also be traveling up to visit my grandma in Kent, Ohio, so for at least a day or two we will have a break.

On another note, the dreaded ceiling fan is now all together and working. All this took was 3 calls to the fan etch support people, someone to re-anchor a junction box in the ceiling and a follow-up trip to the store to switch out a bad remote receiver. New receiver, a bit of wiring, and a goodly bit of fan to ceiling wrestling later and viola we have a new ceiling fan in the living room. It only took 2 weeks.

2 weeks for a frikkin ceiling fan!

To recap:
Did a shit-ton of cleaning this weekend
By tomorrow evening Casa Del SRH shall again be presentable
Currently the house is in a bit of disarray
That is the way of the house with a new baby
Don’t get me wrong,
We aren’t making the place spotless
We are just making seem like we don’t live like animals
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions will be about the 4th of July
Ooooh exciting

Difficulty

It is very difficult to smash a spider with a newborn baby in your arms. Let’s just say that it is a difficult position to be in. Can we all at least agree on that?

I mean, your agility is more than cut in half. Newborn babies have rather floppy heads and little tiny necks that cannot support the massive weight of their own noggin. That lack of nogginal support means that unless you have the neck of said newborn supported, the head will bob and swing around like a wrecking ball. All your spider killing instincts honed over years of dispatching arachnids have to be reined in. You cannot leap into the air and send a final blow to a spider using a papered palm slap and some tarantella foot work. Baby’s head would be bouncing around like a rubber ball in a pogo stick factory… (admittedly that is a pretty weak analogy).

Further compounding this decreased agility is the fact that you should not attempt to kill the spider WITH the newborn baby in your hands. A newborn baby is not a reliable weapon. I am going to repeat this to help it set in, this time in all caps, ‘cause it’s ‘portant. A NEWBORN BABY IS NOT A RELIABLE WEAPON. I feel that a list is the best way to demonstrate all the weaknesses associated with newborns as weapon.

  • Aforementioned weak neck with heavy noggin
  • Soft spot on skull
  • Poor hand-eye coordination
  • Lack of battle cry
  • No teeth
  • Propensity to sleep
  • 6 to 9 pounds of whoop-ass is not that impressive (unless it is concentrated in thrown cat form)

See? Newborns just are not the killing machines you are looking for. A rolled up piece of paper would do better.

To recap:
Wifey, Q, and Little Man are all doing well
I am not as sleep deprived as I would have thought
But maybe that is a sign of sleep deprivation
Her 1 week check up was stellar
She is gaining weight like a champ
A champ that has stopped fighting
And is eating like he was still training
By “She” I mean Q, not Wifey
Can I get a “Welcome back” from the crowd?
20 Questions Tuesday triumphantly returns tomorrow

Baby Details


The labor inducement went off without a hitch. 11 hours later at 7:56 AM we had our new baby girl. She is 5 pounds 12 ounzes and 19.5 inches long.

Thanks to all the positive energy that has been sent our direction. The Duchess is doing fine and mama and papa are already behind the eight ball in regards to sleep debt.

20 Questions Tuesday: 94 - Impending Arrival

So this evening, Wifey will be induced to bring about the birth of our soon to be baby girl. There are many things about today that are a bit bittersweet. It is the last day of our family being the trio of Little Man, Wifey and SRH. There is some sadness associated with that. Now, I will not be unconsciously focusing solely on my little boy.

Tomorrow my attention (both conscious and unconscious {“unconscious attention?” WTF, SRH? [shut up, you! How did you get in my parenthetical asides anyway?{your love of words has cost you dearly this time, SRH… [that doesn’t even make sense. We should get back to the thought at hand, agreed? {agreed.}]}]}) will need to be split. That makes me somewhat sad.

Anyway… today’s topic will be about the impending arrival. Thanks this week go to ACW, Lord Pithy, Belsum, Lsig, JACoppinger, allrileyedup, Capt. McArmypants, Sparky, Dustin, DR B-Dawg, and Jay. I would also like to thank Peefer, Karen, tree-monkey, and atmikha for their well wishes.

On to the questions:
1. Pitocin - a godsend or a taste of hell on earth?
Pitocin is quite possibly derived from the tears of an infected and slowly dying daemon. Pitocin is a fire. It consumes without mercy. It conflagrates whatever is near. It is made of the molten pitch known as hate and is meant to cause as much pain and suffering as the daemon could hope to wreck in its fleeting immortal existence

2. Any favorite music in the hospital bag?
I am not sure. Wifey picked out a playlist, but I do not know what she picked. From what I have gleaned over many a conversation, the Duchess will most likely not be brought into this world to the dulcet tones of one Ani DiFranco, because Wifey is not calm whilst listening to Ani.

3. May I have her? If "no," may I name her? If "no," may I babysit her? If "no," may I help deliver her? If "no," have I blown all chances of visiting her?
No. No. No. No. Maybe

4. Did you have another baby shower?
Nope.

5. Does Little Man have to share a room with his sister?
To sleep in? No. But he will have to share all the communal rooms

6. Does Wifey have a Birth Plan?
Once pitocin is involved, birth plans go out the window.

7. Do you really think you are ready for this?
Hell to the No

8. Will you get up for night feedings even if . . . well, if YOU are not needed?
I will be needed. I will need to. I will find ways to be helpful. There is always use of a partner during the fist weeks of late night feedings.

9. Have you calculated how many pots of coffee you’ll need to make it through the first week?
I am a Mountain Dew man. I believe I will need to rent a fountain drink dispenser.

10. What outfit does Wifey have packed to wear at the hospital post birth?
She has two different things. One is a night gown, and the other is a pajama set. One is better for when the doctors and nurses want to check on her hoo-ha, the other seems more conducive to breast feeding.

11. Be honest - have you made fun of those weird netted underpants that they give to all the moms in the hospital?
Those things look funny as hell, but when new mom says they are the most comfortable ever, there has to be something to that.

12. So will you be calling this child by her middle name or her first name?
Maybe first only or a combo of the two. We really do not know yet.

13. So do you intend to sleep at work from now on or just fall over dead in a few years from exhaustion?
Is there a combination of the two?

14. What aspect of having a baby in the house again are you looking forward to the most?
The cuddles. How a small babe will just melt into you.

15. What songs do you think you'll sing to baby? What songs do you think Little Man might sing to baby?
Hmmm, I am not sure I will sing any particular song, but Little Man will most likely sing some songs from Wow Wow Wubbzy, or Yo Gabba Gabba.

16. Baby’s room color: pink, blue, or the gender neutral color of sea foam green?
I did not realize that sea foam green was gender neutral. Especially, since it is typically paired with dusty rose. Ah, 1986 we do miss you

17. New baby is more or less conducive to blogging?
Way less. Any added responsibility will adversely affect my blogging availability. After I get into a good routine, I might need to re-evaluate this 4 times a week blogging thing.

18. Will the Duchess arrive in a carriage with horses?
Wifey hates that this thought is even out in the universe

19. When you've been carrying around another human being in your belly for 9 months, is "induced" the best word?
“Induced” is better than “extracted”

20. Any ideas about whose personality she will be influenced by? (yours?/ Wifey's?/ Little Man's)
All three with a good mix of her own genetics.



To recap:
Tomorrow’s post will hopefully just be stats and a pic
The hospital has free wi-fi so at least I will be able to surf the net
Oh, here is our new bathroom


Jealous?
Oh, yeah, I’m so getting my J on
Listening to Be Happy from that YouTube vid I linked in Question 15

20 Questions Tuesday: 77 - Sweet Jeebus, It's a Grrl

The topic for today’s 20 Questions Tuesday will concern a little girl issuing forth from Wifey’s loins in June. We are daughtering up.

Thanks this week go to Karen, Lsig, Dustin, Belsum, Sparky (last known as Bomber), Dr B Dawg, Wifey, Allrileyedup, and JW. A bonus 5 questions - because I care!

On to the questions:

1. Have you decided on a name? If so, what is it? Can you please name your daughter “Voltrana: The Harbinger of -insert word of your choice here-”? Pretty please? What are the top 10 names so far? Will there be an internet vote for the final name?
Not yet. Nope. No, although the word on the street is that she should be named Voltron Stardust Tonidanza. We have some candidate names, but we are not really sharing. Feel free to pass along any suggestions, but there will not be an Internet vote for the name.

2. Do you have any idea just how much little girls talk? Are you prepared for that? Would you like to spend time with Greta to fully understand what a nonstop dialogue sounds like? How do you feel about high-pitched screaming? In times of happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, or for no darn reason at all. Seriously, this isn't taught, it's innate in little girls. They learn before age 2 that it gets a reaction...it's bizarre!
I am not sure one can truly prepare for the constant string of verbalization. I know I am not prepared. Once I went to one of the US Women’s Soccer games and a higher-pitched soundscape I have never experienced. I can only imagine that in a one-on-one environment. (and you know she’s totally going to play soccer, a’ight.)

3. Pink. How do you feel about it? You will be receiving a lot of pink clothing for this kid. Is it still customary to dress baby girls in pink or did that fade off in the 1960’s? Until they get old enough to express opinions on clothes, babies are basically subject to their parents' clothing whims. Do you expect to go princess-y or tomboy-ish with the little one's clothes (my personal baby girl style is probably best expressed as "wedding cake" considering all the lace, bows, and flowers currently in her closet)? Will Wifey embrace the dresses and pinkness of it all or say "no way, my daughter's not wearing pink!" How does Zany Mama feel about the color pink? Remind her of this answer once the new baby girl turns one.
I think we will do our best to stay away from lacey as much as possible. Lace is just so impractical. Pink? Well, we are not huge fans of the color. I think as long as the color is tempered by other colors it is not sooo bad. I hope we can get it to where pink is not the predominant color, but I understand that will take some doing.


Wifey’s major concern is the clothes of the tween years. If I have to hear, “My daughter will not wear a thong at age 9” one more time…

4. Do you own a shotgun? Do you think you will need one? Will you use a shotgun or machete to ward off boys with less than favorable intentions?
I do not have one yet. While I like the point and hope aiming stylings of a shotgun, I am much more of an aiming purest. If a firearm were to make it into the house, it would either be a rifle or a pistol. No, I do not think I will need it. My breath can be intimidating enough.

5. Were you surprised to find out that it's a girl, or did it confirm a deep suspicion?
A little of column A and a little of column B. Wifey was not at all surprised.

6. Do you feel any compulsion to go out and buy non-train toys? Perhaps dolls or ponies or something? Is train fascination genetic and if so, could you handle two train obsessed offspring? Will you try to prevent a train fetish in this one?
This little one will probably find her own niche of products to latch onto. I hope it is not the Care Bears, because that show hurts my soul.

On the other hand, a dual train fetish could save us some cold hard cash, so we may try to veer her toward the locomotive.

7. Have you broken the news to Little Man? Does he have any thoughts on his impending sister? Forgot to ask you this earlier - what does Little Man think of this news?
Little Man was surprised because he thought he was going to get a little brother. He is slowly integrating the idea of little sister. The initial conversation went something like this.

Me: Little Man, do you want to know if you’re having a brother or a sister?

LM: I’m having a brother.

Me: No, buddy. Actually, we found out today that the baby is a girl. You’re having a sister.

LM: **Blank look. Because , you know, I already told them what we were having.**

Me: It’s going to be a baby sister, LM. You’re going to be a big brother to a baby sister.

LM: **Shock is slowly getting replaced by confusion, I thought I told them it was to be a boy.**

Me: Buddy?

LM: Oh. **We’ll just see about that.**

8. What will you do if your impending daughter turns out to be a jock (actual real life fear for my own future children)?
Whatev? I am not sure of the intention of this question. If the little girl grows up to be insanely sporty… more power to her. If she is more bookish? Great! If however, she goes on to be a zoologist with a specialty in the water horse, we may have real issues.

9. Diaper service: overrated or underappreciated?
Underappreciated

10. Did you save boy clothes thinking that maybe someday you’d have another one? What are you going to do with them now?
I think many of the boys clothes will be donated to a local charity. We will scour the clothes for things that are special to us regarding Little Man and stuff that is more unisex.

11. Do you need a tie-breaker now that the sexes will be evened up in your house?
Hell no. Let’s be clear. It’s never really been “even” – we’d have to get a lot more penises in the house before Wifey’s rule was truly compromised.

12. Will the new baby girl give Little Man girl cooties?
Very likely.

13. How many people have declared that girls are easier (or harder) than boys to raise and just you wait?
I honestly have not heard that too much so far. I am sure it is around the corner.

14. Will this be the first granddaughter on either side?
Yes, it will. In fact according to my family it will be the first daughter born into the family since Eve.

15. Have you already gone shopping for girly stuff?
Nope.

16. What shall the blog nickname be for the new one? What are some of the candidates for the new little one's blog moniker?
Well, Little Woman sounds like a novel. Little Girl is too diminutive compared to Little Man. The Princess is too derogatory as is Chicky (plus that is what Little Man has for dinner). I want it to be regal without being overbearing, so the Empress doesn’t work. I think, after long deliberation (with Wifey) she will be referred to as The Duchess.

17. Do you prefer girl or grrl?
Grrl. Most definitely

18. What scares you the most about having a girl-child?
Having a girl-child

19. Did you ever want to be a girl? Because, you know, this is kind of your chance… living vicariously through your offspring.
I don’t think so. I will contemplate this more though.

20. "Don’t call me daughter. Not fit to. The picture kept will remind me." What do you think these lyrics mean? Okay, it's pretty clear Eddie is bemoaning incest again. Find a new take on the lyrics.
Ummm… Eddie has some issues. Definitely about the whole incest thing. I am not sure I can spin it other than have people think about it being sung by the Frankenstein monster. The only issue is the word “kept” should be changed to “keep.”

******Bonus Questions*****

21. Will Little Man and the Duchess have the same curfew when they're in high school?
At similar ages they will have similar curfews. They will have to be at home by 3 am or spend the night in the drunk tank.

22. Are you aware that your email message pulled up the following sponsored ads: "Girl Thongs" "Getting Your Girl Back?" and "Bling Flower Girl Shirts." Any thoughts?
This is surprising to say the least. Especially the ones that make such grammatical nonsense.

23. If little man wants to wear The Duchess’s princess dress up shoes (because inevitably, someone WILL buy them for her), are you going to let him?
If he wants to wear princess dress shoes, who am I to stand in the way?

24. Chris rock's advice to fathering a daughter is "keep 'em off the poles." Discuss.
Well, I tend to agree. If I can keep the Duchess from stripping (cause you know “The Duchess” would be her stripper name) then I have at least done something right.

25. What personality traits (if any) do you hope the new baby inherits from the two of you?
Whether I want it or not, she is going to be hard-headed. So I am going to embrace her sense of self and self determination, because it is better to swim with the water than upstream.


To recap:
Lots of questions about pink
And names
I have a headache
Not a headache brought about by dehydration though
For I am drinking a bunch of water
And have to pee mightily
Like a geyser
A mighty geyser

Folklore

There is some folklore in my family. Well, folklore seems to be a bit light. There is legend told in my family that there aren’t any women born into the family. They are all married into it. Or so the legend goes… Oh, the legend is taken as faith by many of the people in the family. Oddly enough the people who hold the tightest to this faith typically have married into the family.

On Friday of last week we found out that we will be having a stubborn little girl come June of this year. “Why stubborn?” you ask? Well, dear reader, it seems that this little one even with much ungentle coaxing never uncrossed her ankles nor straightened her legs. If it had not become a battle of wills between her and the Dr performing the ultrasound, we probably would not have found out the gender of the baby to be. Plus, I am stubborn and Wifey is stubborn. The chances that any child of ours not being stubborn are fairly high bordering on inevitable. Oh, for those of you who did not know, we are having a little girl. We found out on Friday.

Friday night we had the task of letting family know the joyous news. Wifey’s family was all “Oh, another one, big deal.” I kid, I kid, they were very excited. When telling my family the response was a bit different. I started off by just telling my dad because mom wasn’t home when I called.

Me: Well, we had our tour of the baby ultrasound today. Ten fingers. Ten toes. Umbilical chord where it is supposed to be with the correct number of arteries and veins. Internal organs are internal. Has a bladder. No discernable cleft palette. Stomach seems to be working. Oh, and you will be having a granddaughter.

My Dad: ** Stunned silence**

Me: Dad, we are having a little girl.

My Dad: ummm… a girl… **stunned**

Honestly I could not have stunned the man more if I had hit him in the head with a ball-peen hammer. It took him about 30 seconds to really recover, but then he was amazingly excited.

Me: Well, Mom, we are having a little girl.

My Mom: Well, if anyone was going to go against family tradition it would be you. There hasn’t been a girl born in forever.

Me: Mom, I don’t believe any of that hogwash, plus, Dad has a sister. Her name is Nancy. She is only one generation away from me, and she is in yours.

My Mom: She was the first daughter that the family has had since before William the Conqueror.

Me: I soooo don’t believe that. William the Conqueror had daughters, plus I doubt if we are directly related to him anyway.

My Mom: No, it’s true, I have the family tree. I will show you!

Me: Fine, bring it, I would love to see it.

So there it is, the legend of the Family: There has not been a daughter born to the family since before William the Conqueror. There are clearly holes in this fable. Firstly, I honestly doubt any direct lineage to Big Willy. If we were directly related to Willy Le Bâtard, and there were no daughters associated with that line, our last name would not be Hart, it would be Angevin or some such surname legacy of nobility/royalty surname.

Secondly, MY DAD HAS A FREAKIN SISTER! No to mention historically speaking (relatively recent historical sense surely) the family hasn’t generated very many kids. My brother has 2 kids. I will have 2 kids come June. My grandpa on my dad’s side only had one brother and each of them only had 2 kids. That is not exactly a gigantic statistical sample to pull from. In 12 kids there will only be 2 girls born in 4 generations. Sure one would expect more of a 5 to 7 or 6 to 6 instead of a 2 to 10, but with only 12 coin flips I have gotten more skewed results. Oh, and MY DAD HAS A FREAKING SISTER!

To recap:
MY DAD HAS A FREAKING SISTER!
Now comes the fight with my mom about equal treatment of all the grandkids
Other than my dad’s completely stunned reaction, he is overjoyed and ecstatic
Of my parents, I would not have picked him for the most appropriate response
Cabinets come on Friday
Appliances come on Friday
Countertop is ready for pickup
I guess our new kitchen will have to be the working kitchen come Saturday
20 questions tomorrow about having a daughter

one... two... three... huh?

Hmmm… where to start about this past weekend. Three things to type about today.

Thing the first: I will start where most of you have most of your questions: The Family Drama.

The Family Drama seems to boil down to the ex-sister-in-law and the sister-in-law having the most craptastic abilities to communicate. It turned out being a big game of “she said/she said” where my parents automatically took the current in-law’s side. This taking of sides ended up making matters worse for us (Wifey, Little Man and me) because we had to listen to all sorts of crap from the parents. The drama went away by Thursday, so as far as drama is concerned, it wasn’t all that dramatic.

Thing the second: The holiday feast: It was absolutely lovely. Much food was consumed by all. I was able to speak with my brother who is currently in Iraq. He sounded good. He complained about his Thanksgiving meal in Iraq (2 rubbery lobster tails and some shoe-hide steak he reported). It was a nice day full of good conversation and better food. I was surprised at how long the conversations stayed away from the usual banal topics of weather or team sporting events. That was a surprising change.

Thing the third: Oh, my goodness golly goshness, my parents bought us new kitchen appliances for the kitchen remodel. I will wait here while you re-read that last sentence. Doot do do, d’doot doot, do do do doot …. Back with me? Okay, here is the deal. Wifey was looking through the Black Friday flyers that came with the paper. She came across the super-duper sale that was happening at Sears for appliances and said something like, “Hey, Sweetie? Should we buy the new kitchen appliances today since they are on such a good sale?” My response was something like, “That’s a great idea, but we just cannot afford them right now.” To which my mom said, “Get them and we will write you a check for them.”

Bwaaaa?!? So Friday during the Christmas sale extravaganzas Wifey and I got a new microwave hood, gas oven/range, dishwasher, and refrigerator… with my parents’ money. It was excellent, and completely un-expected. The motivation on my parents’ part seems to be based genuinely in affection and there aren’t any strings attached. Wifey and I still have a few questions as to how this motivation came about, but these are more about our own curiosity than a burning desire to know.

To recap:
Little Man has fallen in love with the game Tsuro
Wifey has a cold
She is pregnant and has a cold
She is pregnant, has a cold, and is exhausted
Interaction with Wifey beyond making her go to bed and making sure she has eaten is practically non-existent
Just an FYI for everyone out there
I hope to get her back in trimester 2
20 Questions Tuesday shall not have a topic

Wow, I didn't realize

Wow, I did not realize just how much drama the house could call upon by having my sister-in-law and nephews from a previous mom over for the holiday. Wow.

To recap:
Wow
Tomorrow is digital Thursday
I am Wonder Woman-ing it up by request
Have a great holiday if you are celebrating it
If not, I hope whatever holiday comes next for you is great
I am stealing a moment to post whilst my parents are downstairs
I feel like I am a kid again and I am hiding stuff from them
Crap! Someone's on the stairs!

20 Questions Tuesday: 68 - Thanksgiving

Here we are, 2 day prior to feasting. I feel like crap. The sinuses are well plugged up and I am being spared the sore throat merely because I am somewhat upright, but I have a post to write Damnit!

I am thankful to Nadolny, Dustin, Bomber, and JW for this week’s questions.

On to the questions:

1. Worst turkey day movie ever? (My vote is for “Blood Freak”)
I am unfamiliar with Blood Freak, but its description makes it sound horrid. There are not that many Thanksgiving movies and the only one I could vaguely recall of its existence whilst looking at IMDB was this one, but I only remember commercials for it.

2. a) Turkey chemical that makes you sleepy, fact or urban legend? B)Tryptophan – evil drug, or added turkey bonus? c)How does one fight the soothing, drowsy effects of turkey consumption? (And don't even THINK of telling me to not eat turkey!)
a) It is indeed a reality and called tryptophan
b) Added turkey bonus
c) Counter act the sleep induction with caffeine

3. Turkey or ham? (No! You can't choose both)
I choose you, Ham!

4. Stuffing in or out of the turkey?
Out

5. Prefer the white or dark meat?
Is this a trick question?

6. Stuffing with odd things (like nuts or cranberries in it)?
Well it is clear that you have an opinion about stuffing. I like pretty much traditional stuffings. The craziest thing I think of for stuffing is adding some sausage to it.

7. Should Christmas decor be held of vehemently until after turkey day? Maybe with a shotgun?
I think Christmas décor is fine for the day after and beyond. I don’t understand the house down the street that added the Christmas themed light up inflatable yard ornaments the day after Halloween though.

8. If the funny hats the pilgrims wore came back into style, would you be out shopping for one immediately?
Nope, I am not a slave to fashion.

9. Which doth thou lovest more, mashed potatoes or stuffing?
Oh, thou dost injure me to the quick with thine rapier question. Must I chooseth between the two, or mightest I combine the two victuals into some kind of culinary infusion of stuffing and potatoes for mashing? I choose betwixt the two, for it is in the tween that mine happy turkey gravy shall pour over ere traveling past my teeth to my waiting maw.

10. When was the last time you had to sit at the “kiddie” table
I think it was 2 years ago, we have had some very geriatric Thanksgivings.

11. Whipped Cream or Ice Cream on your Pumpkin Pie?
Whipped Cream

12. What side dish is a "must have" on your Thanksgiving dinner plate?
Mashed Potatoes!

13. What food item at Thanksgiving is a definite "ut-uh" in your book? (as in, "ut-uh, no way I'm eatin' THAT!")
I do not understand the role of yams in the Thanksgiving day feast. Yams have no business being classified as food.

14. Will you nap after feasting?
If I am allowed by Little Man.

15. Who gets the drumsticks?
Whomever wants them. I am eating ham.

16. Who carves the turkey and do they use an electric knife of the old-fashioned manual instruments?
We have an electric knife that I give to my Dad when he is here. He finds it some sort of honorific, and either I do it or Mimma does it the other times (typically Mim though)

17. I mean, WHO buys Tofurkey, and really, do they have any guests for dinner?
I don’t understand that either. I understand when someone is a vegetarian or a vegan, but I don’t understand why they feel like they need to make their non-meat dishes look and taste similar to meat. Relish in your non-meatedness or eat some frikking meat. I believe most people who visit the cookers of tofurkey know that is what will be on the menu.

18. Where can I get one of those wide end barrel muskets so's I can have an authentic Pilgrim Thanksgiving?
I think the wide mouthed guns pilgrims are depicted with are a bit of a fanciful notion. The Pilgrims came with standard Flintlocks and Match locks of the day with regular, non-flared barrels.

19. Are your hands tired from making all the "finger turkeys" with lil' man?
He luckily doesn’t know what those are at the moment.

20. Canned or fresh cranberries?
If I have to have them, fresh.


To recap:
Not working tomorrow
Wifey said, and I misquote, “There is no way in Hell I am staying home with your parents by myself.”
She didn’t think my response of, “Little Man will be there…” very funny at all
I thought it was hilarious
Zicam is amazing
I am not sure who is controlling the temperature in my area of the building, but I think they need to wear a sweater of something
I am burning up here
Wifey needs more rest
That is not just me “drinkin’ the Kool Aid” either
Oh! Yeah!

3 Main Things

Well the week of Thanksgiving is upon us. So, what does that actually mean? Well, that is for you to find out for your own personal philosophy, I don’t have the answers, Man! Stop hounding me. I am just one guy! I don’t have the… wait, I was going to tell you what Thanksgiving being upon us indicates to the Casa Del SRH, now with more cilantro! Being this close to this fine Thanksgiving 2007 basically means three main things.

Main Thing the First:
There will be an inordinate amount of food prepared this week in Chez SRG (Maintenant avec plus les faux fromages!). We will be eating like kings this week. It is truly the kick off to the Holiday Feasting Season (HFS). HFS consists of Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Morning, Christmas Dinner, New Year’s Eve, and New Years Day. Interspersed within those holiday meals there is fudge and cookies and breads, Oh My! Associated with that is the consumption of pre-made cartons of egg-nog and mulled cider. HFS is truly a wonder to behold. It is the time of year when you can often see the SRH fam doing a lethargic happy dance of full stomachy goodness.

Main Thing the Second:
Little Man is really getting into it this year. He is seriously looking forward to the Holidays. He understands that there are gifts to be given and more importantly, gifts to be received. He is excited to have big special meals and is looking forward to all the yummy treats that Wifey, Mim, and I have been jibber-jabbering about since Halloween. He is also really excited to see some of his extended family. This leads perfectly into…

Main Thing the Third:
Sweet giblets and gravy! My family is coming to town! Actually, my mom and dad could very well be in Columbus, even as I type this post up. They are arriving this afternoon, and not leaving until Saturday or Sunday. On top of that my nephews and their step-mom are going to be here as well. My brother would probably show as well except for the fact that he is in Iraq. Little Man is really pumped to see his cousins. In all honesty, I need to make more of an effort with my family. The nephews are good (if not emotionally needy) kids, and I feel that I should make some stronger efforts to spend time with them.

Well, those are the three things that are accompanying Thanksgiving for us this year.

To Recap:
I am sure I will want to strangle the ‘rents by noon on Thursday.
Has anybody ever heard of a JV Basketball practice held at 4 pm the Wednesday before Thanksgiving?
How about a follow up practice on the Friday after Thanksgiving at 9 am?
Something about that just seems fishy
Tomorrow’s 20 questions will be concerning Thanksgiving
In fact all week, I shall concern myself with the upcoming feast
Well, except for Thursday, that will be our regularly scheduled Digital Thursday
Oh, I am a big fan of the Irony

20 Questions Tuesday: 67 - What were we thinking?!?!

It is 20 Questions Tuesday again, and since the big news from last week came out, I figured that today’s 20 questions would be all about “What in the world were you thinking?”

Thanks this week go to Dustin, Lsig, ACW, JA Coppinger, Peefer, and JW.

To the questions:

1. Are you trying to start an Army?
I will rely on my cult of personality to create an army… the people’s army.

2. I heard that children make good workers (mending socks, plowing fields, etc.). Was this your motivation?
I am so tired of taking out the trash… so, so tired

3. Is it because you wanted to name Little Man “Megatron,” but Wifey vetoed….so you think you’ll have better luck with the second one?
Oddly enough, Capt McArmypants has already started calling this one Voltron. I think that shall be vetoed in the end though. Personally I am lobbying for ROM, the Space Knight.

4. Are you concerned that with the dropping value of the dollar that you’ll need to live off the future salaries of two children as opposed to one?
I hadn’t thought of it, but that does make some fiscal sense.

5. Has Little Man been informed? What was his reaction?
Not yet. We are starting slowly with Little Man for 2 reasons. Reason 1: he doesn’t adapt to change extremely quickly. Reason 2: when he is ready he is impatient. So… so far we have started talking to him about siblings and pointing out people who are brothers and sisters. Soon we will begin talking to him about his becoming a brother.

6. Does this mean that Wifey is going to start blogging again?
That decision is between Wifey and her blog.

7. Do you anticipate an incremental or exponential increase to the chaos with the addition of Child Part II?
Logarithmic

8. How will the little man learn to share?
He will have to, and that is “how.”

9. You realize that you could, potentially, make CPT McArmypants a guardian of two?! Scary...
The world trembles, but not as much as Capt McArmypants.

10. Any feeling as to whether the little one is a boy or girl? Will you wait to find out (hope so)?
Will this one be a boy or a girl? Yes, this one will be a boy or a girl. If we can find out, we will. It all depends on how the little one will be positioned during the ultrasound.

11. Did you ever imagine a lovely woman would be silly enough to want your child TWICE?
Not in a million years.

12. Did you take the news with a cheer of joy, or a 9-1-1 call for “Man down, not breathing” ?
It was a joyful thing. This was a long and unfortunately drawn out process.

13. If it’s a daughter, will you call her “Little Woman”?
For the blog purposes, yes.

14. You’re not a big fan of sleeping, are you?
That is one of the issues. I really am a big fan of sleeping. In fact, I am a big fan of sleeping with a fan. Well, I am a big fan of sleeping with a fan on, not necessarily fornicating with a fan. I mean if you get your jollies from “doing a fan” more power to you, but merely use my fans to push air around the rooms in the house.

15. Congratulations. If a butterfly can allegedly cause a hurricane, what do you expect from the chaos of another child in the house?
Solar flares

16. Congratulations. You have no idea ... do you realize you have no idea?
I… I have no idea.

17. Congratulations. Why didn't you just ask for one of mine?
Ummm… How to put this delicately? You have already ruined yours. There we go, delicate.

18. Are you familiar with the phrase glutton for punishment?
I have heard of this phrase. Why do you mention it now?

19. How do you think Little Man will react to Wifey's physical changes?
I am sure he will point out those changes as much as he can. He doesn’t really let things go un-noticed.

20. Isn't it nice to get a redo on the stuff you may have fudged the first go round?
I don’t think that is how it works, although this kid will learn the joys of strollerdom.


To Recap:
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
Heck, I am not sure what I am having for lunch
Basically for me, meals are all up in the air today
Little Man and I went to get soup last night
It was quite the tasty treat
Wifey is awful busy these days
Have I ever mentioned that whenever I type “busy” it always ALWAYS gets typed out “busty” and I have to delete the “t”
Cheers

Don't ask

For the past 4+ years Wifey and I have been getting the same question: “So when are you going to have the next one?” Which is a similar question to the one we had been getting for the previous 5 years: “So, when are you two going to start a family.” The only time in our marriage when people were not willing to ask us about when we were going to have a/nother kid was when Wifey was visibly pregnant. The questions started in the receiving line at our wedding and have continued (and still do since Wifey is not obvious about her pregnanciness just yet). This post is for everyone who has asked us these questions and is asking other couple’s these questions. In a word, “Stop.”

In more than a word…

Getting pregnant is a tricky business. For some it is a cake walk (16 year olds in the back seat of a car) and for others it takes extra measures. Since it is such a personal decision to have children the emotions wrapped up in the process can run pretty high. When you ask someone “When are you going to have kids?” you are pre-supposing that the people you are asking Number 1: want kids, Number 2: can have them, and more importantly Number 3: haven’t been actively and unsuccessfully trying for some lengthy period of time.

Wifey and I were lucky enough to start the creation of Little Man rather quickly. I think Little Man’s zygotic self started out the second month after Wifey stopped with the oral contraception. This new Little Bundle has been a bit more difficult to start up.

Our most recent endeavor to expand the family started in August of 2006. In December 2006, Wifey’s gall bladder started acting up. So we had to determine what was the cause of this. A few tests later it was determined that a tumor was in her liver impinging the ducts from her gall bladder thus negatively affecting her ability to inject bile into her digestive system and break down fats efficiently. The issue that the surgeon wanted us to determine was if the tumor was hormonally affected, that meant stopping the whole baby-making process for a few months. “So, when are you two planning on having another?” What I said, “Oh, I don’t know, one seems to be more than we can handle at the moment, I would hate to think what two would do to me.” Then I would give a polite laugh. What I thought, “Well, you see, we can’t try at the moment because my wife has a tumor with a static growth rate unless it is bombarded by hormones and then it grows like a baby elephant on crack, and the only way we can make sure that it is not hormonally induced is by doing some sort of wait and see puppet show… grumble grumble grumble.”

Fast forward to March 07 when we were cleared by the surgeon to do the hibbity-jibbity for the purpose of baby-making. Nothing happened between March and June, well…. Not nothing, if you know what I mean… wink, wink, nudge, nudge, A wink’s as good as a nudge to a blind bat. Know what I mean? Know what I mean? But it was in May/Jun that Wifey really started taking stock in how her cycle lined up with what the Intertubes presented as the typical cycle. It looked like the amount of time between when she ovulated and the time that Aunt Flow came to town was a little on the short side. Her Luteal phase (implantation window), as the medical and trying-to-get-pregnant Internet community call it, was a few days short but not completely out of the realm of possibility for getting pregnant. So, to help our chances, Wifey went on Clomid to help extend her luteal phase. Nothing really happened in June. “So, when are you two planning on having another?” What I said, “Oh, I don’t know, one seems to be more than we can handle at the moment, I would hate to think what two would do to me.” Then I would give a polite laugh. What I thought, “Oh, we have been trying thankyouverymuch, but it is not working like we had planned. I was wondering if you could kick me in my teeth too, or maybe knee me in the groin. Thanks for bringing up this subject that is intensely personal and none of your damn business.”

July was a different story. July Wifey and I got ourselves pregnant. Some of you are doing the math right now and realizing that July was more than 8 weeks ago. A few days before Little Man’s fourth birthday, Wifey had a miscarriage. It was devastating. It was like a punch to the gut. We had let a few of our friends know and had shared the happy news with family. We had to retract that happiest of news and replace it with pretty crappy news. We were well on our way beyond hopeful. I had started looking for the onesies that make me think of “newborn.” Wifey had ordered some maternity stuff that was on clearance. We were integrating the idea of a new one in the household. That didn’t happen, but a bunch of melancholy and morose moping did occur. We had to wait for at least 2 more months before trying again. “So, when are you two planning on having another?” What I said, “Oh, I don’t know, one seems to be more than we can handle at the moment, I would hate to think what two would do to me.” Then I would give a polite laugh. What I was thinking, “Fuck off! You have no idea how insensitive that ‘innocuous’ question really is. I should ask you when you are getting your car re-painted and then go and key it. Now I am going to go find an empty conference room and try not to weep while I am at work… jackass.”

The big issue that came up during all of this is that the luteal phase really hadn’t extended since the medication… that crazy-making medication had been taken. So, Wifey changed OBGyn’s in September due to a change in insurance providers, and asked to try out adding progesterone supplements to her regimen and increase her luteal phase that way. Well, it seems that the luteal phase extended enough in October for us to be in the pregnancy column again. Then around the same time in her cycle as the miscarriage occurred, Wifey gets some cramping and a little bit of bleeding. Our first thoughts were, “Oh shit! Not again.” The new OB takes this very seriously and orders all sorts of diagnostics to get done. Wifey gets a boatload of blood-work done and for three weeks in a row we have ultrasounds take place. “So, when are you two planning on having another?” What I said, “Oh, I don’t know, one seems to be more than we can handle at the moment, I would hate to think what two would do to me.” Then I would give a polite laugh. What I was thinking, “Everything is hanging in a balance, think only positive thoughts such that only good will happen, pay no attention to the insensitivities of others and let them ask their boorish questions like they are rhinos in a china closet. They do not realize how invading and demoralizing their question is. You are a lake, a placid lake filled with happy waters surrounded by peaceful snow capped mountains and, it seems, asses who want to know all your personal shit… happy lake…. Happy Frikkin Lake Damnit!”

Last week, we got the fourth ultrasound in a week and everything seems to be progressing along typically for someone in their seventh week (now eighth week) of pregnancy. We decided in the doctor’s parking lot to handle this pregnancy as if none of the crap leading up to it had occurred. So now, it has become public knowledge. “So, when are you two planning on having another?” What I said, “It turns out that Wifey is pregnant right now, but you need to know that the question you just asked is very insensitive and really none of your business.” What I was thinking, “It turns out that Wifey is pregnant right now, but you need to know that the question you just asked is very insensitive and really none of your damn business.”

FYI: The correct question is, "Are you planning on having kids?" or "Are you planning on having more kids." Associate no time frame with it, and definitely no implicit expectations.

To recap:
Wifey and Little Man didn’t get out of their pajamas all day yesterday
If we didn’t need to go to the grocery store for dinner supplies
Tomorrow’s 20 questions shall be about adding to the family
Enjoyment shall be had by all
I got some new shoes this weekend
Yea! Me!
Yesterday, Little Man actually napped
With his eyes closed and sleeping and everything
It was very odd
And wonderful because I napped as well
I am not sure what will be for dinner tonight

WUZENAHUMINA?!?!?

Nothing new here. We are doing just the same…
So, anything new for you?


To recap:
Sweet giblets and gravy what have we gotten ourselves into?
Yes, this is one of the topics I have been consciously avoiding recently
Digital Thursday is tomorrow
I can’t think of anything to throw on for it
I guess I will be scanning my ass on the copier this afternoon

Sense of impending doom

Wednesday is like the continental divide of the work week. Everything on the calendar to the left of Wednesday flows into the unhappy category of “beginning of the week” while everything to the right of Wednesday flows into the “end of the week.” Typically, right about now I want my week to flow inexorably to the weekend. That is the typical, but this weekend is anything but typical. This is a weekend that involves… my parents.

Let me state something to just set up the background information. I love my parents. My parents are good people. My parents are doing the best they can in this world with the tools that they have. My parents have a bunch to offer.

Okay now that I have given the background information, here are some other facts about my parents. They are not happy people, for whatever reason they have never learned how to be happy. I have my theories about this, but that is a post for another day. Due to this lack of happiness (I wouldn’t go so far to say that they are always “unhappy.” Often… but not always) they tend to be not nice people. They tend to be very critical of others and very negative. Also, since they are not happy, they tend to not want to do things (there are other reasons for their lack of doing, but, again, a post for another day… maybe). This lack of doing things and this criticalness of others blend mercilessly into a cocktail of being critical of whoever and wherever they are visiting even if it doesn’t really make that much sense. In fact this lack of sense making criticalness is one of the main reasons that Wifey and I don’t like them around. They just don’t make any damn sense.

For example, in 2001 when they came to visit us in our fine little neighborhood of Clintonville, my mom asked (and asked in all seriousness), “This place isn’t named after Bill Clinton, is it? That man is a disgusting pig.” Regardless of one’s political leanings, this is a stupid question born of unhappiness. So this is what we have to look forward to this weekend as my parents pass through. There will be criticism of all. This criticism will be especially harsh if it the object of criticism is one they do not understand, and there are many things they do not understand.

To recap:
Blast from the past: “Are your hamburgers juicy?”
Everyone has embarrassing quotes from their parents
If I were the ruler of a nation it would be named Esoterica
My armed forces would be the Minutiae
There would be many laws of the land but most of them would be obscure
So far the votes for Thursday are:
Digital Thursday aka A: 5.5
Written Thursday aka B: .5
Theory Thursday aka C: 2
No Theme Thursday aka D: 3
With 11 votes tallied so far including the faux Little Man
The poll will be over at 7 pm EST tonight
I look forward to seeing what Thursday is picked

9-6-97

Hmmmm… since I have the Yeti post tomorrow, I will post about 9.6.97 today, even though today is 9.5.07.

On 9.6.97 Wifey and I tied the knot, jumped the broomstick, got hitched, wedded, married. **FYI: There really are not that many good euphemisms associated with getting married, and all the ones I could come up with sounded a bit… dirty. I was going to give a whole paragraph of euphemisms associated with getting married, but almost all euphemisms associated with marriage have to do with names for one’s partner, for example old ball and chain, the old woman, the anchor dragging me down to my demise, you know what I mean. Anyway… basically, 10 years ago I stopped being single. Good times ensued.

For the past 10 years I have been lucky enough to wake up next to my bride most days (sometimes I am away from home, sometimes she is away from home). Every morning is like Christmas morning for me, just without the lights, cinnamon rolls, the tree and the preponderance of wrapped gifts. She is definitely the best present I could ask for (“for which I could ask” sounds way too formal). Honestly, every morning I wake up next to her I am still a little bit surprised. What the hell is this woman doing with me? Is a thought that quite often goes through my mind.

In the past 10 years here are 10 things I have learned many a thing about my wife:

10. She cannot get addicted to anything. She says, “I’m so addicted to (for example) Poky.” But when I inquire if she would like me to get her some while I am grabbing my Mt. Dew at the grocery store she says, “Nah, I don’t feel like Pocky today.” Wifey, just so you know, that means you are not addicted. There have been a string of these “addictions” -- Take it from a DewHead, she doesn’t know addiction--

9. She abhors changing the toilet paper roll

8. I forget what eight is for

7. White meat fried chicken is just plain stupid

6. Watching her open gifts is better than getting a gift. Her eyes light up and she cannot hide her exuberance. This holds true unless she does not like the gift…

5. She has a hard time walking away from a sale on black slides (ask here for a pic, I don’t have any) at Nordstrom

4. The sound of soccer game announcers grates on her nerves like raking a lawnmower blade over slate

3. She does not handle headaches very well

2. She would rather clean, sweep, and mop the entire downstairs of the house than have to scrub the kitchen

1. She is uncompromising in her joy, unyielding with her affection, and unending in her love



Happy Anniversary, Wifey! Our Wedding

To recap:
GOJIRA KAIJU!
There used to be a blog written by Gojira Kaiju
It was funny
It doesn’t seem to exist anymore
That is too bad
Tomorrow, even though it is my anniversary, I will be posting about the Yeti
Don’t expect anything supremely eloquent
I haven’t really thought out what I am going to write about
Ham wrapping sandwiches tonight!
By the way, those knees arte sexsay!

In the Barrel

Here is the deal. I know I can survive the long weekend as a single parent with the Little Man. I have done this before and I know I will do it again. The process, on the surface, is an easy one. I merely have to keep Little Man alive for 3 nights and 3 days until Wifey gets back from her weekend long workshop. The problem is that I am in the barrel right now.

In the bar·rel (in thuh ba’ruhl): n, the state of being the most wanted parent for all mundane activities.

Yep, I am in the barrel. If Little Man wants some juice, Little Man wants papa to get him the juice. If Little Man needs to poop, Little Man wants Papa to wipe his butt. If Little Man wants “chickies,” he wants them lovingly prepared by yours truly. I am most definitely in the barrel! SRH = “In the barrel”

Please don’t take this as boasting, for Wifey is not even remotely jealous of my being in the barrel. In fact she finds it pretty funny. She has been in the barrel before. She knows what it entails. She also knows that, God willing, she will be in the barrel again at some point in the future. Her barrel-time was lucky enough to be when Little Man was not into soo many things that were sandboxy. She was unlucky enough to be in the barrel when she was still breastfeeding. If we are keeping score, I guess I am still winning. While I have to watch everything Little Man does in the sandbox and comment positively on all of his minor sandboxish feats, I do not have to deal with the boy as a parasite leaching all nutrients from my body. I try to suffer in silence, but it turns out that I am a whiner, so silence eludes you during my torment. Ergo my whining about the impending weekend to you, my dear dear Internet aquaintances.

This weekend shall entail many a trip to the kitchen to get juice. For Little Man does enjoy his juice. Basically, I expect Little Man to be all up in my grill all weekend long. All. Weekend. Long. Me and Little Man with no space between us, for 3 full days.

Mimma will spell me for a bit, but she cannot keep him from burrowing under me whilst we sleep. Little Man tends to burrow. He is definitely his mother’s child in that way. She is all contacty and burrowy while she sleeps as well. I am more of the don’t touch me whilst I am sleeping kind of sleeper. Anyway… back to the whine at hand. I will have minimal independent time this weekend and I guess that is just how it is supposed to be.

To Recap:
Wifey drops Little man off at pre-school tomorrow and then doesn’t see him until Sunday afternoon
I think I will weep at her return
I am sure Little Man will be happy to see her as well
Wish me luck blogosphere
I am going to need it
More to the Increasingly Random Alphabet of SRH tomorrow