So, it is crazy ass cold here in Ohio. Crazy. Ass. Cold. Are there colder places in the world right now? Of course there are, don’t be stupid. Why am I so combative today? Probably because it is really and truly crazy ass cold out there. The kids didn’t have school yesterday and don’t have school today… this Christmas break just seems to keep going. This week is not an interview, it is just me answering questions. Because of aforementioned reasons, this week’s topic is “Cold.”
I sent out the clarion call for questions from the horn resounding and received a bounty of questions beyond compare. Thanks this week go to (and this is how people have asked to be referred) Jessica, Lrd. Pithy, Andrew Miller, DrJHP, Chris Ring, and Maj McArmypants.
Onto the questions!
1. What's the deal with "cold hands, warm heart"?
It is a saying that only people with cold hands say, and it is not even remotely a tautology. Cold hands, dead heart could work as well.
2. Highest number of clothing layers you've worn to stay warm in the cold?
3… including a coat
3. Best drink to have by the fire on a cold winter night?
Land-o-Lakes Cocoa Arctic White…. wrong kinds of good
4. Any infamously cold locales on your list of places to visit, like Norway, Antarctica, Iceland, etc?
I think I would like to see Antarctica one day, but I would not say it is on my bucket list. Every single geologist that I work with (that would be 4, by the way) wants to go to Iceland.
5. Are they still cold cuts if you insist on having the sandwich grilled?
At that point they are just meat.
6. 0° F, 0° C, and 0 K, which one would be best to send Gil Gerard into the future?
Sweet mother of mercy when I first saw this I thought it was the typical “Fuck/Marry/Kill”... so I would fuck 0° F, marry 0° C, and kill 0 K… oddly in that order. Gil Gerard cryogenics goes with 0 K.
7. Who was the cold hearted snake Paula Abdul's song?
MC Skat Kat... this song was more than 2 steps back
8. For you, what is"too cold to go out?"
When it drops below 0° F (-17.778° C for my metric friends)
9. Who has the coldest look in your house? Is it STONE COLD?
My wife most definitely has the coldest look in the house… by far. I would consider it probably more cold than the coldness associated with a mere stone.
10. Would stone cold actually be cold given the fact the ambient air temp (wind chill) is supposed to be round about -40° F this week while topsoil, which includes stones, in Columbus is anticipated to maintain a temperature of about 30* this week (according to GreenCast).
It is all relative. In some places stones average out to be colder than the air and vice versa. This week, the air is significantly colder… so if you are caught outside this week peeps, dig for some shelter.
11. So would that mean it's badder (yeah, I listened to a lot of Michael Jackson as a kid) to say you're Air Cold - or even better Air Cooled?
I think “Air Cooled” has a nice ring to it. “He ain’t cool, he’s air cooled.” has a good ring to it… although I keep going back to “What’s Cooler than bein’ cool? Ice Cold!”
12. Maybe that isn't better, but really, what's better - an air cooled VW Super Beetle or one of the new fangled Beetles that come with the fake flowers in the dashboard flower holder?
Any car you can “fix” with women’s hosiery is a better car than most.
13. Coldest temps you've ever experienced?
My freshman year at Kent had a crazy coldspell where the high temps were still negative… we had classes and I trudged to class because every campus bus was full and I was tired of waiting outside. It was a rude awakening for a kid from Alabama.
14. Cold pizza yummy or not?
15. What is the dividing line between just chilly and actually cold?
A few degrees below freezing will change it to cold.
16. Best Superhero who utilizes Cold? Iceman, Frozo, Zan etc… Best Supervillain who utilizes Cold? Captain Cold, Mr. Freeze etc...
Superhero: Iceman, especially when they realized just how powerful he could be
Supervillain: Mr Freeze.
17. Best cold weather activity? Worst cold weather activity?
Worst: hiking the sled back up the hill
18. Sometimes in Kindergarden when the game "Hot or Cold" was played people would lie about when you were getting "warmer". It always bothered me that when the location was revealed, they would clearly proven false and there was no logical conclusion. It was not that they were lying that bothered me per se, I mean if EVERYONE is cheating at cards then it is still a game of sorts. However, when you keep leading people away by saying "cold" when in minutes you will be revealed a damn dirty liar or an imbecile, I could not figure out the callers goal. Anyway, my question is: Have I misinterpreted the goal of the game?
You have issues… so many issues. Most of them seem to have taken root in kindergarten.
19. Are heated seats the best comfort a car can offer or is A/C?
That is a tough one, because I love me some AC
20. Cold fusion in your life time?
The prototype will take too much energy/cost to be feasible. Even though it is cold, the energy and cost requirements in the manufacturing process for the the creation of the cold fusion reactor will be cost prohibitive for the relatively low level output generated.
You, of course, understand that the recap is complete non sequitur
Of course you do
You are strong beautiful people with impeccable style
Have you lost weight? You are looking great
Good lord, it is cold out there
The car almost started this morning
It was -7° F (-21.667° C to my metric friends)
My car doesn’t like the cold temps
But it almost started
So, that’s good
Well… maybe not good
The car gets a B for effort this morning
Back to work for me
Have a great weekend everyone