2 -- Ow -- Hot

Here we go, there are 3 topics to deal with on this fine, fine Monday.

Number 1:

This is a bit rambly, so bear with it.

Today the little one turns the big oh-two. I cannot believe that 2 years ago this little guy who sucked on my pinky finger as I carried him to the exam warming table for the nurses to conduct the APGAR test (which he passed with flying colors). He was such a helpless little guy. He had just gone through quite an ordeal, lodged in the birth canal for over 3.5 hrs, but seemed un-phased by the discomfiture of the process. He nuzzled into my chest that day and took a 3 hour nap. It was magical.

Now he is 2. He doesn’t want to be picked up out of the tub after a bath. He is a bit whiney. He doesn’t like to come in from outside. His head smells after playing. He is definitely a 2 year old toddler, and I am not sure if I am ready to deal with that.

Two years ago today, my wife really got the raw end of the birthing stick. It seems that my oppositionally defiant child’s head was in a transverse position whilst being squashed in the birth canal. There are 2 ways that a baby’s head can be and allow for a vaginal birth. Transverse (sideways) is not one of them. So for 3.5 hours my wife valiantly pushed for this little one to get the Hell out of her hoo-hah, and for 3 weeks she was not able to walk because of that valiant effort. Hats off to you babe, you are the strongest person I have ever known.

Some of you might question why the medical staff did not intervene on behalf of Wifey. Well it was a complicated series of events that led to the 3.5 hours of pushing. At 2 hrs and 45 minutes of pushing the doc was about to get a c-section going, but needed to check on another patient before getting Wifey to the O.R. Turns out that 5 minute check turned into a 40 minute baby delivery, so she was not able to get back to us in time to get us to the O.R. When she did come back, the little one finally decided to turn his head and came out in a flash. All is pretty well now, though. Wifey still has some back and hip issues, but is healthy otherwise. Through it all she was able to retain her HAWT-NESS.

All in all, I am glad that the little one is getting older, but I am sad that he is getting older. I think parents are the only one who will understand that statement.

The party is not until this Friday the 29th. We moved it to accommodate my parents. Now we are not too sure if that was a wise idea. I will post more on this subject later.

Number 2:

I ache.

Boy howdy do I ache.

Like I have never ached before.

I played in an over 30 soccer game Friday evening. It was good to get out and do something active again, but, Oh my Lord Almighty in Heaven, I was a wreck Saturday. My aged body was truly angry at me. I mean ANGRY. I had aches and pains in places that I did not actually have. My ankle is finally feeling better, but steps are still a serious issue for me. The kick I received on my foot is still hurting, and my feet still ache because of how hard the ground was. Oh well, it is good to be exercising again.

I was sore before I made it to the car. That was only a sign of what was coming. I swear to you that my thighs were actually on fire Saturday evening. Flames and everything. Honest.

I acquitted myself fairly well for being horridly out of shape. We lost, but the game was 6 to 4, so it was not as if we were blown out of the water. I got the 1st assist for our team, so I am happy for that. For not having even kicked a soccer ball in over 4 years much less playing in an actual game, I feel I did well.

Number 3:

Holy frikkin’ Hell it is hot as fuck out there today. Sweet Mother of Jesus, it is hot as monkey balls out there, and about as humid as well. I swear when the wind blows it is like you are in a convection oven. I may be cooking, but at least I am cooking evenly.

To recap:

Little one has survived 2 years…. I wouldn’t have put money on it
He gets some shots today, so at least we have that going for us
I love that little boy, but he is growing up too fast
If the yetis do not fear me, they should fear my progeny, for he is is more determined than I in everything. Soon he will be more determined than I in yeti slaying
Target is an evil place that steals my money
I had 2 of those damn Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Shakes this weekend. God save the queen!
There is still some smoldering resentment within my body towards the actions of Friday night
Did I mention it is a bit warm outside?