Dental Visits

I abhor going to the dentist. At least the dentist I go to now tries to make the experience as enjoyable as possible. They have TV’s in each exam room, usually I am able to change the channel to something that won’t melt my brain. Today, however, I got to be subjected to Regis and Kelly Live whilst having my teeth scraped. Lucky me. So on the show they were talking about the soon to be mega hit movie The Dukes of Hazzard.

(Side note: how does someone from the South screw up a Southern accent? Jessica Simpson, you are from Texas, Sweet Mother of God and All that’s Holy!!!! Can’t you fake a Kentucky Accent that doesn’t sound like a New Zealander acting like a drunk auctioneer from Georgia? Just talk in your Texas accent, it is not that difficult)

Again, lucky me. I had to sit through watching Kelly Rippa wax eloquent about the amazing performance of Johnny Knoxville as one of "them Duke Boys.” So, I had someone shoving my mouth open, picking at my teeth with a metal spike, watching Kelly Rippa try to make it sound like Johnny Knoxville is an actor. Kill me, Kill me now.

(Side note 2: Why does Hollywood feel the need to take cancelled TV shows and make them into movies? I cannot wait for A-Team, or MacGyver, or Sheriff Lobo. But come on, they could not do a Sheriff Lobo movie until the BJ and the Bear movie came out, and we all know that BJ and the Bear was a cheap knock-off of Every Which way but Loose, so it will never be made due to copyright laws...)

Regis was thankfully not on the show this morning. That supercharged octogenarian would have pushed me over the limit. The homicidal rampage limit. Oddly enough, I think Grant Hill of basket ball fame was substitute hosting for the aged sprite. Get it? Grant Hill… Sprite? He was a Sprite spokesperson during the height of his popularity. Get it? Grant Hill…. Height? See, Grant is tall….

Anyway… Clean bill of health from the dentist in question. They, of course feel that I should floss more often, and I, of course, feel that they should back the hell off and get off my back. Yes, this is the dentist that I previously mentioned was a Needy, Needy Black Hole of Need. 30 minutes of getting my teeth preened and I do not have to deal with them for another 6 months. I am sure they will want me to be flossing more then as well. Honestly, I think I could floss 20 hours a day and they would not feel it was enough. I could come in with floss hanging out of my mouth, and they would mention that I need to floss more. I could replace meals with flossing, and they would mention the need to floss more. Hey, all you dentists out there… how much flossing do you want from us? We are only human!!!!

Oh well… That is all I have today

To recap:
Going to the dentist used to be bad because of the nasty gooey trays of fluoride crap they made you keep in your mouth for 5 minutes
That fluoride came in different “flavors” that were in reality just different colors
Going to the dentist still sucks, but for less gooey reasons
The Dukes of Hazzard should have been laid to rest a long long time ago
One has to be a really bad actress to be from the South and screw up a Southern accent.
Maybe there should be an Automan movie? But not before Tron 2.0
Grant, I still like the Sprite in you
Look, Ma no cavities!