The good thing about not making any New Year’s resolutions is that I can’t feel disappointed in myself when I haven’t broken any in the first week. Yep, so far I have not broken any of the resolutions that I did not make. That’s the thing about goals: if one aims low enough, one can only be pleasantly surprised. With resolutions there is nothing lower than… ummm… nothing. Even a negative resolution is still a resolution. “I will smoke more cigarettes a week” is still a resolution. It is neither a good nor a healthy one, but it is still a resolution. The mere fact that one has resolved themselves to do something makes it a resolution. I, however, have not resolved to do anything, and, by gum, I have not done anything yet this year. Just ask Wifey.

Many people think that resolutions are made to be broken. That is why a few people I know resolved to make no resolutions. The irony was not lost on them, in fact, it was their point. They are very ironic in their extremely predictable ways. Sometimes people make resolutions to which they know they cannot hold, quitting smoking, for example, or “getting fit” (whatever the hell that means). Oftentimes these people couple these “insurmountable” resolutions with ones they actually could attain (drinking 64 fl oz {1.9 L} of water a day, for example) just so when they fail at the really hard one, they can give up on the reasonable ones. Self-fulfilling prophesy at its finest.

In recent years past, I thought that making vague resolutions would be easier. They did turn out to be easier to not accomplish. The vagaries of the non-well-defined resolutions lend themselves to quick failure. Any goal needs an implementable plan. Without a plan, the resolution is doomed to failure. “Doomed,” I say, “DOOOMED!!”

As I have stated before, numerous times, I am quite good at “nothing.” Since I am soo flipping good at nothing, I have determined that I shall resolve nothing this year. “Nothing,” I say, “NOTHING!!” The problem with resolving nothing is that when I do anything, I will have broken the resolution. Oh, the conundrum that is my tangled logic.

To recap:
It is my mom’s birthday today
I need to call her when I get home from work today
It is quite sad when the best thing you can do is nothing
Quite sad indeed
I need to come up with a topic for tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday
I think Little Man is actively trying to sabotage my getting to work early
Mainly because he wants to be known as a “sapper”
Who doesn’t want to be know as a “sapper” though
Maybe I should resolve to be a “sapper?”
I could potentially be an emotional sapper
Methodically removing other people’s emotional defenses until they become blubbering piles of jelly
If I were to resolve anything this year, it would definitely be “I resolve to be an emotional sapper.”
So, tell me about your childhood…
Did I hear that there was some kind of game going on tonight?