20 Questions Tuesday: 118 - Thanksgiving (A Day Late)

Consider this my obligatory Thanksgiving Day post where in I focus on the holiday. Thanks this week go to Capt McArmypants, JA Coppinger, Dr B-Dawg, Belsum, and Nadolny.

On to the questions:
1. When you look at the accepted "origins" of Thanksgiving and compare them to what you know of history do you think our traditional history is a function of lore (as in the story evolved into what was presented to us in Elementary School as the origin of Thanksgiving over the course of generations) or in this particular case the whole thing was created in the 1600's by one imaginative nutbar and repeated verbatim ever sense? It seems to have a coherence like it was all the idea of one person doesn't it?
Many myths and legends converge to a singular story, so in this case I would say that it is not the imaginative work of a singular nutbar, but the collective work of generations of nutbars.

2. Who will be at the table this year? not me..... le sigh.
Q, Little Man, Wifey, Mimma, G-Ma D, G-Pa R, Grandma H, Papa H, the 2 nephews and me. It will be a pretty full table.

3. Tofurkey? I understand why it exists, I mean some ideas no matter how crazy really take off (see 1 above). My question is: People who insist it is an acceptable substitute for Turkey and tastes good. Are they damnable liars or did they just lick too many nine volts as a kid and destroyed their ability to taste?
Firstly, one cannot lick too many nine volts as a kid…. Ooooh tingly. Secondly, I don’t understand the need to shape tofu like a turkey unless it is in an attempt to trick the mind into thinking it is, in fact, turkey. It is not and trying to trick yourself or anyone else into thinking it is should be criminal.

4. I noticed a disturbing trend as of late. Why is pumpkin being used more as dessert flavor in the last 5 years or so? I mean for nigh on 400 years it has been a once a year traditional dessert from a time when we had less choices. Now all of a sudden Coldstone.... mmmmmmmmColdstone... has a Pumpkin flavored ice cream, Cheese Cake Factory....... mmmmmmmmCheese Cake Factory has a Pumpkin flavored cheese cake......mmmmm cheese cake....Dairy Godmother has the same and all these candy companies are making pumpkin flavored candy!!! I mean what the hell people IT IS A GOURD!!!! Do you see Squash flavored pie? NO!!! Do you see cucumber flavored ice cream ....well outside of Japan!!?? NO!! So what is the deal!!!!???? (do not reference Watermelon in your answer as I feel it lessens mine argument.)
The US is one of the few places that does not attempt to flavor more things with pumpkin. In Australia, if I remember correctly, pumpkin is used in all kinds of different dishes… some sweet and some savory. Of course, in Australia the noble pumpkin is referred to as an oolooowannabee.
5. I feel it is time to update this antiquated holiday as the average American is thankful for absolutely nothing. Preferably this new Holiday should implement the use of lasers and should have an X in it. Please Discuss.
I think in about a year, Thanksgiving will have more meaning to the average American as the economy crumbles, people will start realizing what they have and more importantly, what they had. As it is, this year’s holiday should be referred to as TurkeyDayROXOR Fest 08, and there should, indeed, be lasers.

6. Thanksgiving doesn’t have an iconic figure (i.e. Santa, Easter Bunny, etc.) to boost its popularity. Who should we use to improve its marketing potential.
Thanksgiving really doesn’t need an iconic holiday figure because this holiday is based almost exclusively on food. Christmas and Easter have some kind of religious occurrence that they are commemorating, and therefore need the sustained marketing effort of an icon. Thanksgiving just needed to be named a federal holiday and then people would eat themselves silly.

7. It has been claimed that the original Thanksgiving feast did not serve turkey at all – how did the poor bird end up on so many plates?
It turns out that the federal government people who instituted Thanksgiving also thought Ben Franklin was an ass.

8. Is it right to be thankful that we killed, subjugated, and stole our lands from indigenous type folks?
To the winner go the spoils. When we go around the table mentioning what we are thankful for, I think to myself “Smallpox, because that made the indigenous populations ‘leave’ their land for us.” I don’t say it. I am not a heartless barbarian.

9. Yeti vs. turducken - who wins?
I am going to go with the Yeti on this one. I think the Yeti, when hungry enough could take down 3 fowl. If it were a Biscoderpig (a Bison stuffed with a cow stuffed with a deer stuffed with a pig) my money is one the Biscoderpig, especially since those are usually wrapped in a flour tortilla and deepfried.
10. So, the pilgrims and the American Indians are sitting down for their big meal. A pilgrim sneezes into his hand. A friendly Indian says "may the great spirit grant you a long life". And the pilgrim smiles and says "thank you". Did either realize that the pilgrim just released a bio-weapon at the dinner table?
11. Favorite side dish at casa de SRH.I love mashed potatoes.

12. Do schools still have Thanksgiving Day pageants? And, if so, what did Little Man dress as?Little Man’s preschool does not have a Thanksgiving Day pageant, but if they did I am sure he would go as one of the 3 wise men.

13. What will be the top five thanks receiving items?
5: Donuts (and not those fancy High Fallootin Doghnuts neither)
4: Mashed potatoes
3: Wii bowling
2: Family
1: Continued health and prosperity

14. Am I the only one that’s addicted to the Thanksgiving themed episodes of Iron Chef America?
I believe so... and by that I mean, “Iron Chef America is still on?”

15. White meat or dark? First round or leftovers?
I like the white meat on the first round. I am not much for leftovers. There is a story to accompany the lack of liking left-overs, but that is for a different day.

16. Favorite part of Thanksgiving?
The eating part, followed closely by the napping part.

17. Tryptophan, discuss how the womenfolk have poisoned us for years! You didn't see Charlie Brown poisoning his friends with it! /ahem, ok, I'm calm again
Well, the special where Charlie Brown and Snoopy started up a Meth Lab never really made it to air. The censors didn’t like what happened to Woodstock. Poor Woodstock. It turns out that even birds can’t fly… when they are tweaked out on meth.

18. Describe how the Yeti might interrupt the SRH feast.
Probably with gas. He is rather gassy.

19. Any plans to go shopping on Friday?
The nephews, Little Man, Papa H and I will go to Krispey Kreme donuts and that is probably it.

20. So, Christmas decorations, are they put up by the time the table is cleared?
Sometimes the weekend after Thanksgiving is when the decorating begins, but this year I think we will be waiting until the following weekend.

To recap:
Ummmm… I wrote this out yesterday and forgot to post it
No formating or hyperlinking
Happy Thanksgiving everyone