20 Questions Tuesday: 278 - Fortune Telling


Sunday was “Groundhog’s Day” a day in North America where the length of our winter is prognosticated by a rodent.  The tale is that on February 2nd if a groundhog comes out and sees its shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter, if the animal does not see its shadow there will be an “early spring.”  Personally I think the way it is set up is that if the animal sees its shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter and if it doesn't see its shadow there is only a month and a half left of winter… It is a 6 weeks vs 1.5 months vs 42 days kind of thing.  Because of this bizarre ritual, this week’s topic is “Fortune Telling.”


Thanks this week go to Andrew Miller, Aunt Linda, Katie, Wes, Bruce, Nadolny, Chris Corrigan, Tues (my wife), Sandy, AnnMarie and Some Other Guy .  Onto the questions!


1.  Given the bad fortune told by that rodent Sunday - what are some of the good fortunes you could tell us about from your life yesterday?

That the future is bright for gluten free living…. that being said, I predict some bad odors until gluten free becomes even easier.

2.  Have you ever thought back on the fortune teller machine from the movie Big and wonder what kind of sadistic adult would taunt kids into thinking there was something worthwhile to becoming an adult?

They are just milking a market.  Kids crave autonomy and the autonomous people they are modeling their ideas after are adults.  They do not know that adults typically have responsibilities.  The people selling things don’t want you to know the drawbacks to your potential investment.

3.  Speaking of which, do you ever put a coin into those fortune telling machines? And why oh why did they ever stop making the somewhat racist but at least artfully done machines with genies and gypsies in them and instead just go the the ones where you stick your finger in it and a bunch of boring red LED's would provide the prediction.

I have never spent money on that kind of contraption.  I think the whole Zoltar machine thing is compelling because of the clunky animatronics… take that away and it is a more cryptic Magic 8-Ball.

4.  Also, what about when Grandpa Simpson became the Love-matic-grandpa. In the future, when your time comes, would you prefer your soul (this is making an awful lot of assumptions) went to some sort of nirvana or would that nirvana be haunting a fortune telling machine stuck in the back of a bar somewhere, allowing you to mess with people into infinity - or at least until some drunk bashed you to pieces?

Depends… could I be funny?  If I could be funny, I might go with the messing with people in the back of a bar dispensing hilarious love advice.

5.  Have you ever had a fortune come true?

One would need to actually have a fortune given to one for one to have a fortune to come true.  I write my own fortunes, baby!

6.  Astrology: Real or mumbo jumbo?  Is your future in the stars?

While we are all made of stardust, our existence is not determined by stardust.  

7.  Have you ever just wished “to be big?”

I am working on fulfilling that wish right now… eating eating eating

8.  Per Domino (Bond girl from Thunderball) and the Delphi Oracle, is virginity required or helpful?

It is a delightful plot device, but most likely not a requirement.

9.  Favorite prognostication method? i-ching, tarot cards, crystal ball, palm reading, phrenology, seance, numerology, astrology, cootie catcher, entrails, rune stones, “the bones”, etc…?

I am always partial to movie scrying associated with entrails.  Reading the future should be a dirty, questionable act.

10.  Of those, the best/most reliable method?

None of those… does that mean I don’t believe people cannot see the future… not necessarily.

11.  Favorite fictitious fortune teller? Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost, Domino in Thunderball, the mutants in Total Recall?

Kuato for the win.

12.  Does sci-fi predict the future or inspire it?

It inspires it.  

13.  Who are the most notable fortune teller busters? I know that Arthur Conan Doyle did some...

I think you can add Harry Houdini to that list and more recently The Amazing Randi.

14.  Guesses on the Crew’s new crest and name?

I think the Crew moniker will stay, but the official name might become CCFC for Columbus Crew Football Club.  The crest will be more generic much like the new Earthquakes logo.  


15.  What thing makes you sure you know how something is going to turn out?

I rarely know how things will turn out.  I am a relatively fear based mammal so I tend to catastrophize.  When a catastrophe does not occur, then I am pleased that my expected outcome did not occur.

16.  Best thing you've ever heard from a psychic?

Hmmm… That things were going to get better.  You stay unemployed for 18 months and you talk to a psychic.  She was right.  Vague and right

17.  Tell someone else's fortune…

I foresee a bag of gas in someone close to me’s future….. ooooh spooky!

18.  Is the mysticism around the teller (scarf, cards, ball,) necessary? Would it feel as believable if she wore a baseball hat and chewed gum?

People are suckers for ritual and really respond well to having their own beliefs reinforced.  People expect pychics to look and act a certain way, if they don’t, many people will doubt their credibility. It also helps if they are attractive, but attractiveness is always helpful in everything.

19.  If you worked for the Psychic Hotline, what would your professional name be?

The Great Josiah Extraordinaire

20.  Prognostication or Proboscitation?

Proboscitation scares me as an idea… scares and intrigues…

To recap:

I knew you would all ask these questions

And thanks for asking them

Winter Storm Warning is in effect until 10 AM on Wednesday

I hear beyond here there be yetis

BBQ pulled pork for dinner

I had it on nachos

It was delightful

Little Man and I went to the grocery store

We drove past where we used to walk every afternoon to watch trains go by

Something lodged in my eye at that time

There may have been a tear

but that was because of the something in my eye

That’s it for this week

I should have an interview ready for next week

Have a great week everyone