Over the weekend there was a big old American football game wherein an evil empire was overthrown by some plucky upstarts. This game’s name is all copyrighted and can only be referred to as The Big Game. So this week’s topic is the Owls a la the Superb Owl. Let’s answer some questions about Owls.
Let’s answer some weird questions about owls.
1. There is an owl cafe in Japan. My question: who wants to start an owl cafe in Columbus?
I am not sure I would be party to owl petting cafe, and I know my wife is not game for the lose encounter with owls idea (See Question 17). Also, that “cafe” does not seem to serve coffee or light snacks, which I believe is necessary for a cafe.
2. When you taught the OWL class (editor’s note: OWL stands for Our Whole Life which is a sexuality curriculum taught to different age groups about how sexuality changes over the course of one’s life within the Unitarian Universalist church), did you teach your own child? Would you? Why did you stop? Will you be/did you enroll your children in the class?
b) I’m not against it
c) We left that particular church (because they did not really like young kids too much)
d) Probably not
3. If you had to take an O.W.L. (editor’s note: the Ordinary Wizarding Levels exams that British wizarding children take when they are 15 or 16 years old), how do you think your marks would be? How hard would you study?
a) if I were in the wizarding world of Harry Potter and I were not muggle or squib, I feel I would probably pass my O.W.L.s.
b) probably not as hard as most people… I was kind of lack-luster in my studying efforts when I was 15/16 years old.
4. You’re stuck in an elevator with a famous owl. Which would you choose: Owl, from Winnie the Pooh; The Great Owl from Secret of Nimh; or Bubo from Clash of the Titans?
Owl from Winnie the Pooh seems like an annoying pedant, so he’s straight out. The Great Owl from the Secret of Nimh is scary as fuck. Bubo from Clash of the Titans would be annoying with all the flapping and beeping and booping. So, none of those 3 options really sounds great. Bubo…. I choose Bubo.
5. What is the best way to prepare an owl for dinner?
Well, you should first invite them over, make sure they do not have any specific food allergies, and let them know what food you have made. I am not sure why you would need to prepare an owl for dinner when you could just feed them.
6. Hooters or eyeglasses?
7. In the Potterverse, what would your familiar be?
Well, according to Pottermore my patronus would be a crow, but a patronus is nothing like a familiar. So, For me, specifically, I think my familiar would be a cat.
8. Who is the best comic book Owl character: Night Owl (Watchmen), The Owl (Daredevil) or Talon (Batman)?
I love Night Owl from watchmen, but that series needs to be done. The Owl from Daredevil was weird, but many of the Daredevil’s bad guys are just plain bizarre. Talon from Batman is the most intriguing because not too long ago, DC created a group of bad guys for the Bat Family from whole cloth.
9. Any evidence of ancient prehistoric owls? You know, the kind that could swoop in and snatch a horse.
The only one that I could find anything about was the Cuban Giant Owl, but those guys would only have been about 3 foot tall. It could grab a kid, but not an adult.
10. What is your favorite species of owl?
Snowy Owl is just plain gorgeous, but some of the ground/burrowing owls are much cooler.
11. Does this topic mean the kids are getting an owl for St. Valentine's Day? That is so cool! You guys are the best parents!
Um… no! The kids are not getting an owl. There will be no owl pets in the house.
12. It's 2018, surely someone has constructed a real mechanical owl like they had in the original Clash of the Titans! What gives?
People are not industrious enough. I really think people dropped the ball on this one, mainly because people suck. Dumb people.
13. What is the best way to punch an owl? Best karate move to get an owl off your head? (you may want to consult Caitlin M Frost before you answer)
Closed fist, with good amounts of torso twisting. The power comes from the hips.
14. What is your favorite Superb Owl tradition?
We tend to ignore the game and go about our daily business. Sometimes chips and dip is involved, when that happens it is Heluva Good’s French Onion Dip and Ruffles or tortilla chips and whatever salsa and guacamole is around at the time.
16. Owl will you ever do this?
Barn any unforeseen circumstances, I will just answer the questions. You are barred from asking any more pun questions.
17. Best owl attack story?
Funny story… My wife is hiking in British Columbia and an owl mistakes her hair done up in a pony-tail for a squirrel’s tail (at least that’s what we think the owl thought it was. We aren’t owls, we don’t know) and grabbed my wife by the head with its sharp sharp talons and cut her scalp somewhat. The person she was hiking with hit the owl with a punch she learned whilst training in a martial art. Caitlin is a badass.
18. Should one go to the doctor after an owl attack? or is neosporin on the noggin enough of an intervention?
Well… I was curious if one should have seen if one should have gotten stitches, but that one did not seem to think the actual talon wounds were that deep or that dangerous. I would trust that one person, and neosporin seemed to do the trick.
19. What was it like teaching OWL with your wife? Without her? What was the slide that made you the most uncomfortable in the OWL class? what is the most important lesson from OWL you want to make sure our kiddos know?
a) I enjoyed teaching the class with her
b) I did not enjoy teaching that class without her
c) The old lesbians doing it on the pointy rocks, not for the subject matter as much as for the setting. Had to be uncomfortable.
d) That sexuality has way more to it than merely sexytimes
20. What is the largest animal ever picked up by an owl?
The great horned owl has been known to take pet dogs out of back yards. Great horned owls are biiiig.
I was thinking last night how the US really is the Bad Guy…
And it looks like it has always been so
But the winner gets to write the history
Little Man had his high school transition meeting last week and this week
How did he get so old so fast
It is like only yesterday that I was watching trains with him for hours on end
Winter Olympics start on Friday
I do love me some Olympics
I love the biathlon
Cross country skiing with intermittent shooting?
I will watch that dumb combination any day of the week
I set up the treadmill to have an apple TV in front of it
Now I can airplay Civilization VI and play that whilst walking on the treadmill
It is awesome
The last couple of nights I have walked 4.75 miles each night while beating up on the Germans
Fun fact: You can lose the game with a religious loss by capturing all of Germany’s cities
It makes no sense, but that is how it rolls
You be you Civ VI
Have a great week everyone