So, it has been almost a solid 5 months since I posted. So what? I blame this hiatus on changes in my life. The restructuring of my world is still taking place after the transformation of my marriage into a not marriage thing. Coming up with a “new normal” has not been the easiest of operations. The family, and I still consider my ex (Hey ex-wifey) as family, has taken precedence in my time and efforts so the blog kind of fell by the wayside for a bit. I do have some interviews in process, but they are not near completion. So today I am trying to restart the asking people for questions and answering them obtusely process.
The topic this week is “Re-Start.” Thanks this week go to Chris Corrigan, Aleshia Arp, Chris Ring, and Some Other Guy for the questions. Onto the questions.
1. So, I know it’s been hard, but what pleasant surprise/s have you discovered in your restart?
That I can still make friends. I allowed myself to not try to make friends because the friends that my ex was bringing to the family are all pretty darn awesome. I did not have to put forth any effort to add cool people to my life because she had an abundance of cool people at her fingertips. I am slowly coming out of that dormancy of interaction and trying to build friendships of my own. Some with people that my ex introduced me to, but trying to come to a basis for relationship on our own without her as a social lubricant, and others from people that I have found on my own. It helps to be in a job that is not sucking the very life from my bone marrow. I’m looking at you last job….
2. What advice and wisdom do you have from this year of restarting for others?
Patience. I am still in process, but I have enough momentum now that I can start adding back on the skeleton that I went down to.
3. What have you started to do?
Get used to a clean house when the kids are at their mom’s. It is easy to clean when the kiddos are not adding to the mess, and kiddos, even when cleaning, are adding to the mess. I don’t think I ever realized just how abhorrently filthy those two really are. I have started to take on going through everything one room at a time. Next week is going to be the downstairs coat closet and the guest room closet.
4. What are you looking forward to?
Nothing yet. I have been trying to stay pretty much in the moment a bit more. I am not quite ready to start looking forward.
5. What advice would you give to someone debating whether/how/why to restart professionally after many years successfully in one career?
It is a rough prospect to say the least. It helps to have a good support network. It is easier to look for a new job, or to make a career change when you have a job. That is definitely true. Patience is a virtue in this process, and deliberate plans help a bunch. My deliberate plan was to get a degree in the field I was transitioning to and then using the following year to find a job. So a deliberate plan and giving yourself a goal to hit.
6. When/how to restart fitness after significant injury?
Funny you should mention it… I am dealing with a bit of an injury right now. I developed Metatarsalgia very recently and due to complications from that, my left foot has basically fallen apart. The doctor has said that the foot injury should be okay after about a month of wrapping and reducing usage. That was about 3 weeks ago. I will be starting to do some light treadmill work in July.
In general, I would say, as a person with shit joints and crap feet who is not a doctor, start slow a week after being “healed.”
7. What are some of the incentives you’ve afforded yourself in your restarts?
I really haven’t attempted to set incentives for myself. Maybe I should. “If I get this thing done, I will do this for myself.” I could get behind that.
8. Have you found that restarts are more common than you once thought?
I think they are significantly more common than they once were. Greatest Gen and Early Boomers people did not really switch up jobs that much. They did not reinvent or restart themselves. They started down a path and doggedly went down that path whether it made them happy or not. They would continue trudging down the road they started out of duty and obligation until they died as miserable husks of disappointment. This could apply to relationships or careers.
9. Does the time of year come into play on your restarting goals?
Sometimes it does. One does not typically worry about the beach bod until one knows that beach season is coming.
10. If you are playing a computer game and it is not going the way that you want it to, do you restart?
Sometimes. I want my Civ VI games to be winnable if I am playing them while on the treadmill. Once I lose a battle with a city state, I will often restart. That hasn’t happened as of late… see question 6
11. How many times have you had to restart this blog?
I think this is the 4th time or so for an actual significant hiatus. I cannot guarantee that it will stick, but I do like the self reflection of it. This time around, I did not really completely stop though. I did stop the weekly schedule for a bit but I still have 3 interviews going on at the moment. 2 UX people that I know and a person whose YouTube channel I watch.
12. What is the hardest part of a restart?
Directionality. Where is this restart trying to go? What is the intention of starting over compared to just keeping on keeping on? Determining the goal of the restart is the most difficult thing.
13. Favorite kind of restart in a soccer game?
A contested dropkick, not a drop kick where one team has conceded the ball to the other team. They don’t happen often, but when they do it is glorious. It is like pro players are on a playground for a second.
14. Can you restart a romantic relationship?
I think it can be done, but it is not easy. Often romantic relationships fail simply because they aren’t working, and sometimes things that don’t work cannot be made to work again. It is really hard to rekindle an emotional fire. I do think the best bet is to try and transform the relationship from romantic to something else before it becomes toxic.
15. How do you help people around you understand a restart?
That is an interesting question. I am not sure there is a great way. Restarts might be very public in execution but still very private in motivation or reasoning. I would suggest just letting the person restarting know that you see them and that restarting can be crazy hard.
16. Is there a difference between a “do over” and a “restart?” If so, what is it?
Of course there is. A restart is not a do-over. A do-over is when you can go back and fix mistakes you made earlier or go in a completely different path without dealing with the outcomes of the previous go. I restart does not negate anything that came before it.
17.How about a “false start” and “restart?”
I think there is the possibility of there being many a false start for a restart.
18. How long before a restart becomes its own thing?
It varies. I wish there was a time frame one could glom onto, but that just is not the case. For races, it is almost immediately known if it is a good start or a false start.
19. How quickly do you restart a game of solitaire?
When I have gone through the cards twice and no moves were available. I hit the deal button.
20. How many restarts do you credibly consider in your life?
I count a solid 4, not including the blog stuff.
Restarts… they’re hard
My feet are made of a stiff pudding
I am getting a therapeutic massage for my feet and lower legs
I am hopeful for some relief
I am slowly getting the book stuff together for a renewed kickstarter
This one will include art
Art and snippets of the book
Maybe some character sketches
Little Man yells a bunch of cursewords when playing on the Xbox in the basement
I think for a while he did not think we could hear him
Currently, he is incredulous that someone in the game he is playing is trying to kill him
He tends to only play first person shooters
His incredulity holds very little water
Q is upstairs not sleeping and it is late
Her bedtime ritual is about to change
I have that massage appointment tomorrow
I do not expect it will be a comfortable massage
I am expecting it to be therapeutic though
I am happy to be back
That being said, there may be some format changes upcoming to the blog
Have a great week everyone