I got my driver’s license renewed this morning. Here is just a bit of back story for all reading who are not citizens of the great state of Ohio. Ohio does not have a DMV, it has a BMV. BMV is the acronym for Bureau of Motor Vehicles. Most states have a Department of Motor Vehicles because they intend to have an entire department of their government devoted to the license and registration of autos, boats, motorcycles, etc… Ohio has reserved a desk for this purpose, an escritoire, if you will. Needless to say, it is the ultimate in efficiency.

The storefront BMV I went to this morning was staffed by a whole 2 people. I would say that of those people, a fourth of them were actually working. The office opened at 8 this morning, and by 8:03 there was a line out the door. Just me, but maybe staffing up is an idea. Anyway… the line is moving slowly due to the .5 person effort being used by the 2 non-diligent workers of this particular office.

I understand some of the employees’ consternation though. They get to interact with the absolute minimum of society. The dregs, the offscourings, one-percenters, rabble, riffraff, rubbish, scum of the earth, swinish multitude, trash, undesirables, and vermin that happen to be citizens of the great state of Ohio. On the door to the establishment is a big bold sign that says, “Cash or Check Only!” On the counter there was a sign that says, “Cash or Check Only!” On the wall behind the service desk was a sign that said, “Cash or Check Only!” I heard 3 people ahead of me ask if they could use their debit cards. 2 of the 3 had to leave to go get cash, 1 had their checkbook with them. Back of the line for those losers.

Once those 3 were dispatched by Grom, the troglodytic BMV employee, it was my turn in the gauntlet of license renewal. Cash in hand, I had all the proper identifications with me and was ready for the barrage of questions, and the battle to the death on the bridge over the lake of fire that is required for all renewals. Turns out all he needed was my address, and if I wore “corrective lenses” or not. I did the entirely too easy eye exam part of the renewal process, and forked over my $24. That was a kick to the gut. Even on the website, it did not state how much it was going to cost. I felt very fortunate that I had gotten 40 out of the ATM, but sad because almost all the money was now spoken for, and I wanted a Hostess Lemon Pie. Oh well.

Anyway… I now have a new and shiny driver’s license. It has an updated pic of me on it. It is quite fancy.

I am going on a mini vacation starting tomorrow. It will be really nice, but I will be missing the wife and kid immensely. They are the centering part of my world. The 2 of them together really help me to get my priorities set straight. Okay, basically they make sure I do not spend all my time playing World of Warcraft. So do not expect any updates from me until Tuesday of next week. Tuesday of next week also happens to be my 31st birthday, so I am sure I will have something to say about that. Sadly, the only time that was really available for me to take this long weekend, happens to be over the Father’s Day weekend. We have decided that we are going to postpone all Father’s day celebration until the following weekend. We are good like that.

To recap:

“ 1 + 1” does not always equal “2.” It really depends on the base number system you are using for the mathematics. For instance in Binary “1 + 1 = 01”
Turns out the BMV is a rolltop desk.
There are a whole bunch of people who belong to the “swinish multitude.”
Shout out to P Murphy! Hope all is well with you.
“Cash or Check Only!” means “Cash or Check Only!”
Grom was a weak fool, who could never have defeated me.
Mmmm Lemon Pie.
The center of my life happens to be shorter than me.
See you suckers on the 21st.