Things one should not admit

There are a myriad of things that one should never admit to another human being.

The example I will pounce on today has to do with a has been comic from the 80’s. For you, the fine readers of this here blog, I give you the headline, as it appears on

Fan claims Gallagher hit him at show

There are two things to keep in mind whilst reading said headline. Number 1: The word “fan,” this supposes that the comedian Gallagher still has fans. Number 2: The word “show,” (this surprised me even more than the whole fan bit,) someone is paying Gallagher good money to continue his “show.”

Oh but wait there are more levels to the lunacy of this headline. To press charges against Gallagher for allegedly striking him, this person must first admit that he paid good money to go to a Gallagher show in 2005. Gallagher was, I guess, cutting edge comedy in 1984 with his “Sledge-o-matic 5000” sledgehammer gimmick. He would end all of his shows by whacking various items (usually ending with watermelons, cause what is not funny about whacking a watermelon?) with an over-sized sledgehammer to the guffaws and other hearty laughter of his shows’ toothless, dim-witted audiences. Thank you early Comedy Central for your incessant re-broadcasting of this “comedian’s” show during my college years when there was nothing else on TV. I will get my revenge one day, oh yes I will…. ummm, did I just type that? Whoops. Please disregard anything about revenge or vengeance etc….

Anyway… Gallagher today I would guess is about as funny and unpredictable as a new Garfield comic. What is that crazy cat going to do today?!?! He is just soooo funny. Back to the Gallagher bit. So this “fan” (personally I would sue the AP and CNN for libel if they referred to me as anything other than an un-witting audience member of a Gallagher performance) is now pressing charges against Gallagher. Personally I think you get your comeuppance if you dare to defy all that is good and decent by patronizing the cult of personality known as Gallagher. This akin to someone admitting in a court of law that Liza Minelli beat them up, oh wait, that happened.

The other level of this is that Gallagher struck one of his few remaining customers. This would be akin to the Jerky Boys pranking their last fan. Gallagher should be kissing this man’s feet for being willing to spend actual US currency to witness his banal attempts at humor. Gallagher should be grateful that idiots and their money are soon parted.

On to another topic

Little man is doing better, and I finally got some sleep last night.

To recap:
Gallagher is not, nor has he ever been, funny.
One should not draw attention to themselves when one has been wronged whilst doing something stupid.
Garfield is insipid.
David Gest is not only one freaky looking mo-fo, he is also the wussiest wuss that has ever wussed a wuss.
Sleep is good.