20 Questions

Since I could not come up with a topic today, I decided to have some people I know ask questions.

1. How long does it take your facial hair to get beardish?

To truly get beardish it takes about 2 full weeks of lack of shaving. To look scruffy, 3 days, to look deranged 1 week. To look homeless, well, it itches too much to get to that point

2.. Are you a side, stomach or back sleeper and do you get the jimmy legs when you sleep?

I am primarily a side sleeper, but I have been known to belly and back it as well. I rarely get the “jimmy legs” when I sleep, but occasionally I will have a dream during that cusp of sleep and kick a bit.

3. What is the first thing you built as a child?

My walls of denial and suppression. Why didn’t you love me Mommy, why!?

4. Why is Jon Stewart so angry now on the Daily Show?

I think this has to do with how he perceives the current presidential administration to be lying to the American people on a daily basis.

5. Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?

Last time I checked she was in Caracas, Venezuala. Trabajamos todos por Venezeuala

6. What would your preferred choice of murder weapon be? Blunt club, pointy dagger, ranged weapon (bow or gun), etc?

Depends of course on if I was the one doing the murdering or the dying, but to answer your question

As the murderer: somebody else’s arm
As the murderee: old age

7. What would your dream job be?

Invulnerable super hero, you? Who doesn't think that Superman has a sweet gig.

8. What would be the worst job you can think of?

Assistant crack whore

9. Is there someone (besides your immediate family/close friends) that you think the world would be a poorer place without?

Why, what are you planning to do? First a question about murder and now who would be bad for humanity to not have. I'm watching you...

10. Is there anything more irksome than a paper cut?

Yes, 2 paper cuts

11. What's your most embarrassing moment, that you can safely share in a blog....

Nice try, I am not giving you ammo to use against me. Well, I am not giving you more ammo to use against me.

12. Did you have to sit on Wifey to get her to marry you or just get her REALLY drunk? Personally, I'm betting you made her promises that you still have yet to keep...there's just no other explanation for it!

Honestly, I get this question a whole bunch. I have no Idea why this wonderful woman decided to marry me. I really think she must have drawn a short straw at one of your meetings and resignedly decided that she would do this for the betterment of humanity. That, and I have some dirt on her.

13. If little man had been a girl, what would you have named her? Is there any special reason why?

Well, duh, it would be “little girl.” I am typically not into gender-typing, but I also am not about lying either, so I would go with that apt description of her.

14. If your best friend were ever to become your jester, what's the first thing you'd have him do?

Well, I think the motley fool get up would be required first of all, but after that, I think a dirty limerick would suffice for beginnings. There once was a man from Nantucket... Do you think that when they named Nantucket they knew that they were about to be the beginning of most dirty limmericks?

15. Is there anything you truly regret having done OR not done?

Not really. What I have done and not done to this point has created who I am. I am pretty happy with who I am.

16. Why are you so caustic?

I’m not the caustic one, you’re the Caustic one, Caustic McCaustic from Causticton.

17. Why, instead of simply saying yes, so people waste time and breath saying "Does a bear shit in the woods?"?

People love a good colloquialism. Dan Rather is the case in point. “It’s hotter than a honey bee burning in the fiery pits of hell,” is much more fun to say than “oh, about 87 with a heat index around 93.”

18. What is this thing in my hand?

It is your destiny, and I have to say, it has probably looked better. Did you type this one- handed?

19. Would sex still be taboo if it sounded like a slidewhistle?

No, not at all, it would be widely accepted and encouraged

20. Why is Darryl Hannah considered an actress?

There are things even I, in all of my wisdom and knowledge cannot even attempt to answer, but I think it is connected to Rosanna Arquette’s fame as well. The 80’s were a simpler time…

To recap:
I have completely run out of ideas.
Feel free to ask questions in the comments, I will answer them, I swear
Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don't know what the city is getting
The crème de la crème of the chess world
in aShow with everything but Yul Brynner