I'm Elmo's bitch now!

Sorry about the lack of post yesterday. I know you people out there in the blogaverse depend on my incessant natterings for some form of mild amusement every Monday through Thursday. Hey, I guy can take a break, can’t he? In fact, Familia del SRH went on a vacation this past weekend. We traversed the half of Ohio and the entirety of Pennsylvania to arrive safe and sound in northeast Philadelphia. We left Friday after lunch and started our return trip Sunday after lunch. Little Man did great. He is quite the awesome traveler. The biggest issue for him is the fact that he does not like to sleep in the car.

So, this weekend, we went to Sesame Place, the amusement park based upon Sesame Street. Little Man went nutso. Whenever a Cookie Monster song would come on the loudspeaker (Sesame Street songs were on a constant loop (but since the show has been on the air for 25+ years, it a looooong loop) he would stop what he was doing and look for the blue furry monster known for eating cookies. He would just stop in his tracks and scan the amassed crowd diligently. Little Man had a great time, but this particular park is definitely meant to be frequented in the heat of the summer, not the mildness of autumn. Half the park was all about the water features. Those were not well attended at all. I only saw one kid in the water the whole weekend, and there were like 17 idle lifeguards watching this kid splash in one of the kiddy pools.

So, all of this amusement park experience was not sunshine and rainbows. When we arrived at our Hotel, a fine one indeed, we found the most up-to-date brochure on Sesame Place that they had available. On said brochure we found out that Sesame Place has lockers for rent on the premises. This is quite the boon for parents of children with food allergies for we can store food stuffs that we know Little Man can eat in said lockers and go about our daily routine. Unfortunately, the brochure did not mention the $12 rental fee associated with the Lockers. $12 for a locker you could rent at the airport for 50¢!!!!! This was after paying full price for a 2 year-old’s admission and $10 for parking. We decided that we would use our car as our “locker facility.”

Oh, but the money grubbing didn’t stop there. Nope, turns out the only way your kid could see Big Bird (or as Little Man puts it Buuuurr), Elmo (or as Little Man puts it El-Mo, there is a pause between syllables), or Cookie Monster (or as Little Man puts it Ookie) was to shell out $12.99 to see ONE of the triumvirate of Sesame Street. Of course that paid for a picture as well. The scrub characters of Sesame Street were out and about for picture opportunities, but who wants their picture taken with Bert or Baby Bear? No One, that’s who! Honestly, Bert was out making his rounds and he actually had to go up to people to have them get his picture. There was no bustling crowd waiting for Bert. Bert is a wannabe character, and always will be.

This doesn’t even consider the debacle of food. Okay, for $14+ we purchased a mini pizza and some fries for lunch on Saturday. Oh, my God, it was as if they made an effort to make the food suck. I would have gladly paid 14 bucks for McDonald’s quality food, instead I got this 1980’s lunchroom cafeteria quality of food. It was like the management got together in a huddle and said, “This pizza is almost edible, what should we do about that?”

“Oh, I know, let’s cook a day ahead of time and leave it under a heat lamp for at least 24 hours.”


We would have saved money and had a better meal had we left the park, eaten at Burger King and paid the $10 parking fee again to re-enter the park.

In all seriousness though, the park should have made all of the attractions and activities capable for adult use as well. There were a couple of activities that he would have loved to do, if Wifey or I could do it with him. Other than that, he had a great time, but good lord, was he exhausted.

Sadly, one of Little Man’s favorite activities in the park was to push his stroller up and incline and back down the incline repeatedly. Like 10 minutes of ramp fun.

To recap:
Little Man travels great
The only thing that saved us on the road was a Bob the Builder DVD and a Bear in the Big Blue House DVD
It seems as if Sesame Place is run by a bunch of money fuckers!
I almost throttled 3 little brats and heaved their still warm lifeless corpses over the edge of the 4 story tall jungle gym
Twisted my ankle on a big old cargo net
The ankle only got swollen after the drive home
Who cares about Zoe? No one wants a picture with that orange freak
I cannot believe I had to pay to be on that craptastic I-76! I hate that interstate
Glad to be home
Thought about posting yesterday, but thought, “Hey, I am on vacation”