Vertigoing, Going, Vertigone!

So last night was a night that was destined to be near sleepless. I know, I know, you are all thinking that Little Man had another bad night that kept Wifey and I up all hours of the night soothing the little miscreant so he could rest as much as possible whilst we suffered the pain that is parenting. Maybe you are thinking it was another trip to the ER for an asthmatic attack of colossal proportions. Nope. Little Man actually went to sleep pretty quickly and with only using a small amount of his sleep fighting powers.

Last night was a bizarre night to say the least. Wifey got Little Man to sleep rather quickly, and then almost fell down the stairs because she was suddenly dizzy. The dizziness didn’t go away, in fact it continued straight from a little off-center to full blown room spinning within about 30 minutes. The whole room spinning thing caused her to become nauseated (not “nauseous,” that is when you make other people want to vomit: a little pet peeve of mine). Wifey’s mom came over so that we could head off to the ER for this world spinning event.

On to the ER we went. Hey, OSU Hospitals, would it kill you to make some larger signs showing where the ER and ER parking are located? Just curious. This was quite possibly the worst trip to the ER I have ever had the pleasure of enduring. For those of you who have not been to the ER on a Monday evening in a while, let me tell you something, “The Emergency Room, or the ER, as it is more commonly known, is a magnet for the mentally unstable and decidedly whiny.”

In the 2.5 hour wait that I (I say “I” because Wifey was completely out of it, just focusing on not falling off my lap) had to deal with being stuck in the waiting room I had ample time for some people watching. Of the 15 people I could see easily, I would say 8 of them were close to being non-functional in society due to mental illness. Of those 8, 3 of them could not close their GODDAMN MOUTHS!!!! Sweet Lord Almighty, close your damn mouth. You in the green, okay, if you are able to carry on a conversation, your pain is not a 10 out of 10. I quote: “I told them my pain was a 10, and it has even gotten worse now.” IF IT HAS GOTTEN WORSE, THEN IT WAS NOT A 10. If a nurse asks you, “How you would rate your level of pain on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest?” and your answer is not to whimper, cry, moan, writhe on the floor, or string together a bunch of un-intelligible sounds that mean, “OH GOD! I HURT!” then it is not a 10, so shut the hell up and stop moving closer to me. Bunch of knuckle dragging troglodytes, the lot of you! Close you mouth and stop scratching your belly. Stop leering at my wife, Grizzly, don’t make me beat you to death with your own arm!

Oh, GOD! I was in Hell!

Those were merely the people involved. We also had to contend with the waiting room TV blaring at an extremely unnecessarily loud volume “You Only Live Twice” Bond flick. When the volume is all the way up Connery’s voice ain’t so sexy. Just an FYI there.

Anyway… we finally made it back to one of the ER beds. Wifey fell asleep again to leave me with Comedy Central’s offerings at midnight. Turns out that she has some Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo going on right now, and the main issue was that it kind of just compounded on it self last night in a positive feedback loop until it incapacitated her. She would feel dizzy, which would cause her to feel nauseated, which would cause her to feel more dizzy, which would make her feel even more nauseated etc…

We got home at 3:30 in the morning. Little Man woke us up at around 8. I have been off caffeine for about 2 months now, and I want a fully leaded Mountain Dew so bad right now that I am forcing myself not to go near the vending machines downstairs. Additionally, when I get this tired (this is night 4 of less than 5 hours of sleep, it has been about 2 weeks since I have had 8 in a single evening) my already weakened filter that keeps me from saying things I shouldn’t, seems to malfunction.

To Recap
I am tired and sore (stupid exercising)
Did I mention tired
No signing for ER parking make SRH mad!
My pain scale goes up to 11
My filter is gone
Little Man is doing well though
What in the Hell happened to my life?
Wifey's got her the Vertigo