23 or 24, you decide!

This past Friday evening Wifey and I went to the closing show of a local Columbus Theatre/Cabaret. While it was not the absolutely final performance, it was the farewell show for 2Co’s Cabaret.

“What is/was 2Co’s Cabaret?” you ask.

Well fine reader, 2Co’s was a theatre company that had small 5 to 15 minute 1 act plays (usually a monologue) separated by their incredible band DowntownDFN. There would be a performance and then the band would really just crush the house. SIDE NOTE: It was always interesting to see the people in the band who were tasked with the “simple” percussion (the tambourine, triangle, maracas, etc…) THEY really got into it. Anyway… 2Co’s is/was a grant free theatre company meaning that they really hamstrung their revenue stream in order to stay completely independent. In other words, they were really walking the walk. Oh sure, walking the walk leads to lack of funding and an eventual closing down, but anyway…It was a great theatre company, and a wonderful evening to be had with friends. Wifey and I stumbled upon this place about 7 months ago and have gone to every production that they put on since then. We are sad to see them closing their doors.

On to the matter at hand: This Friday evening at 2Co’s we were supposed to meet some friends of ours for dinner and then the show. Their eldest child, still only a scant 4 years old developed 7 ear infections, diarrhea, a goiter, nausea, and at least 1 hang-nail. Oddly enough, they decided that they could not make it. Wifey and I scrambled to get someone to fill the other 2 tickets that we had in our hot little hands, but alas and alack, after many attempts and 1 near miss, no one joined us for dinner and a show. Wifey and I were the only ones at a table with only 2 people at it, and we felt a little exposed without the cover of warm bodies.

The show finished and it was a good show, being the “Best of” and all, and we were taking care of our bill and generally just getting ready to go, when we were approached by one of the people who worked in a non-acting, non-band role for 2Co’s. Gloria is one of those people you cannot help but like. She has a very impish, sprite-like quality to her, mainly due to her diminutive size. She is tiny like a little fairy, but a fairy with a wicked sense of humor. One should not be that tiny and be sooooo jadedly sardonic. Anyway, Gloria approached Wifey and asked out of the blue, “Just how old are you?”
Wifey: “31.”
Gloria: “Get out of here!”
W: “So, how old did you think I was?”
G: “23 or 24”
W: “Bless you! I would marry you if I could.”

Wifey, do you really value our marriage so little that you just cast it aside for the first elfen person that gives you a compliment and some raffle tickets? Now, I know that Wifey does not look her age, and I have known that for a while, but my big issue is that I look older than my age.

Me: “Oh God, I bet you thought that I am just a dirty old man stealing this woman’s youth.”
G: “Welllll……”
Me: “For God’s sake, she’s older than me, only by a month, but she is older”

The conversation could not move any further without producing ID’s and proving ages.

It is great that Wifey looks younger than she is, but that fact is invariably coupled with the fact that people think I am older than I am, creating this perceived age disparity. One man at our church said to me, “I did just what you did: Married someone much younger and better looking than me.” I wanted to punch that fucker. I guess I just don’t want people thinking I am stealing some girl’s youth or robbing the cradle, is that so much to ask?

To recap:
She also said, “Damn, I hope I am holding up that well when I am 31.”
She will turn 31 10 long years from now
"Holding up" how old does she think 31 is? It is not like it is 41 or something
I am not a cradle robber, Damnit!
Colcannon is an irish gift of the gods.
Why do little children fight sleep so much? Sleep is all I ever want.
Me and Little Man are on our own tonight – guess it’s chicky fingers and tater tots at casa del SRH.
Although they have eluded mention… Hippos! You are still on my shit list.