Hell is a place

Yes, Hell does have a name. No, that name is not “Wifey.” Whilst her post yesterday has caused much giggling and tittering of at least one of my co-workers, and whilst her outing me as a Friend of Krispy Kreme is mildly damning, she is not a place. She might be a she-devil, but there is no geography associated with Wifey. Hell, dear readers, is most assuredly a place. It is a vile loathsome place where light cannot escape and hope dies. Hell is Akron, Ohio. Yes, the Rubber Capital of the US is in fact Lucifer’s playground.

I am not sure where exactly El Diablo lives within the confines of Akron, but he definitely has something against I-76 West. I missed the entrance to 76 west on my first attempt. One would think it would be easy to turn around and come at the entrance again. One would be correct if the town one was considering was not, in fact, Hell. It took me 30 minutes to get to a 76 westbound entrance. It was a comedy of errors without the comedy. All the cross streets had turn prohibitions. I passed 7, count ‘em 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, entrances to I-76 eastbound, but who in their right mind wants to go to Pittsburgh? I probably would have done better to Get on I-76 East and turned around after 15 miles or so. It was Hell I tell you, Hell.

Additionally, I have not seen soooo many pre-1990 cars still in operation. These cars were beaters when I went to Kent in 1992. They were crappy cars in 1992, which means they were barely running yesterday. Somehow, and I am not sure exactly how, the most smoke enveloped cars, spewing forth their noxious brimstone clouds of rancid hate, always seemed to be directly in front of me. I swear the cars’ drivers had horns on their heads and tails. They were trying to keep me there. I know it. Luckily, it was not my time. After 30 minutes of cursing at the hopeless lost souls in that Godforsaken land, I finally escaped.

To Recap:
Little Man loves the lentil soup, just get it without the cheese
His tastes are very eclectic
He calls this place “Soup”
I almost stopped in Hell to kill someone at random
They probably would have thanked me
It is a miserable, miserable, hopeless, nearly-dead-inside, dried up husk of a city
Heck, the University of Akron’s mascot is a synonym for “nothing”
Go Zips!
Granted, I have an abiding hate for Cleveland, but it is merely an Armpit of America
My mood was not assisted by the work related trials and tribulations acquired whilst in the belly of the Beast
263 miles yesterday with nothing to show for it
Not sure if I have mentioned this before, but my favorite student/teacher interaction from high school was with my physics teacher.
Physics Teacher: You know what your problem is?
PT: You are apathetic
I was much quicker and funnier in High Scool