To steal a phrase from a friend:
"Mother Nature is off her lithium."
Of all the bi-polar (manic-depressive) nightmares I have ever dreamed, this one takes the cake. It was in the low 70's yesterday (22.22° C for you metric people and 295.3722 K for my physicist friends). Today it is snowing. So, on Sunday we did yard work. On Monday, Wifey took Little Man to the playground. Today there is snow! What in the Hell!?! Today my breath is freezing in my lungs, while yesterday I was sweating in shorts and a T-shirt with a rake in my hands.
One minute Mother Nature is all happy go lucky, the next she is sad. These swings are getting worse as well. You know, bipolar disorder can occasionally move into psychosis - hallucinations (seeing and hearing things that aren't really there) and delusions (beliefs that are not supported by the reality). If we haven shifted on over into delusions or psychosis yet, I imagine it will soon be happening. I will have to get Wifey to give Mother Nature clinical diagnosis, but as it is, as a lay person, Mother Nature sure is crazy.
Below are "signs and symptoms" of bipolar disorder. I truly think that Mother Nature may have it, the Internet is a wonderful thing.
Bipolar Disorder or Manic-Depression signs and symptons:
Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:
Increased energy, activity, and restlessness - check: it was raining like a mother fuck last night after 3 days of bliss
Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood - check: it was 70 in March for goodness sakes
Extreme irritability - I think the rain targeted me. I was about to leave the house and it started raining harder - then miraculously let up once I was in the car. I'd say she's irritable.
Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another - sun, to snow, to rain all in 12 hours!
Distractibility, can't concentrate well - see sun, to snow, to rain
Little sleep needed - Wait, that's more my problem. I haven't slept well since Little Man was born.
Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers - Mother Nature thought she could keep me inside and not go grocery shopping. She ain’t the boss of me. So, I showed her - I went to the grocery AND to the gas station. Take that!
Poor judgment - again, my problem
Spending sprees - wow, maybe I have the problem, but that Tron DVD wasn’t gonna watch itself.
A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual - okay, it's Ohio, maybe Mother Nature's behavior isn't sooo unusual.
Increased sexual drive - I don't want to know. I mean, ewwww
Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications - She huffs all the emissions and green house gases that come her way
Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior - I was once hit with a piece of hail the size of a golfball. It hurt, more than that, it Hurt my feelings
Denial that anything is wrong - "it's Ohio. that's what happens here." I hear this all too often, heck, I just said it, but it doesn' t hold Mother Nature accountable for her erratic behavior.
Signs and symptoms of depression (or a depressive episode) include:
Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood - The rain is apparently tears. Tears of sadness, tears of rage, tears of joy, tears of an empty mood - whatever. She's still crying.
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism -Spring is never coming. Never! Oh wait, that's me again, whoops, sorry.
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness - I think Mother Nature should feel guilty about her erratic behavior. Does she? That is a different question. Does she feel worthless and helpless? Not so much.
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex - Didn't she used to enjoy the sunshine? I think it was good for her. Somehow she just isn't bringing it back. Where is the love?
Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being "slowed down" -Again, this applies more to me. She's the one using all that energy to fuck with my head and sinuses.
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions - She does seem to vacillate between temperatures. 40 degrees in one day? (22 degrees on the Celsius scale for you metrics out there, and 22 K for the physicists) Make a decision, for Goodness Sake!
Restlessness or irritability - see irritability above.
Sleeping too much, or can't sleep - ooh, I can’t sleep, that one’s all me.
Change in appetite and/or unintended weight loss or gain - Yep, I’ve got that too. Who intends to gain weight? What kind of crappy question is this?
Chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical illness or injury - apparently, there's an ache in her heart that causes her to chronically persist in physically injuring my sinuses. Does that count?
Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts - I don’t' think that's an option when you are Mother Nature - I’m not sure, but I don't think it's an option. Please don’t let that be an option
Maybe I should move to Arizona, I hear their weather doesn't really change all that much. It goes from hot to stupid sweating next to an air conditioner vent hot, and not much else. I am just soooo tired of this shifting weather. I am tired of shifty weather as well; can't trust that crap. Always watching me. judging me. The shifty weather and the monkeys are in cahoots. I don't trust them. Don't trust them at all.
Ummm. can we forget that last paragraph ever happened? The monkeys would like it better that way. Mustn’t upset the monkeys. Never upset the monkeys.
Where was I? Oh, yes. The weather is messing with my fragile sinuses. Stupid weather.
No squirrels were harmed in the making of this post
Make up your damn mind!
See if you are bipolar
Thanks to Wifey for the help with Bipolar disorder information
Sadly, If I read the symptoms correctly, I’m depressed
Or sleep deprived, one of the 2
That makes me sad