Wrong, just plain wrong

You know that you are officially old when you can “sleep wrong.” How in God’s name can something so wonderful, such as sleep, go wrong. I am indeed old, as reinforced to me this chilly, wet day in Columbus, Ohio. I slept wrong. Sweet God almighty, I clearly had no business sleeping last night, cause I clearly was just plain wrong in how I slept. I have a kink in my neck and a cric in my back. That is how wrong I slept. I didn’t just sleep kinda wrong. Nope, I slept way wrong.

“Sleeping wrong” is different than “not sleeping well.” “Not sleeping well” can be taken 2 ways. Firstly it could mean that one slept poorly, and, secondly, it could mean that one was ailing whilst they slept. I just plain slept wrong. By this I mean that the inherently comfortable position my body found itself in last night, turned out to be detrimental to my physical health. I ache. I ache like an old man in a rainstorm.

Sleep, you have forsaken me. Why Sleep!? Why?!?!? I have been good to you. I visit often. I am a conscientious sleeper. Sure I snore, but that just lets you know how deeply I love you, Sleep. Why have you punished me so? Is it because of Little Man? He is young. He doesn’t realize your wonders yet. He’ll come around. Sleep, don’t punish the father for the sins of the son. We do battle with the Little Army of One every night… for you. We pry open his vice-like grip on consciousness every evening… for you. I am one of your humblest servants, Sleep. Humblest, I say. I am the most humble. (Question: Can someone definitively say that they are “the Humblest” without making them “not the humblest?”) I would do almost anything for you. Why have you decided that I should be in pain? Why Sleep? Why?!?!?

It is actually a bit difficult disregard the annoyance at the moment. I can only concentrate on work matters for about 5 minutes before being rudely reminded that I am, indeed, an old man with old man aches and pains. It is not enough that on rainy wet days, such as today, my ankles hurt and my left knee aches. No, my back and neck have to ache as well. Growing older sucks.

Anyway… other than the weather sucking and me having some minor aches and pains due to “sleeping wrong,” not much else is going on.

To Recap:
Not only did I sleep wrong, I think I need some more sleep
I am officially old
Old and tired
We made a menu for the week, but I forget what dinner is supposed to be tonight
Last night we let Little Man have him some Burger King
At his favorite Burger King, yes he has one, he is known as “Captain Ketchup” by the staff
That is right, if Little Man were in the army, he would be the same rank as G-Money
If he were in the navy, he would out-rank my brother and G-Money
When he leaves that place, he leaves it like a rock star
He’s all, “Thank you, Burger King.” Then he drops the mic and walks off the stage
I need to see a chiropractor
Might get rid of some of the headaches