The Beat Down

I would not be surprised if I have a shiner over my right eye by tomorrow. It seems that Little Man has decided to take out his “ineffectiveness in his environment” against me. Let me define “ineffectiveness in his environment.” This is a home-coined phrase that I just made up like 30 words ago. Hey, I am clever like that, deal with it. Okay the definition without all the self praise.

“Ineffectiveness in his own environment” means that Little Man is not really in too much control of what goes on around him. He eats when we give him food, he sleeps when we make him, he wears his blue shoes and socks when we put them on his feet, etc… Sure he has some semblance of control. He tells us that he would like chicken tenders or a pink juice box, but it is really up to us to make that happen. In this environment he is essentially powerless. We, hoping to be good parents, try to empower him as much as we can, but in almost all serious ways, he is completely bereft of power.

That is to say he only affects the environment that we allow him to - with one major exception. The exception? Well, that is Little Man beating the ever living crap out of me. So far for my July 4th holiday at home I have been kneed in the groinal area twice, have taken a couple of elbows to the throat, been kicked in a few other tender areas, and been cracked upside my head really hard (the whole right eye area thingy). After breakfast this morning, he ran up to me and hit me in the arm twice screaming “KNOCK! KNOCK!” Before I could ask, “Who’s there?” He would giggle and run away, only to come hit me again later.

Now, one would assume that this is just Little Man not being quite able to control his body as gracefully as someone with full body awareness, but it seems targeted at me. Wifey does not have a cracked noggin. He typically doesn’t knee her “accidentally” in the groin. Sure he head-butts her rather forcefully in her chesty boobage area, but I think that is mainly getting back at her for stopping the whole breast feeding thing. Anyway…as for sheer amount of physical violence, I tend to take the brunt of it.

The constant stream of knees to the nethers and cracks on my noggin have started to take their toll on me. I am starting to take up defensive stances around the Little Man. I find myself flinching when he comes near. I am constantly awaiting the eventual head-butt to my nose. I am pretty sure he will give me a black eye sooner or later. I have started blocking his hands when we are near each other. I cannot wait until the day I have to explain to the cops that I “fell down the stairs again” because my little boy has been beating the crap out of me.

To Recap:
Little Man 4 – SRH 0
I already have a small lump over my right eye
I swear he broke my nose 3 weeks ago
Happy 4thy of July
It rained really hard this morning
I don’t like hot dogs no matter how many times Wifey tries to make me eat them
Germany v Italy is on, so I will post more tomorrow