Little Man cut the top part of his ear today... We are pretty sure it was doing something that he shouldn't have because he is rather tight lipped about what happened. Anyway... after 8 hours in urgent care and an ER (he somehow nicked the cartilidge) we are back home safe and sound. He is 3 stitches heavier and we are extremely tired.

To recap:
Little Man cuts his ear so no Digital Thursday for you
Listening to everyone get ready for bed
Still no job
We will be in Nova Scotia next week
So, don't expect much posting next week
I will try to do a bit of photoblogging though
Have a great weekend everyone
We are leaving on a jet plane Saturday morning

Belated, but only a little bit

I am usually the last person awake in the happy SRH household. Little Man and Q both go down around 8 or 8:30 and Wifey follows around 10 or 11. So I figured that I would get to this post on the 7th instead of after midnight on the morning of the 8th.

Little Man had a rougher than usual night getting to sleep at a late late 9:30. He has a bit of an asthma flare up going on. He seems to get one around this time or a few week later than this every year. It will pass, but there will be much coughing before all is said and done.

I have gotten Q to sleep three times this evening and Wifey has gotten her to sleep once. Q is taking up most of the night tonight and I am rather tired of rocking the little girl, even though she is amazingly cute.

Since it is still the 7th at least in Central, Mountain and Pacific Time Zones I am counting it as still being the 7th.

Happy birthday, Wifey. I had a wonderful day with you today at the BMV renewing your tags, at the grocery store getting your birthday meal ingredients (NY Strip, Baked Potato, and Broccoli, for those of you keeping score). I enjoyed chatting with you all day long and loved the I've-Got-to-Walk-This-Steak-Off stroll that we took after the meal.

I love you and am proud to be married to you, so Happy Birthday to you, albeit a bit belated due to family circumstances. Even as I type I am doing so with an annoyingly awake Q on my lap. Darn babies.

To recap:
Happy Birthday, Sweetheart
That has a different meaning if you accidentally misspell "Sweetheart"
Happy Birthday, Sweatheart
Baby not asleep
And potentially pooping while sitting on my lap
Thank you diapers for your poop-catching majesty
Boy in asthma flare up
I need to give him a breathing treatment in a few minutes
Not sure how to do that with Q awake and slowly defecating
I was going to digitally alter a pic of Wifey all artistic-like but I can't do that with a baby on my lap
So no "Digital Thursday" this week
Listening to The White Stripes Seven Nation Army
Have a great weekend all

2 things

Thing the First:

The problem with being sick as a parent is that you still have to be “on.” There is no holing yourself in a room and sleeping the illness away without active and constant assistance from somewhere. I am a bit under the weather right now. If I were in my 20’s with no kids in tow, I would alert my wife to my illitude and sleep it off for 14 hours emerging stubbly yet for the most part unscathed. In some ways I miss those days.

This is merely a head cold. A head cold that through the miracles of modern science will be mitigated by altering my body chemistry and allowing me to fogilly move through the day. As it is I feel like I am running at about 56% of my baseline mental capacity. Since I am normally running at 78%, that means I and at a whopping 43.68% mental capacity of a typical hairless ape. Just thought you should know.

Thing the Second:

One of my coworkers knows a guy who is a train engineer. He drives trains and everything. I thought he was working for Norfolk Southern but is seems (via evidence) that he in fact works for CSX Transportation (who are running some killer commercials right now). Anywho… I contacted him about a year ago to see if there was any train swag he could send my way for a 4 year old (at the time). I never really heard back from the guy. No biggie. Nothing lost nothing gained. Move on.

Well, it seems he probably saw us out at the Weber Road crossing gate the other day whilst they were replacing the CSX track crossing (they own the rights to the Westernmost track of the three tracks that cross that street). Well, there was some temporary track across the street at time and the trains had to travel very slowly across the temp stuff. Needless to say there was a bunch of waving “face time” with the train personnel that evening and the following evening.

Lo and behold 5 days later SWAG

Thanks to train engineer, Eric and his middle man ACW for the kick ass Engineer’s Lantern for Little Man. He loves it. He has already had to use it since someone stole a bunch of the copper wire Monday and Tuesday morning causing us to have some outages in the wee hours of those mornings. The lantern is an unmitigated success. I did a great job of keeping the dark at bay.

To recap:
Ill = not good
I am tired
I will be leaving work early today
Because I am sick
Listening to my own sniffles and sneezes

sitting at my desk

So here I am sitting at my desk watching a blue progress bar slowly creep across one of my myriad of necessarily open programs.


It is significantly past when I would normally be home with my family. I have been working like mad the past few hours, so again I apologize for the tardiness of this post.


Anyhoo... Maybe I will share some of this riveting graphic as Digital Thursday. I know you are all out there with hearts all aflutter waiting with barely contained anticipation to see what could possibly be keeping me from eating dinner or going home. Maybe I will throw you a bone. A very dull and unexciting bone from what very possibly was at one point in time, a squirrel.


So, other than being here sitting at my desk watching a progress bar barely progress, I do have news to impart to you, my fine readership and it is concerning Little Man's allergies.


Yesterday Little Man had an appointment with the allergist who is also in charge of managing Little Man's Asthma.



Firstly the asthma. It looks as if we will look at reducing the amount of asthma meds going into our 5 year old's system. The regimen that we are currently putting him through is working really well, so the doc wants us to look at what his breathing is like with marginally less meds. So kick ass there.


Secondly the food allergies: Little Man got a scratch test which he was not happy about receiving, but the results were amazing. It looks like he has finally gotten past his milk and egg allergy and he might be less than a year away from outgrowing his peanut and tree nut allergies as well. Go ahead. Read it again. I will wait.... I know! Isn't that just amazing?


To recap:
After this thing gets to 100% I am going to take it home to work on
I have a better machine there and the same software
We really don't even know what to do with this potentially food allergy free child
........................................................................9.. 99%
It is pretty amazing to think of
US v Trinidad and Tobago tonight in World Cup Qualifying
My phone ran out of battery around 2pm today
Okay this is silly, the progress bar is just playing with my emotions now
umm... listening to Right in Two by Tool
WTF!!?!?!? Still 99%?!?!?!

Digital Thursday

A bit of a different theme for Digital Thursday this week. A friend of the family recently offered to do a photo shoot for Q. It was his gift to the family to celebrate her birth and he also said "he needed more photoshoot practice with babies." I am not too sure how much he really needed more photo practice, but that is a different story indeed.

Anyway, we got the pics yesterday and they are digital, therefore.... DIGITAL THURSDAY!

We were looking through these amazing images he had captured for us and wanted to know how much it would have set us back had we been paying customers. We went to his web-site and were appalled by the lack of expense (you kind of have to dig to get to the pricing). So, if you are in the Columbus area and want some really high quality portraits taken, Wifey and I heartily suggest using our friend.

Little Man doing the 5 year old toothy smile squint.

Wifey and Q in a chair. (I am quite effective at titles)


Q on green

To recap
My shiny version of Dr Doom will be ready for next week's Digital Thursday
Little Man's 5th birthday is tomorrow
Where has the time gone
I am very happy that the Muppets are making their web presence felt
There are a couple of puns in that last sentence
They may have been intentional
They may have been happenstance
Intentional = Comedic Genius
Happenstance = Lucky
You decide if they were intentional or not
Listening to Firestarter by Prodigy
Have a great weekend everyone

Digital Thursday

In Little Man’s summer pre-school this week, they were talking about space and astronauts and such. It turns out that there are a few facts about space and Little Man that I did not know.

Fact 1: His favorite planet is Jupiter because of the colors and the red-storm
Fact 2: He does not like Pluto. He mumbled something about planet-like bodies bringing their weak ass game into his house, but I really didn’t catch all that much of it
Fact 3: Ummm…. There really were only 2. I am tired, leave me alone people.

Anyhoo… one of the tasks from this week in pre-school was to “create” his own planet. I give to you, Little Man’s planet known as Stripes.

I also give to you Little Man as Galactus, Devourer of Worlds with the soup du jour, Stripes.

He brought Stripes into existence, he can surely take it out.

To recap:
I turn 34 on Saturday
All I want for my birthday is a nap
Q is doing well
Little Man is a bit under the weather
I am a bit hungry
Maybe I need a snack
Not listening to anything at the moment
Have a great weekend everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 95 - 2 of them?

Having a second child is riddled with emotion. There is a certain amo0unt of loss associated with no longer have a solitary child and solitary responsibility of raising that one. There is something glorious adding to a family. If done correctly, the new child does not fill a void, the new child merely makes things “more complete.” So today’s 20 Questions Tuesday is about our having a second child.

Thanks this week go to lsig, Capt Mc Armypants, Lord Pithy and Wifey.

On to the questions:
1. How long is Q going between feedings?
On average I would say that she is eating every 2 hours or so. There are some 3 to 4 hour spaces between feeding, but there are also some 1 hour issues as well.

2. Is this 2-kid thing easier or harder than you expected?
Yes, and no. Yes, because when we had Little Man, when he slept, we slept. So there was a bit more potential for small shots of sleep. No because now we have a 4.9 year old who is firmly ensconced in his typical human circadian rhythms. Now, we no longer have the luxury of sleeping when Q is sleeping because Little Man is up and running with scissors.

3. How is Little Man adjusting to the interloper?
He is doing well. I imagine it will really come to a head when she gets more interactive and demanding more attention… that will be the test. Right now she is either eating, getting changed or sleeping.

4. You claim not to be overly sleep-deprived. Can Wifey say the same?
The funny thing with not “overly sleep deprived” is that you can easily turn the “overly sleep deprived” corner with just one bad night. We like to call those Monday nights.

5. Is this the Best Thing Ever?
It is really flipping close. I would imagine the wheel and sliced bread might take on more cultural and human significance, but this is up there for Casa Del SRH.

6. So when I was a kid and sleep deprived I would get all giggly and punchy. As an adult I find that I just get really really cranky and want to punch things? Does this mean I am better at being sleep deprived or is this just the natural evolution of "punchy"?
I believe this is the natural evolution of “punchy.”

7. Don't you feel in the future both your kids would try harder at school if they knew only one college education would be paid for?
I think it would be a real kicker to make Little Man wait 4 years to see if he could go on to college. Advantage Q.

8. There are several "methods" of sleeping less to gain efficiency. They have all these charts with bio-rhythms and when you should wake up and promises that if you just do it for a few weeks it will see completely natural. They all promise that you will be come more efficient and have more time in the day. Honestly, how proactive do you think a guy who messed with his sleep schedule and wrote a book about it really is? I mean does this sound like a busy guy or some loser coming up with things to do?
There is a certain amount of credibility to acclimating to a schedule. Just like acclimatizing to high elevation, I imagine the body can get used to chronic sleep debt. To write a book about it though seems a bit loser-ish.

9. As I get older I really believe that if I could just get another set of eyes and trade them out day on / day off I would need half as much sleep. Concur or dis-concur?

10. When was the last time you had the falling dream? If recently, can you stop yourself now? I know I break 4th wall all the time now. Would you say this is apathy or practice?
I have never really had the falling dream, but in my “nightmarish” dreams I have taught my subconscious some abilities to retain some amount of lucidity. So I have had some ability to break the fourth wall and make my nightmares into the dance party of my dreams… literally.

11. Using the Brady kids as archetypes, who is Little Man, and who is Q?
Remind me which boy was the train obsessed, severely asthmatic one with the multiple food allergies and which girl was the newborn.

12. If you could travel back in time 10 years, what advice/insight would you attempt to offer the pre-parental SRH?

13. Now that you have a daughter, has your view on the appropriate age for a first date changed?

14. What's your favorite Noggin show?
The Upside Down Show.

15. What do you expect Q's first four-letter word to be? What was Little Man's?
Q: Mutha Fuckah (while technically not a “four-letter” word per se, I believe it fits the criteria. We are teaching her right)
Little Man: Shit

16. Why does she poop right after we change her?
The only thin I can think of is that by wiping her butt we are somehow stimulating her behind to let loose with the poo. Kind of like a mama cat cleaning her kittens.

17. Whose kid is this? She doesn’t look like you or me.
No kidding. I saw her come out of you, so she is definitely yours, what… what are you trying to tell me?

18. Would it be so hard to have multiple color selections for pack and plays?
No shit. How hard could it be to make the same model in 3 different fabrics? Not everyone’s living room is decorated by jungle animals in lime green.

19. Sweet Ani DiFranco! We need to go grocery shopping!
That isn’t much of a question, but you are right.

20. Do you mind if I take a 30 minute nap?
Not at all.

To recap:
It is difficult getting these done during the day
We are nigh out of everything in the cupboards areas
My back is a bit sore
When I was actually sleeping, I must have done it wrong
That is a kick in the pants
Don’t get to sleep much, and when I do it is wrong
My birthday is this Saturday
I just remembered that
So what did you guys get me?
Listening to Little Man play with trains
I am about to join him

Mea Culpa and 2 things

So last week didn’t end quite how we had hoped it would end. On Tuesday of last week, major demolitions to one wall were conducted in the kitchen remodel. Dust went everywhere. We stayed at the hoose Tuesday evening, but Wifey and Little Man’s breathing determined that staying at Mimma’s house was necessary Wednesday and possibly Thursday . Wednesday afternoon rolls around and both Wifey and I feel like burnt monkey asses. We initially attribute this feeling to the dust inhalation, but later on we realize it is because we are ILL. We contaminated Mimma’s house until late Thursday evening and sickened our own residence for the rest of the weekend.

It was a bizarre illness because it would come in waves. Wifey would be out of commission for a bit and then it was my turn. Fever, sinus stuff, and sore throat… you know, burnt monkey assery. I did not feel like I got on top of it until Sunday night at about 9 pm. Little Man is still in the midst of it, and it seems like Wifey might be on the mend.

Whilst staying at Mim’s I was unable to post because her house is curiously cut-off from civilization. You see, she lives in a mythical house that does not have cable tv or a connection to the Internets. Not to mention that the she cannot receive the network channels due to static interference. It is a curious place.

What the above three paragraphs boil down to is the reasoning behind the lack of posting last week.

Two more things.

Thing the first: the BIG train show was this weekend. Little Man and I medicated ourselves up and went to the show. A few observances of the festivities.

There were a couple of the model train layouts that were not working. I have trouble with this lack of train movement. This is THE biggest train show event for the area annually and you have trains idle on the tracks? That makes no sense. Go to Plan B if your super de-dooper computerized controlling system isn’t working. There are kids here that want to see trains moving.

I got really tired of the overweight 50 to 60 year old white guys announcing how much better this was than video games because you are actually watching something real happen. If model train hobbies were more active hobbies I might be okay with the disgust that you hold to mere video games, but you are still in your basement being rather sedentary. Well done. You and gamers could get into wheezing contests and tie. Your high horse is in the basement and malnourished, so get off of it.

Whilst being directed by my 4.5 year old, I got interviewed by the local paper about the event. Seven minutes of conversation led to 4 lines in the Sunday Metro Section. That’s us at the end of the article.

Thing the second:
Conversation with Little Man:
LM: Papa
Me: Yes?
LM: Papa
Me: Yes, Sweetie?
LM: Papa, you know what?
Me: What’s that, Big Guy?
LM: I don’t like… I don’t like… I don’t like…
Me: What don’t you like, Little Man?
LM: I don’t like… mean people and diarrhea.

To recap:
Mean people suck
So does diarrhea
Supposedly getting the stove hooked up today
It will be nice being able to cook at home again
Goodness I am tired

Digital Thursday

So, Tuesday of last week, Little Man produces a dinosaur that he has put together whilst in preschool. It is made from 5 pieces of construction paper. The head and neck, body, tail, leg one, and leg two comprised this Jurassic marvel. The pieces were joined together with those brass paper hole filling bendy things…

Yeah, those things. Anyway, by using the “Brass Plated Fasteners” the dinosaur has some degrees of movement associated with it. Needless to say Little Man is rather proud of its existence. So Wifey and I asked him what kind of dinosaur it is. Without missing a beat, he told us it was a Stegosaurus Rex (ergo Wednesday’s post from last week).

Today’s digital Thursday is dedicated to the oft maligned and mostly unknown Late Jurassic dinosaur, the Stegosaurus Rex

Can you see why it is the king of the stegosaurs? I can.

This was built from 3 separate images found on the interwebs. It took about 20 minutes of time to do. I am happy with it all except for the low amounts of detail on its head.

I have to be honest with you reader folk, I am not sure I like Digital Thursday. I am the paragon of ambivalence when it comes to Digital Thursday. There are times that it is wonderful. Times that I am very proud of what I am posting. There are times when I feel like the work being presented is really my “A Game.” There are other times, however, when I feel like I have just slapped some pixels together and forced something upon you fine readers that you may not want. What I am getting at, is that I would like people, if they are willing, to weigh in on whether or not Digital Thursday is working for you, as a very very interested reader.

To recap:
Little Man is a bit under the weather today
He is just a little coughy
Not to be mistaken as a small coffee one might order at a restaurant
And definitely not a “Short Americano,” to use the lingo
Yet he is a short American
Skinny too
Yet he eats like we haven’t fed him in weeks
Yeti eats like a barbaric pig
WTF!?!!? Wifey just posted?
What's all THAT about?
Have a great weekend everyone

Not Pauly Shore, either

Wifey’s boss had some kind of Wii hootnanny on Sunday. There was some food and about 12 people there to play with the Wii. Of the 12 people, 4 were below the age of 8. The Wii is a fun console with lots of insane potential as evidenced by this guy.

Anyway… Wifey and I have been talking up the “Wii Party” for the past few days because we think that if we can get Little Man interested in playing the Wii, we could use the games to help some of his Occupational Therapy stuff. The hand eye coordination would go up and hopefully his body positional awareness. I know these concepts have technical names, but I forget what they are at the moment, so I won’t use them. Anyway, Wifey and I have been chatting up the Wii party for Little Man for about 4 or 5 days.

He is genuinely interested in going to the party. We think that he is going to really dig the party and he might actually try playing the games. Come Sunday morning he wakes up and immediately asks about the party and demands that we all get moving so that we don’t miss the party. He blathers on about something that Wifey and I do not understand due to our advanced state of grogginess.

We reassure him that the Wii party is not until that afternoon, and that no amount of parental lollygagging in the morning will jeopardize his ability to go to the party. Thus covered, Wifey and I continued our morning lollygagging in our foggy haze of grogginess. Again the little one is gibbering and prattling on about some such nonsense. Party this…. Party that… blah blah blah. My head is hurting and I am not quite conscious enough to attend to Little Man’s incessant mouthing. Besides as far as we could tell, he was not asking questions. He was talking about how excited he was about the party.

Wait a second, was that an extra syllable appended to “Wii?”

“When are we going to the Weasel Party?”

Oh, I think I understand why he is so excited. I also think I understand that he will be summarily disappointed with the abject lack of weasels.

To recap:
Nary a weasel in sight at the party
Little Man seems to like chicken sandwiches
Who would have thought?
Tomorrow’s 20 questions shall be about motivation
If I feel up to it
It is snowing a little bit today
Big pretty flakes
Not much else to say
I hope it is something good for dinner tonight

Size depends on perspective

Last night Little Man wanted to have a stuffed animal to snuggle with as he fell asleep. No big deal, we are happy when his requests are that simple. The stuffed animal he chose was a Toys R Us Geoffrey the Giraffe stuffed animal that he has had since he was born. He probably has not played with this particular stuffed animal in over a year.

He grabbed the giraffe and hugged it fiercely as we got back to the bed for the rest of the evening ritual. A few minutes later he asked me, “Why is the giraffe smaller?”

“The giraffe is smaller?”

“Yeah, it used to be much bigger. Why did it shrink?”

“Oh, Punkin Pie, the giraffe didn’t get smaller. You just got much bigger. Stuffed animal giraffes don’t grow, but little boys do.”

“But, it used to be bigger.”

“Nope, you used to be much smaller.”


To recap:
Same thing happened to me when I went to my previously cavernous grade school cafeteria as an adult
That room was much smaller for adults
Digital Thursday tomorrow shall be huge
Well, maybe not huge
Kinda big-ish?
I was up entirely too long last night
But I got to sleep in this morning
That was heavenly
I think it is supped to be hamburgers for dinner tonight
Little Man will not be pleased
I think he wants pizza
Who will win?
Any takers?

It's a G thang

Since my falling out with organized Churches in 1996, I have not been exactly keen on the whole Christianity thang. Therefore I have been pleasantly boycotting organized Christianity for the better part of 11 years now. The 4 years previous, I just didn’t go that often, but now it is a full on boycott, and let me tell you, Christianity has truly been feeling the weight behind my boycott. I think it will cave soon. Don’t hate the playah, people. Hate the Game.

Well, in my aversion to churchihood, I have not really been leading Little Man down the path of Christendom. That is to say that I have not really informed him of any dogmatic tradition. This is a point of consternation with Wifey. She feels that Little Man should get a solid grounding in religion and spirituality, and I feel that would only put Little Man in contact with people who use religion as a crutch to feel better about themselves because they aren’t doomed to Hell like those poor bastards that don’t think just like they do and goose-step to the same tune… (editor’s note: Umm… We had to truncate the last rant back to only a few lines. 3 paragraphs of vitriol was deemed to be a bit much. Needless to say, it seems the author has some un-resolved Christianity issues. Thanks – the management)

To make a long story short, because of Little Man’s lack of Christianic exposure, he calls the son of God, “G.” Yep, Jesus has been truncated to “G.” This is something I can completely get behind. It makes prayer much more street. In fact, I would love to see more doctrine modernized to take in the flavor of “G.”

Sermon on the Mount (or the B-attitudes): G was all like,
“Listen Bitches. Props to the Juiceless, for they will get the keys.
“Shout out to the Sad, comfort’s on the way.”
“Shout out to the Meek. BOO! Mother Fucker! Just kiddin’ You guys are gonna do alright…”

To recap:
Wow, Little Man misses Momma in the mornings
So do I, but he gets a bit frustrated at Papa’s morning ineptitude
I’m going to Hell, aren’t I?
That is a rhetorical question
I don’t want your answers
I already know what they are going to be
20 Questions Tuesday will be all about “Time” tomorrow
“Tomorrow” is a human construct that will never actually occur
Words associated with the future sense of time are logically confusing


Little Man has a future in television. I know. I know. Many many parents out there think that their kid is perfect for being a star. Honestly, I have no idea whether Little Man would be star material or not. I also know many a parent thinks their kid is soooo cute that they just have to be on TV or in movies. This is not what I am talking about today (although Little Man is dreadfully cute). Little Man has a future in a very particular niche in the television acting world.

Little Man would be perfect for infomercials. Sadly, he is not verbal enough to be the spokesperson or the sales guy. His attention span wanders too easily for him to be the attentive cohost listening to the salesguy. Little Man would be perfect for a different yet vital role in the infomercial industry. Little Man would be the absolute best at demonstrating how difficult, nay! how impossible it is to accomplish every day tasks without whatever the heck the infomercial was hocking. He could be one of the 5 examples of how difficult it is to do something the traditional way.

When Little Man doesn’t want to do something, he will half-heartedly and clumsily bring himself to abject failure at the task at hand. He then looks at you with exasperation and shrugs his shoulders as if to say, “I don’t know how you can expect me to put on my socks. It is incredibly too hard – difficult to the point of completely unattainable – for me to accomplish on my own.”

He will find it amazingly impossible to put toys into the conventional toy box… which is why You should get your frustrated child the new Toy Receptacle 4020 with the rapid toy loading feature…

He has nothing to grab onto to pull his sock over his foot… which is why you need the Incredible Sock Puller to assist with those hard to grasp sock emergencies.

He couldn’t possibly be able to get his feet in those shoes… well at least not without the Shoehorninator. The Shoehorninator is designed for helping get feet in those hard-to-get-feet-into shoes.

I wish I had video of his self-enforced ineptitude

To Recap:
I am tired
I think I have tomorrow’s Digital Thursday piece ready
It is snazzy
In a sort of retro 1980’s way
A retro 1980’s sort of way that does not include anything Reaganomical
There is no such thing as Trickle Down Digital Art
At least one should not Google that phrase
I haven’t, but I am scared at what it would return
The Intertubes is a scary place
A scary scary place

Captain Little Man

So on Saturday Little Man did something that he has never done before. Little Man is all about the ritual. He thrives on the ritual. The ritual is his water, he can not live without it. Here is a breakdown of the ritual. Bath, dry-off, get pajamas on, medicines, 2 books, brush teeth, goodnight hugs, goodnight kisses, Papa lays down and tells 2 stories, papa lays down for 3 minutes, drink of water, band-aid, lip-balm, and the ritual is capped off with turning on music for him to sleep to.

It is a pretty involved ritual and it is only broken by the occasional movie night or soccer game night. On rare occasions it is broken down by either late evening family shenanigans or being away from the house. It is, however, pretty much the standard nightly ritual. Now, pay attention to this nightly ritual detail, because it is absolutely unnecessary for the story.
Little Man gets in the bath, and promptly stands on one leg with his other leg at a right angle from his hip. He grins at me and says, “Hey, Papa! LOOK!” When I look, he starts peeing. That’s right, he assumes a Captain Morgan pose and then pees. I made up a graphic to illustrate. It can be found here.

To Recap:
It was an uneventful weekend
As denoted by the above story
Wifey and I got to actually go and watch a 1st run movie!
We saw Stardust
You know it is a good movie when Robert DeNiro is the weak link
I have to go to the gym tonight
And Wednesday night
And Friday night
And the following Monday
If I don’t get this to be a routine
I will never actually get any healthier
Tomorrow’s 20 questions will be all about the present

O: 16 of 26

This is the 16 th installment of the Random Alphabet of SRH. Oh, I and I am sure it will be a doozy. The letter for today is the 15 th letter of the 26 letter English alphabet, O. O is one of those vowels that you never notice how much it is used until someone points it out. The reason no one recognizes the importance of O is because it is often paired up with other vowels or at the beginning of a list of rather short prepositions. Without further ado, I give you…

O: O is very useful. You use it when you say: “Oscar’s only ostrich oiled an orange owl today.”

I have always been surprised that Suess did not make that sentence “Oscar’s only ostrich often oils orange owls.” I think it is better alliteration, but who am I to question the Suess?

Anyway, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about when O graced my page. It really was rather simple when I even remotely thought about it. When I think O, I think Orange Rice.

Orange Rice has been a theme of Wifey and my life ever sine we made it for Little Man for the first time. I remember it pretty clearly because this little guy who couldn’t eat too many things really liked this meal the very first time we made it. It has been a weekly or bi-weekly staple ever since.

I get questions about Orange Rice all the time. “What exactly IS Orange Rice?” “Is it really any good?” “Why does Little Man like Orange Rice soooo much?” “Do you like Orange Rice?” “How many times have you made Orange Rice?” “What is the biggest amount of Orange Rice Little Man has eaten in one sitting?” “Does Little Man really like Orange Rice that much?” “Come on, I have a 3 year old, there is no frikkin way a 3 yr old can eat THAT much at one sitting. How much does he really eat?” There are others, but they are basically variations on the above theme.

I would answer all these questions today, but half of the questions are all about not believing me. I am going to ignore those. Sure I am given to hyperbole (it is the funniest form of humor afterall) and sometimes I exaggerate (like every second of every day), but really in matters dealing with Orange Rice I assure you there is no need for either.

What exactly IS Orange Rice?
Orange Rice is a casserole found in the Betty Crocker’s One-Dish Meals cookbook. It is on actually the Beef and Wild Rice Casserole found on page 118 of this cookbook. We started fixing this meal when Little Man was still allergic to soy, egg, dairy, peanuts, and tree nuts, so we had to “doctor it up” pretty significantly. Here is the recipe that is now emblazoned in my skull. I can make this stuff with my eyes closed now. Sure the kitchen would be a nasty mess if I did so, but who cares? I made it with my eyes closed. Beat that!

Anyway here are the ingredients to the version that we make currently.
1 box Uncle Ben’s Long Grain and Wild Rice Fast Cook Recipe
1 Can Campbell’s Condensed Tomato Soup
1 lb of Ground Meat (I switch it up between Beef, Turkey, and Chicken {Hey, I need more variety})
1 medium sized white onion
1 / 4 th cup soy-milk
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons of Penzey’s Italian Herb Mix
2 teaspoons of Penzey’s Granulated Garlic
Salt and Pepper to taste

Preheat the oven at 350 F

Prepare the rice according to the box directions except throw away their craptastic seasoning packet and add a pinch of salt, a couple shakes of pepper, 1 tsp of the Italian Herb Mix and 1 tsp of the Granulated Garlic.

In a separate dish,
Chop the onion into medium sized pieces. It doesn’t have to be diced, but if you want it diced, be my guest
Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil and cook the onion until it just starts to become translucent
While the onion is cooking season with salt and pepper
Brown the meat until cooked through
While browning the meat season with salt and pepper and add the remaining garlic when the meat is almost done
Add the condensed soup, rice, and soy-milk
Sprinkle remaining Italien Herb Mix on top of casserole
Bake for 30 minutes


We often eat this meal using tortilla chips as a scoop. Little Man is adamant that the tortilla chips be the Tostitos Natural Yellow Corn Tortilla Chips. He is a picky eater.

Anyway, that is what Orange Rice is.

As for how goods it actually is? Little Man really likes the stuff and I find it to be an “OK” meal. I could not eat it everyday like the boy can, but that is okay. We really have made this meal every week or every other week since the first time we made it. Little Man does not seem to tire of it in the least. There are some doctored versions that he has not been impressed with however. For example, one time I tried using Penzy’s Buttermilk Ranch Dressing base as the predominant seasoning. He didn’t like that so much.

Little Man has honestly eaten 3 full sized plates of this stuff in one sitting. It was a bit scary. I swear I could have bounced a quarter off his over full belly. Wow, was he full.

Anyway, that is the tale and construction of Orange Rice.

To recap:
Work was an absolute bear today
My apologies to Lord Pithy
He knows why
I was a bit unhappy about the email as well
I went from one fire drill to a second and then oddly enough to a third
Stupid fire drills
It doesn’t help that I am physically exhausted
Wifey, hurry back so I can sleep
Just kidding, Sweety
But not really
I had to wait until I was home and Little Man was asleep to post
Wifey gets home late Saturday night
It won’t be soon enough
I fear I shall be more insane by then
I am sure that next week’s posts will all be happy go lucky due to the return of Wifey
No really, next week will be all rainbows and unicorn farts
Have a great weekend everyone

3 more things

So I am at home today with Little Man. He is not sick or anything like that. Wifey is out of the country for some more training in her conversation-fu martial art. She is soooo close to getting her black belt in conversation-fu. Anyway, since she is usually home with the little miscreant on Mondays and Fridays and she is away from home until late Saturday night, I have decided to take today off and (workload willing) Friday as well. If I do have to work on Friday, I figure that Little Man is 4, knows how to work the microwave enough to get his chickies warmed up, and does really well playing on his own.

Anyway… Here are some things I have noticed about Little Man recently to get your week off and running.

Thing the first:
He is still quite in love with trains. He is not all that interested in steam engines because they do not really ride the rails these days. He does not like trains that make the proverbial “chugga chugga choo choo” noises. This makes it rather difficult to find a set of “special sheets” for his bed that have trains on it that he actually likes. There are, to my knowledge, no Santa Fe Blue Bonnet or Santa Fe War Bonnet sheets sets out there. This fact makes Little Man a bit sad, and has really taxed my abilities to research stuff on the old Intertubes.

Thing the second:
Little Man’s eating is slowing down somewhat. Instead of him eating 2 whole Burger King hamburgers and taking down a medium fry with that, he now almost finishes his burger and wolfs down most of a small order of onion rings. Instead of the 2.5 pieces of his weekly homemade pizza getting scarfed, he now only consumes about 1 piece. Where as before he would have 3 full sized plates of Orange Rice (this is what he wants for dinner tonight), he now eats a polite 1.5 plates full of the rice casserole. We honestly get worried when he doesn’t eat like he has to fill up a hollow leg, but then we realize that he still eats more than most kindergarten classes combined in any one sitting. That tends to take the edge off. “I wonder, is he feeling OK? He only ate half a box of chicken nuggets.”

Thing the third:
He really cannot name his toys. He has a Giraffe named Brown Giraffe. He has 2 baby dolls named Cabbage and Truck respectively. He gave his stuffed animal lion the name Bumper. He refers to himself as a mouse named Dale, a big tomcat named Whitey, or a big fat yellow kitty named Fluffy. Often when he is playing with a toy that we haven't heard him name, we ask him what the toy's name is just to have a laugh. On a side note: I had always thought that if we ever got more cats that we would name them Ultraman, the Lizard King, and Captain Sisko, but now I am thinking that Little Man should get a shot at it. I would love to have a cat named Dumptruck, CSX, or Lolly Gagging. We will have to wait a while until either Little Man grows out of his cat allergy or the price for one of the hypoallergenic breeds comes down to something reasonable.

To recap:
Wow, Little Man is quite the tired one after his OT appointment
Still not napping though
He is quite content to be humming and clucking to himself in his bed while playing with his feet
Wifey is out until Saturday Night
There is a good chance that by Thursday my post will be incoherent gibberish pleading for Wifey to come home and take this infernal daemon spawn from me
This kid knows what buttons to push, I tells ya!


So today once at home with the fam, Little Man did one of the things that makes Wifey and I roll our eyes and/or giggle. It is something he has been doing ever since we really felt that we had succeeded in "conquering" his day-time potty training. Night time potty training is an issue we haven't yet tackled. Stop judging us! If he realizes that he can get out of his bed when he has to pee, he will "have to pee" a whole bunch in the middle of the night. I mentioned that we got him a bed with a slide on it, right? Anyway... ever since we felt like he has been successfully day-time potty trained he does the same thing prior to going to the bathroom to pee. He looks at us like we have been forcibly keeping him from the bathroom and frantically says, "I Gotta PEE!" He then runs up the stairs to our bathroom to relieve himself.

Well, this early evening is one such case. He was, oddly enough, playing with some toy tractors when the frantic exclamatory statement of "I Gotta PEE!" was issued. He ran upstairs. He peed like he was an adult who had just consumed a 6-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. We could here him pee-ing from downstairs. We had 2 fans on, the TV, and I am sure the phone was ringing, but we heard it nonetheless. He stopped pee-ing, and if he were an adult with a 6-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his gullet we would have heard an, "AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!" But instead we heard a loud THUMP! followed by eerie silence. I looked at Wifey and she in turn looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders and she in turn shrugged her shoulders at me.

I went to the foot of the stairs and called up to Little Man, "Hey, Little Man? Everything all right?" More unsettling silence. "Whatcha doing up there?"

Pregnant pause... "Nothing" he said sheepishly.

Oh, it begins....

To recap:
I remember quite vividly some of the things...
***New Little Man animal persona alert!***
This just in, Little Man is now a Tomcat named, "Whitey"
Yep, "Whitey"
Laughter abounded when he told us his name
He was quite confused
***We now take you back to your regularly scheduled recap***
... I did as a kid when I said, "Nothing"
The USMNT has won its last 2, but they have not done so in resounding fashion
They need to come down on El Salvador like a hammer or many a fan will be unhappy
20 Questions should be a good one tomorrow
The topic is "Questions You Have Always Wanted to Ask"
Still blocked from posting at work
I really don't see it changing much
There are wose things in life

Car Straw

So on the way to G-Ma D and G-Pa R’s today Little Man looked out the windshield and stated, “The straw on the car is used to bring the radio in.”

Ah, the world as seen through the eyes of someone with a limited vocabulary.

Anyway, the blog “reading” ban has been lifted, but my abilities to post and comment are still compromised (or sporadic at best). Many of the pictures that people embed within their posts are not visible for me. Basically, I am only partially connected to the blogosphere, so I am still posting from the homestead tonight. I will see how the commenting/posting thing works for tomorrow.

On some of work related blogs that I go to, I am not able to see the dreadfully dull conversation that ensues after the post, nor can I participate with my droll comments. Such witticisms as, “WTF, you can’t do a choropleth map using a standard deviation classification system when you are using ordinal data! Sweet Jebus on a stick! Do you work for USA Today or something?” Can you feel the burn? Yeah I brought it on that one. Oh, those blogs fear the sting of the mighty SRH.

One time I had this guy near tears because he wanted to use graduated symbols on nominal data. I was like, get to the back of the class, Poindexter
And he was all, but all I did was ask a simple question.
And I was like, well, duh.
And he was all, why do you have to be soo mean
And I was like, because stupid people need to know their limitations. So STFU, n00b! kthxby
I got a few virtual high fives for that one because I pwned him so bad.*

To recap:
The antennae on my cup is used to emit the drink in my mouth
Speaking of drinks in my mouth, I am a bit parched at the moment
I will have a real post tomorrow
Today, I just have too much to do
Yes, tomorrow’s will be another letter
You may suggest letters in comments
Do not chose any of the letters I have already done:
A, C, D, F, K, L, N, P, R, T, and W
Also please do not chose B, H, or Y
They have been saved for the end
So I guess you can fight over me doing one of the letters in this group:
E, I, J, M, O, Q, U, V, X, and Z
Boy, I am bossy

*all stories associated with comments on GIS/Cartography blogs are purely fictitious and never happened anywhere but in SRH’s weak little head. Nothing that exciting ever gets posted in the comments sections of mapping/GIS/Spatial Data forums or blogs. The most exciting thing is when someone finds another place to download more free data. Oooooooh exciting!

I love it when they call me Big Papa

Before Little Man was born there were some decisions that we had to make as a couple and as individuals. These were not earth-shattering, life-altering, monumental decisions, but ones that had to be made nonetheless. These decisions were not things like will we let him play with toy guns or will we instill the usage of “Mam” and “Sir.” Those decisions can be taught later when the child is a little older and able to “get” the concepts better.

One such decision was what Little Man was going to call me. With my cultural and ethnic knowledge there were only a few to choose from for this momentous moniker. There is, to my knowledge, Dad, Daddy, Father, or Papa. Dad didn’t work for me. This seemed a bit too old for a young child to use when referring to me. Daddy felt too common. I am nothing if not un-common. Father would have worked if I were Darth Vader or this were the 1800’s, but otherwise it is too formal and stilted.

The lovely Wifey decided that she wanted to go by Mama and not Mommy or Mother, so I went with Papa, the typical paring with Mama. But I did not choose “Papa” just because it went well with “Mama.” I chose Papa because it has a more intimate feeling to it. I chose Papa because I wanted to hear a little voice calling me Papa. To me Papas are supposed to be fun and silly men with deep resonate voices, men who smile often and laugh easily. They love their little ones and like to scoop them up in their outstretched arms. They let contented babies sleep on their chest, and smile warmly when their 2 year old wants their sandwich. So I chose Papa.

There is another side to Papa that I hadn’t really considered until after Little Man came into our life. There is also Papa Bear. Papa Bear does not come out much but when he does he is swift, firm, and sometimes brutal. Wifey saw Papa Bear once when a boy threw a ball at Little Man’s head in the young kids’ area of COSI (Kid's museum type place in Columbus). Papa Bear has also had to intercede on his boy’s behalf at a playground’s sand box due to the limited amount of shovels and buckets present. There have been at most a handful of appearances for Papa Bear. All of them have been swift, all of them decisive, and all of them have been rather effective

Turns out that Papa Bear also wants to protect Wifey too. Wifey was dealt with dismissively by someone she is supposed to work with, and Papa Bear is not happy. No Papa Bear is not happy at all. No one laughs dismissively at Wifey without Papa Bear emerging. Unfortunately Papa Bear is powerless in this position and therefore Papa Bear must merely post about his frustration.

Papa Bear could also be blowing things out of proportion (actually I am sure of this since Wifey is not still spitting mad) because he is rather biased and protective where Wifey and Little Man are concerned.

To recap:
My left calf feels like tenderized meat today
The second day after exercising is always the worst
Yesterday was Little Man’s last day of pre-school
That makes me sad
He really liked it a whole bunch
Sometimes I sit and think
Sometimes I just sit
No really
I do not have enough work shirts for the upcoming summertime
People make fun of me for my collection of history of math books
There are soooo many better reasons to make fun
Math history books are too easy
Work for it people
Papa Bear also likes to talk about himself in third person
I have decided that instead of having a balanced diet, I will instead take supplements
Fish oil, magnesium, B-complex, multi-vitamin, glucosamine…
I am not sure what is for dinner tonight, but I hope it is not in tablet form like the rest of my nutrients


I am not sure where it came from, but the house has an infestation of sorts. Sadly, there is no exterminator who can take care of this guest, it will have to resolve itself on its own. The new houseguest is a “persona” that my ever more fracturing child has assumed. Little Man’s new favorite alternate personal is Dale the Mouse. Take that Fluffy the Big Fat Yellow Kitty (Thing the Third)! Not only has Little Man chosen a new favored persona, he has also chosen one that is younger and not fat. That has to hurt. Yes, it looks like Little Man might be the 3.75 year old version of Donald Trump (without the toupee and, sadly, without the income). If he continues to trade down on age and size his next persona should be Felix the Mole, or Brandon the Grasshopper. Eventually, when he is 13 his persona might be Chet the Amoeba.

Dale’s best friend is the plastic owl Franklin, forever altering the predator/prey relationship between owl and mouse that I learned about watching Marlon Perkins on Wild Kingdom. Sure, sure he has added some things to the mix. Dale is an imaginary persona that manifests itself when there is Soya Kaas mozerella style soy-cheese around (couldn't find a link, or I would have linked. I am not lazy, just unresourceful). That might alter the whole “prey” characteristics. Oh, and Franklin is a plastic owl, so the predator is not quite biologically motivated as well.

Dale has taken to want Franklin the Owl to play with him and watch him do stuff. Franklin seems to take great delight in being pushed down a slide only to have his momentum arrested by an ill-tended flower bed. He also seems to like being kicked while sitting at the end of the slide that Little Man… err… Dale is planning to slide down. Dale also wants the owl to be present whilst he poops and, more disturbingly, he wants Franklin to watch him sleep. Since we are a co-sleeping family, it can be a bit eerie to wake up and see the unblinking plastic eyes of Franklin staring at you… judging you… telling you to pick up the kni… where was I? Oh yes, the redefinition of predator/prey relationship that one would think existed between a plastic owl and a cheese eating 3.75 year old boy’s persona.

It is a bit bizarre to see a little boy running around in the back yard squeaking like a mouse while carrying a plastic owl that is the size of his torso… a little bizarre indeed. Well it doesn’t truly bizarre until the owl flies down the slide to the insane cackling of the little boy.

To recap:
French Vanilla is not all that it is cracked up to be
Who likes Celtic Lions?

I do, that's who
The Celts did crazy things with tongues and tails
At least in their art
I cannot say from a personal standpoint
Orapred, you are on my shit list.
You aren't # 1 on it.
That belongs to Little Man's Asthma.
And actually #2 on the list is his food allergies.
But you're up there. Beware.
(And thanks for keeping us out of the hospital)