For the last hour I have been watching a progress bar indicate how far along my data transfer from the Cincinnati server to the Columbus server is going. I still have 30 minutes of transfer to go. Our IT department absolutely loves it when I clog up the bandwidth like this. I am one of their favorite people. They love me.

On to the meat of today’s post. Data transfer was only the aperitif, don’t you all feel insanely lucky now? The main course is much more, shall we say, robust?

Today was the first real snow of the season, and, in Ohio, this means that no one is capable of rudimentary driving skills. In Columbus, it usually takes a good 3 or 4 days of snowy driving before people remember how to drive. On the way into work today I saw 2 bumps and countless hazard lights. These types of incidents will fall out of fashion in the next few days when everyone gets their “snow legs” under them.

All the crappy driving I saw today reminded me of all my car woes. So here is the run down.

Car incident 1: Year 1994, Car – 1988 white Mazda 929. Story: Capt McArmypants when he was merely “G-Money” and I were heading down to Auburn University from B’ham. Whilst on our way on venerable US 280, a turkey decided to commit suicide on my car’s windshield. I did not lose control of the vehicle.

Car incident 2: Year 1995, Car – same as above. Story: On my way home to B’ham from Kent, Ohio from meeting up with some friends from KSU, I have a rear tire blow out on a rear wheel drive car and slammed into a guard rail twice on I-65 outside of Louisville, KY (pronounced Llllll-vlllll). Totaled the vehicle.

Car incident 3: Year 1995, Car – Brown 1989 Mazda 929. Story: On my way home from purchasing the vehicle from the previous owner, I hear a KA-chunk and the car goes absolutely dead. The timing belt broke. Previous owner agreed to put a new engine in the car.

Car incident 4: Year 1996, Car – same as above. Story: On my way to work at the local Norictrack Store on July 4th , I lose control of the car at the mall parking lot entrance. I total the car while driving less than 15 miles per hour by hitting a tree (that had been hit 3 times already that week) with one of the “crumple zones” of the car. I totaled the car without spilling my 34 oz cup of Mt. Dew. I still get the business from Capt. McArmypants on this one, even though his brother nearly recreated the same incident about 5 years ago.

Car incident 5: Year 1997, Car - Blue 1989 Isuzu Trooper. Story: On my way home from somewhere, I stopped for a pee break at the Tennessee Welcome center on I-65. I came back to my Trooper to find smoke coming out of the engine compartment. Yep, I had an engine fire. I put it out with my last 24oz Mt. Dew bottle. The car was never the same and less than a year later, it was done.

Car incident 6: Year 2002, Car – Red 1990 Toyota Camry. Story: On my way to an appointment, I turned left in front of a guy I just did not see. He was speeding around a curve, I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have, and WHAMMM! My car totaled. His car totaled and I get cited for “Failure to Yeild Right-of-Way.”

Those are the 6 car incidents of my past. So in 16 years of drving I have been dealt with 6 significant car debacles.

To Recap:
I change cars like I change my underwear
Once every 2 2/3 rd years and only after a big accident
You are all kind of sad about the set up now
It was an awful long set up for that punch line now that I think about it
I have the afternoon off with my kid today
Have a great weekend!