Christmas Gifts

I have no idea what I want for Christmas. This is a problem of mine. Every year when December rolls around I come up against this wall. I have no idea what I would like for Christmas. No idea whatsoever. While it sucks for me, it is really bad for Wifey and her mom as they attempt to find gifts for me. They constantly ask me what I want, and I constantly have no idea.

I think my lack of gift ideas for myself stems back to my childhood. My parents abstained from comforts and didn’t spend much money on anything whilst I was growing up – and they passed this tendency toward self-deprivation onto their children. Well, not both of their children. My brother has been known to buy a $400 sweater, but I balk at spending more than $50 for one.

Both of my parents came from households where, while they were not poor, money was pretty tight, and so they have never allowed themselves to have anything nice. For example, the sofa that they have is one that they got as a wedding gift 41 years ago. That’s right, they haven’t replaced their couch in 41 years. “They just don’t make them like they used to,” says my miserly father. No, Dad, they don’t, no one uses stone and un-tanned animal skins now. They were incensed when they had to replace their 18 year old microwave oven. It was the size of a steamer trunk, and took forever to “cook” anything. It was the premier technology of 1981, though. And when their refrigerator finally gave up the ghost it had been in the house since before they signed the mortgage 28 years earlier.

All that is pretty sad, actually, but let’s get back to me.

I was never taught to think about getting stuff. I wear the hell out of clothes. I am still using a cell phone from 4 years ago. I have been trained not to think of new things for myself. In fact, I remember one time …

Fade out SRH at his work desk…

Fade in...*

…Young SRH is sitting at the kitchen table. The same kitchen table he has sat at for the past 12 years. His seat has a tear in the cushion, the same tear in the cushion that has been there for 9 years.
Hey, Mom? I was wondering if for Christmas, this year, you could get meTron on tape?
But, you already have that copy that the Hendersons made for you when they taped it off of HBO.
Yeah, I was kinda wondering if I could get a copy that wasn’t grainy or didn’t have sync issues with the audio.
Your video still works, you don’t need a new one.
Speaking of HBO, Mom, maybe we could get cable this year?
Cable?!? We are not paying to watch TV! But I will grow up never having watched Fraggle Rock

Fade out young SRH at his dilapitated kitchen table

Fade in SRH at his work desk**

… I just have no idea what I would like for Christmas because those thoughts have been slowly eroded out of my system by long nights on a lumpy couch with only 3 television channels. Maybe when I have been married for longer than I lived with my parents, I will finally figure out how to come up with a Christmas list.

Any ideas to share?

To Recap:
I have a terrible time coming up with Christmas gifts for myself
Maybe a Graphire 4?
How about some S H O E S?
I need 2 CD’s from A Perfect Circle?
So accessories for the Nano I got last year?
As evidenced by yesterday’s post’s comments, my blog facilitates free and open communication between couples
That makes me proud
Little Man is going to be unhappy when we put his Thomas pajamas in the laundry tonight
They are a little ripe smelling at the moment
3 nights and 1 day seems to be the limit that his poor ‘jammies can take before Wifey and I have to condemn them to the hamper
Maybe my love for Tron can be directly traced to my parents’ unwillingness to buy me a copy, it’s an “I made it” kind of feeling
No really, if you have any ideas for Christmas gifts for me, I’ll take them

*the sitcom flashback sequence is harder to do in a blog than I would have thought
** no, really!