20 Questions Tuesday: 47 - Questions You Really Wanted Answers to But Were Too Afraid/Uncomfortable to Ask

Ah the completion of the 20 Questions Tuesday called “Questions You Really Wanted Answers to But Were Too Afraid/Uncomfortable to Ask.” Last week’s was uproariously fun, this week’s should be doubly so. It should be, but I am sure it will fall short.

Thanks this week go to ACW, J.A. Coppinger, Allrileyedup, TheMikeStand, and Wifey. Again, as I did last week, I shall endeavor to answer these questions as if I were the one you meant to ask the question.

On to the questions:

1. Why does the majority agree with the boss (or authority) when you (and a few others) know that the idea presented is crap?
Because, people are, in essence, a herd animal.

2. Why am I so damned handsome?
You could have stopped at “damned.” It would have been a more realistic question.

3. Why does US Soccer blow - for that matter MLS?
The big reason that the US blows at the moment is the lack of finishing ability. The US cannot put the ball in the net. As for MLS, the level of play would get better if they raised the salary cap. Adding the designated player rule helps, but until the league minimum is more than someone could make at Applebee’s waiting tables, the overall quality of the player is not going to go up much.

4. To the “waist-enhanced” young lady with the belly-shirt that shows the extra 50 lbs you’re carting: do you OWN a mirror?
Just cause you don’t like it doesn’t mean I don’t feel sexy.

5. To the soccer mom driving the huge SUV while talking on the cell AND eating a bowl of cornflakes while doing 85 on the highway: How friggin’ late are you for work that you felt this was necessary?
Get off my road. You don’t know where I am going or what I am doing or how many things I am juggling. It is best you get out of my way.

6. To the lady in front of me at the COSTCO checkout who tried to pay with a credit card: Did you not see the dozens of four-foot signs that said “CASH ONLY” or did you just assume it didn’t really apply to YOU?
Hey, meatbag, today’s retail should be cashless. This is my passive way to let COSTCO know that they should get with the times.

7. To the white-haired granny wearing the micro-mini and the see-through tube top that barely covers your ridiculously large silicon implants: Honey, are you ever gonna just let it go?
Old men need love too, I am not advertising my wares to you, young’un. Move on.

8. Also to the granny: is the young lady from question #1 your great-granddaughter?
**author’s note: Umm… the last 5 questions were decidedly anti-female. Methinks one should look into why one is decidedly unhappy with women, ‘cause it is pretty clear that there are some un-resolved issues going on in regards to the womenfolk.**

9. To drive-thru coffee place: do I really need to tip you? Come on, dude, it's a drive-thru.
When you put it that way, no. But maybe you should tip the fast food drive through people as well.

10. To driver riding my ass: can you ease up? Why are you in such a hurry?
I will ease up when you are out of my way. I need to be over there now instead of here.

11. To certain family members: Why all the drama? Is life really that complicated?
You don’t know, you weren’t there, man! You were handed everything on a platter, and I just got to see the platter being handed to you. Mom always did like you best.

12. To Arby's: how do you make your roast beef?
Slow oven roasting and tons of salt and fat.

13. To certain family members in the midst of a divorce: are you seriously fighting over who gets 'custody' of a friggin' Snackmaster sandwich maker?
IT IS MY SNACKMASTER, GODAMMIT!!!!! I will be damned if my soon-to-be-exe gets the snackmaster.

14. When I'm at a four-way stop, and everybody's frantically waving everyone else on, and I seem to be the only one who knows whose turn it ACTUALLY is, am I supposed to go when it's my turn, or when there's actually an opportunity to go through (without running down a pedestrian) while clearly violating my conscience as it relates to traffic codes of conduct?
I suggest you always wait if you know you do not have the right-of-way. Otherwise if there is a collision, you will be liable for failure to yield.

15. Which is more important to personally concern myself with: the global implications of violence in the Middle East, or the sad state of social welfare in our own cities?
In many ways the 2 issues are inter-related. Social inequity on a local scale often mimics social inequity on a global scale. The issue is that the “have nots” are unhappy with the “haves.” I am not saying that the “Have nots” necessarily want what the others have (sometimes they do), but they at least don’t like what the others have.

16. To the parents of youngish children: How did you get pregnant with an “oops baby” when you already have a young child, know how babies are made, and know the consequences of making a baby? If you planned on having 2 kids so soon, that is one thing, but how could you get pregnant with an “oops baby?”
We had difficulty getting pregnant the first time. When it takes 3 years of unprotected sex and medication to get pregnant the first time, you think you have free reign to have all the unprotected sex you want. Turns out that your body changes after giving birth.

17. To the woman in the mall with an asymmetrical top: Doesn’t your one shoulder get colder than the other one? How do you deal with the un-eveness of skin to cloth contact?
It is fashion; I will do anything to stay in fashion. Even look like a late 1980’s crappy comic book villain.

18. To stinky cheese lovers: Ummm, even you refer to this crap as “stinky.” There is a strong relationship between the olfactory sense and taste, how can you stomach that rotten filth?
It is an acquired taste, you couldn’t possibly understand the sophistication one’s palette must live up to, to push past the stench.

19. To my young child: What is with all the “Why’s?” Sweet Mother Googly Moogly, I swear to anyone who will listen, if you ask my “why” one more time…

20. To Salvatore Ferragamo: What exactly makes your shoes worth $650… not that I wouldn’t spend it for the shoes, but I am honestly curious. Are the shoes manufactured differently? Are the materials that different from, say, a $150 pair of shoes? Would I just be buying the name?
My shoes are made from extraterrestrial moonbat skin, stardust, and a space-age polymer only able to be generated in a weightless environment. The international space station isn’t being used for research… it is my sweatshop to produce shoes. There aren’t 4 astronauts there, just 872 Malaysian 8 year olds making shoes. They have such cute tiny precise little fingers. Add all that up and you get one expensive shoe.

To recap:
I need to learn how to do this new piece of software
IT did not give me the discs with the tutorials on it
It is not going well
Lunch today was heartily unsatisfying
Stupid frozen lunches
I hope I can whip up something nice for dinner
Trying to decide on a 10th anniversary trip
Oh, the middle-class angst -
Ireland, Scotland, or Canadian Rockies?
Is storytelling the same as lying?
If so, I am quite the liar
Wood chisels are not friendly to one’s hands