20 Questions Tuesday: 59 - Cards - the Ace

Here it is 20 Questions Tuesday again and all I could come up with for a topic is Cards. I am slipping to say the least. My slipping doesn’t matter when I have such fine questioneers stepping up and providing questions for me. Enough questions, in fact that the topic will be extended to next week as well.

Anyway, thanks this week go to Belsum, Bomber, Lsig, I C Yellow, Lord Pithy,

On to the questions:

1. Do you actually read birthday cards or just look to see if there’s money inside?
A little of column A and a little of column B. It depends on who the card is from. Some people I know give the absolute worst cards (my parents). For example, I recently got a Garfield birthday card. There is not much literary merit in reading a Garfield card. Luckily there was money in the card…

2. Do you save cards if someone wrote a message inside?
I don’t unless it is a prophesy that tells of a future wherein I, a simple farm boy from an unknown hamlet, become King due to vanquishing the existing evil overlord. All kept prophecies should be in the form of literary cliché.

3. When’s the last time you touched a real deck of cards and what did you play?
Probably about 1 year ago, and I played a few different types of solitaire.

4. Christmas cards: bane of your existence or fun way to keep in touch?
I find them more of a “I’m still alive” notice than a way to keep in touch. I think they are a nice thing because they let people know that even if you have not talked to them, you occasionally think about them.

5. Are you a card-carrying member of anything?
The Columbus Zoo, COSI, and My dental PPO

6. Fill in the blanks: It's just NOT in the cards for SRH to... It is IN the cards for SRH to...
a. …fly a Chinese Jet Fighter.
b. …start doing some freelance graphic design. Any takers? Anyone…?

7. What is your favorite card game?
On the PC, I would say Spider Solitaire. In the real world… umm… do constructible/collectible/pocket model card games count?

8. Can you imagine playing Spider Solitaire with actual cards? Would there be a point?
That thought keeps me awake at night. The tedium necessary to set up the game would not be worth the reward. Not to mention the lack of “ctrl+z” ability.

9. Christmas cards: nice tradition or bothersome chore?
A little of column A and a little of column B. Wifey always wants the cards to be better than the previous year’s cards, but she doesn’t have to make the cards.

10. What is the job title on your business cards (assuming you have them)?
Senior Cartographer / GIS Coordinator

That being said, I would kill someone and eat their spleen if I could get the title Señor Cartographer! Especially if there was an acoustic guitar flourish every time someone (even me) said my title.

Fun fact: Not only would I get the title, Señor Cartographer, I would also steal their soul.

11. Do you care enough to send the very best?
That all depends on the “to whom.”

12. Where can I buy me some "porno" cards for bowling?
I didn’t realize one could use “porno” cards to bowl. I always thought that bowling was done with a an orb manufactured from proactive urethane.

13. Alice in Wonderland: a mathematical parable by a literary genius, or a drug-induced dream by a person of questionable intentions toward children?
Honestly, Lewis Carroll was a literary genius. There are theories that point towards pedophilia. So in answer to your question, I would say that the 2 are not mutually exclusive categories and he most likely was both.

14. If your life were to be presented in a Hallmark Hall of Fame teleplay, who would play you, and what event in your life would be the subject of this touching dramatization?
The indelible Robby Benson (as stated by Wifey, her words not mine) and the movie would be about my overcoming my hatred for elliptical trainers.

15. In elementary school, which cartoon character Valentine's Day cards set did you buy?
Garfield. Hey, I had no taste as a kid.

16. If you've ever found yourself standing in the card aisle in the store, giggling, what do you think people think about you? (You may treat this as two unrelated questions, if you like.)
No, and for part 2… “What a handsome devil.”

17. Don't you hate people who fill a greeting card envelope with that crappy plastic confetti so that if spills all over the place when you open it?
Yes, yes I hate them. I hate them like no one has every hated anyone before. The hatred of the confetti card bastards knows no limits. It is a hatred that burns like cold fire. It is an all consuming loathing that keeps me awake at night screaming silently to the heavens about the injustice of the confetti’s mere existence. There is a special place in Hell where people who put that confetti in cards will remain for eternity… ummm… let’s go on to the next question shall we?

18. Why do some people insist on using the type of cards they do for their bowling?
I have been caught completely unawares of how many people actually use cards to bowl. I really thought it was done with a 8 to 16 pound bowling ball all this time. Now it turns out that bowling is done with a deck of 52 playing cards of questionable subject matter.

19. Give a short history on the use of yellow/red cards in soccer
Well, there is not much to tell. The yellow/red card phenomenon is not constrained just to soccer. It seems to hearken back a loooooong ways. Beyond my paltry abilities to find a suitable explanation from the Internet.

20. How did the spade receive its sinister reputation?
I was not aware that the spade had a sinister reputation. If anything should have the sinister reputation it should be the club… the club of baby seal fame!

To recap:
The parents are still coming to town on Friday
One of the projects I am working on seems to be blowing up quite explosively
Yeah, me!
The voting is still going for the Thursday Thang
Vote. It is you inalienable right!
You know what is sad?
The fact that :-) is older than some of my co-workers
That’s sad
I personally find the “-“ in “:-)” to be overkill
That is sad as well
Probably more sad when you think about it
So don’t think about it