20 Questions Tuesday: 124 - Interview with Capt McArmypants

In accordance with the idea that I should attempt something new this year with the blog, I have decided to turn 20 Questions Tuesday on its ear from time to time and become the questioner and ask one of my loyal (not you fickle bastards who come and go as you please) readers/questioneers 20 Questions loosely surrounding a topic of my choosing.

This week Capt McArmypants has received the dubious inaugural honor of being asked some stupid questions. And for him I have chosen the topic of memories.

A little background to my association with the mediocre captain. He and I have known of each other since kindergarten. It was there that my allergy to chocolate allowed me to have orange cream-sicles (sp?) instead of crappy chocolate ice cream. that is where he started to hate me. It was not until 7th grade that I got back in his good graces. Since then we have been best friends. He is more family now than friend. He is Little Man's uncle and should have been the best man at my wedding, but that is a story for another day.

On to the questions:

1. In the Broadway musical Cats there is a song called “Memory” but only one verse of the song is actually about Memory. What’s up with that?
I have observed that people only pay attention to the first part of any communication. People are lazy, but their minds are even lazier. I mean why learn the content when ... and since no one is still reading. I just wanted to say that I never cared for The Godfather or anything written by Tolstoy. Citizen Kane is over-hyped and similarly Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance must have a different versions, because the version I read SUCKED!! Furthermore, I would like it noted that the Oscars have been absolute nonsensical crap since the early 60's and that people still watch them gives me little hope for the future. Finally for the record, I think people who revere Che Guevara and/or wear T-shirts with his visage on them (NOT to be ironic) are uninformed morons!!!! Also, sometimes I cry because I had a dog named Chewy once and she had one ear that pointed straight up like a fennec fox and one ear that flapped over like a hound dog. She was adorable, she died about a decade ago and I miss her....whew well it certainly is good to get that off my chest. Also. SRH I have never forgiven you for recommending that I see Red Scorpion.

2. Ummmm.... That was odd. Really? You have never forgiven me for recommending "Red Scorpion?" It has Dolph Lundgren in it as well as some fat character actor... what is not to love? PS. Shorter answers please. The 5 people who read my blog don't want stream of consciousness novellas.
O.K. in all fairness it does have Dolph Lundgren in it. How can you not respect a guy who can say "He's not human. He's like a piece of iron." and not crack up. Of course I never saw the outtakes on Rocky IV, but even if he did it once, I have to give him the mad props.

3. Since this is supposed to be about memories, what is your favorite memory of food?
Er... I forget. No wait!!! Red Onions.

4. Why Red Onions? is that a veiled jab at "Red Scorpion" again? I was 15! Gimme a break!
Do you mean why scientifically? or why Personally? Furthermore, the fact that I can remember with such ....uh... intensity your recommendation of Red Scorpion 20 years ago is a testament to the effectiveness of Red Onions.

5. I mean "why personally" do you consider Red Onions your favorite food memory? I will choose to ignore your slams on Red Scorpion.
Mainly because you can't sauté Blackberries. believe me I have tried. Also, red onions have an added antihistamine effect so it clears AND de-oxidizes......mmm anti-oxidizing.

6. Aren't anti-oxidants supposed to be good for memory? Did you like how I brought it back on topic? I am a master interviewer!
Yes. I subscribe to the theory that anti-oxidant content is what makes it a "brain food" My favorite 2 high in anti-oxident content foods are black berries and red onions. However, I gave 1st place to Red Onions because of the sautéability and the antihistamine effect that seems to make me a little sharper short term. and you are a master interviewer! I however am a terrible interviewee. Unless you change your stance on the whole stream of consciousness novella then I am the best interviewee ever!!! Did I mention my contempt for Che Guevara T-shirts?

7. Why do you hate the Che T-shirt so much? Please answer this question in the form of a memory (true or otherwise)
Ahh yes I REMEMBER the day. I am a slow man (often out of the loop on Pop Culture) , I had seen the face for years, but in Spring 2001 I saw a fellow law student wearing a I...Che T-shirt, but this one actually said "Che" on it. That was the first time I realized that the Goatee Face guy on all those T-shirts was supposed to represent Che Guevara (yes swift as eagles I am). I thought to myself. Che was a brutal fascist of the highest order. He sent hit squads out to kill people who deserted his cause. This guy was Robspierre on crack. I mean hello CASTRO thought he was too radical!!!! Then I thought does the wearer of this T-shirt support pogroms and the murder of people with differing ideologies? So I asked him. Turns out he was just a moron (which I assure you is very uncommon in my profession). Anyway, I don't hate the T-shirt. It just annoys me as it is a reminder that people are lazier, but their minds are even lazier. ....ahem. How does Dr. Phil have a TV show!! ....Did you know that Stalin was just voted 3rd most popular leaders of Russia ever?

8. What is the first thing you remember when you wake up?
Sadly, the first thing that pops into my head is the page number of the last page I read before I went to sleep. This is followed with some bits of the dream from the night before. Then I remember I am not a child and I have a job and HAVE to get up. It all takes about 10 seconds

9. So what was the last page you read and of what did you read?
Page 88, Some book on alternate house building (Alternatives like: using solar or making a house from Adobe.) So far all I have learned is that we have a pretty good thing going with our traditional model.

10. Speaking of houses… what is the oddest memory of your childhood home?
hmm at the bottom of the steps there was a knot in the wood panelling that looked kinda like a profile of Elvis.

11. Is that your favorite memory of Elvis?
I REMEMBER I saw this one Elvis movie about 25 years ago where he plays a Carnie and these two "toughs" give him a hard time about driving a Japanese motorcyle and then there is a fight and he beats them up using SIMPLY AWEFUL!!!! karate chops (like they detracted from his acting ability type bad). Anyway, then he is asked where he learned that stuff and he says something like. "It comes with the bike." Everynow and then it just pops into my head and I chuckle a little.......

12. What is your favorite mnemonic device? Pneumatic device?
My favorite is my first. I read something in the library that was a mnemonic device for the metric system in 4th grade and slowly I forgot all the words and replaced them ad hoc to make this bizarre nonsensical mnemonic.

Karen Had Dyed My Dress Creme Maroon.

To forestall your next question. I have no idea, but I think Karen is from the original mnemonic.

My favorite Pneumatic device is of course the Bolt Gun. Just because I often wonder how something like that gets invented. I imagine the "Chocolate/Peanut Butter" scenarios are surreal.

13. Anything especially memorable for you in the past 4 years? And damn you for taking my follow up question away. Damn you to hell.
If I take your question correctly, I spent a year in Afghanistan. I don't imagine I will forget that anytime soon. Mainly because if I missed anything on one day, I had a day exactly like it to catch up. Followed by another day just like that....and so on.

14. So, for you, monotony is memorable?
Tragically for me, EVERYTHING is memorable. I have been working on that, but right now I can still tell you a little too much about the 3 people who got off the Metro with me this morning.

15. What is your favorite memory of me?
Skipping the sappy and/or profound, my absolute favorite memory would be you sweeping a large amount of spilled cat litter into the A/C vent in your old apartment. It was the done with such contented apathy and economy of motion. Truly a thing of beauty. Like a Mentos commercial only slower in pace.

16. Favorite memory from college?
One of my favorite memories for college would be when I filled out a scantron for a final exam without reading the questions to prove that the teacher had taught us nothing, that the class was useless and that none of it really mattered. I turned in the test in the first 10 minutes of a 3 hour exam. It is not a favorite memory because I made an A in the class, or because I think I demonstrated what nonsense this class was, or because only 3 people in the class made a higher score than me, or because when I stood up as started walking towards the Prof there was an actual gasp from several other students (You would have thought I was heading out to face Liberty Valance.) but because I can look back on that day and be both amused by my behavior AND simultaneously want to go back in time and bitchslap some sense into me. .....mmmm bitter sweet.

17. I would have gone with the “Benzene? Great, just what we need more Benzene!” comment during your internship interview, but I was unaware of your 10 minute final story so it would not have been all that informed of a decision. Favorite memory from High School?
Other than the general simultaneous ease and fullness of life, if you want a specific memory, then a personal favorite would be that time we walked out of Pizza Hut and the line getting out of the parking lot was not moving so I just drove over the concrete barrier in the Chevette. I mean was that car powered by stupidity or what?!

18. In your esteemed and informed opinion, does stupidity affect memory?
Esteemed and informed...quite. Yes it does. I have always seen stupidity as not using the brain power you were given. When you get lazy in your thoughts, you are far more likely just to accept someone else's recollection or conclusions.

19. Do you use multiple log-in names and individual passwords on your various computer/internet log ins or do you use the same one as much as possible only altering if they make you so you don’t fill your memory with password gibberish?
I use a combo of both I alter only when forced for commercial and personal stuff and gibber away for Government. The Government uses long passwords with multiple symbols and case changes required. I have them all memorized with various "pneumatic" devices. My minds is filled with password gibberish. This is not the norm sadly. I could probably walk through the building at 5:01collecting post-its on monitors and have about 20 passwords tonight. You would think someone would try and fix that. In fact, the last 10 audits (All publicly available) (Did I mention people are stupid?....hmmm I thought I did.) have said our Fed and State systems are inadequate for any serious cyber attack, but until some attacking foreign power brings it all down around us I guess we will ignore the problem and claim ignorance later. (GOD I hope it is a foreign power and not a bunch of bored middle school students. That is going to be sooo embarrassing.)

20. Anything emblazoned on your memory from this interview?
I was surprised how hard it was to come up with stuff from High school. Actually accessing that stuff was harder than I would have thought.

To recap:
Hope you enjoyed the interview
Hey, ladies, Capt McArmypants is single…
And clearly crazy…
So avoid him if you can
We will be back to our regularly scheduled 20 Questions Tuesday format next week
Q is having some difficulty with jet-lag
Therefore Wifey and SRH are having difficulty with jet-lag
Clearly, SRH is also having difficulty with first person pronouns
Yes, yes he is
I took the trash out today
It was smelly
Hopefully it will make the house less smelly
Not listening to anything but the commercial jingles in my head