20 Questions Tuesday: 189 - Pirates



There is a constant conversation that seems to be going on in the circles that I… um… circle in concerning the topic of digital piracy, but let’s be honest.  Digital piracy is a boring topic concerning an antiquated non-global copyrighting system.  Therefore it is incumbent that I, as a blogger, remove the “digital” tag and open the topic to all forms of piracy.
Thanks this week go to Ralph, Lord Pithy, Lsig, and Steev.  Awesome questions folks!  Onto the questions:
1.  What is the “real” difference between piracy and letting someone borrow the DVD?

 The “real” difference is the number of potential simultaneous instances of usage.  When one borrows a DVD, the lender is incapable of watching whilst it is lent, whereas when an illegal copy can be viewed by multiple people simultaneously.

 2.  Would piracy be a problem at all if the cost of a movie/album wasn’t inflated by ridiculous promotional costs?

 Piracy becomes less of a problem when obtaining a legal copy becomes easier and relatively cheaper than pirating the material.

3.  Isn’t it better for piracy to exist for those starting out, as they might reach more fans and become more of a commodity?

It is better for people just starting out to make their material as available as possible. That being said, when pirates say, “You should thank me for giving you exposure.” They are just stealing and then attempting to not feel guilty about it.

4.  How can it be stopped at all if the hackers are better at uploading it and copying it and the nations most involved don’t care or even encourage it?

Digital piracy will never truly be stopped.  It can only be mitigated.  The best method of mitigation is to make the media easy to consume and relatively inexpensive.

5.  What do you think the most pirated works typically are?

US produced media in foreign countries.

6.  What is your Pirate name?

Bad Rum Piggy

7.  Complete the following sentence: “I be the Pirate _______, and this be _____, me ________.”

“I be the pirate navigator, and this be Cheryl, me sextant.”

8.  Honestly, isn’t this the greatest movie ever!?

You have seen movies before, right?  No.  This is no where near the best.

9.  What would you name your pirate ship?

Air Force One

10.  If you could plunder the halls of knowledge and claim one idea as your own, what would it be?

Bread, and I would copyright that shit, so everyone who makes bread would either pay me a licensing fee or eat pirated bread. mmmm pirated bread….

11.  Why do North American and European civilians persist in sailing in waters controlled by Somali pirates?

They own a boat which seems to denote a certain amount of privilege.  Sometimes privilege = dumb.  I define “sometimes” as “often.”

12.  What do you think accounts for the prevalence of software piracy from China? Is it a difference in societal perceptions of property? A sheer numbers game? Or is it just a stereotype that the Chinese will rip and backward engineer anything?

I think some of the Chinese pirating is due to non-distribution in China of US media. Some of it is a sheer numbers game and some of it was stereotyping.  

13.  Disney channel now has a show called “Jake and the Neverland Pirates” in which the cute little pirate kids are the good guys. Do you find this as morally questionable as I do? (the show isn’t terrible, as far as these things go).

Those pirates can count… The biggest issue I have with that show is the pirate on pirate violence.  I mean if pirates can’t get along, how can we expect our kids to get along.

14.  Where do pirates get their remarkably elaborate coats and hats? Is there a Pirates R Us store in the Barbary Coast or something? (sub-question - aren’t elaborate coats and plumed hats remarkably impractical shipboard attire?)

Pirates are not all dressed up like dandies.  It is primarily the officers on the pirate ships that are super dandies.  Pirate officers are all fashionistas… the crew… much more like Abercrombie and Fitch models… wait a a second… the whole Barbary Coast pirate scene all makes sense now…

15.  Define “Arrrrgh”.

It is an interjection that means “yes, I agree with your sentiment.  Well said.”

16.  “The Pirates Of Penzance” - Were Gilbert and Sullivan pirates of a different sort (wink wink nudge nudge)?

That is a possibility.  However, it is important to remember that in the late 1800’s, there was not tons of show business going on.  So, it would be akin to just making the assumption that everyone in TV is a different sort of pirate (wink wink nudge nudge).

17.  Ice Pirates starred Anjelica Huston, Ron Perlman, Bruce Vilanch and John Carradine, which one really shouldn’t be on any list of actors?

You forgot Robert Urich in that list, but Bruce Vilanch is definitely the one that doesn’t belong on the list of actors.  Bruce Vilanch should never be on camera, even for interviews about the other productions on which he wrote.

18.  If you were a pirate, what would your nickname be?

If we are talking about one of the wink wink nudge nudge pirates, I have it on good authority that it would be Scotia, or Rhine-Stone.  

19.  Did Captain Hook get his name from his prosthetic or his abilities on the basketball court?

Well captains with only one leg were not called Captain Peg-Leg (a la Captain Ahab), so I can only imagine Captain Hook gets his name from his Kareem-esque hook shot.

20.  Do you know any good pirate jokes?

Good ones? Do I have any good jokes?  Nope.  Nada.  Nunka.  You’ve read this thing before, right?

To recap:
Everyone please, don’t become pirates
Regardless of how much you want to see Avatar
No reason to pirate that movie
Especially if you want to see that M Night Shyamalan “Last Airbender” travesty
How could they mess up that cartoon so badly?
They could have just strung together 4 episodes of the cartoon and it would have been better
I work with the angriest man in the world
Seriously, his bile could eat through metal with his unbridled anger
Bilious anger, bilious vehement anger
It is like the fire of a thousand suns
The fire of a thousand suns going super-nova
We had the Skillet Meaty Lasagna from the Cooks Illustrated: the Best Skillet Recipes
Man, I need to get more sleep
Have a great weekend everyone