So, yesterday the royal couple had their royal wee one. At the time of this writing, it seems that the little royal is a nameless wee boy with the fate of a realm hinging on his ruling prowess…. well… after the 3 people ahead of him no longer exist or abdicate. Until he is named, I will consider the little royal to be Prince Nobody of Nothingham
…. so this week’s post is about Royalty/Monarchs…
1. Dolly Parton told us love is like a butterfly (vague monarch reference); John Denver suggested love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm; and Bette Midler sang that love is a river that drowns the tender reed. What is love for you?
None of that crap, that is for damn sure. Love is also not those crappy “Love is…” Sunday comic strips. Those are horrible. Love to me is being able to sleep in…. maybe I don’t understand the question…. I am just so tired.
2. How many people would have to die before you could inherit the throne?
Depends on if I killed the current ruler in a spectacular enough fashion. Mmmmmpig the Usurper… I like the ring of that one….
3. If you could re-order the cosmos, what color would replace purple as the color of royalty?
4. What name would you take if you were elevated to the position of Pope?
Pope Jocular I.
5. Beneficent ruler or tyrannical despot?
For those I favor, the former… for those whom I do not favor, definitely, the later. Let’s just say you should get on my good side before shit goes down.
6. I used to think England was silly for still having a royal family until we Americans made the Kardashians our royal family, are beheadings still en vogue?
Beheadings should be en vogue… but they’re never gonna get it… what you say? no, you’re never gonna get it… where was I? Oh, yeah, the beheadings should be for the “entertainment’ execs who green light mindless drivel.
7. Is it good to be the King?
Hail to the king, baby.
8. Whatever happend to the royal jester?
There are 2 solid ones in the US right now. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are clearly unmitigated truth talkers.
9. Do kings have a disproportionate number of poor dopplegangers? it seems so.
I will take your definition of “king” to be Elvis… and you are correct. There are a metric fuck-tonne of Elvis impersonators, which means there is an inordinate amount of poor dopplegangers.
10. How come John Wayne only made it to Duke? I think he would have made a good King.
Well… he ain’t the King, and the Prince seems to be a bit, well…. unmanly.
11. What would currently the closest thing to royalty be in the US? I know int he past, people said the Kennedy’s, but they are old hat.
Jay Z and Beyonce… but this status is ephemeral… It could be a new couple next week.
12. Any royalty in your family lineage? The better halfs?
Their are rumors of it… something about Charlemagne… but that is more likely apocryphal than anything else… plus, if you trace any family back long enough they can get to some kind of royalty…
13. Do you think the staff at Buckingham Palace make the joke about “Royal Flushes” when the monarchy goes to the can?
Most likely, I know I would.
14. The Monarch butterfly is pretty common. Why did that butterfly get the royal name?
Well, they worked the serf butterfly into non-existence.
15. Looking through the pics/paintings of former British royals, they were a pretty dumpy set of folk. The current royal birthgiver Kate is pretty hot, what’s the chances that the future monarch won’t be butt/Victoria ugly?
QE2 in her prime was not ugly per se, and “ugly” is often mitigated by ungodly wealthy.
16. What’s the entymolgy of a “royal pain in the ass”? Whataya mean you’d have to look it up? You’re supposed to know these things. DANCE MONKEY DANCE!
“Royal Pain in the Ass” comes from the Olde Englishe phrase “En Whet timne oft commes one David Na’Dolnee, He isse quite one paine in thine ass.” —editor’s note, Dave Nadolny would have fared better in this answer had he allowed the respondent to “Google dat shit.”
17. Has Harry proven that it is better not to be the king?
Nope, Harry has proven that even royals can be mediocre.
18. Why didn’t any of the Brits go after Princess Grace’s kids?
I am not sure they are in good favour with the royals in question. That is simply something I do not know, and not only do I not know it, I actively not know it enough to not even bother looking
19. How do we know that a monarch butterfly tastes bad?
Well… it is a butterfly… misnomer to be sure. They don’t taste like butter at all.
20. Do the face cards in a traditional 52 card deck really represent fictional and mythical royalty?
Snopes, bitches —Editor’s note: Dave, see what happens when you let the respondent “Google dat shit?” You get truth, yo!
Single parenting this week
Whilst single parenting, the Mother-in-law is helping out tons
She is the only reason I have not left these kids to fend for themselves while I weep silently in the tree house out back taking refuge with a family of squirrels who have the weakest looking tails I have ever seen
Seriously, I don’t know how these squirrels survive the winter
With their thin ratty gnarly tails
Amazing that they make it through the crisp fall evenings with their wussy little skinny tails
So Chip and Dale from the Rescue Rangers are dressed as Indiana Jones and Magnum PI
Tom Selleck was slated to be Indy and was Magnum PI
Does that mean that Monterey Jack is Selleck’s Character Patrick O’Malley from “High Road to China?”
I unequivocally and wholeheartedly say, “Yes”
Some deep pulls in the Recap this week
You can thank me later
My oldest goes into double digits this week
He has been around for a decade
Man, I am getting old
Have a great weekend, everyone