Smelly Headed Kids

The little one has passed from being a baby and even kind of passed the toddler stage. He is now, officially, a little boy. “Why,” you may ask, “do you now consider the little one to be a little boy and not a baby or a toddler?” Well, the answer is quite simple: at the end of the day, on top of other odors, he has a smelly head.

Babies do not have smelly heads because they do not get active enough to cause odor. Sure, they play and have fun and are wonderful to be around, but unless they just accomplished an alimentary canal event, they really do not stink. In fact, breast fed newborns’ poops don’t even stink that badly. Babies smell like angels, they are wonderfully soft-skinned cooing bundles of warmth. Sure babies do have downsides, but all in all they are just a wonder to behold.

Toddlers are trying out new things. Their skin is a bit tougher. They have seen the sun (toughens skin) and they are more mobile now (toughens skin due to the falling and the crawling and the bumping in to things). They really only stink when they have been playing in something stinky (mulch anyone?) or have just had an alimentary canal event. Due to an alimentary canal event, they can stink, but usually, a simple change of diaper will nullify the offending odor.

He always runs everywhere. Walking just does not get him to where he needs to be fast enough. He constantly wants to be outside in the heat and sun. He is quite the rough and tumble little man… always on the move. He is in constant motion the only time during the day that he is not running somewhere is after we have conked him on the head with something heavy so he will “take a nap.” (Just kidding, he does not need us to conk him on the head. We just want to conk him on the head occasionally. He is angelic looking when he sleeps though…) With the constant motion, now my little boy’s head smells like a sweaty gym sock by the end of the day. The odor just wafts up into your nostrils when he comes and gives you a hug. He is a very affectionate boy, so the sweaty sock smell is nearly ever present from about 5 pm until bath time. The head is not the only smelly thing on this little one’s body. His little boy breath is starting to ripen as well. We will definitely have to get him to actually brush his teeth instead of just eating the toothpaste. In addition, his feet are also starting to get quite malodorous as well. One might even say that he has stinky cheese feet. To clarify, the sandals that he wears reek to high heaven and back and his feet smell like bad parmesan cheese. The most odiferous malfeasance produced by my angelic little boy emanates from his nether regions. Let’s just say that the little man likes broccoli and cabbage, and that he no longer farts and poops potpourri like he used to.

Now, I do not want all of you out there in Bloggerville to think that I do not love the little one, and that all we are getting from him is some bad odors. These are just indicators that he is no longer a baby or a toddler. We a toddler starts to stink like a regular human stinks, they have transitioned into actual childhood. He is no longer protected from generating normal human odors by his lack of typical activities. He is now a full-fledged stinker. If I were a pediatrician, I would actually use this as a threshold for childhood.

“Doc, when do we consider our angelic baby to be a little boy?”
“Well, good parents, your child is considered a little boy when he constantly stinks.”

He is just growing up too fast… too stinky fast.

To reacap:

Babies smell like flowers and heaven.
Good Lord, the Columbus Crew suck this year.
Toddlers usually smell like freshly baked cookies.
MMMMmmmmMMMMM Cheesecake (another shout out to G-Money and the Litigatorz)
Little boys stink like ass (and I do mean “ass” in the biblical sense, a la foghorn leghorn, “it’s a donkey, son, ya git it?”)
There are 3141 counties in the US.
He is growing up too fast, and it just seems to be picking up speed.