Hey, Tubby, get off your lazy ass!

Nothing says “Hey, Tubby, get off your lazy ass” like getting a gym membership in your stocking for Christmas. It is the gift that keeps on giving. Wifey and her mother did mollify the whole sting of being called out for being out of shape by getting me an iPod Nano. That thing is wicked-slick, sleek and shiny. So yesterday I went and activated the gym membership and actually “worked out” for the first time in about 2 years. It felt good to be exercising, but I am paying for it now. Stupid exercise, getting in the way of my not doing stuff.

Actually, in all fairness to Wifey, she was getting me a gift that I was contemplating on my own. I have felt all out of sorts as of late, and I should really have been exercising more anyway.

So, on to the tales of mishaps and misfortune that marked this as the Christmas Eve from Hell.

We have a few family food traditions in our small but efficient family. The family consists of Wifey, Little Man, Mimma (Wifey’s mom), and me. That’s pretty much it. We have extended family, but never really interact with them. My parents are in Alabama and also not who we would choose to hang out with anyway. So it is pretty much a party of 4.

Anyway… the first of the family Christmas food traditions is the Christmas Eve meal of shrimp fettuccini. Our shimp fettuccini is basically shrimp in a pesto sauce over linguini, oddly enough. (Shrimp Linguini doesn’t sound nearly as nice as Shrimp Fettuccini. Originally, when it was just Wifey and Mimma, it started out as fettuccini and that is when it was named. I don’t write the songs, I just sing them.) Well, the process of cooking the shrimp involves 2 sticks of butter melted in the oven (Hey, why does SRH have to go to the gym?). Anyway, the kitchen started getting a little smokey, which was odd since the butter was in a pan and we had also baked a bunch earlier with no smoke at a much higher temp. Then it started getting REALLY smokey and I opened the oven to see butter dripping from the bottom of the pan. It seems the pan we were using had some defects in it that were not previously noticed. There were 2 pin prick sized holes in the pan that the heat and butter exploited to drip the glorious butter all over the base of the oven. Smoke ensued.

So we transferred the remaining butter to a different pan and I furiously dowsed the pool of smoking butter on the bottom of the oven with baking soda to stop the smoking process. The meal was eaten that night with 3 windows and 2 doors open with a fan blowing out. It was chilly and late, but we had more cooking to do on Christmas, so I had to clean the oven before Christmas Morn. FYI: butter + baking soda + high temperature = solid block of carbonized rock. I was scrapinng this carbonized baking soda/butter mixture off of the oven with a pizza stone scraper. I started at 10 that night and finished at 12:30 that night. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Alas and alack, that was not the only misfortune to befall the kitchen on Christmas Eve. The crosspiece of pvc pipe that goes from the garbage disposal to the drain broke that night as well. The joint where that pipe marries into the main sink drain got clogged with food, so I was attempting to clean that pipe out. Well, in the process of unfastening pipes and taking things apart, the end of that crosspiece broke (See, I am a brute, I do not need to exercise more), and that pretty much fucked the whole sink. So most of Christmas Eve, all of Christmas Day and the morning of the 26th we did not have a kitchen sink of which to speak. I went to Lowe’s yesterday and got all the pieces and wrested with the sink for an afternoon. I hate home repairs.

How was your holiday?

To recap:

K-Pop: “mmmmm sugar!”
Quoted for truth!
Hey, Tubby, get off your lazy ass!
iPod Nanos are really cool
Mine is black, so I can still be a ninja
Mmmm shrimp fettuccini
Christmas’s meal is prime rib
Mmmm prime rib
I got me some new kicks for Xmas

Hello, Moto
I love me some shoes
Caked on, furnace blasted, buttery baking soda is difficult to remove
It is going to be a short week this week
I need to rustle up some grub