I love going out to lunch. It is true, I do love me some crappy greasy food for lunch. My biggest requirement for lunch is that the food must be warm. I do not, nor have I ever really liked cold meat sammiches. Hell, I even toast peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It has got to be at least warm. I am not sure where this requirement comes from, but it is definitely a requirement.

The issue with going to lunch everyday is that this is a rather expensive habit. It is a habit that I can no longer afford. Today I had two ham, Swiss, and bacon sammiches and some chips (crisps for you across the pond blokes). While the lunch was satisfying when it was being consumed, just as I feared, I am hungry again… already. Does this mean that there is something wrong with me?** Does my belly just not work like other people’s stomachs?*** I need something that has been heated up enough to have melted some cheese on to it. This something does not necessarily have to have cheese on or in in, it just needs to have been heated up enough to have melted cheese. Ham, Swiss, and bacon sandwiches are not warm enough to melt cheese.

So now, you, dear reader, may ask, “Why not get something microwaveable?” A good question, dear reader, a good question indeed. There are very few frozen “entrees” that I really like, and most of these come in portion sizes that would leave a 3rd grader wanting more, and they cost at least $3. So if I double up on the frozen entrée to make a meal out of it, which is $6 and I could have gone to Arby’s for that amount and gotten a Chocolate mmmm Chocolate Peanut mmmmmm Chocolate Peanut Butter mmmmmmmmmm Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Shake for dessert.

Now, I know most of you are thinking that the portion size is just fine, what is this guy complaining about. I am an eater. It is one of the few things that I do really well. I eat a whole bunch and I do it quickly. Sure there are doctors and other medical professionals who advocate not eating so much and eating slowly, but it is who I am and it is what I do. Can you ask a bee to stopi bee-ing? Or a bear to stop being a bear? I think, not.

“Leftovers?” I knew the whole leftovers argument was coming, and honestly I do not have a good argument against leftovers except for my deep seated hatred for the things. This hatred is a pure white hot hatred that goes back to a childhood of not enough food for my raw, untrained natural eatin’ abilities. I gained 35 pounds in my first ½ semester of school at the auspicious Kent State University (Kent Read, Kent Write, Kent State!) Why did I gain the weight? Well it was a combination of things. Number 1: I finally had enough to eat at mealtime and Number 2: I stopped running approximately 5 miles a day.

As to Number 1: my mother and father eat like little tiny birds. Which is odd since they have no other bird like qualities, unless birds are really good at the denial of reality

As to Number 2: I stopped playing soccer

True, true this doesn’t nearly explain why I dislike leftovers so much, but it is all I have to go on. I know my dislike of leftovers is irrational, so shut up and leave me alone, okay.

What I am trying to get at is that I am still hungry.

To recap
Me = hungry
From Wifey in email: I agree – meat + warmth = a meal. Take either of the equation away, it’s not so much a meal.
There is a reason we are married
Can you ask a bear not to be bearish?
Maybe some Funyuns will help
There ain’t nothing but good in Funyuns
Odd that they are made of nothing good for you
Wifey is doing much better today

** rhetorical question, please do not answer
*** again, another rhetorical question, please do not answer, I already know these answers, but the answers would shame me to be seen in a public forum