Fancy That

Okay, I have been in a whole bunch of bathrooms in my day. What can I say? “I poop.” Today I noticed something in one of the men’s bathrooms that just seemed plain bizarre. Not bizarre as in the worms in the urinals bizarre, but just a little odd.

Now, many people are bathroom readers. This is not an activity that is really all that appealing to me, for I have a rather efficient pooper, and can get in and out of the bathroom tout de suite. So I basically do not have much reading time available in the restroom. But/t, (get it? “But“:“Butt,” God, I slay me!) that is just me and my rather efficient excretory system. Now, I know, all of you out there in the blogaverse wanted to know that. I am sure of it.

Anyway… in my tenure as a bathroom user, I have seen many a different reading material left in the bathroom stall. Most often it is a newspaper, usually the sports section, sometimes if you are lucky, it will be the comics. Every once and a while there will be a book lying about, but usually only in someone’s house. Sometimes there are magazines for people to peruse. Sometimes the magazines are of a gentlemanly nature, and I am not so sure they are for “reading.” These tend to be in bookstore restrooms, and were probably appropriated by 13 year olds. Ewwwww, I don’t touch those. I just don’t know where they have been. I noticed this when I worked at Barnes and Noble. Mangy kids! Anyway… Sports Illustrated is a big favorite in the men’s room, and for the sophisticated men in the office, Times or Newsweek seems to be the “go to” magazines.

Today in one of the bathroom stalls, I saw a copy of Field and Stream. No big deal there. I imagine there are a bunch of hunters that work here. I do live in Ohio, after all. Underneath that Field and Stream magazine, almost like it was purposefully hidden, like someone didn’t want the other guys in the office to know that one guy at the office was a subscriber to this particular magazine, was a copy of Dog Fancy. You read that correctly. Dog Fancy.

Now, before all you Dog Fancy readers get all huffy about me finding it odd that some guy in the office reads your magazine; I feel it is necessary to explain that I have no problem with people being puppy aficionados. I just do not quite understand the reading of said magazine whilst on the shitter. Who want to read about the latest in poodle grooming while taking a dump? Well, someone in my office, that’s who.

I will suggest that his name is either Darryl or Dale, just because those names make me giggle. I think it is due to their starting with the “duh” sound. I honestly don’t know if we have a Dale in the office, and the only Darryl I know of sits far far away from that restroom. But the more that I think of it, and the more the evidence points to the person not wanting to be found out, the more it seems likely that someone from across the building would place their copy of Dog Fancy in that restroom. Therefore I submit to you that it is Darryl (not sure of his spelling here) who is reading the Dog Fancy magazine whilst on the crapper. Elementary my dear Watson. Now Bring me more opium.

I just find this to be a rather brain teasing exercise.

To Recap:
Dog Fancy?!!?
Whose magazine was this, and why did they decide it was good reading material whilst taking a crap?
Yes, I once worked at a Barnes & Noble
I was a venerable Bookseller
It was there that I learned to hate the term “cashwrap”
Such a made up term
I have some chiropracty this afternoon
I cannot wait