20 Questions Tuesday: 16 - Wifey

Okay it is Tuesday again, so that means it is 20 Questions Tuesday… ummm.. again. I actually got a request to do 20 questions in regards to my lovely wife, so here it goes. I would like to thank B-G, Double E, M, ZingerZapper, and lsig for their questions regarding my wife. I will answer them as best as I can.

Although I think that SRH did a great job navigating the landmines inherent in writing a post about me - that man lives on the edge I tell you - there were just a few things that I thought I'd add. And since I know his bloggy password, I thought I'd add it this evening while he's upstairs paying bills. Sucker!

1. So, in what major way has she changed you? You can talk about all the deep ways but I also need something nice and shallow.
Hmmm… Let’s see. Since being involved with the lovely Wifey, I have learned to communicate much more effectively but more than that I have learned not to touch my teeth with a spoon or fork whilst eating for fear of the “Stop scraping your teeth on that {fork or spoon}.” I am pretty good about it…

Wrong. The most major - and shallow - change I have made in SRH is to increase his appreciation for shoes. He really digs them.

On the other hand, I do really appreciate his ability to eat without scraping his teeth on the fork/spoon.

You hear that Mimma? I appreciate him NOT scraping his teeth with a fork/spoon.

2. Do you secretly move your graham crackers over to touch her food when she’s not looking?
I feel it necessary to explain a bit here for those of my readers who do not really know my wife well. She dislikes graham crackers so much that on the odd occasion when I put them in the grocery cart, she will make sure the box is not touching any of “her” food in the cart, lest it be tainted by the grahaminess. So to answer the question: No, I honestly do not have graham crackers in the house very often, so there is not much opportunity to infect her food with graham cracker cooties. Of course, Little Man has come over to the dark side now by liking graham crackers, and I bet he’s going to love creeping his mama out by making her actually watch him eat them.

Graham crackers are the work of the devil.

3. Okay, spill it, what does she really do that drives you batty? Something of which she is unaware drives you to battiness.
She oftentimes makes me move from where I am sitting. She always has a reason for the move (wants access to the heating pad, coasters, etc…), but it happens way too often to be coincidence. It may not be a conscious effort, but it is more than random chance would allow.

You know why this drives SRH batty? Because he HATES to move once he's settled in anywhere. This is in keeping with his whole "economy of motion" life philosophy. So if he's been sitting someplace for two hours and I want to sit near the reading light, for instance, he huffs and sighs like I'm asking him to figure out world hunger when I have simply asked him to move 16 inches over.

And I don't do it on purpose. But it does happen a lot - because he always sits in dumb places. That I want to sit in.

4. Who has the bigger shoe obsession/inclination? You or wifey?
Wifey, but in all fairness, women have different requirements for shoes. Some have to look good with suits, some with skirts, some with pants, some are dressy, but they need to be different colors, etc… Guys have dress shoes and casual shoes in brown and in black. Done.


5. She is stranded on an island…with one person….she can’t go alone, can’t kill/harm the person to get rid of them--would she choose Tom Cruise or Rush Limbaugh? Why?
Even though he is bat-shit crazy, Tom Cruise. He is fit and more likely to assist in survival activities. Sure one would have to learn to deal with the Scientology
proselytizing, but I bet she could tune him out after a while. She is rather pragmatic that way. The only reason she would have Limbaugh there would be to leave him for dead.

Also true.

6. She’s only allowed to bring one food onto that deserted island …she is of course given a plentiful supply of graham crackers and cheese, what would she choose cherries, olives, steak….?
Steak. Hands down steak. Really this one is a “No brainer.” She must have her red meat.


7. If you spent 100 dollars on a beautiful, designer, cashmere, asymmetrical sweater…….would she wear it…even out of love for you?
Nope, asymmetry is a “no-no” for her. No matter what.

No defense needed on this one. Asymmetry is stupid.

8. What personality trait is most annoying to your wife?
She absolutely hates manipulation, and can sniff it out like a bloodhound. The second she gets a whiff of manipulation usually keens the death knell to the inter-personal relationship where the manip was attempted. She has walked away from pretty strong friendships due to some attempted manipulation.

He makes me sound so cold. I simply think that if a person is willing to manipulate you instead of being honest and up front, then they aren't a good friend. Therefore, you should not waste one more moment of your time with those sorry losers. (Reason #89 being a therapist wasn't a good "fit" for me).

9. What television/movie character’s personality is most like your wife’s?
I’m not sure that there is a character who is outwardly cute and spunky but is inwardly a seething, whirling dervish of sarcasm and disdain, full of contemptible anger against any and all who consider her petiteness to be anything other than a very effective front for the beat down they are about to get.

Anyone seen a character like that?

I'll take this one. The outwardly "cute and spunky" is problematic, but I appreciate that he understands my complexity.

10. Who makes her swoon (other than you)?
Eddie Vedder, LL Cool J, LOTR Viggo Mortenson (not 28 Days Viggo, or Hidalgo Viggo), Post Fresh Prince Will Smith, and at one time Prince (pre-artist years) (No, I don't understand this one at all).

SRH didn't give you good pics for this one, but here are a few betters ones.
Eddie Vedder - here and here
Viggo Mortensen - here
Will Smith - here
LLCoolJ - here and here
Prince - here - can you see it even a little bit?

11. How do you (SRH) really feel about Coal Miners Daughter?
It is a fine movie, I just don’t get into it. It is the equivalent to my Tron so I understand the role it plays in her catalogue of movies.

He especially likes it when I recite lines from this movie, dont' let him fool you. Especially the one about "Time's just going too fast. First I was married, then I was having babies. Then I was up here singing for y'all."

12. Name all of the foods that start with “C” that she hates.
Cheese, Cinnamon, Coffee, Carrots, Capers, Coke, Clams, Calimari, Crab Legs, Crab Cakes, well… Crab in general, Crawfish, Chili, Cashews, Caramel, Coconut, ummm, that’s all that I got

Okay, this is where I start to seem a little crazy. But in my defense, lots of food start with C. So if you are a picky eater, which I am, then you are bound to hate a few C foods. And while I do not care for caesar salad, candied corn, or cap'n crunch, I do like chicken, couscous, corn, cherries, cranberries, and chocolate pudding dessert. (pay attention i.c. yellow)

13. Was wifey's love for Clash of the Titans an attraction or a deterrent in your pursuit of her?
It was an attraction. Luckily she didn’t watch it for the scantily clad Harry Hamlin.

Definitely an attraction, but to the beastial appeal of Calibos!

14. Prince, Lionel Richie, and you…three people she loves. What's the common element?
Assless pants or the fact that she could take each of us at least 2 bouts out of 3.

I don't think there is a common element. I can't think of one. It's all very random, and I love them all in different ways. Prince in an adolescent crush boy. Lionel Ritchie in a commodores kind of way. SRH in a he's the best thing that ever happened to me kind of way.

15. What's something she likes but would never buy for herself?
Real gemstone jewelry and flowers.

Yep. Hey, SRH, how about buying me some jewelry and flowers?

16. You two seem very compatible in many ways. What's one thing in which your taste is wildly, widely divergent?
Dessert choices. I like desserts, she doesn’t

Not a big dessert fan. I like a few, but I have never gotten into the whole eating-dessert-after-a-meal thing. It just doesn't flow for me, except for the aforementioned Chocolate Pudding Dessert. I would sell SRH to medical testing companies for a full pan of Chocolate Pudding Dessert.

17. Describe wifey's occupation in five words or less.
Helping women through institutional change.


18. If there was a steak eating contest between you, Wifey, and Homer Simpson, who would win?
It would be a tough race between Homer and Wifey. Sadly I would have to bet on Homer. He is a cartoon afterall and would not have to succumb to our reality’s laws of nature.

Okay. I am not beyond the laws of nature.

19. All other factors aside, what would high school SRH say to high school Wifey?
Honestly, I would probably attempt to make her laugh, and secretly dislike how popular and motivated she was. That is how I was as a high schoolie though.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

20. If Wifey wanted to make you really uncomfortable, would she:
a) talk about the first time she saw you naked;
b) publicly discuss your sex life; or
c) rent porn
I am going to go with B.

All of the above. SRH is quite modest.

To recap:
I am not sure which answer will get me in hot water, but one of them will
If you live in the US, go vote today
I don’t care if you are for or against what I am for or against, just vote
Not sure what is going to be for dinner tonight
I imagine that Wifey has some rebuttal
Just remember, Wifey, this was not my idea
It was your friends’ idea
YOUR friends’
If anyone else has questions in regards to Wifey, I will entertain them in comments
I need some sleep
Got our first phone call for Little Man last night. Fortunately it was from his preschool teacher, not someone offering him a credit card