20 Questions Tuesday: 24 - New Years

Today’s auspicious topic is “The New Year.” Yes, I know it sounds daunting, and yet cliché, but let’s look beyond those 2 sticking points and simply enjoy the majesty that will be 20 Questions Tuesday: 24 – New Years.

Thanks this week to Lord Pithy (I don’t make up what people wanna be called), Dustin, The Em, Info Diva, ACW, and Atmikha. To the questions---

1. Do you say "oh-7" or "aught-7"?
I wish I could pull off saying “aught-7” but I am not quite old enough just yet for that to sound right. I think I will start leaving the “oh” off and just call this year by “seven.”

2. Knowing of your obsession with Paris Hilton, what is your New Year's wish for her? Summarily, if Paris Hilton shaved her head, became a Buddhist nun, and withdrew from public life this year, would your contempt for her change?
I combined 2 people’s questions here. It seems that people have picked up on my distaste for Paris Hilton. Anyway, I could explain my distaste for her, but that would take too long, and no one really cares. So, I really wish happiness for her. True happiness. Now, I am under no delusion that she would understand if happiness came up and bit her ass, but I do wish it for her. (I typed “ass, but” tee hee)

The second part of the question: my contempt for her would change most definitely, because most of my contempt for her, is truly contempt for American society for making her into something.

3. "2007" on an upside-down calculator is "LOOZ." What portents for the New Year do you see in that?
I don’t know, but I cannot wait for the year 58008. That is going to be a great year!

4. Will this be the year your greatness is discovered?
Sadly, that year is 58008

5. What will Little Man's New Year's resolution be?
I asked him, and it had something to do with a crossing gate.

6. What the heck does "Old Lang Sine" or "Od Leng Fine" (or however you spell it) really mean anyway?
Okay, technically it is Auld Lang Syne. It translates directly as “old long since” and has been used more to mean “long ago,” or “days gone by.” “Old Lang Sine” I believe has something to do with the ratio of the length of the opposite side of a triangle and the hypotenuse and “Od Leng Fine,” I believe, is gibberish.

7. Is Dick Clark human? When Dick Clark's cybernetic exoskeleton finally gives out in the year 2145 AD, who will replace him?
No, Dick Clark is not nor has he ever been human. He is starting to falter though. It is kind of like going to the Hall of Presidents at Disney World right now. It is sad to see Abe all jerky and out of sync. The presidents are starting to look like the crappy animatronic animals a kid’s pizza place. Anyway… the Clark-bot has been going for a while, and could do with some over-hauling. That being said, he seems to have been all but replaced by the 2005 model Seacrest-bot.

8. Have you ever gone or want to go to Time's Square for New Year’s Eve?
Nope, and nope. I do not so much like people, and vast quantities of drunken people all tightly packed is even more of a dislike. One might even consider it something I loathe.

9. Do you remember your first New Year’s Eve kiss at midnight? We want to scoop.
Actually, it is pretty tame. My first New Year’s kiss was with Wifey during our first year of marriage. I just have not really been coupled and in the same city during the Holiday Season.

10. Of all the planned events and things that go on for New Year’s Eve, what's your most memorable one?
Sitting in the basement with 3 cases of water, 2 shotguns, and some Twizzlers to ring in 2000. I kid, I kid. We didn’t have any Twizzlers.

11. Do you think the traditional New Year's baby in a cloth diaper should be updated? Why isn't he/she in Pampers?
Some things don’t really need to be changed. In truth, cloth diapers are on the comeback, although there is not a diaper service in Columbus, Ohio. We looked into it when Little Man was a wee one. We are environmentally conscious, as long as we don’t have to clean up the mess.

12. Resolutions. Do you make (and keep) them?
I really don’t make resolutions so much, mainly because I don’t keep them. Last year my big resolution was to drink more water. Well… I am parched and have been so since March. So… Thirsty…

13. Any truth to the old wives tale that if you're single whoever you spend New Year's Eve with is who you'll spend most of the following year with?
I have not heard that old wives tale before. I do not put incredibly much credence in old wives tales though. This lack of credence is due mainly because my mom is an old wife and her tales suck, but also because her mom was an old wife and her tales were even worse.

14. Staying in to watch Dick Clark or shaking your booty out on the town? Will you let Little Man stay up ‘til Midnight?
Actually, Wifey and I went to a wonderful little party to ring the New Year in. We watched a grand total of 3 minutes of the “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve.” It was actually a little bit sad. Dick Clark was 2 seconds off from the count-down. He was still on 2 when the ball lit up. Little Man was asleep when all of this occurred. The only times that he has seen midnight are when he is sick.

15. Any traditions that you celebrate for the New Years that you wish to share with us?
I don’t really have any New Years traditions. It has become I sort of tradition to go to the party that we went to, but that is about it.

16. Do you prefer football or futbol on New Years Day?
I caught most of the Man City vs. Everton match up. Good Lord! That game was flat until Man City opened it up. After that, it was a pretty enjoyable game to watch. I saw a little of the Man U vs. Newcastle game, and I think Newcastle should be very happy to have escaped with a point.

17. What skill or possession would you like to acquire in 2007?
I could use some good ninja skills. That skill where the ninja sets off a small smoke bomb and then disappears, that is the one I want.

18. What happened in 2006 that you would like to take with you into the future?
Better relations with the Yeti. We are family, and should work to make a better life together for our children. Well, for Little Man and his gap-toothed drooling hairy half-cousins.

19. What ended in 2006 that you hope never to see again?

20. How close or far are you from the vision you had in 1995 of yourself at this age?
There is not enough room on the intertubes to go into how different my life is from what I envisioned when I was a junior in college.

To recap:
Happy 2007 everyone!
I have 3 non-resolution life changes I am working on
Pending on how they go, you might hear about them
Then again, you might not
Some of you might notice them on your own
I just got an email from Amazon.com offering me a special Weight Watchers… um… offer
Just what are they trying to say?
Not sure what is for dinner tonight