U: 23 of 26

I am going to attempt to crank out the 14 th instance of the evermore increasingly Random Alphabet of SRH. Today’s letter shall be U, the 23 rd letter of the English alphabet. Again, this is a letter that was a late addition to the fold. In fact the Romans never even heard of this letter. If you asked a Roman to spell “nuts,” first of all, you would need to be asking a relatively wealthy one, and secondly you would have to ask them in a dead language, and I am pretty sure your pronunciation would be off. Not to mention the lack of Latin words for nut, almond, walnut, hazelnut, pecan, etc… Anyway… if you somehow broke through the language barrier to have them spell this word, they would spell it N-V-T, because they used “V” as a “U.”

Wow, that was a lot of work for very little humor payback.


U: Big U Little u, What begins with U? Uncle Ubb’s umbrella and his underwear too.

Nothing just jumped out at me for the letter U. I did not expect it to because it is not a letter that very many words begin with. Especially if you remove the category of “un-”’s. Anyway, I chose to go with Underwater. I can’t believe I am sharing this crap with you people.

Okay here it goes…

When I had just turned 5, my parents enrolled me into a swimming class at the local pool. I was the youngest and smallest of the kids in the class. No big deal, right? Wrongo! I remember being very happy with the class, because I was getting to play in the pool. Who doesn’t want to do that? We did kick-board exercises, boatloads of splashing, and jumping in and out of the pool was always fun. It was all good clean cool-water fun… until the end of each class.

There were about 15 of us with, if I remember correctly, 3 instructors and a couple of life guards on the edges of the pool. At the end of class the instructors and students all joined hands and formed a big circle. We sang some stupid song like “Ring around the Rosie” or some such crap and everyone in the circle bounced up and down to the music while the circle slowly rotated. Whilst in the shallower parts of the shallow end of the pool this was great fun, but as the water started getting deeper everyone was dipping lower in the water until finally they were bouncing off the floor of the pool and getting a breath of fresh summer air when they bobbed out from under the surface. I was the smallest kid in the class, so I had shorter arms and shorter legs than everyone else in the class. When I was in the deep water, the surface was tantalizingly close, yet ultimately denied to me.

You are beginning to get the still-traumatizing picture aren’t you?

Since my legs were shorter, when the other kids in the class pushed off from the floor of the pool, my feet had not hit yet. By not hitting the bottom, I was not able to get any upward momentum so I could breach the surface like a gasping humpback. Since my arms were shorter and I was dealing with bigger kids who also wanted to breathe, I was in essence held underwater by their longer arms. They held their arms straight down and as close to their sides as they could so they could stretch for the surface wanting to inhale sweet sweet air. Hey, you six year old jackasses, I wanted some air too!

There I was slowly turning blue going around in a circle, I couldn’t push off the floor to make a dash for the surface and only the top of my head cleared that surface when those selfish bastard breathing kids basically held me under with their longer arms pinned to their sides. There I was straining for the surface, in the deepest depths of the shallow end of the pool, while all the older kids were greedily gulping down air.

Oh sure, one could argue that I never did drown, but that is immaterial. You weren't there, Man! You don't know! I may not have drowned but I was certainly traumatized! Needless to say I don’t necessarily like to be underwater. Don’t get me wrong I can swim like a fish and hold my breath for a goodly long time now, I just don’t like to. One should not be surprised that I am not a beach person.

To recap:
Work was busy busy busy today
Ergo, I am posting from home tonight
Sunday is my fourth Father’s day
I am trying to think of where I would like to eat
Speaking of eating, I am thirsty
That was not a huge leap
Food - - > drink
It isn’t six degrees of separation or anything like that
I mean I wasn’t trying to find a link between Craig T. Nelson and Kevin Bacon or anything…
That is the task set forth for comments
Craig T. Nelson to Kevin Bacon in 6 steps or less
Extra points if you can do this connection using Samuel L. Jackson and Joe Pesci
Okay… break!
Have a great weekend everyone