Tina and Craig

This weekend, after careful deliberation with Capt. McArmypants, I have determined that I shall refer to all women I do not know as Tina and all men as Craig. It will be much easier on me to categorize things in my simple brain like that. Wait staff, café baristas, flight attendants, desk clerks, new receptionists, drive through workers… unless they have previously given me their name such that I have remebered it, are from now on Tina and Craig.

I am sure that a naming convention will be necessary when there are more than two extras of either sex converging on stage. I think a good hierarchy should be Tina, Beth, Jane, and Olga for females. For men the hierarchy shall be Craig, Bob, Jimmy, Chuck, and Lawrence. Any more than four female extras and it shall be referred to as “those chicks,” while more than four extra males they shall be referred to as “those guys.”

Any Tina’s and Craig’s that I currently know shall retain their official monikers. They should just recognize that they shall become one of many Tina’s and Craig’s in my life. Hopefully those few existing Tina’s and Craig’s in The Life and Times of SRH, shall be less transient than the check out girl and bagger that rang me up for some flank steak yesterday, but if they really want true permanence in my bent skull, they should either legally change their name to something more remarkable than Tina and/or Craig, or nick-name up to something more exciting like Sugar Bottom and/or Slick.

Another determination that I have unilaterally decided upon is that anyone I have not had any contact with in the past five years is now considered to be dead. That way I can look back on memories spent with those newly deceased folk and wistfully contemplate all the fun time we had. There is no longer any cogitation necessary when I wonder whatever happened to Blake, John, and Dave. I can merely think wistfully about the fun we had running into supermarkets for IBC Root Beer, whilst those unfortunate souls take a well deserved dirt nap in my mind.

The 5 Year Rule for living acquaintances helps to curb my idle ponderings on people no longer germane to my existence. It WAS nice occasionally to think back on people I did not hate and wish them well enough, but it is much easier to think back on them and give a sad shake of the head, a rueful smile of lost possibilities, and think of something else.

It is just easier this way. Mass naming the extras in The Life and Times of SRH and reducing old acquaintances into corpses is really the only rational thing to do. With the impending arrival of the Duchess, it will be necessary to ruthlessly prioritize aspects of my life. Since I am terrible with names in the first place, I have decided that giving up all attempts at name memory is the best for all involved. I am positive that many of these newly monikered Tina’s and Craig’s shall cry out with umbrage for being summarily genericized, but that is okay, for they are only the bit-players... they will be dead in five years anyway.

To recap:
When I know your name you have made it into the cast of characters
Think of yourself to be lucky at that point
You know who you are
No, not you Tina, get back in line with the extras
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions is all about burnout
So far the questions I have gotten seem to be asking me when I am going to stop assaulting the Interwebs with my drivel
Capt. McArmypants graced our houseold with his prescence until late Sunday morning
Little Man is unhappy that his playmate left
He has also asked "Won't Uncle Capt. McArmypants Miss me?"
We have assure the little guy that, indeed, McArmypants already misses him
Listening to Conroy by Cake off of their most recent B-Sides and Rarities