3 Things

Okay, so I didn't post at all last week. Big deal. I had nothing to say anyway...

So since the week before last I am sure you think that there have been at least 3 things that have occurred. You are partially right. There have been more than three things, but, due to my lack of mental acuity, I will be hard pressed to remember 3.

Thing the First: I had to drop someone off my friends list in Facebook. "Whaaaaat?" you ask with you mouth agape and knuckles on the floor. Firstly, The guy was someone who graduated the year before me from my high school in Alabama, and well, I am not quite sure what his take on Facebook was all about. And secondly, You seem more troglodytic than would have thought. "Mouth agape and knuckles on the floor," you should evolve enough to be ashamed of yourself.

Anyhoo... I feel that maybe I should mention my own Facebook etiquitte. You see, to me, "friends" on Facebook are the equivalent of people I might recognize on the street or have some passing knowledge of on the Internets. If I recognize the name and I get a friend invite, I will most likely accept. It is no skin off my back and typically It is something that doesn't really get in the way. Sure there are people in real life whom I have "friended" in Facebook yet don't want to EVER speak to face to face, but that is the beauty of Facebook. It means absolutely nothing.

So, I am sure you are wondering why I would "defriend" someone on Facebook. Well, I didn't think I had any reason to do that until this guy. Now I know that I am not going to agree politically with everyone I have ever met in real life and digitally, and, furthermore, I am not some naif waif that thinks that all smart people think like I do. So it doesn't really bother me when FB friends spout something political with which I don't necessarily agree. The issue is that this guy was using his status setting to link to internets articles that agreed with his particular political viewpoints... about every 5 minutes. I just got tired of reading his status updates. That and he ate babies. Seeing as how I am currently in possession of a baby, I felt that I should not associate with him anymore, even this cursorily.

Thing the Second: We got new family portraits done. That is for Digital Thursday, bitches!

Thing the Third: Today was Little Man's first day of the Kindergarten. It was a rough day on Mama and Papa, but Little Man did not seem any worse for the wear. He is kind of a cold fish that way. No one can prepare you as a parent for the conflicting emotions that occur whenever there is a threshold event in your child's life. Needless to say, Mama and Papa are both very proud of how far Little Man has come, but we are also devastatingly aware that he is no longer our baby boy.

To recap:
Disney bought out Marvel Comics
Don't know whether the Mouse owning Spiderman is a good thing or a bad thing
I think these temporary breaks from the blog are good
I am still jobless, but at least I have some small contract work to keep me moving
I will divulge more about that as the product gets stronger
But not until then...
20 Questions Tuesday is up again tomorrow
listening to The Outsider by A Perfect Circle

3 Things

So I did not post much last week. You can blame "those darn kids." They have not been sleeping as well as they should in the places that they should during the times that they should. In effect, they are sleeping like kids.

anywhoo... 3 things to chat about since last I posted.

Thing the First:
Things have changed with Little Man. He asked us to pack up his trains and put them in the basement so that he could have room for his air plane toys. He now is trainless with 2 airports and 8 airplanes. It is amazing that the trains have been usurped. He has been devotedly playing with trains since he was 1.5 years old. He is now six so for 75% of his life he has been all about the trains and now he has moved on. I am not sure what to think of this. My thoughts or not, it shows that the Little Man is growing up whether we want him to or not.

Thing the Second:
It seems that most of the jobs that would be in my experience range and pay scale in the GIS community now require one to have a security clearance prior to applying for the position. The catch 22 of this is that to get a security clearance one must already have a job that requires a security clearance. Damn catch 22's.

Things the Third:
I love me some Strawberry Frosted Pop Tarts... but not those low-fat abominations

To recap:
I need to go to bed soon
Wifey has an early day tomorrow
That means I have an early day tomorrow
Because the kids will get up and I will not be able to con them into sleeping longer
Darn kids
Listening to the soft 'tack, tack, tack," of my keyboard as I type

Nature Abhors a Vacuum and So Do I: 1

Nature abhors a vacuum and so do I.

One of the things I hate about vacuums is the difficulty in truly describing them. The dictionary gives the definition of “a space that is entirely devoid of matter,” but that gets into some tricky definitions of “entirely devoid” and “matter” especially when you start looking at light as both a particle and a wave.

In essence when one is describing a vacuum (the physics kind not the Electrolux kind) one is ostensibly describing an area of nothing. We all know how tricky describing nothing can be.

“A space that is entirely devoid of matter?”

Firslty, “a space”
How do you define the space? Is there a boundary where on one side there is something and on the other there isn’t? What is the interface of that boundary look like. Where do the molecules of something intermingle on the edges of the nothing… and if they are intermingling, doesn’t that mélange of something and nothing create a soup of kinda something?

Secondly, “entirely devoid”
“Entirely” means “wholly” or “completely” and “devoid” means “empty” or “missing.” So let’s parse this out a bit as well. “Wholly empty” is an odd set of terms. There is an idea that emptiness could be broken down into pieces otherwise the terms “entirely,” “wholly,” and “completely” are unnecessary. Why would one need to give that modifier if “nothing” is not divisible? The definitional nuances associated with “devoid,” “empty,” and “missing” could take days to talk about.

Thirdly, “matter”
I don’t want to get into the higher dimensionality of some of the sub-atomic/quantum physics particles to really talk about the make up of matter, but iffens y’all want me to go all quantum on this bitch, I will ask Dr B Dawg to lay down some slick physics lines, since his doctorate is in the Physics, yo. Anyone? Anyone?... Good, I didn’t think anyone wanted that. Let’s just agree to say that “matter” is not a simple matter.

As you can see, merely looking at a vacuum definitionally causes one to abhor it just like nature.

To recap:
I bet some of you are wishing the Yeti would email me antagonizing emails again
I do not control the Yeti and I have chosen the vacuum to be my favored enemy now
I get +1 to all dice rolls against a vacuum
I will whip something up for Digital Thursday tomorrow
I am starting this recap with too many “I” statements
I did it again, Crap!
Listening to Obey the Groove by No More Kings

2nd Dinner?

I just tried to talk with Wifey and Q started to rouse. This is the big problem of living in a hotel room with your kids. There is no opportunity for conversation about how the vacation should be going in the evening when both kids are supposed to be sleeping. To get that kind of separation we would need two rooms, and even when I was working with a paycheck we could not afford a 2 room suite.

The night time is the time when Wifey and I are typically able to de-brief about the days events in the night time. That is the time when we become a unified team and an unassailable front. Sadly, we have not had that opportunity this entire international endeavor. Hopefully tomorrow night we can have that time.

It looks like the fam will have 2, count them, 2 international play dates. Tomorrow we will potentially be building sandcastles with one of Wifey’s friends and his 2 kids. Does he have a name? Of course he does... there are those who call him Tim.

Then on Friday it looks like the Family of SRH will be spending some time with Famiglia del TheMikeStand for some awesome Lunenburg action.

Through out this entire entry writing process Little Mna has been complaining about not being able to get to sleep. Keep in mind that he has tried nothing and is all out of ideas, so don’t feel too bad for him.

To recap:
The whole family is now awake and eating a new dinner
Except for me
Now I feel hungry though
Listening to the 3 of them smack their lips like hyenas on the Serengeti
I could eat a gnu
Or even a wildebeast

20 Questions Tuesday: 140 - Vacation 2009

Here it is Tuesday again, so I guess I should come up with some questions. It is an odd process to come up with 20 questions for myself around this vacation.

So, thanks this week to me. That’s right ME! On to the questions...

1. So, how is Canada treating you?
I think I am doing just fine with the hospitality of my international neighbor (or neighbour, as it were) to the North.

2. So what do you miss most about the US?
Ok, there are a few different things. The first is US channels. Not because of anything missing in Canadian TV as much as it is about the familiarity with US TV. The second is the food brands. Grocery shopping here has been a bit of an adventure because of the different brands and more importantly, the missing brands from the US. The third things is the portion size. No wonder Canadians are typically less obese than their American counterparts. he portions sizes here just leave me hungry.

3. What has been the most challenging this so far on this vacation?
So far, I would say it is getting Q alseep without a rocking chair. I will have abs of steel by the end of this trip.

4. Seen any bears?
Do you mean the “gay guy” kind of “bear” or the “I like salmon” kind of “bear?”

5. Hey, I am asking the questions here!
Well, then, you should be more specific.

6. Okay answer both, smart guy!
You aren’t the boss of me, but I will answer both anyway. “Maybe” and “no”

7. How about moose?
How about moose?

8. Yes, have you seen any moose?
Nope, nor any mounties. In fact, I have not seen any kind of law enforcement since I got out of the airport. If it were not for the excursion to Wal-Mart yesterday I would say this is a lawless frontier town populated by really polite people.

9. Even though it was established in 1754, you think of it as a frontier town?
Well, it is kind of a frontier of the East of North America...

10. So, how long have you been an idiot?
Was that even called for?

11. Was that even called for? Yes, it was called for, you dunderhead. Frontier of the East or North America? What kind of crap is that?
I was just trying to answer your insipid question. Couldn’t you have sent an email call for questions?

12. Seriously, who is asking the questions here?
I thought you were. Aren’t you?

13. I thought I was too, but you seem to be asking a bunch as well. So, why didn’t you send a “20 Questions Tuesday Round-Up?”
I was not sure what a good topic would be, or how long I would have to write articulate responses.

14. Why should you start worrying about articulate responses now?
Har dee har har, smart ass. I always try to bring the articulate.

15. So, how is the bed time routine working out?
Horribly. LIttle Man cannot sleep because Q is not ready to sleep just yet. It is a bad situation that seems to be deteriorating.

16. So what are you gonna do with the rest week when Wifey is done with her 3 days of work?
I think we will still stay around on the Southshore area and look for the Oak Island Treasure. Tha treasure, she will be mine.

17. So anything that still needs to be figured out for the fam on this trip?
We just need to figure out a ferry ride for Little Man now that we aren’t going to PEI.

18. How is Little Man’s ear doing, by the way?
It looks like it will be healing up nicely. There will be a bit of scarring, but I don’t think it will be bad at all.

19. Do you need some caffeine as bad as I do?
Do bears poop in the woods?

20. Do you mean the “gay guy” kind of “bear” or the “I like salmon” kind of “bear?”
touche


To recap:
We are trying to figure out some birthday extravagances for Little Man
He will turn 6 on Saturday
We are trying to figure out how to have Q’s 2nd birthday in Nova Scotia and Wifey’s next birthday here as well
It only seems fitting
Listening to the kids finally fall asleep
I get my partner in crime back tomorrow afternoon
I define “crime” as “parenting” in this case

3 Things

So, I am up here in Nova Scotia at Oak Island Resort and Spa serving as the primary childcare while Wifey works her fingers to the bone with her Talk Fu. So a few things have happened that need to be mentioned. Three in fact.

Thing the first:
Traveling with 2 younguns is still difficult to say the least. The whole traveling part is difficult, but when you add in the 2 hour delay on the tarmac in Toronto, it gets a whole bunch hairier. An air conditioner unit needed replaced (a repair that did not show up until after the plane had been shut and the intro movie was played). Cue an hour and a half of maintenance and paper work. This was followed promptly by the flight crew realizing that they could not legally fly due to an impending overage in consecutive flight hours if they carried on with the continuation from Halifax to London. So we had to wait for 15 minutes for another flight crew to make there way to gate 140, and then another 15 minutes for them to do all their pre-flight stuff.

This delay brings up 2 questions. Question the First: Is there any way they could have done the air conditioner check prior to closing the plane up? It is much more reasonable to have a 2 hour delay in the concourse than in the plane itself. Question the Second: a 2-hour delay threw these pilots over the edge of they acceptable hours? I have circled cities for 2 hours before. How razor close was their schedule?

Thing the Second: Great googly moogly Mahone Bay is picturesque as hell! the fog lifted Sunday morning and I was pretty much dumb struck by the place. I will hopefully have some pictures later.

Thing the Third: While I am not really happy with the infiltration of the big box stores into more "pristine" retail enviornmnets, you always know what you can get at Wal-Mart. Doesn't matter where in the world you are, if you need diapers and pool toys, you know that Wal-Mart hjas your back. Now in the US you also know that you can find a cure for your low self esteem by people watching the knuckle dragging troglodytes that frequent the Mart of Wal. I am well groomed, polite, and in shape when I am at Wal-Mart... in the US!

In this Wal-Mart found in this maritime province I git none of that I am doing pretty well for myself feeling. The "dream-low" benchmark was gone. So, not only do I feel like an ass because I gave money to a soul-killing retail virus, I also didn't get the smug sense of self-satisfaction that I so need and enjoy.

To recap:
I have a blinding headache here
I think it has either something to do with the weather or the maritime
Still jobless
Little Man is about to lose one of his upper front teeth
He is insanely close to it falling out
I will do something 20- Questions-ish tomorrow
Listening to the sonorous slumbersong of my sleeping family

For those of you...

There are a few of you out there reading this here blog... I could probably stop there with the sentence and be accurate, but that is not the point of this post.

There are a few of you out there reading this here blog that will understand what I am about to write about. The rest of you out there will probably kind of "get it."

When you are attempting to work from home, and you have 2 kids at home... with you. The only work you get done is the laborious work aptly labeled as "parenting." (I almost typed "Patti LaBelled" but that is something entirely different, maybe we should consider it a new attitude.)

Anywho... Both Wifey and I have been attempting to get stuff done today while navigating the endless requests for lemonade and the more usual "eeeeeeeeeeengh" that is accompanied by a 1 year olds finger and unhappy stare. So I had work that needed to get out today and that did not happen. Why would you think that I would post?

Seriously, you people amaze me with your neediness.

To recap:
It is almost 9:30 and I am just now getting dinner
A healthy dinner of brats and brocolli, mind you
There is so much for me to do tonight
Some of it is looking for job related
Some is personal, so stop hounding me
Some is just sit that has to get done
All of it takes time
Listening to the blessed silence that is not kids asking for things

10 things

Ooh, 10 things... are you worried, I usually only bring up 3 things, but I am going hog wild here.

10 things I have had to "take care of..." if you know what I mean...

Thing the First:
Camel Crickets... they were in the basement of the childhood house.... ewwwww

Thing the Second:
That slow chipmunk from yesterday... don't try to cross 5 lanes of traffic unless you mean it

Thing the Third:
7 mice (4 this weekend)

Thing the Fourth:
Spiders... I hate them, I fear them, yet I have to take care of them

Thing the Fifth:
Fire Ants.... those bastards can take over a yard and hurt really badly when they bite but they seem to be susceptible to relocation due to matches and WD-40

Thing the Sixth:
A rattle snake

Thing the Seventh:
Chipmunks... it was because of me the show was cancelled

Thing the Eighth:
I short tubby dog that ran into my rear tire... I was saddened by this one greatly

Thing the Ninth:
Yellow Jackets

Thing the Tenth:
Nedly and Pirky

To recap:
I have become Shiva, Destroyer of Squirrels
i love that quote!
Still jobless in Ohio
That should be a new Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie
20 Questions Tuesday is up for tomorrow
How about Canada as a topic?

The End of an Era

The problem with hating hippos and yetis is that there is not that much opportunity to hate them directly… Yes, I typed ‘opportunity’ on purpose there. Much like love you must practice hate, and, in this case, it has been a long time since I have practiced hate for the river horse and our hairy brutish mountain dwelling cousin. There just has not been much reason to seek out the hippo or taunt the yeti.

You see, even though the hippo is the most dangerous of the mega-fauna that are left inhabiting out world, the animal itself is rather pitiful in its dangerousness. It is territorial in the water and sunburnable in the air. It is aggressive in the water, but tires quickly on the land. The limits of its “comfort zone” seem to be a riverine environment and a riverine environment alone. Get past the riparian vegetation and the hippo is just an overweight, sun-burning, pig that cannot see very far.

The yeti is a daunting enemy to say the least, if you are in Nepal, but if you are not one of the 10 people in the world considering yourself Nepalese and you don’t climb mountains for a hobby, then you are never going to meet up with a yeti. Do yeti exist? Sure they do. Do people really care? No, Not really.

Herein lies the problem with hating the hippo and the yeti. Both creatures are more pitiable than loathsome. It takes effort to hate and it takes reminders to give effort. Without constant reminders there is no consistent effort and therefore no hate.

I find it sad to say but the bilious vitriolic fervor with which I vomited distaste for the hippo and yeti has subsided over the past year to a dull apathetic ache that is meekly rotting away somewhere in the twists and curves of my small intestine where the beginnings of poop reside.

To recap:
The hate has washed out of me do to apathy
Most things wash out of me due to apathy
Could I hate them again?
Sure, if given the right stimuli
I am not sure if the right stimulus exists though
Fare the well, yeti and hippo hate
It was a nice run while it lasted
Vacuum.... Nature abhors you and so do I!
Listening to Critical Hit by No More Kings

5 Things

So I have been away for a while and I offer no apologies to the less than 10 people who read this here corner of the Internets. I am un-apologetic and a bit sassy, I could be the female lead of a sitcom with those attributes.

Here are 5 things that happened whilst I was away from the Internets.

Thing the first:
I turned 35, since then my back has hurt and I have been hobbled by some affliction on my left heel. I think it is the ankle cancer, but my wife seems to think it is Achilles Tendonitis. It seems to be feeling better with Motrin and ice and keeping it elevated, so kudos to those three methods of ankle cancer treatment.

Thing the second:
I am still sans employment. This is a craptastic economy for looking for a new career or looking within an existing career. It is all about who you know and my previous employer kept me under a rock.

Thing the third:
I had a lovely dinner in Halifax, Nova Scotia with theMikeStand from Speak into the Mike. I guess it was a better time for me since I am writing about it, but to be fair he seems to be on a summer hiatus from blogging as well. He grilled out some steaks, and we had asparagus, potatoes, sweet potatoes and Mississippi Mud Pie. It was lovely. I drew 2 pics for his kids and had a great conversation with him and his wife about the most deplorable children’s names. It was glorious.

Thing the fourth:
I went to Halifax, Nova Scotia for a conference/institute/hoot-nanny called The ALiA institute. It was really a great thing for me. It was the first time I had been away from the fam on my own for more than 3 days since Little Man was born. It was a good time for me to focus on me. The problem is that the time I took to focus on me has made me into a megalomaniacal force of nature. This is me, hear me roar!

Thing the fifth:
I just talked my wife into getting an iBook with the inheritance money from my techno-phobic grandma. Yes, the grandma whose next to last words to me were, and I quote, “Do you have a job yet?” Miss you grandma. Wifey has been angling for an iBook for quite some time now. Angling so much that she has been slowly degrading her current laptop’s USB ports and causing the machine to overheat with her hawtness. Laptops cannot handle teh sexsay.

To recap:
Don’t call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers and putting suckas in fear
Makin the tears rain down like a MON-soon
Listen to the bass go BOOM
Glad to be back in the saddle
20 Questions Tuesday is back tomorrow!
Listening to That’s Not My Name by the Ting Tings

Transcription

Here is an email conversation between Dr B-Dawg, myself, and a third party who wants to remain nameless due to the graphic nature of this conversation. The conversation was spurred by the un-timely death of David Carradine.

The conversation for a set of emails was simply entitled "David Carradine:"
Dr B Dawg:
Let us bow our heads in a moment of silence. The only thing i heard about his death is that they found his body in a bangkok hotel. At least he went out the way you'd expect him too. no doubt filled to the top with thai hookers and opium.

SRH:
They found a "chord around his neck and body" Autoerotic-asphyxiation anyone?

3rd Party Who Wants to Remain Nameless:
Here here. As of himself in death as he was in life. .....sigh. Hopefully this will spur Hollywood to do the much needed Kung Fu remake.

DBD:
I’m going to buy a poster of him this evening and add it to my special shrine room.

SRH:
You have too many rooms

3PWWRN:
I had the same thought. He clearly pulled a Bob Crane.

DBD:
So off the top of my head, to rank the autoerotic-asphyxiation club members: 1. David Carradine 2. Bob Crane 3. Michael Hutchens

3PWWRN:
Wow that is a pretty high caliber list, that may be the most rarified air Karate Dave ever got to breathe in his whole life.

SRH:
I think you should add Val Kilmer to that list... eventually

3PWWRN:
Apparently he [Val Kilmer] lives like 2 miles from this building. Now that I think about it I can't image why I have not set aside a weekend to stalk and strangle him to death and make it look like AEA. I mean who DOESN'T think he will be on this list soon enough. No alibi required. What?.....HE SHOULD PAY FOR BATMAN FOREVER!!!! .... it is about balance really.

DBD:
I have to disagree with that one, a woman [Val Kilmer] would never let that happen to her.

SRH:
Oooooh burn!

3PWWRN:
Fair enough

So who should play Kwai Chang Caine for the remake. I recommend some one who looks even less Asian than David Carradine, as it will send a strong message to China that we don't need them!!

DBD:
Christian Bale will do it. He’ll do anything.

SRH:
Sean William Scott

DBD:
That is brilliant.

SRH:
Be like The Bullet Proof Monk in the old west

3PWWRN:
You bill it like that and I don't see how you could lose.

SRH:
I am nothing if not market savvy.

DBD:
The Rock could be his master.

SRH:
You are genius. Let’s be clear though, the Rock is everyone's master. Can you smell what I’m cookin’?

3PWWRN:
Spoken like two people who have not seen the new Race to Witch Mountain. Can YOU smell what I’m cookin’? Scorpion King RoCKs!!!

SRH:
Why in god's name would you see Race to Witch Mountain?

3PWWRN:
uhhh... The Rock. duh!

DBD:
"Let’s be clear though, the Rock is everyone's master"--SRH He didn't have a choice.

3PWWRN:
So rarified air then? News sites confirm it [auto-erotic asphyxiation]!

DBD:
That is why you should always have a safe word. It is interesting that Fox News went with “penis” and the AP report used “genitals.” That makes his funeral a fun event now right. It is hard to weep for someone after that. Unless it is from laughter.

SRH:
Yet the laughter weeping is easy.

3PWWRN:
In this case it is more than easy it is almost uncontrollable.

SRH:
I heard the laughter is funnier if you choke yourself while laughing.

The conversation went on a bit after this, but it was mainly about them allowing me to format this and post it.

To recap:
What a way to go
Friday was National Doughnut Day
Here is the evidence of Little Man partaking in the festivities
20 Question Tuesday is up tomorrow
Listening to Little Man watch some Penguins of Madagascar on the DVR

3 Things

There are 3 things to go over today.

Thing the First:
Q is turning 1 on Thursday. It seems like just yesterday that I got to meet Q, so how can it be that she will be a whole year old on this Thursday? People who have mentioned how fast one’s perception of time increases when they have more than one child are woefully inadequate at the description of the bending of space and time around multiple children. It is hard to concept that Little Man has been around long enough for us to pay off a 30 month loan much less that the new kid in the house has been here long enough for her lease to go month-to-month.

Thing the Second:
Did I mention that my second child has been in this world a year on Thursday? I mean really, it was just a few days ago that she started to like me. How can she be a year old? Seriously. How could there have been duration of 289,898,835,498,720,000 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the cesium 133 atom? “How?” I ask you?

Thing the Third:
No, Seriously. The girl is going to be 1 in less than 3 days. WTF? I have a near 6 year old and a near 1 year old. What is up with that?!?!? If it were not for the calendar we would be celebrating her 100 days of being in Casa del SRH. Sure she would be mighty advanced for a 3.5 month old, but that is the amount of time that she has been here. So shut up.

To recap:
Time is a fickle harlot
Q took her first steps on Friday
Pretty advanced for a 3.5 month old
She is also on the verge of speaking rather coherently
20 Questions Tuesday will be about the passing of a year
Listening to Little Man whine about not getting to watch Youtube vids

Ice Cream Man

As a kid I remember the jingle in the air and the odd tune coming from afar and running to my mom for any loose change to run screaming for the Ice Cream Man! The Ice Cream Truck would slowly amble up the hill and my neighbors and I would run out for out bomb pops and ice cream sandwiches. We would all jostle and maneuver for our place in line and wait at the window of the Ice Cream Truck for the Ice Cream Man to offer us frozen goodies in exchange for cold cash.

Truth be told, I was allergic to dairy for most of my childhood, so the Ice Cream Truck didn’t hold a super amount of appeal for me. That being said on more than one occasion I would line up for some kind of popsicle treat with the neighborhood kids (even the weird kids who lived across the street and didn’t talk to us). Since the Ice Cream Truck was not a super sacred memory of mine I feel like I can say with all sincerity and without much of the Golden Age glasses effect that many people reminiscing about the past, our Ice Cream Trucks were better. They were usually modified solid white or solid yellow delivery trucks that were relatively clean and relatively well maintained. The stickers and advertisements on the sides were usually just the menu of treats associated with the truck’s inventory and maybe if the truck was beholden to a specific frozen treat distributor.

Today’s “trucks” mainly seem to be modified conversion vans of dubious maintenance. They are clearly “used” vans that have crudely cut out “service windows” with the unauthorized likeness of licensed characters badly hand scrawled in tempera paint adorning their rust covered hulls. I am unimpressed by your squishy looking SpongeBob with decidedly non-squarepants hastily painted over the former van owner’s delicate yet powerfully airbrushed wizard and castle. Your attempts at hawking my kid your “Tastee Frozen TREETS” have fallen on deaf ears. Even worse your over-powered Midi blasted Muzak bothers my kid enough that we left the park today to get Vanilla Frostys at Wendy’s.

To recap:
It is still Wednesday somewhere
Why won’t the kids go to sleep
It isn’t both of them at the same time though
When Little Man goes right to sleep, Q is up until 11
When Q goes down quickly, Little Man is up 3 or 4 times that night
I think they are conspiring against us
Listening to Sweep the Leg by No More Kings

3 Things

Okay, it has been a bit of a break from posting for me, but since Wifey posted something, I feel like I need to get back on this horse.

Three things that seem topical to me today for the post...

Thing the First:
My allergies are off the charts right now. I am praying for rain, not because the flowers need it, or because we planted a vegetable garden. I am praying fervently to the rain gods to wash the pollen away. With the pollen count being all gigantic right now I have been using Zyrtec in the morning and Claritan in the evening to double up on the anti-histamines. The cottonwood trees have deposited enough of their fluffy death to have the pollen equivalent of snow drifts. So, on Saturday I had some yard workish stuff to do which exposed me to tons of leaf mold and required cutting the grass. Leaf mold and grass are two of my favorite allergies.

Then on Sunday it all went south for me. After spending a goodly amount of time cleaning in the kitchen, my right eye decided that it had had enough and decided to close up shop. The area around the eye just kept on swelling with allergenic love. So in addition to the Claritan and Zyrtec I am now Benadryling every 4 hours.... So at 4 AM this morning I decided to go to the ER and get some help. 3 hours and some eyedrops later, I am feeling much better. I would have added a picture, but that is just plain icky.

For the record: Zyrtec, Claritan, Benadryl, and eye drops. Finally I can see again. The thing about anti-histamines is that they dry you out, causing you to pee, so you have to keep yourself hydrated which makes you pee. I am seeing a bunch of the bathroom today. It needs cleaned too (and not due to my lack of binocular vision and peeing).

Thing the Second:
I finally have a better understanding of what Wifey does for a living. She is a snake-oil salesmen and a charlatan. She hawks goods too the un-informed and ill-advised. She is a huckster, a liar, and a thief... and I am all the more proud of her because of it.

May 14th through the 17th I was in one of Wifey's Art of Hosting Meaningful Conversation trainings. It is amazing seeing her in action. She truly is a badass with her black belt in Conversation-Fu.

Thing the Third:
Happy Memorial Day. I know that I do not appear to be the most fervently patriotic person, but let me tell you there is a quiet deep patriotism that runs through me that is fierce in its nature and vehement in its application. I just do not publicize it too much. Thanks to all the people past present, future, alive, and dead in the US armed forces.

To recap:
Been a while
Tomorrows 20 Questions Tuesday is about conversation killers
It should be fun
Should be, but I only have 10 questions so far
Anyone want to send in a few to me?
Use my email on my profile page
The official topic is "Things that kill off a conversation"
Thanks in advance
Listening to Little Man ask me questions about the Pop Tarts I am about to eat

3 things

Three quick things to discuss today.

Thing the First:
Q is hard to try and keep sleeping at night. Looks like she has a mild cas of the constipation and that is making it a bit difficult to keep her asleep. She tends to wake up very 2 hours in screaming and trying to crawl out of her skin in a clear amount of pain/discomfort. I am amazed at how much conversation revolves around poop for parents of very young children.

Thing the Second:
Little Man is testing boundaries. Wow, is he testing.

Thing the Third:
Got a call back for a "part-time, ad hoc, as needed" position. How about those qualifiers?

To recap:
It is late, but still Monday, so quit your whining
A good weekend marred by fevers and lack of pooping sleep
Reading Blood Ties by Pamela Freeman
20 Questions Tuesday is tomorrow
Q is stirring again
Gotta go...
Listening to the baby monitor

Belated, but only a little bit

I am usually the last person awake in the happy SRH household. Little Man and Q both go down around 8 or 8:30 and Wifey follows around 10 or 11. So I figured that I would get to this post on the 7th instead of after midnight on the morning of the 8th.

Little Man had a rougher than usual night getting to sleep at a late late 9:30. He has a bit of an asthma flare up going on. He seems to get one around this time or a few week later than this every year. It will pass, but there will be much coughing before all is said and done.

I have gotten Q to sleep three times this evening and Wifey has gotten her to sleep once. Q is taking up most of the night tonight and I am rather tired of rocking the little girl, even though she is amazingly cute.

Since it is still the 7th at least in Central, Mountain and Pacific Time Zones I am counting it as still being the 7th.

Happy birthday, Wifey. I had a wonderful day with you today at the BMV renewing your tags, at the grocery store getting your birthday meal ingredients (NY Strip, Baked Potato, and Broccoli, for those of you keeping score). I enjoyed chatting with you all day long and loved the I've-Got-to-Walk-This-Steak-Off stroll that we took after the meal.

I love you and am proud to be married to you, so Happy Birthday to you, albeit a bit belated due to family circumstances. Even as I type I am doing so with an annoyingly awake Q on my lap. Darn babies.

To recap:
Happy Birthday, Sweetheart
That has a different meaning if you accidentally misspell "Sweetheart"
Happy Birthday, Sweatheart
See?
Baby not asleep
And potentially pooping while sitting on my lap
Thank you diapers for your poop-catching majesty
Boy in asthma flare up
I need to give him a breathing treatment in a few minutes
Not sure how to do that with Q awake and slowly defecating
I was going to digitally alter a pic of Wifey all artistic-like but I can't do that with a baby on my lap
So no "Digital Thursday" this week
Listening to The White Stripes Seven Nation Army
Have a great weekend all

Enmity

It seems my enemies have abandoned me. The yeti no longer lurks about with messages of hate and misunderstanding, and the hippo is a simple beast that is easily lured to its demise with the promise of crystal meth and heroine. In many ways these threads of hate and antagonism are either dead or dying, and that makes me sad.

It is difficult to be caustic and vitriolic without something to causticize or vitriate. I am a bitter person with no appreciable target to vent his bile. That is either a very good thing or the thing that will bring about the destruction of society. There is no middle ground, therefore in order to potentially save society as we know it, I need to find a number 1 object of my loathing.

The issue is that I do have some stringent criteria for such a high state of my detestation.

Criterion the first: The object must not be something from my daily life. If the object of my greatest animosity should not be something I run across everyday, lest I be immobilized with my fervent hate at any and all hours of the day.

Criterion the second: The object of my blackest of murderous emotions (I have a range of murderous emotions) must “earn” my deepest revulsion. The yeti earned my gall by its very existence, but it seems that my last entreaty to him has caused him to go “underground” and search his feelings. Then Yeti was supplanted by the hippo due to its lack of natural predator and the overconfidence that instilled in the water horse. Now it is time for the Hippo, loathsome as it is, to take the passenger seat in the custom van of all I hate, while the Yeti gets relegated to a captain’s chair that can swivel. The problem is that I don’t know who/what should be worthy of driving the Custom Van of All I Hate.

(note: this is an example of a custom van, this is not the Custom Van of All I Hate, there are no pictures of that… it ruins negatives and erases digital media)

So, while I quest for new gainful employment, I also will be looking with my trained eye for something to abhor. You have all been warned.

To recap:
I am open to suggestions
Hateful, hateful suggestions
This stupid weather hurts my head
I have taken measures to combat that
Motrin, Sudafed, and Mt Dew
The medicine of champions
BBQ pulled pork for dinner
Not sure what the sides will be, or if it will be ready before Wifey and I go to a meeting tonight
So I will edit
Maybe BBQ pulled pork for dinner tonight
Listening to Welcome Back Father by Earl Greyhound
Beyond here… there be dragons

3 Things

3 Things to talk about from the weekend.

Thing the first:
Earth Balance Soy Free Margarine. Thank you for mass producing an 8 major allergen free buttery spread. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Rather from the bottom of Wifey’s heart. She is rather tired of the shortening that we “made” into something “butter-ish.”

Thanks Earth Balance, Bawk! Bawk!

Thing the second:
Rice Krispie Treats are tasty. Mmmmm

Thing the third:
I have a killer headache that is getting in the way of me being nice to my loud 5.75 year old. Yep, fluffy is in da house.

To recap:
Shout out to the May 4th Memorial at Kent State
Even though this is a rather quick post, it is chock full of lemony goodness
Maybe that is the headache talking
Tylenol, Sudafed, and Mt Dew have something to say to you, Fluffy
And it is not “Make yourself comfortable.”
They aren’t polite like that
Listening to Insane in the Brain by Cypress Hill
I am Old Skool like that

Sleep

Q is having some difficulties staying asleep at night. At first we thought it was because she was gassy. After administering some antigas medicine. That was not the issue. Then we thought that she might be in the midst of some teething discomfort due to the crooked smile and massive amounts of drooling. We gave her some Motrin. That was not the issue as well. Then we thought that maybe she was having a mild allergic reaction. We gave her some Benadryl. That was not the issue either.

It turns out that her body is trying to stand up in her sleep and that is waking her up. Great. How do you help a baby sleep through that?

To recap:
Q wants to stand on her own much more than she is
At least subconsciously
I WILL have some thing for Digital Thursday tomorrow
Listening to Little Man repeatedly yell "FLLLLY AWAAAAAY" while throwing a parachute toy
Kill me now

Re-invigoration

The job hunt process has drug on like too small an anchor through delta sludge. While I do not feel completely stationary, there is not much movement to speak of as well. Every once and a while there feels like there is movement, but it is illusory and minimal if present. This is a bad economy to be looking for a job. It is an especially bad economy when you are looking for a career change.

These have been trying times for me and my waning motivation. I am not sure what it is that I would like to do, and that makes it difficult to come up with a plan of attack. It is difficult to accomplish a non-existent goal. Not that I haven’t done that before.

The point is, I started a practice of posting 4 days a week a while ago and I let that slip due to my lack of regimen. That is about to change. Get ready, people of the Internets, I have eaten my fiber and am now ready to be posting much more regularly.

To recap:
Ironic thing I have recently heard: You see, they do it much better because they do it scientistically
Wifey had some work in San Jose recently
Little Man, Q, and I went to meet her there
Q and Little Man were both ill on the flights back home
So for the 3 folks in row 26, I am sorry for your vomiting today
Not really, you were a bunch of ungracious asshats
Now you are a bunch of ungracious vomitous asshats
Listening to Q babble
She is just this side of saying “Mama”
Guess who is over the moon about that
20QTues is tomorrow