20 Questions Tuesday: 278 - Fortune Telling

Sunday was “Groundhog’s Day” a day in North America where the length of our winter is prognosticated by a rodent.  The tale is that on February 2nd if a groundhog comes out and sees its shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter, if the animal does not see its shadow there will be an “early spring.”  Personally I think the way it is set up is that if the animal sees its shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter and if it doesn't see its shadow there is only a month and a half left of winter… It is a 6 weeks vs 1.5 months vs 42 days kind of thing.  Because of this bizarre ritual, this week’s topic is “Fortune Telling.”

Thanks this week go to Andrew Miller, Aunt Linda, Katie, Wes, Bruce, Nadolny, Chris Corrigan, Tues (my wife), Sandy, AnnMarie and Some Other Guy .  Onto the questions!

1.  Given the bad fortune told by that rodent Sunday - what are some of the good fortunes you could tell us about from your life yesterday?

That the future is bright for gluten free living…. that being said, I predict some bad odors until gluten free becomes even easier.

2.  Have you ever thought back on the fortune teller machine from the movie Big and wonder what kind of sadistic adult would taunt kids into thinking there was something worthwhile to becoming an adult?

They are just milking a market.  Kids crave autonomy and the autonomous people they are modeling their ideas after are adults.  They do not know that adults typically have responsibilities.  The people selling things don’t want you to know the drawbacks to your potential investment.

3.  Speaking of which, do you ever put a coin into those fortune telling machines? And why oh why did they ever stop making the somewhat racist but at least artfully done machines with genies and gypsies in them and instead just go the the ones where you stick your finger in it and a bunch of boring red LED's would provide the prediction.

I have never spent money on that kind of contraption.  I think the whole Zoltar machine thing is compelling because of the clunky animatronics… take that away and it is a more cryptic Magic 8-Ball.

4.  Also, what about when Grandpa Simpson became the Love-matic-grandpa. In the future, when your time comes, would you prefer your soul (this is making an awful lot of assumptions) went to some sort of nirvana or would that nirvana be haunting a fortune telling machine stuck in the back of a bar somewhere, allowing you to mess with people into infinity - or at least until some drunk bashed you to pieces?

Depends… could I be funny?  If I could be funny, I might go with the messing with people in the back of a bar dispensing hilarious love advice.

5.  Have you ever had a fortune come true?

One would need to actually have a fortune given to one for one to have a fortune to come true.  I write my own fortunes, baby!

6.  Astrology: Real or mumbo jumbo?  Is your future in the stars?

While we are all made of stardust, our existence is not determined by stardust.  

7.  Have you ever just wished “to be big?”

I am working on fulfilling that wish right now… eating eating eating

8.  Per Domino (Bond girl from Thunderball) and the Delphi Oracle, is virginity required or helpful?

It is a delightful plot device, but most likely not a requirement.

9.  Favorite prognostication method? i-ching, tarot cards, crystal ball, palm reading, phrenology, seance, numerology, astrology, cootie catcher, entrails, rune stones, “the bones”, etc…?

I am always partial to movie scrying associated with entrails.  Reading the future should be a dirty, questionable act.

10.  Of those, the best/most reliable method?

None of those… does that mean I don’t believe people cannot see the future… not necessarily.

11.  Favorite fictitious fortune teller? Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost, Domino in Thunderball, the mutants in Total Recall?

Kuato for the win.

12.  Does sci-fi predict the future or inspire it?

It inspires it.  

13.  Who are the most notable fortune teller busters? I know that Arthur Conan Doyle did some...

I think you can add Harry Houdini to that list and more recently The Amazing Randi.

14.  Guesses on the Crew’s new crest and name?

I think the Crew moniker will stay, but the official name might become CCFC for Columbus Crew Football Club.  The crest will be more generic much like the new Earthquakes logo.  

15.  What thing makes you sure you know how something is going to turn out?

I rarely know how things will turn out.  I am a relatively fear based mammal so I tend to catastrophize.  When a catastrophe does not occur, then I am pleased that my expected outcome did not occur.

16.  Best thing you've ever heard from a psychic?

Hmmm… That things were going to get better.  You stay unemployed for 18 months and you talk to a psychic.  She was right.  Vague and right

17.  Tell someone else's fortune…

I foresee a bag of gas in someone close to me’s future….. ooooh spooky!

18.  Is the mysticism around the teller (scarf, cards, ball,) necessary? Would it feel as believable if she wore a baseball hat and chewed gum?

People are suckers for ritual and really respond well to having their own beliefs reinforced.  People expect pychics to look and act a certain way, if they don’t, many people will doubt their credibility. It also helps if they are attractive, but attractiveness is always helpful in everything.

19.  If you worked for the Psychic Hotline, what would your professional name be?

The Great Josiah Extraordinaire

20.  Prognostication or Proboscitation?

Proboscitation scares me as an idea… scares and intrigues…

To recap:

I knew you would all ask these questions

And thanks for asking them

Winter Storm Warning is in effect until 10 AM on Wednesday

I hear beyond here there be yetis

BBQ pulled pork for dinner

I had it on nachos

It was delightful

Little Man and I went to the grocery store

We drove past where we used to walk every afternoon to watch trains go by

Something lodged in my eye at that time

There may have been a tear

but that was because of the something in my eye

That’s it for this week

I should have an interview ready for next week

Have a great week everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 272 - Christmas

Merry Christmas to all of you celebrating Christmas tomorrow.  To all of you who may not be celebrating Christmas. I hope your Wednesday is hopeful and bright and that if you celebrate any holidays this season that they are wonderful. Since tomorrow is Christmas, the topic for today’s 20 Questions is, unsurprisingly enough, “Christmas.”

Before we go any further. Let’s get the boring old tiresome questions out f the way.  I have received many best gifts and the worst gift was from my Grandmother in Florida who really wanted me to be a girl.  The tradition on Christmas is that the family opens Santa gifts (Santa is still blessedly real in our household, probably for the last year :-( —boooooo!) and empties stockings.  Then I make cinnamon rolls for breakfast (which will be interesting this year with the gluten thing).  After breakfast Little Man and Q play the part of Santa’s Elves and pass out the presents.  Then we sit and open one gift each in turn.  It then becomes snack time.  Following the snack the Wife and her mom start up with Christmas dinner prep for a standing rib roast, twice baked potatoes, and a vegetable of some kind.  That is the end to the structure.  From there the house descends into chaos and napping.   

Thanks this week go to Mike, Lord Pithy, Nadolny, Dr B-Dawg, Wood, Lsig, and Newbold.  Enough of this claptrap.  On to the questions!

1.  Eggnog: Yes or no?  Yes, definitely the non-alcoholic kind as a kid.  Barber’s Egg Nog was that bomb.  I have not been able to find anything comparable since leaving Alabama so many years ago.  I cannot imagine that adding rum to it would make it better, but I am not much for the alcohol.

2.  Do you now ~ask~ for socks and underwear for Christmas, or are you still holding out for toys and major electronics?   More cookware then socks and underwear, and I gave up on electronics years ago.

3.  Every year I think we should just promise each other great Christmas presents and go spend all that money on awesome boxing day/week/season sales, but that never happens because WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD PUT UP WITH THAT MADNESS. Discuss… Oh, Boxing Day, you non-US shopping time.  Your Boxing Day is analogous to our Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving here.  Ours seems to make a bit more sense scheduling-wise… being before Christmas and all.

4.  Which was your fantasy holiday getaway as a child, Christmas in Eternia, or Life Day on Kashyyyk? Has your answer to #2 changed now that you’re an “adult?”  I missed the Star Wars Christmas Special that only happened once, so I would have to say that I am leaning towards the joint She-Ra/He-Man Christmas in Eternia.  It does not hold up.

5.  Say you were given the office of Santa for 1 hour. To whom would you deliver what? Now, say you were given the office of the Doctor for that same hour, who/what would be the villain of your Christmas episode? Hmmm… As Santa, I would bring gifts to kids whose parents couldn’t get them anything.  (awwww, he has a heart… not really, but I couldn’t think of anything else). As The Doctor I would stay the fuck away from that “Are You My Mommy” shit.  That stuff was terrifying.  I would probably have a run in with mannequin Santas for my Doctor Who Christmas Special… I would, of course have to regenerate at the end of the episode where I would say, “Well, That’s that” as my last words and then turn into the next doctor who would happen to be Emma Thompson.  Boom!  and scene!

6.  Is Christmas under attack? Nope

7.  What is your favorite pagan part of Christmas that the Christians have merged into it? The whole thing… the Mithra story, the coopting of the Wodin’s Wild Hunt, the Yule traditions… oh I could go on.

8.  Are white Christmas’s better?…Aside from weather, are there any major differences between the Christmas celebrations of your childhood and those of your family now? Is this a racist question… I would imagine that Christmas is better on average for white people.. oh, wait, you mean weather wise… I have never experienced a white Christmas.  So far the big difference between the Alabama Christmas and an Ohio Christmas is tolerance and about 5 to 10 degrees F colder.

9.  Who does the wrapping? You or the better half? The Wife primarily does the wrapping, but I wrap her gifts.

10.  If you could invent a new Christmas tradition that everyone just adopted, what would it be? First everyone must wear a cap, and then people must politely doff them upon meeting, primarily so I can write the word “doff.”

11.  Do the kids give you a formal wish list or is it just picking up on what they are interested in? We had then snap some pics at stores of things they wanted and then made Pinterest boards for them.

12.  Which is your favorite reindeer? Blitzen… for reasons.

13.  Why the North pole and not the South pole? Because modern Western Culture are primarily in the Northern Hemisphere

14.  Does Santa pay his elves or are they working for free it is some form of socialism? It is a form of socialism?  Elves serve at the pleasure of Santa (and most likely to pleasure Santa as well… the fat man wants to get his jollies).

15.  Santa: Charming addition to the magic of the holiday season, or parental lie that will undermine your children’s faith in humanity when the truth is discovered? It is delightful to watch the kids believe in fable and magic.  They light up when thinking about it.  I love that.  Most likely that will end soon, and I will miss the magicalness.

16.  What’s your favorite Christmas special? Do your kids concur? I have always been partial to the Rankin and Bass specials, but I think that has to do with the whole childhood/nostalgia.  The kids like this show called “Gotta Get Santa Claus” where William Shatner is the voice of Santa Claus.  It is an odd show with crazy plot holes.   

17.  Does anybody actually eat fruitcake? I have never seen a partially eaten slice of fruitcake.  Either no one eats fruitcake or once someone eats a little bit of fruitcake they have to eat the whole thing.

18.  One christmas me, my brother and 3 redneck friends took a 2 wheel drive car out in blizzard basically. There was already 5-6 inches of snow on the ground.  We drank 2.5 liters of jack daniels and skied on doors of the car because no one was on the road.  This is an epic story of which I will spare you until you join the campfire some night. What’s your most memorable christmas story? Hmmm… Nothing so crazy as that.  Really cannot think of anything other than gifts and food… Drunk blizzard door skiing takes the cake.

19.  Is the christmas story of Jesus based on the ancient story of the sun god? Mithra, for the win! Met an unwashed dude named Mithra on a ferry from Dover to Oostend… beat that, bitches!

20.  I’ve been in foreign countries for their holidays and…. Its frikkin weird.  What about US consumer-christmas do think outsiders might see as weird? Everything about it. Our version of Christmas is so insanely consumer driven it is obscene.  Crazy obscene due to the crazy amount of just crap people buy.  It is less a religious holiday and more an excuse to run up credit card debt.

To recap:

A good friend of mine from freshmen to the second semester of my junior year is losing her battle with breast cancer

She and I drifted away from each other long long ago

She has an amazing wit and really helped me through Art History 1, 2, and 3

Those classes were god awful boring and a group of us would pass our notes around trying to make each other laugh

Good times

She is a good person and will be missed

Holy crap!  It’s Christmas

Merry Christmas one and all

Next week is an “exclusive” interview with one Tom Merritt

He and I talk about his departure from the TWiT network

Then we talk about what is coming for him in 2014

It is a great conversation, and a wonderful 20 Questions

Have a happy and safe holiday, all

More next week!

20 Questions Tuesday: 269 - Thanksgiving

This week is Thanksgiving Week here in the States, so today I am very thankful for everyone who read this here site and especially the people who have allowed me to ask 20 questions and the people who send me questions to ask.  Enough of this hornswaggle though let’s stop this simpering and get to it.

This week’s topic is actually “Thanksgiving.”  Oh, Thanksgiving… so much more fun when I could eat the glutens.  I actually am not really looking forward to the actual Thanksgiving Day meal…  No stuffing, potentially no gravy, and no pumpkin pie…. so all of you can shove it.  Let’s get to it.

Thanks this week go to Chris Ring, Lord Pithy, Dr B-Dawg, and Chris Corrigan.  Let’s do this.

1: Travel? or Hosting?

We are traveling because we don’t like having to go through all the hassle of the clean up

2: Macy’s Parade YEAH! or UGH!?

leaning more towards the UGH.  Parades are always just the wrong side of enjoyable for me… But I always THINK they should be enjoyable.  Alas and alack they never are.

3: Any non-traditional items on the menu?

Not that I can think of.  We are really pretty beholden to the restaurant in the lodge we are going to be staying at.

4: Any annual TV/Movie must see?

Nope.

5: PIE! No question JUST PIE! (suck it cake people)

I wish I could just take on some pie without efforting to have the pie all gluten-free.

6. Do you find you change your “What are you thankful for” answer depending on the audience?

Nope.  I screw that up regardless of audience.

7. If you could assign other people’s “thankfuls,” what would Wifey be thankful for?

The internal combustion engine… you should be thankful for that as well.

8. Day of the Doctor — totally awesome TV or what?

I have only heard good things about that… but I am not a Whovian.

9. Popcorn, toast or jelly beans for favorite traditional Thanksgiving food?

Hmmm… those the only three choices?  Gonna go with popcorn because one could make it sweet or savory.

10. I’m thankful to have you for a friend. Is that enough to warrant a free lunch?

Sure… let’s set it up

11. Did the OED proclaim “Thanksgiving” as its word of the year in 1621?

Nope, the word of the year was the phrase: “Ye Daye of Gratitvde Gifting”  It was all the rage that year.  It took the sea-lanes and trapper trails by storm.

12. Would you ever prepare and butcher a live turkey for Thanksgiving?

Nope, I am honestly not a big fan of bird on the bone.

13. Electric or human-powered knife for carving the turkey?

Electric.

14. How long after Thanksgiving do the Christmas decorations appear?

The weekend after.

15. When do the preparations for the big meal begin?

We leave town tomorrow.

16. So what do you do in your house to deal with the cultural appropriation issues of the US Thanksgiving holiday and the romanticized view of history that the typical narrative presents to the American public?

Well, this year Little Man did a study of the Wyandot and both the Wife and I feel that we might be able to mention the more controversial aspects of this anglo holiday.

17. Have you ever been at a Native American Thanksgiving?  Hint: it’s awkward.  Pro-tip: Black Friday was a good name for what followed.

Nope… I imagine it is about as popular as Columbus Day with the Native Americans.  Things Native Americans are not thankful for? European swine based illnesses.

18. “The US is the only country in the world where people run over each other in the quest for cut rate material acquisition the day after a celebration of gratitude for everything they have.”  Discuss.

The holiday season is nothing if not ironic.

19. People have been rightly excited about the convergence of Channukah and Thanksgiving this year.  But it is also the beginning of Advent.  Which is not a holiday where we get to vent at the ads that come our way over the next month. Are these holidays overdone?  Shouldn’t we just ratchet back the whole thing and celebrate humbly and privately with friends and family around and narry a credit card to be seen?

I don’t think you know how to celebrate extravagance very well.  See, you do that by over indulgence and consumption.  The holiday season is for overdoing it and for infusing the economy with a shot of hot spicy cash.

20. What would a small, deep, simple, pressure-free and beautiful Thanksgiving actually look like in your house?  In my house high on the list would be my gratitude for you guys being in my life.  Just sayin’.  And pie of course.

It would involve bunches of naps and phone calls to friends and family… but mainly naps.

To recap:

Lsig and her hubby spent the night at Casa Del Me last night

It was great to see them both

So much fun

My homework schedule just got a reprieve

Yeeee-haw!  Reprieve!

US Thanksgiving this Thursday

Turkey shall be consumed

and probably mashed potatoes

And some corn of some sort

…. but no stuffing

Crap, I miss stuffing

and deserts

Missing both of those

Have a great weekend everyone!

20 Questions Tuesday: 179 - Gifting

Well, it is Tuesday again and I am writing this here post.  Turns out that today the wife is out of town in Boston and the youngest kid is in ill and I am at home with the sickun.  She is sniffly and congested with a very low grade fever.  No biggie.  She is chomping on some BBQ potato chips and drinking some OJ.  I am quite the parent.  In my defense the chips are kettle cooked.

Today’s topic is Gifting.  Thanks this week go to Lord Pithy, Dr B Dawg, Nadolny, and Some Other Guy.  Onto the questions!

1. When your spouse says something like, “Let’s not give each other gifts this year. We already have so much.” How do you proceed? Is it better to disappoint or disobey?

I have made the mistake of not getting something “not on the list” for my wife, even when she said “Don’t worry about getting anything not on the list.”  I will always get a gift now, no matter what the fool woman says.

2. Put you and wifey in O Henry’s ”Gift of the Magi.” What would be your watch and her hair?

Hmmm… I have never thought of this one…  I guess I would have to sell some art supplies so that I could get her some vacation, and she would have to work through her vacation to get me some Bristol board.

3. Would you rather receive toe socks or a pedi-egg?

Toe socks… my feet are amazingly smooth and silky already. 

4. If Santa owed you a favor, what would you ask for?

I would ask for a ride on the sleigh… that sounds rather dirty.

5. Have you ever laughed at a gift, only to find it wasn’t meant to be a joke? Describe.

Well, my grandmother on my dad’s side always gives such inappropriate gifts and my parent’s are known for the “not-so-great” gifts.

6. Is there such a thing as a bad wrapped gift?

A badly wrapped gift? Or are you meaning a crap gift that has been wrapped?  Both are easily possible.

7. Are you a gift shaker?

Not since I was about 10. 

8. Do you prefer 1 big gift or a bunch of small gifts (assuming that both scenarios generated equivalent total happiness)

You know, as long as they bring the same total happiness, it doesn’t matter…. but they better bring me happiness, or there will be Hell to pay!

9. Oddest gift?

A quilted plastic Santa decoration door hanger.  It was Hawesome!!

10. Are you a re-gifter?

Very rarely, and typically only if we received a gift that is really high quality of something we just won’t use.  Think waffle iron.

11. Where do you fall on re-gifting?

As stated previously, as long as one is not re-gifting just to get rid of crap, is not necessarily a bad thing.  It becomes a bad thing when the re-gift is not thoughtful or the quality of the gift is crappy.

12. Ever re-gift something where the person who originally gave it to you found out?

Not that I know of.

13. Worst gift ever received? (OK, everyone asked that I’m sure).

A cheap green vinyl tablecloth that reeked of tobacco pipe smoke.

14. Best gift ever received? (How’s that for an original questionee)

The Looney Tunes Chess set… it was a back handed gift though, but that is a story for a different time.

15. If the great gift is giving, why are we being so selfish and sticking it to all these folk who must live with the second greatest gift (known as receiving). Aren’t we just damn selfish to be thrusting gifts upon our poor and unsuspecting friends.

I look at it as giving the gift of allowing them to give to me.  I am just giving in that way.

16. How many real gifts do the kiddies get?

Hmmm… a pretty good amount.  From Mama and Papa?  About 5 a piece, if I am remembering the lists correctly.

17. Does Wifey have something particular on her list this year that you aren’t able to procure?

Well, she is wanting an iPad 2, but we cannot spring for that cost at the moment. Maybe for Valentine’s Day, babe, maybe for Valentine’s Day.

18. What does Little Man want that he is just not getting this year?

Well, unless his uncle who is stationed in Germany comes through like a super-hero, either the LEGO Star Wars Super Star Destroyer or the Death Star.  Those both come in at $499.99 US.  No can do.  Wifey ain’t getting an iPad 2, and Little Man ain’t getting the Death Star.

19. What is on your list that you aren’t getting?

Well, I was hoping to have a new job by Christmas, but that is not happening.  Maybe by MLK Day 2012… keep your fingers crossed.

20.  Are you done with your Christmas shopping for all your gifts, this year?

Nope… In fact, I am off to Amazon.

to recap:
Little Woman is just a bit sick
Just sick enough to be incredibly whiny
Lucky me
Seriously whiny
I am currently making her some french fries
They are crinkle cut
You know the nutritious kind
After she eats it will be nap time
Crap I need lunch too
Have a great weekend, everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 177 - Holiday Hangover

So last week was a holiday of gluttony, and that means that there is a period post-holiday that required to recover from the holiday… or as I have coined it the Holiday Hangover (editor’s note: someone else might have coined this phrase, but I am claiming it for the purpose of this blog).  So I have decided to make the topic all about the Holiday Hangover.  More explanation, you ask?  

Okay… here we go:   After a holiday there is always a down period where one has to re-insert themselves into the drudgery of their everyday life.  Where the holiday is known to be in amazing technicolor, it is now time to go back into the grey drudgery of everyday life…  Ergo the phrase “Holiday Hangover.”

Thanks this week go to ICYellow, Lord Pithy, Capt. McArmypants, Dr B-Dawg, Reilly Brown, Chris Ring, and Some Other Guy … onto the questions:

1. Mr. Expert, does Holiday Hangover include a time warp zone? It appears to speed up during days off and then crash to a halting snail’s pace come Monday.

I hardly consider myself an expert as much as I consider myself a trendsetter. Perception is an odd beast, and I do think that time is more variable than people give it credit.  I have often asserted that the flow of time is not strictly a straight line un-wavering propagation, but more of a non-linear looping and vacillating stream of time.

2. Why? Oh, why?

Because. Oh, why not?

3. “Hair of the dog” is the accepted cure for a regular hangover. What is the cure for this holiday hangover?

Tinsel of the Tree, Gravy of the Boat, Bow of the Gift… Not sure which one works best, but I am leaning toward Gravy of the Boat.  Please weigh in.

4. Why was I born beautiful instead of rich?

Not sure what this has to do with the Holiday Hangover, but I will play ball.  You are deluded, however, relatively correct.  Whislt not being exceptionally comely, and no where near beautiful, you are clearly not rich, by any means.

5. I don’t really care about the food of Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t I be allowed to trade turkey for another day off?

Thanksgiving is more than just turkey.  It is ham… it could be prime rib? Don’t limit yourself to seasonal fowl.

6. Actually, I’m excited to come back to work. Is that normal?

No… you are not normal, and this factoid is merely more confirmation of this fact.

7. Is the Holiday Hangover transition made more difficult for you when you factor in Christmas is right around the corner?  I mean is it really worth getting back up to speed since you will shift gears in a mere 31 days?

Nope, ask any drunkard, the best way to get rid of an actual hangover is to get drunk again.  So, the best way to get over the Holiday Hangover is to have another fete d’holiday (faux Francais pour la gagner)

8. Did you gluttonize to the extent that your body was rebelling and begging for a sensible meal or time it perfectly to where you want one more treat before going back to an appropriate adult diet?

Not anymore.  That is the old 35 year old me.  I now just eat to where I am pleasantly uncomfortable, which allows me to keep that level of uncomfortable fullness for a day or two.  This year, since we didn’t cook everything on our own, there was not a chance to overfill on the leftovers.

9. Do you get Holiday Hangovers after summer holidays or just the winter ones?

Since most summer holidays are a little less food based, the Holiday Hangover tends to be a bit less.  That and summer holidays don’t have the childhood carryover since one doesn’t have to steel themselves to immediately go back to school.  There is less of a cultural history of Holiday Hangover associated with the summer holidays.

10. Is there a cure?

Time is the only cure.

11.  What was the last Holiday Hangover that came with an actual hangover?

Wow… I would say it needs to go back to maybe 10 years ago or so?  I don’t remember exactly, but that probably means that I got seriously ripped up that holiday.

12. After how many meals do the leftovers no longer invoke holiday cheer?

2

13. Cyber-Monday. Really?

Preceded directly by Spam Email Sunday.  I got so many trash emails on Sunday.  I think that Cyber-Monday is short-sightedly ephemeral.  It should last for more than a day because it needs to be at least  a week.

14. How long before the Christmas spirit sets in?

From Thanksgiving? About .2 seconds… It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

15. Instead of holiday office parties, why can’t we just go home quicker?     

Less traffic? Higher speed limits?  Not sure I follow exactly… Just kidding, I think you mean “earlier.”  Yes, one should be able to jet earlier instead of hanging with the work doofusses

16. It is 65 degrees here with bright blue sky and green grass, so suck it grey drudgery. I guess that is not a question. Actually, this imperative is part of the Occupy movement. Consider your blog now occupied with imperatives until their vague non-demand demands are specifically met. Respond.

I hate you with green billious envy, jerkface.

17. How many times did you hit the “Snooze” button on Monday?

Well…. I didn’t hit the snooze button as much as re-set the alarm for much later.

18. Is marshmallow vodka a good idea, because it seemed like a good idea at the time?

Marshmallow vodka is quite possibly not a good idea ever.  In fact I would go so far to say that it is an Absolut Bad Idea.

19. Should they make a Hangover 3: Holiday Hangover to try and revitalize the sophomore slumping franchise?

Oh, God, No!  They should apologize for Hangover 2 and let someone else create a new comedy that is actually funny instead of trying to capture lightning in a bottle… again.

20.  Worst Holiday Hangover ever?

To tell the truth, Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day, you threw it away.  this year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to somebody special… special…
uh, where was I?  Oh yes, Last year was particularly bad because I had no vacation hours and for the week between Christmas and New Year’s I was at work… alone.

To recap:
The gut was feeling really nastily this morning
Ant-Acids didn’t help much
There was a constant cloud around me like pigpen from the peanuts
Sadly it was not a dust cloud
Wifey thought about kicking me out of the house last night, if only for the fresh air
I have work I need to do
Sadly, it is at Job 2 that I have so much work that needs to be done
I am at Job 1 right now, with minimal boring tasks to do
I am completely over my Holiday Hangover
Suck it, Thanksgiving!
Your wonderful vacation/holidayness holds no power over me!
Oh, why? oh, why? Have you forsaken me Thanksgiving?
I need another hit of mashed potatoes
Have a great week, folks

20 Questions Tuesday: 176 - Thanksgiving (on Thursday.. whoops)

So, today, the fam is on the way to the first vacation in a long long time.  So we are vacating whilst having the Thanksgiving day festivities.  It is going to be a great time… that has been needed for a long long time.  Did I mention “long long time?” ….because you know, “long long time.”

Anyway… since it is a holiday week, I am breaking out the holiday tropes… The topic for this edition is, unsurprisingly, Thanksgiving.

Thanks this week go to: Guido, Lsig, Allrileyedup, Capt. McArmypants, and Some Other Guy.  On to the questions!

1. Whose house does your family usually go to for Thanksgiving?

We typically have the whole Thanksgiving thing at our house, with my family now and most, if not all of my family growing up.  This year, however, we are heading out of town and visiting with no one.  I think it is a welcome respite from the typical Thanksgiving hosting duties.

2. Whose job is it to kill “the bird”?

By “kill” I assume you mean either purchase or prepare.  Purchase?  Well, whomever goes grocery shopping that week.  Sometimes me, sometimes Wifey and sometimes the Ma-in-Law. Prepare? Never me, I hate touching poultry.  CANNOT STAND IT.  So either Wifey or Ma-in-Law do the bird preparations.

3.  Are you for, or against, putting up Christmas decorations prior to Thanksgiving? Personally, I’m against, I prefer my holidays one at a time.

One holiday at a time, please.  Now, we will put up decor the day after, often. This year it will be the week after Turkey-Day.

4. Is it tradition for you to eat absolutely as much as possible?  I try to have a little of everything, which turns into a lot of something!

Umm… I am not quite sure how to respond to this with something other than just a big ole “YES.”

5. Do you have any non-standard foods that must be part of your T-day feast?

Not especially.  We tend to stay pretty traditional.  Ham, Turkey, corn, green beans, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, etc…

6. Do you call your turkey “Tom”? (I insist on calling ours Pablo. Pablo Pavo (Pavo being Spanish for turkey).

I think we only refer to the turkey as “the bird.”  Sometimes the “stupid bird,” or “that fucking bird in the bag.”

7. Who does the bulk of your thanksgiving cooking?

My wife and her mom do pretty much every bit of the cooking for the feast.

8. Do you go around and say what you are thankful for like they do on tv?

Yup, we all sit on one side of the table and try to avoid looking at the audience while we say what we are thankful for and watch clips from past episodes fade in and fade out.  Who doesn’t love a clip show?

9. Pumpkin pie? (I vote yes)

Hells yes!  With whipped cream, of course.

10. What is your favorite T-day tradition?

Umm… The eating of the foods. Is there any other tradition to look forward to?

11. How many T-day traditions do you have?

We really don’t have too many traditions, per se.  They mainly revolve around the food and the eating thereof.  So as a family we typically have 2.  The cooking and the eating…

12. Why does T-day get so shafted by Christmas?

Well, because Christmas also has a big meal associated with it, but, oh so much more.  There are gifts, and decorations, and carols, and TV shows, and wrapping paper, and trees, and lights, and food (often much of the same foods).  Plus, it is only a month away.  I am sure some people use Thanksgiving Day as a dry run or dress rehearsal for their Christmas Day feast.

13. What artwork has the children (or perhaps just one of them) brought home?

I don’t remember… I am a bad parent… maybe Little Man has done one of those turkey hands or something.

14. I am all for cultural appreciation, but I think sometimes we overlook the obvious. When eating partially fermented Bird Fetus with yolk still in the egg or pickled pigs feet or diet ice cream remember that people ate these things because they were starving not because they enjoyed it.  Which traditional Turkey Day treat do you give the maddest props to in terms of awful but still served at the table for the sake of TRADITION?

I think sweet potatoes or cranberry sauce would be the two that I think of.

15. Which traditional food be yer favorite?

Yaaarrrrr, Sausage stuffing be my favorite.  as long as it not be corn bread stuffing or too soppy, it be the blessed food of the seven seas, yarrrr.

16. Which tradition be yer favorite?

Tis, the tradition of nae touching the raw bird, that be my favorite, once ye gets past the traditional grub’n’eatings.

17. 24 NOV 11:  Looking forward to the main course or the Dessert more?  24 NOV 85:  Looked forward to the main course or the dessert?

This is a really interesting question.  I am currently really looking forward to the main course, whereas in 85 an 11 year old me was looking forward to spice cake with cream cheese frosting and pumpkin pie with whipped cream.

18. When you get “into the Holiday spirit” do you try focus on the “thanks” for what you have or the “giving” to others?

I think I am more concerned with the whole “giving” thing, mainly because I need to figure out what they want.  Piffle, who am I kidding? I am focusing on what I am getting.

19. Best Thanksgiving Day story?

Well, one year the Mom-in-Law (refered to as “M” in this story) invited her elderly neighbor whose husand had died previously that year, we will refer to her as “R.”  Little Man’s surrogate grandparents, brought their elderly Alzheimer riddled neighbor, let’s call him “J.”

J: M, Whatever Happened to that nice man who lived next door to you?
R: **Cries softly**
M: He died this year, R is his widow.
J: Oh, that’s terrible.  I am sorry for you loss, R.
R: **More crying**
—Ten minutes Pass—
J: M, Whatever Happened to that nice man who lived next door to you?
R: **Cries softly**
M: He died this year, R is his widow.
J: Oh, that’s terrible.  I am sorry for you loss, R.
R: **More crying**
—Ten Minutes Later—
J: M, Whatever Happened to that nice man who lived next door to you?
R: **Cries softly**
M: He died this year, R is his widow.
J: Oh, that’s terrible.  I am sorry for you loss, R.
R: **More crying**
—Rinse and Repeat ad Infinitum—

The best Thanksgiving story ever.

20.  If you weren’t able to spend your Thanksgiving at your house or at a relatives, where would you spend your Thanksgiving?

Oh, I think the fam and I would spend our Thanksgiving at a State Park resort in West by God Virginia.

To recap:
Wild, Wonderful
5 hours of driving in the rain
Through backwoods county roads
In the rain
Close to being serpentine 1 lane roads
I shouldn’t be dramatic
We stopped for 30 minutes for lunch
It was really 4.5 hours
I have to format this and get it posted
Have a great holiday, all you US folk out there
Have a great weekend everyone else
And I guess you US folk could have a great weekend too