Minor Deities

Well, it seems that the exercise routine looks like it is being endorsed by higher powers. Last night’s work-out was not punctuated by tornadic funnel clouds slowly alighting to the ground. So I had to actually force my lazy butt to do the entire work-out. Well, crap. Now the gods have decided that I am a lard-ass, and need to skinny myself up. Thanks a whole bunch guys.

I would have thought that Neufchatel, the God of Cheesecake, would have stepped up to the plate and gotten some anti-cyclone activity going for my non-exercising benefit. But noooooo, not one minor deity of uselessness tried to free me from my elliptical torture.

Another sad side effect of this new found exercisism is that I now do not want to even remotely get out of bed in the morning. Thanks for that Exercismo (The God of Exercise and Sveltness), you jerk! My shoulder is all achy, my back is stiff, and my neck is tight. My bad knee is taunting my worse knee and my ankle protests most of my movements. The only thing on me that doesn’t seem to be rebelling against the tender ministrations of Exercismo is whatever part of the body is in charge of creating sarcasm. I think that might be the spleen, but I am not sure.

I thought exercise was supposed to help. Fat lot of help it is right now, I will tell you that. All I am getting out of it at the moment is some soreness and a good bit of bitterness. (Which I’m sure pleases Acrimonious, the God of Bad Attitudes). I guess this is just what one gets when they have been a lazy lump of poo for a good long time.

I am pretty sure that Reducio, The Goddess of Dieting, is waiting around the corner to attack my bulbous frame. To make matters worse, I won’t be able to fend her off because I will be sore from all this annoying exercise. Oh well, I guess at 32 it is time to try to get healthier. I don’t know why 32 is it, but that is when it seems to be happening for me.

To recap:
I am quite whiney about exercise
I need to start staying on the elliptical for 45 minutes, not just 30
Do Minor Deities have to sit at the kid’s table at the God and Goddesses’ banquets?
I may be sore all over, but at least I still have my meager mental faculties
Hyperbole is the God of Exaggeration
Hopefully I will get past this initial sore stage soon
Maybe some new exercise shoes will help
I am sure my fencing shoes from 1996 probably aren’t giving me the support they should
Yeah, I fenced in college
Psst… Wanna buy a watch?
My fencing master said that I had promise
I loved responding to his directions with “Yes, My… Master” in my best Darth Vader voice
Which was really enhanced by the fencing mask
He didn’t really find it funny
Other people in the class found it funny
But not those suck up foils
Suck ups!
Have a great weekend