Ode to GUFPS

For some reason I have started writing stuff with a green Ultra Fine Point Sharpie. It is not the easiest of writing utensils. Instead of just picking up a pen or pencil and writing to my heart’s content, I have to make sure that there is a “blotter” paper under the page as I write. Also, if I write too much without the use of my computer, I start getting just a little high on the Ultra Fine Point fumes. Could be good... could be bad... it depends on what I am writing.

One might ask, “Aside from the occasional contact high, why would you go through the arduous process of writing with an Ultra Fine Point Sharpie?” One should mind their own damn business, but I will answer anyway. There is a two-fold reason as to why I use my green Ultra Fine Point Sharpie:

Reason the first that I use my green Ultra Fine Point Sharpie: The plastic nib on the end of an Ultra Fine Point Sharpie makes this very satisfying scratching sound as I write. Some people (you know who you are) enjoy those pens that soundlessly add words to a page, but I like a pen that reminds me that I am writing something down.

Reason the second that I use my green Ultra Fine Point Sharpie: Since the Ultra Fine Point Sharpie typically makes a satisfying scratching sound; I can also actually “feel” the writing. It is a tactile reminder of the process of writing.

These two reasons for using my green Ultra Fine Point Sharpie make writing things out a sensory experience for me (I was going to use the word “Sensual” but some of you would take that the wrong way entirely. Use the broad sense of the definition and get your mind out of the gutter). It is not just the act of committing thoughts to paper; it is the experience of committing thoughts to paper.

One might also ask, “But why green?” One should still mind their own damn business, because one of these days one is going to ask the wrong question and get oneself beaten down.* Honestly I haven’t the foggiest as to why I have chosen green, but I will attempt to discern if there is any reason behind my choice. The Ultra Fine Point Sharpie colors that I can steal from work work provides for my legitimate business purposes are black, blue, red, and green. Let me look at these colors one at a time, and we will see if there is method to my madness (in this case).

Black Ultra Fine Point Sharpie: Black is too typical of a color. Everyone and their brother write with either black or blue. I find this to be too blah and boring.

Blue Ultra Fine Point Sharpie: Same issue as the black Ultra Fine Point Sharpie.

Red Ultra Fine Point Sharpie: If I were grading someone’s paper, this would be the perfect fit. Its indelible ink would record the mistakes of someone for ALL ETERNITY! The ink would last longer than the paper itself, and that someone would have to bear the shame until the paper decomposed. Ummm… where was I? Oh, red is an inflammatory color and might cause an unconscious bias against whatever I was writing. That's what I meant to say.

Green Ultra Fine Point Sharpie: Ah, soothing green with your allusions to verdant pastures and lazy days lying on the grass under a tree. Green with your minty crispness and cool soothing color… No one takes offense to what is written with green. Green, oh color of the light that filters through summer canopies on long hikes in the woods…

Uh, so I have, ummm… no idea why I chose the green Ultra Fine Point Sharpie.

To Recap:
Little Man's last dose of Orapred was today
It is surprisingly hard to find non-generic Orapred
Little Man will accept no other
I understand cause the generic tastes foul
Orapred tastes horrible to begin with
Generic Orapred tastes horribler
Getting into work at 5:30 am is never fun
That is why I tend to avoid doing that at all costs
Sadly today I could not avoid it, so in at 5:31 I was
Even though I like my green Ultra Fine Point Sharpie, I can’t stand high-lighters
The people, not the markers
“Look at what I found to be the most salient part of this piece of text”
I don’t care what you found interesting!
Uppity high-lighting bastards
Don’t so much mind folk who high-light their hair though...
Go figure

* I have a can of whoop-ass just waiting for One to ask the wrong question… I am watching you, One… Watching!