I have run into a problem associated with reducing the daily amount of caffeine in my diet. I guess since I was not feeling 100% last week I did not notice the issue. Without the illness weakening my perceptive abilities I have noticed something that was not apparent to my adlepated brain. It turns out that caffeine is absolutely necessary in my professional life because my job is mind numbingly boring.
Sweet Jebus help me. My job is akin to picking up spilled toothpicks while watching paint dry. It is mindless tedium followed by large moments of inactivity. It is clipping the grass one blade at a time and watching a tree grow. It is… you are probably tired of the analogies by now, I will move on. I have the inglorious task of connecting vector lines and then watching progress bars slowly creep across my screen. Conversion progress bars… print queue progress bars… print to PDF progress bars… flattening progress bars… save progress bars… my life slowly draining progress bars… Please make it stop!
It was not until I got to work today and watched my concentrative energy slowly drained by the difficult to focus on tasks at hand did I realize that caffeine is the only thing that has kept me from sleeping on the job. The job sure as hell isn’t keeping me from taking a snooze. Trained monkeys could sleep at this desk… under-trained St Bernard’s could find slumber easy. However, squirrels on crack would not sleep through this job, because, well, they are squirrels and they are on crack.
Caffeine is all that keeps me remotely employable. Caffeine, my co-worker… Caffeine, my friend… Caffeine, my companion … Caffeine, my lover … Caffeine my savior…
To recap:
I am fighting the urge to sleep and the urge to drink more caffeine today
I hope I do not lose either of these fights
One would think that I would find a more efficient caffeine delivery system than Mountain Dew
One would be incorrect because coffee tastes like boiled socks and I am unwilling to use a pill form of caffeine
I am not a trucker
I do not drive a big rig
I am not known for hauling goods cross country in the vehicle that Peter built
I am no truck driver
I have lately been mistaking thirst for hunger
I need to drink more water
The counter-tops are stained and have three nice coats of acrylic on them
The water elements (sink and dishwasher) in our new kitchen should be attached today
Oh, Glorious Dishwasher! How we have missed you so...
That means we are only a sky-light and some cosmetics away from having Phase 2 of the construction done
Phase 3 is coming fast on its heels
Phase 3 will be interesting to say the least
Sweet Jebus help me. My job is akin to picking up spilled toothpicks while watching paint dry. It is mindless tedium followed by large moments of inactivity. It is clipping the grass one blade at a time and watching a tree grow. It is… you are probably tired of the analogies by now, I will move on. I have the inglorious task of connecting vector lines and then watching progress bars slowly creep across my screen. Conversion progress bars… print queue progress bars… print to PDF progress bars… flattening progress bars… save progress bars… my life slowly draining progress bars… Please make it stop!
It was not until I got to work today and watched my concentrative energy slowly drained by the difficult to focus on tasks at hand did I realize that caffeine is the only thing that has kept me from sleeping on the job. The job sure as hell isn’t keeping me from taking a snooze. Trained monkeys could sleep at this desk… under-trained St Bernard’s could find slumber easy. However, squirrels on crack would not sleep through this job, because, well, they are squirrels and they are on crack.
Caffeine is all that keeps me remotely employable. Caffeine, my co-worker… Caffeine, my friend… Caffeine, my companion … Caffeine, my lover … Caffeine my savior…
To recap:
I am fighting the urge to sleep and the urge to drink more caffeine today
I hope I do not lose either of these fights
One would think that I would find a more efficient caffeine delivery system than Mountain Dew
One would be incorrect because coffee tastes like boiled socks and I am unwilling to use a pill form of caffeine
I am not a trucker
I do not drive a big rig
I am not known for hauling goods cross country in the vehicle that Peter built
I am no truck driver
I have lately been mistaking thirst for hunger
I need to drink more water
The counter-tops are stained and have three nice coats of acrylic on them
The water elements (sink and dishwasher) in our new kitchen should be attached today
Oh, Glorious Dishwasher! How we have missed you so...
That means we are only a sky-light and some cosmetics away from having Phase 2 of the construction done
Phase 3 is coming fast on its heels
Phase 3 will be interesting to say the least