20 Questions Tuesday: 12: My So-called High School

Ah, for lack of better judgment, I have decided that today’s 20 questions will be centered around the topic of high school. Which means it will be centered around my high school experience. So, gather the kids around and listen to the answers of my High School. Imagine that it is way back in 1990 again, and everything will be okay.

Some disclaimers. I hated HATED high school. I am a Hewitt Trussville High School class of 1992 grad, and since high school graduation I haven’t looked back. Why a high school in Alabama would choose a sled dog for a mascot, I am not sure. Anyway… my school was a good school, but not the best. Much like most Alabamian high schools there was an insane drop-out rate. My freshman class was about 750-ish (if I remember correctly) and my graduating class was 365. That is a goodly amount of people who “dropped out” or just didn’t finish on time. I was not hated by anyone that I know of, but I wasn’t popular either. I never truly fit in with any one particular group and constantly longed to be more popular. Of the 365 I graduated with I only keep in contact with 2 and I am only remotely curious as to what happened to maybe 4 other people. Some of my responses today will probably seem jaded, because, well, I am jaded about the whole high school situation.

Thanks this week to The Em, ContinuityGirl, Dustin, and J.A. Coppinger. (A special “Thank you” to Wifey for her last minute questions.)

1. What is the point of having a homecoming king and queen? Popularity isn't accentuated enough without it?
The whole idea of the homecoming court was to really make the marginalized feel even more so. Actually, I think that was a big part of the whole high school ritual in general. High school really helped to marginalize the marginalizable and popularized the ones willing to conform. High school was a Petri dish of polarization.

2. Everybody had that one teacher in high school that everyone made fun of or was totally wacky. What was your's like? And how are people like this even allowed near kids?
Mrs. Eyslande (not her actual name. I don’t want her googling this post). She was my Sophomore chem. Teacher. She was flighty and really scatter-brained. Made for interesting labs. One time whilst she was doing the “electric pickle” demonstration, she knocked the pickle over and then picked it up bare-handed. Clarification: for those of you who do not know, there are a boat lode of salts and minerals and electrolytes in pickles, so much so, that if you attached the wires from a plug to each side of the pickle it will light up and buzz and hum due to its ability to conduct electricity. This makes the pickle, in effect, an exposed wire that is plugged into an outlet. Her picking up the pickle did not go over well with her whole “I don’t like to get shocked” philosophy.

3. Most high schoolers participated in some extra curricular activities, what were yours?
Hmmm… Other than the Honor Society and ΜΑΘ (the Math Honor Society), which were less activities than things that they made me go to, I was a member of the varsity soccer team, scholar’s bowl (Quiz Bowl), the Physics Club (they had good breakfasts and I enjoyed annoying that sponsor/teacher), I think that was it.

4. You were voted "mostly likely...." what?
If I had tallied any votes it would have been for “Most Likely to Get the Hell out of Alabama.”

5. What's your best moment/memory of high school?
I have mentioned this before, but one time the aforementioned sponsor/physics teacher said to me
Teach: SRH, do you know what your problem is?
Me: No, what?
Teach: You’re apathetic.
Me: So…
I am not sure she really even got the pithiness of the response, but it was at that moment I decided top join the physics club.

6. Which John Hughes film most closely resembles your time at school?
This is a really good question. If you subtract the love interests, science experiments, the ability to pull off a gigantic party, the creation of a hot chick from 1980’s with crappy computer systems, and the transformation from Geek to popular at the end of the movie, I would say “Weird Science.”

7. When you were at school what did you want to be when you grew up?
Up until my senior year I was gunning for being in the US Air Force. WTF was I thinking?!?!

8. Did you eat school dinners (lunches) or bring your own in, in a brown paper bag?
Funny thing. I actually only went into the cafeteria, I think, maybe 10 time during the entirety of my high school tenure. I found ways to get 2 half period study halls to replace my lunch period. I didn’t eat lunch in high school, brownbag or otherwise.

9. What's the worst thing you ever got caught doing? and the worst thing you got away with?
Hmmmm, I got caught with a gas mask in my locker. Let me clarify, I had an old Mark V gas mask (a black mask with 2 air filter canisters on the mask) in my locker that I stored a whole bunch of Skor Bars within. Mmmmmm toffee and chocolate… And I guess during one of the random locker searched they “confiscated” the mask, but they also took the Skor bars, the Bastards!

That I have gotten away with? I actually got out water colors because I was tired of just sketching in my Latin class. The teacher found it better for me to be occupied than fully engaged.

10. What is it with High School lunch ladies?
Honestly, they were one of the reasons that I avoided the cafeteria. That and the fact that the “salad bar” had three colors of “salad dressing” but they all tasted the same.

11. What is the funniest High School mascot you've ever heard of?
Why anyone would name their high school mascot the “Mighty Trojans” and be angry about the eventual condom jokes that ensued?

12. Did you ever have a crush on one of your HS teachers?
Nope, I wanted to crush a few of them, but I never had a crush on any of them.

13. Private or Public...which is better?
From a pure cross-section of humanity preparation for the real world aspect, I would have to go with public. In public school, you sometimes had to put effort into making the learning experiences happen.

14. Do all male PE (Physical Education) teachers have excessive back hair (i.e. is that a job requirement)?
Furrowed brow is a requirement. I never saw my PE coaches’ backs without their shirts on. Are you trying to tell me something scary and private, Dustin? If the big back hairy man did something to you, you can tell me.

15. Were you a prep, jock, burn-out, or a geek?
Most definitely a geek

16. What was you best HS moment?
Being done with it

17. What was the most embarrassing HS moment?
I will wait and see if Capt. McArmypants and B-dawg want to weigh in on this one. I honestly have nary a memory about embarrassing moments in High School, but that could be because I have blocked them from my memory.

18. Would you –for any price- return to HS?
There is a price for everything. I have not put much thought into what price that would be.

19. Compare your feelings about your hair in high school versus your feelings about your hair now.
I absolutely hated my brillo pad-esque hair in high school. Straight hair was in and curly hair was something to be tamed. My hair was untamable, and I hated it. I like the curls now (even though I just got them cut). All in all I like the hair sitch, I just wish that I did not come into this comfort with my hair after I started graying and balding.

20. Would you have dated your wife in high school?
Well, there are a couple of things that we need to clarify in this question. Knowing who I am today I would have, but we are talking about the “me” of around 15 years ago. 15 years ago I was a white 17 year old in Alabama who was non-popular. My wonderful wife is black-white biracial, so the superficial-17-year-old-why-don’t-people-like-me SRH would not have found Hottie McHotness (Wifey) attractive due to the color of her skin. I grew a whole bunch between graduating from high school and my junior year in college.

All that being said, and removing the skin tone from the equation, I would not have wanted to date Wifey in high school. See, she was a cheerleader, class president, president of the Honor’s Society, and super popular while I was merely a jaded geek. I would have disliked her due to envy, and therefore probably not talked to her much. Flip that coin and she probably would not have dated me either. I was not in the “in crowd” enough to have made it into the realm of her possible datees. She too grew up a bunch in college.

To Recap:
High school sucked
Finger feels fine today
I miss my cats
I had a big lunch today, but I am still hungry
Not sure what will be for dinner tonight
I am loving Tool’s 10,000 Days
But I have a thing for Tool anyway
I am sore today because I started at a new gym last night
Wow, I am sore
I was sore before I left the gym
That is NEVER a good sign

Burn baby burn

So today at work I had to create a graphic for my boss’s boss as a talking point for some presentation he had with some clients today. Here is a piece of the graphic I had to make. These are sheets from some kind of design workshop that I did not attend.

I call it “Still Life in Paper.” You see, I don’t actually do work, I merely document others’ work

The rest of the graphic’s components are also stuff I did not do.

I am not too happy with the final “look” of this one because, well, I was given a whole 30 minutes to find/create the elements for this thingy. Ah well. This and another graphic are why this post is so short and work related.

Anyway… on Thursday evening I burned my right index finger on the oven rack removing a delightful faux pizza from the oven for the evening meal. On Saturday the blisters from the burn finally “let go” and left me with the open wounds of Sunday.

I have had much worse, so please don't think I am complaining about so trivial of burns. I did not have them bandaged on Sunday so they could dry out and scab over, so all day yesterday Little Man would poke me in the finger and say “Papa hurt.” I still do not know whether he was identifying the burns or giving me an order.

To Recap:
Not sure what will be for dinner
20 Questions Tuesday will be about High School
The burns do not hurt so bad right now
Probably because there is not a 3 + year old poking them
I think I am healing up quite nicely
Ow! That hurts Papa! Is not as strong a deterrent as one might think
In fact, Ow! That hurts Papa! Seems to induce giggles and more poking
Wow, I am really image intensive today
I am sure of it, Breath Right Strips have saved my marriage

TV

There are many things that have changed ion my life since the introduction of Little Man to the family. One of which is my TV viewership. Prior to Little Man I watched TV all the time. There were shows that were “must sees.” I would schedule life around these shows. I could schedule life around these shows. I knew everything about them. I followed them like the good fanboi that I was. There was nothing about these shows that I could not engage in a lengthy discourse on their minutia. I was that kind of TV viewer. It was my hay-day for TV. VCR’s had just become obsolete, and TIVO was still in its infancy. HDTV was around the corner, and I was all about it. We had gotten rid of our VCR and still have not gotten TIVO or DVR. If we couldn’t watch it live, we didn’t watch it. Ergo my scheduling of the life around the TV.

Enter Little Man. I re-prioritized the life. I changed things up. I basically gave up TV for dead. I steeled myself so that I could endure years of Baby Einstein, Noggin, Playhouse Disney, and the Wiggles. I gave up on primetime TV for the ritual of getting my kid to sleep (he is a sleep fighter. It pretty much took all of primetime TV for him to relinquish his purchase on consciousness. Only recently has he determined that going to sleep might not be a bad thing. Operative word there is “might.” He still needs convincing nightly about the wonder that is sleep.) Anyway… I gave up on any TV that any kind of storyline, much less a story arc that spanned multiple episodes. I just did not have the time to follow a story through. Luckily most shows in the past 3 + years have focused almost entirely on Reality TV. I have not gotten into any of them, and I find the very thought of them repulsive.

I subsisted on TV consumption surrounding house remodels and 30 minutes cooking shows. I would occasionally catch an Inside the Actor’s Studio, NOVA, or something on the History Channel if I had an hour to spend watching TV. Child duty and house cleanup due to trying to sell the house limited those hour blocks, but I got by. HGTV and The Food Network became my nightly TV morphine. I had given up on Discovery Channel due to its constant neo-bluecollarism. TLC had let me down with it’s supstandard programming as well. The digital channels have not really helped out much either. TechTV went away and was replaced with g4tv. All the tech information was replaced with digital game information. The Discovery Time Channel became the 911 channel. The Science Channel forgot that science is more than building things really big or astronomy. My only saving grace has been Fox Soccer Channel (much to Wifey’s chagrin).

All the while I have resisted the temptation to get some kind of DVR for the TV. I find the very thought of being able to watch shows when I want to watch them absolutely mesmerizing. There are too many shows out there that I could actually get into. Getting a DVR for me would be like moving in next door to a bar for an alcoholic. It is a slippery slope that I would be treading before I was DVR-ing everything and staying up until 3am every night to catch whatever the Hell I thought I should be watching. I would end up DVR-ing Simpsons and Family Guy and watching the 17 various syndicated versions being re-run on all the myriad of Ted Turner stations.

I saw Heros on Monday night and now I am starting to figure out ways to make sure I am home at 9pm Monday evenings. It was followed by Studio 60 which could end up making Monday night a sit in front if the TV for 2 hours kind of night. Great, just what I needed. I reason to make sure I am home on Monday nights.

To Recap:
I am too lazy to link today
No idea what we are doing for dinner tonight
I need to cancel a gym membership this evening
I need to get a membership to a different gym tomorrow
Wifey and I have figured out an exercise schedule that we can both work with
It involves the potential of me not being home Monday nights at 9
But Heroes is on TV Monday nights at 9…
What to do, what to do…
Have a great weekend

Where het-er-cotter

I am tired. Last night I did not sleep well because, well, last night Little Man did not sleep well. When Little Man does not sleep well, at least one of the parental units does not sleep well. Last night was my turn “in the barrel,” so to speak, and Little Man was Niagara Falls.

There are a few reasons for his lack of un-consciousness during the previous evening. First and foremost during some periods of the night, much like everyone he is not that heavy of a sleeper. Between the hours of 2 and 4 in the morning there is a good chance that Little Man will rouse due to the slightest sound that is out of the ordinary. This is one of the reasons that we always have a marginally loud fan on at night. Not only is it white noise, but it also helps the air to move around a bit and remove the feeling of staleness. Ah, the fan, it does at least 2 jobs at one time.

Secondly, his belly has been a bit on the upset side for the past day or so. It has been audibly rumbly and gurgly and the 3+ year old has been releasing some gas that would fell a rhino. Really, he has been rank. Other than some gastronomic distress, he has seemed fine. His breathing is alright, he does not have a fever, he has been generally playful, and he seems to move through the day typically, if not stinkily.

Thirdly, there was a helicopter circling our house for at least 40 minutes last night between the 2:15 am and 2:55 am timeframe. While Little Man valiantly tried to stay asleep, he eventually woke up around 2:40. Stupid helicopters! Or “Het-er-cotters” as Little man was saying last night from 2:40 to 2:55. From 2:55 to 3:20 he was asking “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” “Where het-er-cotter?” I answered the first 10 times he asked with something like “The helicopter is gone, now you need to go back to sleep, Punkin’ Pie” or some such variation. After that It was one word / one phrase answers like “gone,” “dead,” “it blewed up,…” Punctuated with begging and pleading for him to go back to sleep. Eventually I had my hands covering my ears and was rocking back and forth asking no one in particular “Why won’t he go to sleep?” repeatedly.

He finally re-succumbed to sleep (released his white knuckled grip on consciousness) around 4:15 am and fitfully slept until around 6:50 when he finally settled into his final 45 minutes of deep sleep for the day.

I am tired, and I have work I am neglecting.

To Recap
Where het-er-cotter?
Breath Right Strips may save my marriage
I have a meeting I have to get ready for
It will suck mightily, although it would not be so bad if we had snacks
Snacks make everything else better
Is it only Wednesday?

20 Questions Tuesday: 11 - 80's part 2.

20 Questions Tuesday: 11 is the continuation of last week’s 80’s TV questions. Special thanks this week to Peefer, JW, Bomber, and Ksig for their insightful questions. Been in meetings all day, so sorry about the tardiness and lack of linkies. These things don’t write themselves, people!

1. The Facts Of Life: Whom would you most like to impregnate? You must provide an answer in the form of a character's name. No weasling your way out of this.
It would be either Tootie or Jo. A Tootie/Jo sammich might actually be called for.

2. The Dukes Of Hazard: Would you ever in a million years call you child Enos?
I have a child and Enos did not even make it near the list of choices. I did know a kid named Hezikia while growing up. He went by Hezzy, and was quite an annoying glue eater.

3. B.J. And The Bear: Did you watch it for the women or the monkey?
Yes, I watched it for the women and the monkey.

4. CHiP’s.: I can't remember a thing. Please ask and answer your own question.
Ponch and John: Was there something more there than friendship?
Well, I think they were “partners” if you catch my meaning… wink wink nudge nudge…

5. Knight Rider: To what is this an allegory?
Ah, the Allegory of the Talking Car. This story is the prototypical story of the good champion versus evil. The champion is the everyman who has to rely on the tools of his trade to overcome evil. He has no real skills himself except for his over average height and more than average curl curly hair, so the real heros of this show are the technology associated with and within the Knight Industries Two Thousand. Because of the tools surrounding the hero, everyone could become that hero. It also helped that they always had a hot chick as a mechanic.

6. Who do you think got more umm... action? Mr. Belvedere, or Mr. Drummond?
Mr. Drummond. He has money. Mr Belvedere was a butler living with a middle class family. Butlers get play, but butlers for people without money? Please…

7. Given there is a live action version on the way, who is your favorite Transformer? (Autobot or Decepticon)
Soundwave. He was the coolest. Although I think he was more than just Megatron’s lieutenant, if you know what I’m sayin’?

8. Does anybody besides me remember Danger Mouse?
Yes

9. What in your opinion what is the WORST 80's animated show?
Silverhawks was a pretty pathetic excuse for a cartoon. The 80’s really started the trend of trying to mass market a toy prior to it being popular. This concept is the result of toy manufacturers having crappy ideas and then deciding that if they shove it down kids’ throats with a crappy cartoon, a breakfast cereal, and underoos it will become popular. What manufacturers did not seem to realize is that no matter how you market a crap idea, it is still crap.

10. If you had to push one off a cliff-who would ya push? Webster/Punky Brewster?
Webster. He was an annoying “wanna be” Arnold and should have never made it to TV.

11. If you could sit and get hammered with one character from "Cheers", who would it be?
Norm, I could put my drinks on his tab and no one would be the wiser.

12. Where were you when you first watched the premiere of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video? It was an event.
I was at home. It was very satisfactory to my young self. MJ in his early solo career was very good at not looking like an insane idiot.

13. Why, oh why, do "some people" insist that "The Facts of Life" was and still is great television?
You know, I honestly am not sure. I thought The Facts of Life was a fine show, but I do not swear by it.

14. What did you love most about the show "WKRP in Cincinnati" and would that show ever work today - or are we too P.C. now?
I think since the Simpsons and Futurama and The Family Guy and Malcom in the Middle have been on TV, WKRP in Cincinnati would be airable, but I am not sure it would even seem edgy anymore.

15. In 1982, if Webster and Arnold Drummond got into a fight to the death, who would win and why?
Arnold. He needed a kidney more. In fights to the death, you really gotta want it. Take it from me… ummm forget that last part. I SAID FORGET IT!

16. Everyone loved the original Voltron and the 5 lions, wtf was up with the inter-galactic Voltron made up of spaceships? Do you know of anyone that even liked that version? Why would they mess with the lions?
Multipart questions will not earn you extra points. 1. Jumped the shark. 2. Toy manufacturers. 3. Needed a new line of toys since everyone had purchased the lions.

17. What do you think happened to the kid from the PSA who spouted “ I learned it from watching you, alright!” Personally I have to believe that he got into harsher drugs, contracted hiv from a needle, got busted robbing a convenience store for $50 to buy some more crank and is now serving 20-30 in the California penal system.
Nope, he went straight into the porn industry, got clean and sober and is now speaking at elementary schools about the dangers of PSA’s.


18. If you dropped He-Man, Lion-o, and Space Ghost in the middle of present day Compton, with no vehicles or allies, what would the outcome be? Most likely to survive? Most likely to be pimped? Etc…
Hmmmm, well, Lion-o is at least a minority, so he might survive, but his choice in wardrobe (skin tight half uni-tard like Billy Blanks wears while hawking his Tae-Bo workouts) might get him pimped out for “furry services.” Space Ghost can turn invisible, but his in-ability to keep his yap shut would get is ass shot. He-Man would have the most issues, because the “Power of Greyskull” did not deem it necessary to clothe his white ass in anything more than a furry loin cloth or give him a “gat” to “represent the Eternians,” as it were.

19. Wrestling peaked in the 80’s with the beginning of Wrestlemania and it’s monthly Saturday nights main event on NBC. Who was your favorite wrestler, your favorite move, and your fondest match/event you remember from 80’s wrestling?
I was not into wrestling. Sorry.

20. You “weren’t into wrestling?!?!?!?” Didn’t you grow up in Alabama?!?!?!!? Everyone in ‘Bama was into wrestling!
Ummmm… George the “Animal” Steel, and I loved it when he ate the turnbuckle.

To recap:
Meetings make me cringe
I have had too many today
By “too many” I mean 2
But they were long ones
Really long ones
My apologies to ksig for making him wait for his free entertainment
Pre-school Day 5 today
Sounds like it went well
Not sure what is for dinner

The weekend that was

This morning whilst dropping Little Man off at G-ma’s and G-pa’s (his surrogate grandparents who watch him) G-ma met us at the door and asked Little Man how his weekend was. Let me fill you in on his weekend.

Little man’s weekend typically starts on Fridays. Thursday is the last day of the week that he is in childcare with the surrogate grandparents, and Friday starts the weekend for him since he is typically at home with his mama (wifey).

Well, on Friday it was rainy and he did not get to do much. Wifey and Little Man met myself and a co-worker for lunch at Wendy’s so’s he could get his chili on (hey, I am street like that!), and then went home for his afternoon nap. That afternoon he went to have a playdate with M and R’s kids A, F and E. There he decided to be a little crank and push around the 2 year olds F and E. Sorry E! After pushing around some kids who are only 2/3rds his age, we went to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. His favorite. He had his favorite fusilli with marinara sauce. He loved it. Ate the heck out of it, he did. (Ate t’ell outta it, ee did. – in Cockney. My Fair Lady my ass! ‘Enry ‘Iggins, Eat yer ‘eart out.) Anyway… We headed home, he watched some “Diesel” (a DVD of trains with very little narration and a hell of a lot of train noises) and then climbed the stairs for bed-time.

Saturday: Wifey took it upon herself to do the morning ritual with Little Man Saturday morning. I go to sleep in to 8:45. 8:45! Oh, it was heaven! Anyway… that was about me, this post is about Little Man’s weekend. Anyway, Wifey heads off to yoga and it is morning with papa. We played with pennies, flopped around on the bed, and various other filler activities before I got him dressed and out the door for some fun at the local Target (we needed more laundry detergent {ALL Free and Clear, baby!}). Whilst there he was transfixed with the Target line of Thomas the Tank Engine (Take Alongs) which are slightly smaller than the wooden trains, but not so small that a 3-yr old can tell the difference in size. He is enamored with Alfie the back-hoe. Just transfixed. So transfixed that he will not leave the aisle to pee. So after a brief trip to the Target family bathroom and a change to dry clothes we are back to staring at Alfie. By purchasing Alfie we were allowed to leave the store for a wonderful lunch at Yellow King (McD’s). Home for a nap and up again to play with mama who is back from Yoga and gift searching. Mama has a housewarming party to go to at 4:30 is and heads out leaving Little Man to deal with me again. He has seven “rectangles” for dinner. (A little bit of Irony here, so bear with me. Rectangles are called “rectangles” because they are Tyson Chicken Tenders that are found in a box instead of the large family sized bag {referred to as “Chickies”}. These particular Tyson Chicken tenders are formed in the shape of the characters of “Veggie Tales.” So, Little Man is eating chicken in the shape of tomatoes, egg plant and other vegatables. Just. Plain. Odd. Oh, the irony! Where was I? Oh, yes…) He watches another rousing round of “Diesel” and then up to bed for his bed-time ritual.

Sunday: Wifey sleeps in, unlike me, she had to ask if she could. I need to work on my considerateness, she should not have had top ask. Again, though, this post is about his weekend, not me. Little Man and I head downstairs for the morning ritual. Making his breakfast of toast with Vanilla Sugar on it. Wifey ambles downstairs at 8:30 (she don’t know how to sleep in) and then since the weather is looking great we decide to go for a Big Walk (a hike at a local metro park) with some friends who have an almost 2 year old, Ben. He was supposed to go to a classmate’s (OH SWEET JEEEZUS! HE HAS CLASSMATES NOW!!!) birthday party, but Big Walk was a bit much for his respiratory system to take and he needed a rescue breathing treatment. We had to cancel (Sorry Nadolny’s!). So then we are set for his nap. We all decide to nap this time around and the nap lasts extra long. All of us woke up later than we thought we would. Oh, well. C’est La vie.

We get up with just enough time for Wifey to get ready for her monthly Girls Night Out dinner (she was quite the social butterfly this weekend) and leave. Little Man’s Mimma comes over from a week away in Maine, and Little Man proceeds to climb and jump all over her to make up for last time. While all the climbing and jumping is taking place I am concocting one of his favorite meals, Orange Rice. Ground beef, tomato soup, and wild rice casserole ( I will give the recipe if anyone wants it). He proceeds to eat 3 full plates of the meal. Mim and I each only have 2. I honestly have no idea where he packs this food away. The whole meal (well after the second plate when he took time to breath and speak again) Little Man was saying, “Little Man Hungry. Hai Good Orange Rice!” Not really sure what “Hai” is but he seems to use it as an article much like a, an, and the mixed with the phrases this is or that is. Don’t know where he picked it up, but I digress. He eats 3 plates of Hai Good Orange Rice. Then upstairs for the bed time ritual. Since he (we) slept so late for nap time, we look up the Amtrak Zephyr on Google Images and he is in train nirvana prior to his bath.

That is his week in a nutshell, so how did he respond when G-ma asked how his weekend was?

Hai, Good Nap… Mama and Papa

To Recap:
You know it was a good nap when it is the highlight of your kid’s weekend
Wow, I really went parenthetical today
And tangential
Yes, tangential is a word
Tangentine is not
Nor is tangentesque or tangenty
I am looking forward to Heroes tonight
It will probably suck
Happy Birthday Youngest Nadolny!
Wifey won’t leave me alone via email today
Stop e-mailing, lady. I have a job

Hair: Not the Musical

So, the curls are gone. The curls are so gone, that yesterday the first thing Little Man said to me when I picked him up was “Papa haircut.” I guess it has been a long time coming. Virtually tons of hair was removed from my head. My head seems insanely lighter. This morning’s shower saw way more shampoo than necessary make it into my hand. I almost ended up having too much lather for the poor showerhead to disperse quickly. You know the time in the shower when you have to continually adjust the hot and cold water to keep the same temperature. Well, I was down to 1/4th turn left on the cold. It was close. I almost ran out of hot water just trying to lather, rinse, repeat and then condition on top of all that. To top it off a good handful of Head & Shoulders just goes down the drain. Yes, I use a dandruff control hair product on occasion. What of it? Stop judging me and my light-blue, scalp fleck stopping* shampoo (what a fun word to type, shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo shampoo. Yep still fun after 16 times.) Now my shampoo is nearly gone. Gone, I say! GONE!!

Anyway… when I got back from the hair salon I go to coworkers were surprised by the amount of hair that was lopped off. Yes, I actually go to a Salon. I made the mistake of getting a nice haircut once and since then the $10.00 with the local Crappy Cuts (as far as I know a fictional hair cutting institution) just don’t, well, cut it anymore. Same issue happened with the purchase of a really nice pair of shoes, but that is neither here nor there. Regardless of my preferred coifing institution, a few of the coworkers were complimentary of the new haircut, while some were disparaging of the previous cut. (Uncalled for really) Some asked if I felt like a cleanly shorn Sampson, but, alas, I would have had to have been strong with my hair for me to have felt weakened by the lack of it.

What is it about haircuts that causes people to openly and brazenly comment about the style and whether or not they like it? Haircuts are the most often commented upon physical appearance component where people will give their honest opinion. If someone doesn’t like my haircut, they will often go out of the way to tell me that my haircut looks like crap to them. In these instances I assure them that I did not cut my hair for them and that they probably shouldn’t wear whatever they are wearing because it makes them seem a bit on the wrong side of skinny ( If you know what I’m sayin? Fat, rotund, obese, chunky, husky, big-boned, heavyset, plump, beefy in the “what’s not for dinner” way, dumpy, hefty, fleshy, corpulent, etc… ). Even if that is not the case, I tell them that anyway. It is just how I am. You know, nice like that.

To recap
Now that I am clean cut and probably will be invited back to meetings with clients
Last thing Little Man said to me last night was “Papa haircut.”
He talks a whole bunch where it transitions directly from “subject” to “direct object/predicate nominative” with using a verb
It makes diagramming his sentences a bit difficult
Wow, ↑↑↑ I need a new hobby
I am quite tired today
I think it will be pancakes for dinner
Yet again
I am really tired of pancakes
Heck, who am I kidding
I am just plain tired
Have a great weekend, everyone
And stop talking about my hair, Tubby!

* In hindsight the phrasing should have been “scalp fleck stopping light-blue shampoo” (18 times and still fun) to clarify that “light-blue” modifies “shampoo” (19) and not scalp flecks. Umm... Shampoo (20)

20 Questions Tuesday: 10 - 1980's TV Edition

Today’s focus is on 1980’s TV. It is a topic near and dear to my heart. It is also a topic that is near and dear to my questioners hearts as well since I got over 40 questions to choose from. Next week will be 80’s TV the continuation. Thanks today to Wifey, Dustin, and B-Dawg.

1. Do you think that chimps as side kicks will ever come back in a big way on the small screen?
Sadly, I do not see many more uses of a great ape sidekick in modern TV. Alas BJ and the Bear, we knew you well.

2. On Diff’rent Strokes, why we didn’t know that Willis (Todd Bridges) and Kimberly (Dana Plato) were getting it on throughout the show?
Well, I did not put that 2 and 2 together to get 4 partly because by the time the show was cancelled in 1986 (for the second time) I was only 12. Not really where my mind was back then. Now, looking back on it with my adult-ish eyes… Let’s see, teens spending tons of time together getting high and drunk… oh, they were so doing it.

3. Since Alyssa Milano was your first crush, does that mean that you watched Who’s the Boss regularly?
Sadly, Yes. Tony Danza is not really what many would call a comedic genius. It was a bit painful to watch the comedic stylings of Judith Light and Tony Danza, just so I could (to use the modern vernacular) crush on Ms Milano.

4. Why did they get rid of Tootie’s roller skates on The Facts of Life? And why did they make her wear her head gear on the show? Certainly they could have taken it off when the camera rolled.
Ah! Tootie. She was my favorite. I think they might have made her wear the headgear to have someone on the set who was a typical kid at school. The rollerskate were probably confiscated by Mrs. Garret for being too distracting in class.

5. The appeal of Mr. T?
He was a bouncer who became a TV/Movie star because he embraced his campiness. Plus his animated form can swing an animated alligator over his head and still drive a United Colors of Beneton Gymnastics team around in a bus to solve crimes! ‘Nuff said.

6. Who would win in a fight between Mad Murdock (the A-Team) and Alf ?
Mad Murdock. Alf didn’t really have insanity going for him. He just ate cats. Little known fact, Alf’s name back on Melmac was Gordon Shumway. I always got that confused with Gordon Sumner, but that is, of course, Sting.

7. Could Fred Dryer's (Hunter) balding forehead have been anymore shiny?
Nope, but a better question is Could Stefanie Kramer’s hair have been more indescribably 80’s?

8. Whose bar tab was bigger on Cheers: Norm or Cliff?
Norm’s was larger. I remember seeing him actually finish a drink and call for another round. Cliff always nursed the same old beer.

9. Is it wrong to think that Richard Dean Anderson's hair-do in MacGyver (a mullet) made him look sexier than his short hair does now?
It is difficult to incorporate into one’s psyche that a mullet could be a better hair cut than any other that you have seen on someone, but it seems to be the case.

10. Umm… so were Smurfs asexual or what? I mean there were never any children Smurfs (or Smurflings) until their last season when they added the shark jumpers (Grandpa, Snappy, Slouchy, Nat, and Sassette).
Since the introduction of the Smurflings and Grandpa was to boost waining ratings, I will only speak to the bulk of the Smurf’s TV run. I for one always thought that the Smurfs were a commune of gay blue sprites. I mean, come on, Hefty, Handy, Grouchy, and Jokey were all doing it. The only one that wasn’t consistently getting any was Brainy, and heck, I bet he was getting some play from the no-names trying to get closer to Hefty. There wasn’t even a female Smurf until Gargamel made a brunette version of Smurfette to try to entice the Smurfs into his pantry. Later the Smurf magic made the frumpy brunette Smurfette into the perfect blonde Barbie-esque “hag” (if you will), that the show kept. So there are 3 distinct possibilities. 1. the Smurfs are entirely asexual and Smurfette is merely window dressing. 2. The Smurfs are a Homosexual sect of the species Blue Sprites (Caesius Lares Minimus) and Smurfette was their Hag. Or 3. Smurfette was a ho. I choose option 2.

11. Silver Spoons had Ricky Schroeder as its teen idol, but if Erin Gray had dressed like she did on Buck Rogers, could Silver Spoons have brought world peace or would it have pushed the world to the brink of destruction?
I just don’t know. I don’t know. Had Erin Gray dressed like her sexy Wilma Dearing self, men of fighting age would not want to fight incase they might anger their Spandex clad Para-Military Goddess Then again, there could have been an implosion due to the “Teen Idol Quantum Singularity Principle.” The 9 to 14 year old girls would have watched the show for the adorable Ricky (Please for the love of god call me “RICK”) Schroeder and the 9 to 89 year old males would watch and hope that Erin Gray “accidentally” dropped something and had to pick it up. That is such a delicate system, it really could go either way.

12. Would Sledge Hammer! defeat Tackleberry from the Police Academy in a shootout?
I think Sledgehammer would do more collateral damage (eventually leading to Tackleberry’s demise), but Tackleberry would wing him to death.

13. In the long range view of things, did The Cosby Show and The Jeffersons help or worsen race relations.
I think they may have hurt more than they helped. The Jeffersons, while dealing with touchy subjects, did tend to reinforce some pretty harsh racial stereotypes (not All in the Family harsh, but harsh enough), and The Cosby Show while trying to be a positive role model minority family caused many white folk to think that the minorities didn’t have it so bad. “Heck, black people are doctors and lawyers and live in spacious brownstones. Why do we even need welfare….”

14. Better instrumental theme song: A-team vs. Magnum PI
Miami Vice. Not really, Jan Hammer sucked. The A-Team’s theme song seems to dominate most other 80’s instrumental themes. For example, CHiP’s theme song can morph into the A-Team’s, but the A-Team’s cannot morph into Chip’s. The same is true with Battlestar Galactica (the original series). In truth, it was Magnum P.I. I sometimes have that theme song run through my head when I am late for work and driving like lives were on the line.

15. Better vocalized theme song: Fall Guy vs. Greatest American Hero
Greatest American Hero because I think the Fall Guy’s was actually sung by Lee Majors.

16. Why didn't the Diff'rent strokes gang ever take a trip out of NYC? They never went to Europe or even Boston or LA?
Mr. Drummond was never even seen in public with his “charges.” He wouldn’t sully himself by even being seen with Arnold and Willis in New York City. What makes you think he would deign to be seen in London, Paris, Boston or LA with them. He had money and decided to lift up 2 kids from the street, but he still kept them at arm’s length and never fully integrated them into his family. Sure ever episode would end with him telling Arnold how he should tell the truth, but Mr. Drummond never told the truth about his family. He said he loved them, but he didn’t. He only used them to feel like he was doing something nice. If anyone on this show should be considered evil, it is Mr. Drummond.

17. Do you think the Manimal ever ate someone?
I know if I were Manimal, I would have munched on somebody at some point and time. It would have been a perfect crime. No one would suspect that the guy with a British accent turned into a panther and ate someone. Not even Grissom on CSI could smurf that one out.

18. If you found an ALF, would you let it eat all of your food and cats without a problem? Leading to the further question: is it possible that ALF was actually vicious enough to eat the Manimal?
ALF was all talk. Never once on the show did he actually eat a cat, while Manimal, on the other hand mauled the hell out of bad guys every show.

19. If you were to be stranded on a desert island with either Jessica Fletcher or Miss Garrett, which one would you choose?
Miss Garrett. Angela Landsbury’s voice makes me want to claw my eyes out.

20. On the playground, which A-team member were you?
Howling Mad Murdock, of course. I WANT SOME TRASH BAGS!!!!

To Recap:
People pull out the stops for the 80’s TV
What?!? No questions about Automan?
I am still hungry
I think I will have to come up with 20 Question Tuesday’s Topics from now on
It seems to help
I still need to exercise.
Initially Little Man could not hear the difference between “poot” and “poop”
Therefore a “poop” in his eyes is merely farting
Whilst a “dirty poop” is… ummm… how shall we say… productive
3rd day of preschool, I’m sure all hell broke loose.
Not going to Boulder, CO for a wonderful trip with Wifey, that sucks.
I have a bad attitude today
Hobbitsies are tricksy!!!!

EKG or no EKG

Little Man’s EKG was this morning, or was supposed to be. More on the “supposed to be” later.

Firstly, I will not make anyone endure reading the whole post before they know whether or not Little Man was given a clean bill of health. He was is fine. The cardiologist said that there was a “buzzing” in his collarbone area and a “whirring” in his heart (his terms, not mine. I can’t make up medical terms like “buzzing” and “whirring.”), and that these are typical sounds most kids’ bodies make. It is just that Little Man is so “skinny” (again, his term, not mine) that there is a certain lack of tissue (that most kids have) to muffle the noise.

Okay, now that the paragraph about Little Man’s health is over, let’s talk about the visit.

So we get into the parking garage of Children’s Hospital in Columbus and start winding our way up to find a parking place. On the way up we had to deal with people who really had difficulty parking in confined spaces. This did not help the general stress level in the car, but Wifey and I recognized that we were showing how stressed we were and Little Man was soaking up the stress like a… ummm… stress sponge.

Anyway… we get into the office and start filling out paperwork. We had to use the back of the page when they asked us to list all medications. You know you have to give your kid too much medicine when at a specialist like a cardiologists office you have to use extra lines on their paperwork to describe you child’s drug regime. All that being said, it was really sad to see so many children there with circulation issues. Real, honest to goodness circulation issues. They were pale, eyes sunken in, out of breath just sitting there. It was bizarre seeing Little Man full of color, vim, and vigor in contrast to these kids with real issues. After completing the paperwork, and Little Man making a “Dirty Poop” it was our turn to go in to the Dr’s office.

So how did the office visit go? Welll…

Pure torture. Pure unabashed torture. Little Man is not big on the whole going to the doctor thing. In fact, I would go so far as to say that he hates it. Hates doctor’s offices with the fire of 1000 suns, especially if said doctor’s offices reside within the main campus of Children’s Hospital where Little Man has endured much and too often. He was traumatized by the scale, and by getting his height measured. Them he was traumatized by the blood pressure cuff (sphygmomanometer?) and the stethoscope. Then, after these traumas, the nurse, who was very personable and oddly not good with kids, tried to put a blood pressure cuff on Little Man’s leg. He was having none of it. The nurse stated “I can’t get a good read on this, because I can’t hear a thing!” Hey, Lady! Kid’s can feel shame! It is not his fault he is terrified by being in the Dr’s office. Cut him some slack! Where was I? Oh, yes, so after not being able to sit still for the leg blood pressure test, Little Man travels across the hall to get his EKG.

For this EKG they only needed 10 seconds of still clam behavior. In the EKG room Finding Nemo was on, piece of cake, Little Man loves Fishy! Well, Little Man loves Fishy when he is not having EKG pick-ups stuck to his torso and legs. We fought him for about a minute trying to get him not to pull off the pick-ups, but gave up on the whole EKG thing when he was reduced to a quivering mess of too stressed out readings. So his EKG was scheduled for today, but it did not happen. It tried to happen, but….

To Recap:
Cardiologist appointment was interesting
Little Man was arching his whole body like we were sticking him with a hot poker
I have to call software vendors today
I hate calling software vendors
Wifey and I are exhausted
Little Man is exhausted
The EKG was a diagnostic tool they couldn’t use in this case
Little Man’s heart murmur is exacerbated by stressful situations
I think getting checked for a heart murmur qualifies as a stressful situation
Pork Chops and Couscous for dinner tonight
The Dr was great with Little Man
The Columbus Crew sucks

Analog

I gots me the smooth, cool ride I had forgotten I owned. Yeah, my ’02 Jetta is purring like, well, a 4 year old cat named, ummm… Spankers. Yeah, sure Spankers. Spankers is a 4 year old ginger tabby who a kind of a stand-offish cat who requires lots of presents to start purring. It is one of those cats that prior to being lavished with gifts takes to meowing constantly when you stop moving for a second, and just kind of whines miserable while you flit about the room accomplishing tasks. Always meowing like a wounded pig whenever you slow down. It is a pig whose feet hurt, thus causing it to run about in a very haphazard manner. It is very difficult to manage the movements and direction of a wounded pig (otherwise I would have come up with a different analogy, clearly), especially one with bad feet. The pig is so difficult to manage that you tend to keep your child away from the pig, lest he bite said child. Sure you have to direct the pig daily, always in constant fear of dealing with the enraged wounded pig in difficult terrain. Oddly the pig’s condition did not deteriorate over time, so that less drastic measures could have been taken to help heal the cat… pig… where was I? Oh, yes, pig analogy. Preventative porcine medicine might have helped the bill not be so large. Wait a second I was in the middle of a cat analogy with Spankers starring as the disgruntled feline. Back to Spankers, the loud needing attention 4-year old ginger tabby. Sure a couple of times you probably slowed down and stopped on Spankers’s tail, but that only caused Spankers to howl like a cat in pain and shudder violently trying to free his tail from under your size 10.5 shoes (42 or 43 for my British readers). It took about $1000 worth of presents to get what will most likely turn out being about 1 year of purring. The good thing is that Spankers doesn’t meow and only peeps up once to let me know that he is hungry.

Okay, maybe I am not the best at analogies.

Anyway… A tune up accompanied with all sorts of soft engine crap getting replaced and having the rear brakes overhauled seems to have made a world of difference in the car. Sure, just throw close to 5% of the car’s original price at it and it runs smoothly. According to Edmunds.com it is currently worth just under $10,000 so by dumping 10% of it existing worth back into the vehicle, it now runs smoothly. That hurts. That hurts a whole bunch. Wow, I never should have figured out the relative percentages. That just plain hurts even more. That just plain hurts even more a whole bunch!

At least the dealership vacuumed the car for me. While I was getting beat up by the toughs in the billing department (I think his name was Helmut Voeller, and he was mean) Hans Gentlehandz was sublimely vacuuming out the interior. And they vacuumed it for free! So at least I got that going for me. My wallet hurt, but aesthetically I was pleased with the look of my vehicle, because not only did they vacuum, they washed the beast as well. For free! Or $1000.

Did I mention that I HATE car repairs!

To recap:
Stupid car repairs!
10% of current worth, sheesh!
I am not so good at the analogy
So, I will stick with hyperbole
Not sure what is going on for dinner tonight
Might make hamburgers or I might make some tacos
Really don’t know what dinner will consist of
I think I will ask Little Man when I pick him up
Problem with tacos is that I have to make the salsa
Problem with the burgers is that we don’t have buns
Wifey is Yoga-ing tonight
I really need to start exercising again
Who thinks I should update my profile?
One of these days I am going to redesign this blog
And then you will all be sorry
Mainly because everything will be borked up
Have a great weekend folks!

I HATE car repairs

So I had to take my car into the shop today. Now I am not terribly mechanically inclined, but when the rear tire areas (driver and passenger sides) make a nasty grinding noise as I decelerate and start moving from a stop, that is not a good thing. As a car owner, I have had bad brakes before, and I am fairly certain that this issue is not a brake issue either. This is bad, bad, bad. I am glad that I am getting it taken care of, but I am afraid that this is going to be a fairly pricy repair coupled with my 40K mile servicing. I am not looking forward to this bill. Luckily, we have enough built up in our savings account to deal with this. This is why we have the savings account, but it is always painful to dip into savings for any reason. Wifey and I would probably just have wasted the money anyway on something non-useful like a trip back to Europe or a vacation or something else non-worthwhile.

Car repairs are a bit infuriating and intimidating for those of us who did not grow up elbows deep in the hood of a car. I know enough about cars to understand the basics of the internal combustion engine, but not enough to speak intelligently about what exactly a brake caliper does, but I know that they exist and that has to count for something. Now, this post is not intended to have any comments on what calipers do. I can look that up if I wish, the point is, for those of us not mechanically trained or inclined, we typically (yes, I am speaking for all of us) feel at the mercy of the mechanic to treat us equitably and fairly.

I am feeling rather car repair vulnerable today, because I know that I am being slung over a barrel, so to speak. That, and we are currently still dealing with the dealership’s service center. While crap is still under warrantee, we feel that we should use their services, but this is the last time we go there. I know, I know the dealership mechanics always cost more. I am well aware of that, and in a few months, the warrantee will go away and so will my patronage of their service center.

Currently, I am still waiting for information as to what the issue is and how much the issue will cost. My gut feeling is that it is not the brakes. My gut also feels like it is going to cost me an arm and a leg to fix.

To recap:
I hate car woes
Little Man did great yesterday
Wifey has a cute pic of him in his rain jacket on the way to pre-school
I just got a call from the Service Center
It was the brakes
They went from fine and noiseless to making grinding noises without any transition
I am not sure they actually fixed the issue
We will see when I pick the car up
I hate car stuff
Hate it with a passion that rivals the heat of 1000 stars
Hopefully you will have a post about how wonderfully the car is working tomorrow
I hate car repairs!

20 Questions Tuesday: 9

It is 20 Questions Tuesday: 9 so I would like to thank Nancy, Wifey, Bomber, and ksig for their questions. Without you guys, this would be a crappy post of lots of question marks and much drooling.

1. Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Oddly enough, I wear Boxer Briefs. I am the exception to the rule. I scoff at the world’s bi-variateness! "Scoff," I say! "SCOFF!!!"

2. Your choice: Creation vs. Evolution?
Hmmmm… trying to get me into some politically hot water are you? Well, I think Creation is an allegorical story about man’s dominance over the world, and how we are supposed to be the stewards of this planet. I think if one truly believes in the Genesis story one must truly become a natural conservationalist and a rabid environmentalist because the whole point of the creation story is to indicate that humanity is the steward of the world. If the story is to be believed, then people are responsible for up-keep of the world. That being said, Evolution is a fairly robust over-arching theory because it is based on the more provable theory of natural selection and adaptation over time. Both of those things in mind, I tend to choose Evolution over Creation just because of the non-stewardship tendencies of most creationists.

3. Favourite Sesame Street character and why?
Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster very recently has started having an adult edge to his humor.

4. Best fictional book you and read, and why?
The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell. It is a Sci-Fi book that has actually has changed some of my personal philosophy and faith. Really, it is a stunning book.

5. Who is Suri's real father?
With the pics in Vanity Fair, I honestly have to say that it is Cruise. That poor little girl looks strikingly like Cruise. Now, a better question to ask would be “How was Suri generated.” My guess is a turkey baster.

6. What is your earliest childhood memory?
I was 3 and sliding down a slide in the housing of Gunter Air Station in Montgomery, Alabama when this little jackass bit my nose because I slid down the slide while he was trying to climb up it. Keep in mind, these are 1970’s technology slides: incredible pitch, made form polished steel, and slippery as hell. No 3-year old has any business trying to climb a 60°, super slick slide when there is a line of kids waiting on his pathetic ass... not that I'm bitter or anything

7. Are you a glass is half full or empty kind of guy?
I am a .5 glass kind of guy. Half is half. It is both half empty and half full, at the same time.

8. Do you prefer fact or fiction?
In court: Fact
In books: Fiction

9. Who has a bigger penis? Superman or Spiderman?
Interesting question. While I am not really privy to the comparative anatomy of Superman and Spiderman, I do know that Superman is more of a dick. Methinks he is over-compensating. Therefore I say Spiderman. Plus his alter-ego is “Peter” Parker. Come on…

10. Do you have any phobias? Please share
Spiders

11. Last thing you did only because your wife wanted you to?
Slept in this morning to help with Getting Little Man ready for his first day at pre-school. Okay, I wanted to stay as well.

12. Do you like any dessert with nuts or is wifey destined to disappoint you with her baked good for the rest of your married life?
Her family has a recipe for this insanely good pudding desert that has both walnuts and pecans in it. It is made from pudding, cream cheese and whipped cream. De. Ca. Dent.

13. In grade school, homemade Halloween costumes or the plastic Ben Cooper kind from the drugstore with the suffocating plastic mask and the rubber snappy string to hold it on?
Oh, my family was a family of hybridization. See question 1. Mom would have us pick out a “costume” (Why would R2D2 hear a plastic shirt with a picture of himself on it?) and make a costume that was completed by the store bought mask.

14. If you were a superhero, what would your name be? Actually, give me your 'everyman' name and hero name - Clark Kent to Superman...
Hmmmm…. Trevor Whistledown is the Golden Parakeet! His powers? Well… they are secret.

15. What was your most embarrassing hairstyle? PLEASE tell me you had the Flock of Seagulls 'do in high school...PLEASE!
I had a proto-mullet in 7th grade. Oh, God! Kill me now! It never really achieved mullet status due to the amount of curl

16. Grits or oatmeal?
Between the two? Oatmeal and hating every second of it. I am much more of a cold cereal kind of guy

17. Which fast food chain makes the best and the worst French fries, and why? I know that it is second nature to you right now, but do not let food allergies play into this question. This is about your preference.
Best fries are McDonald’s. They have the best flavor and are even pretty good when they are no longer piping hot. Although, if you can get Wendy’s fries directly out of the fryer and into your mouth they are to die for. Still consistently McDonald’s are the best. Worst are cold Ralley’s fries (and they do not come any other way).

18. Can you please explain the difference between the cover 2 defense and the cover 3. which do you prefer and why?
Cover 2 you only have 2 in deep cover. The field is broken down into 5 underneath zones and 2 deep zones. This is prone to “giving up the big play” since there are only 2 cover backs. The “big play” is typically found in the seam in the middle of the 2 deep backs coverage, or by a safety tripping.

Cover 3 is similarly named because it employs 3 in deep cover. This coverage is typically used on obvious passing downs due to its better coverage of the deep threat, but it leaves openings for shorter plays.

I think the Cover 2 is the more useful of the coverage schemes because it offers more protection on running plays, but, if an offense’s precision is high enough, it can become a liability.

I am sure there are nuances that I am missing, but I think I covered the basics.

19. Is cheesecake the nectar of the gods or is it the work of the devil?
Yes… and yes

20. How big of a TV is too big? I have recently bought a plasma HDTV for our new house but have yet to tell the wife exactly how big it is.
Well, I am a big believer that a TV needs to fit the room that it is in. Oftentimes people just get the most ginormous they can afford and damn the consequences, but TV’s should fit the room they are to be viewed in. For some rooms, even a 32 inch HD is going to be on the big to too big side, then again, some people have finished basements that could work with a 62 incher. It depends on the room.

To Recap:
Little Man had pre-school day one today
It went well
Wifey and I are worried about his allergies in that un-controlled environment
Normal post tomorrow
Next weeks 20 Questions Tuesday is going to be all about 80’s TV
Wha’chu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?
I just dated myself with that reference, didn’t I?
I have a nasty headache right now
I think it is due to lack of sleep and crappy weather

That Bothers Me

Okay, the writing for work is done and over with (redundant and repetitive), so now I should be able to focus on the important writing at hand: a blog post.

So this post should be pretty wiz-bang, but alas and alack, it is not. In fact, most people reading today’s post will leave wanting. I would say that bothers me, but then I would be talking to myself about my blog in my cube at work to no one in particular... again. I would rather not look even crazier at work… again. I think I have un-hinged and crazy kind of in the bag, but random comments like “That bothers me” might put the co-workers of over the edge. Sure my e-mail conversations with cryptozoologicals and unbridled hate of hippos hasn’t pushed them over the edge…yet, but saying out loud to no one in particular “That bothers me” would ice that cake. Although, now that I think about it, “That bothers me” is the cubical equivalent of “Well, crap.” So there is always the possibility that that phrase really wouldn’t cause a coworker to bat an eye. (Why is “batting an eye” okay, but if you are caught “eying a bat” you are some sort of perverted deviant? Oh, wait, I get it now. Never mind.) I am sure if I actually said “that bothers me” the most I will get from someone sitting near me is a “what bothers you?” I would then most likely respond with something non-committal like “This thing going on with my computer.” Then the person would ask, “Oh really? What’s going on with your computer?” and I would have to reply with “Just some weird stuff… Oh, it fixed itself, never mind.” Because that is a plausible answer, but they would still be thinking to themselves, “What an odd duck.” and I would probably say out loud, "Screw you, I am not an 'odd duck!'" Well, let me tell you I don’t want to be THAT guy!

So whatever I do today, it will not be saying to no one in particular “That bothers me.” That would be plain silly, and start many a conversation with people that I really do not want to have.

To recap:
I am tired
20 Questions Tuesday: 9 tomorrow
Tired is not a good way to start out the week
That happens though
Weekly, at least for me
I haven’t had a good hippo post recently
Or a good Yeti one either.
I will have to work on that
The Yeti could help out a bit though...
I leave you with a pic of the boy
He has a hard time letting us take pictures of him
He always wants to see the screen on the other side of the camera
He thinks it will have a train movie on it
He thinks everything with a screen shows train movies

Writing

I am writing a whole bunch of crap for work today coming up with requirements for my company to try and break into a newly emerged field of work. This task of actually writing for work is making the process of writing for blog a bit more difficult. It seems that I have a finite amount of writing in me per day, and unfortunately for this post, I have to focus on the work situation instead of the blog situation. Stupid work, getting in the way of my blogging!

Keeping my limit to my wordificationnessosity in mind, as this post gets longer, the less grammatical and cognitive sense it will probably contain. Thems the breaks.

Last night Little man and I went to Ted’s Montana Grill to celebrate Wifey and I exchanging our nuptials 9 years previous. Anyway… for their kid’s meal, Ted’s does not merely make a single child sized hamburger for the tiny tots to consume at their leisure. Rest assured tiny tots consume everything at their leisure. It is a fact of life. One can not speed up the eating of a tiny tot. To attempt to do so, will only backfire. Woefully, woefully, full-of-woely, backfire. No, Ted’s Montana Grill has decided that 3 smaller quarter sized patties are really what kids like. Unfortunately, they cook these itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie adult bite-sized burgers are cooked on the same surface that the gigantor adult sized burgers are prepared. This lead to my burger being done perfectly (it had a warm pink center and was nice and juicy), but left Little Man with 3 charcoal lumps to force down his gaping maw. They were not good. Not good at all. The fries sucked as well, but he loved the IBC Root Beer. The wee one drank almost an entire bottle of IBC. Burped like a lumberjack when he was done. He was proud. I was proud. The wait staff was mildly shocked. But all this is irrelevant.

The thing to keep in mind is that I only have a discrete amount of writing ability that can be called forth from my noggin on a daily basis. I cannot tap the universe for some ethereal infinite writing ability that professional prolific authors seem to be able to tap into. No my dear readers, I must rely upon the paltry limited chunk of writing capability that is lodged within my head.

It turns out that some sort of dairy cross-contamination occurred in the preparation of Little Man’s coal-esque meal because I noticed some hives appearing on his back during his evening bath. I have no idea if the dairy was introduced because of butter on the cooking surface or the fact that his French fries also had one lone dairy laden onion ring gracing the same plate. Regardless, I forced the little guy to have some Benadryl. This ingestion of foul elixir caused much mental anguish and anxiety to my wonderful little boy, who wept for 5 minutes due its the disturbing taste. He was up from about 2:30 this morning until about 4:00 am due to his belly attempting to deal with the dairy within. This morning, when he awoke at 7:30, he started farting deep and rumbly farts that could potentially register on the Richter Scale. The dairy induced sub-sonic gas emissions caused some discomfort to the wee one, and much discomfort to those around him. Those of you who have experienced allergy induced gas know exactly what I am talking about. The important thing to consider though, is that the above information is not even remotely germane to what I am attempting to focus on today.

The real focus of today’s post is on how I only have a restricted reserve of writing capability at my disposal. Today is all about the way in which my work writing is interfering with my ability to post.

To Recap:
It seems that I have a finite amount of writing in me per day
Ted’s can make some charcoal for kids to eat
I only have a discrete amount of writing ability that can be called forth from my noggin on a daily basis
Dairy causes much gas in Little man
I must rely upon the paltry limited chunk of writing capability that is lodged within my head
I like to consider myself a wordificationnessositition
I only have a restricted reserve of writing capability at my disposal
In summary SRH’s writing ability ≠ ∞
I will again being dealing with the parents this weekend
I am tired
Have a great weekend

9

As of today, it has been 9 years of marital bliss for me and Wifey. Honestly, I did not think we would end up how we are today.

You see, the only marriage that I had seen was my parents’, but their marriage is one that lacks affection and seems to be driven mostly by obligation and sense of responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, there is love there, but I think the 2 people who fell in love are not the 2 people who are currently married in that relationship. Their days are spent in separate easy chairs watching TV, reading the paper, and doing crossword puzzles. They are generally unhappy people with really un-fulfilling lives.

I described this to Wifey a few weeks ago, and she asked me, “And you wanted to curse me with that existence by marrying me?” “In a word, ‘yes.’” Is how I answered. In truth, all I knew is that I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could, and to me, that meant marriage, because, Sweet Mother of God and all that is Holy, my parents see each other all the frikking time. 9 years ago, I thought I would merely end up quietly growing old and bitter with her slowly shutting down my emotions all the while learning more and more how to tune out her constant diatribe of negativity being generated by my emotional un-availability and distance. That was the marriage model I could model my actions after. I was basically dooming our wonderful courtship to a decrepit shell of a relationship based on mutual apathy and our own over-wrought sense of obligation. In a sense, I figured that our relationship would die a slow horrible miserable death, a war of attrition, if you will.

I did not realize that my life could be so full. I did not know that I would be having so much fun. I did not know that I would still love her more everyday.

To recap:
9 years ago, I did not know I would be this happy
In fact, I thought I would be an empty empty soul going through the motions of marital existence
I am glad I was wrong
Oddly, we are not celebrating anything tonight
I am actually kind of not allowed to be in the house this evening
Seems she is having some kind of dinner meeting thingy for women only going on, and since I am not so womanly as to have ovaries, I am not invited
Oh, well, Little Man and I will celebrate the 9 years of his parent’s marriage without Wifey.

20 Questions Tuesday 8:

As it is a new Tuesday I have the newest installment of 20 Questions Tuesday. I would like to thank JW, Peefer, ZingerZapper, and Wifey for the questions today. Without further ado, the questions…


1. Have you ever licked your way to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Nope, I have never been interested to either.

2. If you, or someone you know has, pray tell me- How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
I come from a blow-pop area. There weren’t no Tootsie Roll Pops in my neighborhood

3. List in their order the 3 things that make you go "Ain't life grand?"
Thing, the first: Wifey
Thing, the second: Little Man
Thing, the third: Vanilla Bean Cheesecake

4. Chuck Taylors or Jack Purcells?
Chucks, most definitely Chucks.

5. If Weezer and Cake Got into a fight, who would win?
This is an interesting proposition. Initially I would put my money on Cake mainly since there are more of them, but there is a sense of depression with Cake’s music. So there is the possibility that they could just curl up and take the beating Weezer would bring. Cake would then write a song about overcoming that adversity and a song about how they were done wrong, and, ultimately they would triumph over the beating. That being said, Weezer doesn’t look like it is comprised of many bruisers, so to speak, and I think a few of the Caketians might have been a few scrapes. This is a difficult question. Difficult indeed.

Okay, Cake in round 3.

6. How many hours a day do you work? No, I mean "really"? No, "REALLY"?
Umm… currently? Or on average? It has been rather slow as of late, so most of my current “work” is trying to get work. On average, over my 7+ years at my position, I would say I work about 32 hours of the 40 hour work week. Over the past month or so… considerably less.

7. What is your favourite colour and why?
Forest Green, because I am woodsy at heart. (notice I left the Canadian spellings, how's that for cultural sensitivity?)

8. What stresses you out more: a child playing with permanent markers, or Hallowe'en?
Oh, the permanent marker most definitely. Little Man with a Sharpie is just asking for marred goods.

9. In a world without Mountain Dew, will it be coffee, tea, or me?
Definitely you.

10. What word is the most different (semantically) from "puppy"?
Tajikistan or possibly zarf

11. Which do you prefer? Crappy gray rainy day, blizzard snowed-in day, or burning up hot and un-breathable day?
Crappy gray rainy day, because well, there are less external factors that typically wil adversely affect one’s health.

12. What is your favorite color in a rainbow?
The issue with the electromagnetic spectrum is that, when shown simultaneously it is nigh impossible to isolate any one particular color. Every color blends and bleeds into the next until the colors span the entire spectrum. Plus, some color that we can generate with inks and pc’s are not perceivable in a naturally occurring rainbow, due to the refraction interference of the collective water droplets in the atmosphere. This causes much of the spectrum to seem muddied and dull.

Ummm… what I meant to say was green.

13. In honor of Steve Irwin, what is the scariest animal and the most loved animal in the world of SRH?
Scariest: Vampire Bears
Most Loved: I really am a cat person at heart, so cats.

14. Sandals with socks or without?
If the sandal is open toed, no socks, if they cover the toe, socks are acceptable.

15. If Arby’s went out of business where would you eat on Wednesdays?
Actually we have not been to Arby’s for a while. After 5+ years of almost constant Wednesday Arby’s consumption, my little Wednesday luncheoneers and I decided that it was time to branch out. Now we eat at many different eating establishments.

16. Why don’t people take the time to read emails – and then they call to ask you stupid questions that you already answered in the email or they don’t show up to the meeting because, duh, they didn’t read the email?
People are essentially lazy. Why read something when someone can tell you over the phone.

17. What’s your most annoying habit?
Hmmmm… this is a question best left for those around me to answer. Any answer I give would be pure conjecture. I am sure I will get an earfull in the comments section, but if I had to hazard a guess it would be that I sniff and snort instead of blowing my nose.

18. When was the last time you laughed so hard you snorted?
When Little Man decided to be a cat and “cleaned” Wifey’s face by licking her cheek. Good golly, that was hilarious. Now he attempts to do it while she weakly fends him off while uncontrollably laughing. It is a sight to snicker, guffaw, and snort at.

19. Most favorite shoes/brand of shoes? Why?
For consistency I would have to say Clarks , but Keen Footwear is starting to make a name for me. Merrell is typically good, but I would still have to say Clarks.

20. Why do people keep hassling you to breed again? They don’t like you – why do they want the world populated with your spawn?
They… they don’t like me? But… but… but my blog was even quoted in a major newspaper in a fairly substantial market. Sure it wasn’t the major newspaper of the market but still… Really? They don’t like me? I don’t know what to say……….

To Recap:
In answer to Question 20: Because Little Man is soooo darn cute
Went to a Train Expo this weekend
It was nice
Little Man now has a DVD of 1 hour and 48 minutes of trains going across the screen
I want to poke my eyeballs out or pop my eardrums
Actually, the imagery is not nearly as bad as the noisescape
Trains are noisy bastards, and 1 hour and 48 minutes of trains is enough to drive a papa bonkers
If you want invest a boat load of reading for very little to no reward, might I suggest the Bitterbynde Trilogy by Celia Dart-Thorton
No, I did not just get finished reading this trilogy
It has just taken about a year so I could start talking about it
Good lord it is horrible
Sometimes wonderful imagery followed by a horrid meandering plot with no resolution

Labor Day

What can I say? It is a holiday and we are holidaying. Is that a verb? Well, if not I have verbified it.

To recap:
Minimal post today
20 Questions Tuesday to be unleashed tomorrow
I cannot say that I am surprised that Steve Irwin was killed by an animal
I am surprised it was not a reptile that killed him
I am bit saddened by his passing
He was clearly a man who enjoyed life to its fullest
We need to get to the grocery store
The cupboards are bare
Well, not entirely bare
I have to get back to playing with Little Man and Wifey

Signs

Earlier this week (when the Asthma DEFCON was not soooooo dominating my thoughts) Wifey and I happened upon a sign in a local shopping strip’s parking lot. This sign looked much like this…



Now, this is not necessarily a surprising sign. Who wants a bunch of “skate punks” messing up a good old fashioned parking lot? And no one and I do mean No Frikkin One wants to deal with the insidious character known as a solicitor, but what got me about this sign is the syntax (not the “sin tax” that is a completely different subject that will have to be chatted about at a later date).

This sign seems to be addressing 3 distinct groups simultaneously. It targets skate boarders, solicitors, and their lesser known subset the skateboarding solicitors. Are skateboarding solicitors that much of an issue? I mean really. Truthfully there is probably a very good reason for the sign to be worded this way. If it said “No Skateboarding and Soliciting” grammar aficionados would still be able to skate or solicit, as long as they did not do both simultaneously. If the sign said “No Skateboarding or Soliciting” people in that parking lot might mistake soliciting as the punishment for skateboarding. It would be a really easy way for “skater punks” to get a job, and no one wants that. Damn kids need to earn their job, not have a job given to them as some sort of weird punishment. Back in my day kids would get shot with a shot gun full of salt if they were caught skateboarding where they weren’t supposed to. Not given a job in sales!

Why wouldn’t it simply say…

There is an elegance to the simplicity of using 2 separate phrases. People really should use me as a better resource than just making transportation planning maps.

To recap:
We are at Asthma DEFCON 2 and shifting to Asthma DEFCON 3
Wifey and I are completely exhausted
Having dinner with the ‘rents tomorrow
It should be a blast
We will probably go to California Pizza Kitchen
I need to get my car into the shop
It is making a whole heckuva lot of noise when I brake
I have a meeting to get to in less than 30 minutes
Have a great weekend everyone

Asthma DEFCON

I realize that yesterday I mentioned that we were at Asthma DEFCON 2. Well, today, I feel that it might be helpful for me to codify exactly what our Asthma DEFCON levels are, because, well, last night we shifted into Asthma DEFCON 1. I have stolen a page from the United States Military Nuclear Forces for my terminology here. In this case DEFCON stands for DEFense CONdition and refers to Wifey and my levels of readiness for Little Man’s asthma.

Here we go.

Asthma DEFCON 5: Little Man is doing just peachy. He is up to date on his maintenance meds, it is not too hot and not too cold outside without an insane amount of humidity. He has not been exposed to any allergens that he reacts to poorly in the recent past. Wifey and I are not concerned about a severe asthma attack occurring. This is a RARE state for the SRH household to be in.

Asthma DEFCON 4: Little Man might have coughed once. It is between October and May in the calendar year. Wifey and I have increased our vigilance in surveilling Little Man’s chest for signs of reatraction and other symptoms of labored breathing. Honestly, this is where Wifey and I reside most of the time.

Asthma DEFCON 3: He is most likely starting to get sick with some kind of virus or other such thing that kids typically get. Little Man’s breathing is “creaky” enough that we have started giving him supplemental breathing treatments twice a day with his rescue breathing treatments. Basically we have added to the Pulmicort and Foridyl aerosol cocktail both Xopenex and Atravent. This changes the aerosol treamnet from a benign 5 minutes of Little Man sitting still to a 30 minute battle of keeping the breathing mask on his face. Wifey and I are more aggressive about Little Man’s coughing. If there are more than one coughing fit in the span of 1 hour, we immediately move into Asthma DEFCON 2.

Asthma DEFCON 2: We are administering rescue breathing treatments every 4 hours. Little Man is clearly not feeling well. The virus of indeterminate origin is kicking Little Man’s ass, and Little Man’s breathing is suspect at best. Wifey and I are starting to lose sleep and contemplating when we should make the trip to the ER.

Asthma DEFCON 1: Little Man’s breathing is rather compromised. We are doing breathing treatments more than every 4 hours. We have increased the dosage of his aerosol steroid, and we are getting things ready for an eventual most probable trip to the ER. Wifey and I are both really sleep deprived and starting to labor with the idea of finishing sentences and completing thoughts.

Asthma EMERGICON: We are heading to the ER/DR’s Office because the breathing treatments are not giving him any sort of respitory relief. We have our portable DVD player and his allergen free snacks in tow. We are about to go on Orapred. Wifey and I are demoralized and exhausted. Demoralized due to the battle to keep Little Man off of Orapred, and exhausted because, well, we haven’t slept well in a while. Haven’t you been reading these?!?

After Asthma EMERGICON we are in the hospital for Little Man’s breathing. He has been hospitalized and we are even more sleep deprived and fighting with hospital staff about what Little Man can and cannot eat.

We are currently still at Asthma DEFCON 1 but it seems to be better than it was last night. I think we might be able to downgrade to Asthma DEFCON 2, but I don’t want to jinx it by hoping too fervently that we can do that. We have his ER bundle pretty much ready to go though.

To Recap:
I will probably refer to these Asthma DEFCONs often on the blog
Memorize them, there will be a test later
I am sleep deprived and shot full of caffeine
That’s right, in these cases of extreme fatigue I turn to my major vice… Mt. Dew
Hopped up on caffeine and sleep deprived makes me a bit snarky
Not sure what is for dinner
I will update the Asthma DEFCON level after Little Man gets up from his nap.