20 Questions Tuesday: 21- Christmas Time is Here -- Again

Here it is, Tuesday again, and we are all Christmassy. Thanks this week go to Nadolny, Dustin, Wifey, Atmikha, and Peefer.

On to the Questions!


1. Do you put up a tree? If so, do you have a tradition on how you hunt, kill and return the tree home?
Our home is all treed up. We have our Christmas tree in the dining room this year. It is in the back corner and overflowing with Little Man presents.

2. If you could “buy” a positive personality trait for Christmas, what one would you get for yourself? Wifey? Little man?
Myself: Cleanliness (that is a personality trait, right?)
Wifey: She is perfect (did I answer that one right, Wifey?)
Little Man: Patience. He is all about the instant gratification thing

3. Do you have the same types of food for your Christmas each year?
Oh, most definitely! We are food obsessed traditionalists. On Christmas Eve we typically have a shrimp dish that is oooooh sooo tastey, for Christmas morning we have Cinnamon Rolls, and for Christmas dinner I will refer you to Question 8.

4. What have you decided to tell or not tell Little Man about Santa?
We are firm believers in lying to our child to get him to behave better for small amounts of time. If a story of an immortal fat guy living on the Arctic polar ice sheet with a bunch of elves who make toys will keep him in line, then of course we use it. Just like we use Magnur, the Summer Solstice troll to keep him in line for most of May and June. Really, we play up Santa to him, but since he knows (and we constantly reassure him) that he is a good boy, we do not lord it over him.

5. Do you think that little man will play with anything besides his new trains? Did you even try to tempt him with other toys? Why bother trying? (this is all one question, btw)
Train stuff will be the bulk of his Christmas gifts, but we do try to get him interested in other toys as well. There are these magnetic toys we are trying to get him interested in. It is a fruitless hope, but still a hope.

6. Does your family drink egg nog?
With Little Man being allergic to eggs, nope.

7. Gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
We give 1 gift on Christmas Eve, and it is always pajamas. They are the special Christmas Pajamas for the year. The rest of the presents are opened infuriatingly late on Christmas Morning.

8. Ham or Turkey for Christmas dinner?
For Christmas Dinner we have a standing rib roast. Mmmmmmmm Beeeeeeef. It’s what’s for dinner.

9. Is their Christmas Caroling involved?
Sweet mother of God, NO!

10. Do you set mistletoe traps in the house?
Yes, and one day, oh, yes, one day I will trap, kill, skin, tan, and wear the hide of the elusive mistletoe! It really isn’t as if there is a mistletoe infestation in the house though, so setting traps hasn’t seemed to work. Maybe if I set the traps with the succulent meat of the pink bellied snipe bird, the mistletoe could be enticed into the traps. That’s it! A snipe hunt it is! If I could only find my yard or shoreline…

11. When your son comes back home from First Grade one day, looking shaken, and asks you if Santa Claus is true, what will you tell him?
Oh, Magnur the Summer Solstice Troll, is going to be sooo unhappy!

12. Which claymation Christmas Specials best captures the True Spirit of Christmas?
I like the story of Santa Claus one. Where Santa starts out as a svelte red-headed young man. Basically I like watching Santa age, it makes me feel better about my slower wasteline expansion.

13. How long has it been since you have tasted a Dolly Madison cupcake?
A very very long time.

14. What is your earliest Christmas memory?
I would sleep on my brother’s floor on Christmas Eve and we would stay up talking well into the wee hours of Christmas morning. He was typically the first person that I would say Merry Christmas to on Christmas Morning.

15. Which is your favorite of your mother's Christmas ornaments?
Hmmmm… I imagine you are asking me which, of all the home-made ornaments I made for her, do I like most. Honestly, there is one that is framed in popsicle sticks with a pic of me when I was 4.

Yep, that's me at 4. That one makes me smile whenever I see it.

16. Why is there a tree in your house? Seriously: there is a TREE in your HOUSE. It's not even real. It's a synthetic representation of a tree in your house. Think about it.
I believe the faux tree in my house is there to hold the Christmas tree lights. Duh, what else it is for? It is a delivery mechanism for small incandescent bulbs. Although the new LED lights ar4e pretty cool (from this geek’s perspective, not cool enough to purchase mind you, but cool nonetheless).

17. Caspar, Melchior, or Balthazar. Who is the most wise?
King Thaz! Baby! That guy was a wise ass beyond compare. He was the life of the nativity party. Not the drunk shepherds, like most people think. Did you know that the movie Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo is loosely based on the life of Balthazar. It was ‘Thaz that first said, “The Kings of Kings is Whack!”

18. At what point in life did you realize that the manger is just an eating trough and not the whole A-frame shack?
It was fairly early on because I saw a few Nativities that did not include the A-Frame barn that is so often… umm… framing them

19. What did Christ do after Christmas? You know, for the first twenty-five years or so.
My bet is that until about 13 he exclusively annoyed the crap out of Mary and Joseph. After that, he was making cabinets and tables and annoying Mary and Joseph.

20. What is the farthest North you've traveled?
Edinburgh, Scotland. That is the furthest north I have been. Capt. McArmypants and I were there in June, and it was light until about 11 pm. Crazy stuff.


Top recap:
Capt. McArmypants is 33 today
I need some sleep
Orange Rice for dinner tonight
Little Man will be quite pleased
I am not sure, as of yet, what next week’s questions will be about
Probably something not about Christmas at all
I still need to find some new music that I like
Almost ready to post something new on the Drawing Board
It is raining today
In December
In Ohio
Rain?!?!
WTF?? Come on Weather. Get your act together!

Ride, Ride

Our house is a crazy roller coaster ride of apprehension during the months of October, November, December, January, February, April, and early March due to Little Man’s asthma.
Let me take you though a, sadly, typical weekend illness.

We will start the weekend illness on Thursday night. Around 11:30 Little Man sat up in bed and promptly voided his stomach. His belly made a groaning noise that awoke the slumbering Wifey from the dead of sleep she was enjoying. “It sounded like the gates of Hell were opening to unless the fury of a pent up devil.” –Wifey. The bed was now the recipient of 1 half bowl of tomato soup, at least 1 juice box, 5 chicky fingers, and some snacks. He had gotten the annoying virus that has been going around Central Ohio like wildfire. He continued voiding his gut periodically until noon on Friday. Then the magic of Sprite kicked in and settled his disagreeable tummy.

This was the first major hill of the roller coaster. The one where you are attached to the chain and feel the coaster slowly climbing the hill to start up the wild ride.

In Little Man’s words “Tummy feels better with Sprite!” - Little Man The little one was running around and enjoying himself all day Saturday and Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon {cough}. I’m sorry, what was that? {Cough!} Oh goody!

Looks like the coaster is about to go through that annoying part where your cork-screw around just before the loops. Now, He sounded a little ‘creaky’ on Sunday morning, so we gave him a full aerosol breathing treatment and that seemed to clear things right up. He is good and responsive to the treatment, that is a big positive in our world, but {cough, cough, cough} by Sunday evening, he needed another treatment. After his bath and during his bed-time ritual, he needed {cough, cough, cough, cough, cough} another breathing treatment. While I am in the queue to log on to the Shadow Council server for World of Warcraft (367 people want to log in at 9 pm EST on a Sunday night? WTF!?!? Don’t get me wrong, I am not an RP fairy, but just don’t like the asshats and asshattery associated with PVE and PVP realms) he needs another one. It {cough} has {cough, cough} only {cough, cough, cough} been about {cough, cough} 90 minutes {cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough}. Here come the coasters loops. You know the ones. They tend to make even the most hardened coaster buffs a bit queasy at the thought of them, and tend to cause your head to hit most of the safety restraining equipment associated with the coaster. Yeah, those loops… and there are 4 of them coming.

Last night, I gave {cough, Cough, COUGH, COUGH!!!}him another { COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, BARK, BARK, BARK, COUGH, COUGH} (Whoa, did he just bark?) breathing treatment {COUGH, COUGH, COUGH}and his coughing got worse {COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, COUGH, BARK, BARK, BARK, COUGH, COUGH!!!}. {cough, cough} He did not {cough} stop {cough} coughing until {cough} around 11:30. We were gearing up for a trip to the ER, when all of a sudden, he just kind of stops… (by “just kind of stops” I mean he is sleeping while sitting up against me [to start with, Wifey took my place after about 20 minutes sop I could get ready for bed. She was in that position for much longer than me.] we think it was due to rapid succession of treatments coupled with a vertical positioning.)Sure he stops coughing, but Wifey and I are primed to fight this for the long haul. "I really though this bout would end up with us in the ER. I mean, his cough had developed a 'barking' quality." - SRH He doesn’t cough again until 7:30 this morning. I am not sure where in the hell on the roller coaster we are at the moment. It seems too good to be true that we are doing the tiny hills and turns that are used to decelerate so the ride can stop. I think more likely we are at one of the boring sections on the top of the coaster that have a sharp decline come out of nowhere.

To recap:
I hate roller coasters
That, and I am tired
I have gotten my hunter up to 19.5
I hope he is 20 by the time I go to bed tonight
Little Man coughs a bunch
Spaghetti for dinner
20 Questions Tuesday will be a continuation of the Christmas theme from last week
I think Little Man will not want tomato soup again
Thursday was the first time he had tried it as a soup and not just an ingredient in Orange Rice
I have a conference call I have to be in on at 9 am tomorrow
Not sure why I told everyone that, but it is true
So far it is the only thing on my schedule for the week

Cars

For the last hour I have been watching a progress bar indicate how far along my data transfer from the Cincinnati server to the Columbus server is going. I still have 30 minutes of transfer to go. Our IT department absolutely loves it when I clog up the bandwidth like this. I am one of their favorite people. They love me.

On to the meat of today’s post. Data transfer was only the aperitif, don’t you all feel insanely lucky now? The main course is much more, shall we say, robust?

Today was the first real snow of the season, and, in Ohio, this means that no one is capable of rudimentary driving skills. In Columbus, it usually takes a good 3 or 4 days of snowy driving before people remember how to drive. On the way into work today I saw 2 bumps and countless hazard lights. These types of incidents will fall out of fashion in the next few days when everyone gets their “snow legs” under them.

All the crappy driving I saw today reminded me of all my car woes. So here is the run down.

Car incident 1: Year 1994, Car – 1988 white Mazda 929. Story: Capt McArmypants when he was merely “G-Money” and I were heading down to Auburn University from B’ham. Whilst on our way on venerable US 280, a turkey decided to commit suicide on my car’s windshield. I did not lose control of the vehicle.

Car incident 2: Year 1995, Car – same as above. Story: On my way home to B’ham from Kent, Ohio from meeting up with some friends from KSU, I have a rear tire blow out on a rear wheel drive car and slammed into a guard rail twice on I-65 outside of Louisville, KY (pronounced Llllll-vlllll). Totaled the vehicle.

Car incident 3: Year 1995, Car – Brown 1989 Mazda 929. Story: On my way home from purchasing the vehicle from the previous owner, I hear a KA-chunk and the car goes absolutely dead. The timing belt broke. Previous owner agreed to put a new engine in the car.

Car incident 4: Year 1996, Car – same as above. Story: On my way to work at the local Norictrack Store on July 4th , I lose control of the car at the mall parking lot entrance. I total the car while driving less than 15 miles per hour by hitting a tree (that had been hit 3 times already that week) with one of the “crumple zones” of the car. I totaled the car without spilling my 34 oz cup of Mt. Dew. I still get the business from Capt. McArmypants on this one, even though his brother nearly recreated the same incident about 5 years ago.

Car incident 5: Year 1997, Car - Blue 1989 Isuzu Trooper. Story: On my way home from somewhere, I stopped for a pee break at the Tennessee Welcome center on I-65. I came back to my Trooper to find smoke coming out of the engine compartment. Yep, I had an engine fire. I put it out with my last 24oz Mt. Dew bottle. The car was never the same and less than a year later, it was done.

Car incident 6: Year 2002, Car – Red 1990 Toyota Camry. Story: On my way to an appointment, I turned left in front of a guy I just did not see. He was speeding around a curve, I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have, and WHAMMM! My car totaled. His car totaled and I get cited for “Failure to Yeild Right-of-Way.”

Those are the 6 car incidents of my past. So in 16 years of drving I have been dealt with 6 significant car debacles.

To Recap:
I change cars like I change my underwear
Once every 2 2/3 rd years and only after a big accident
You are all kind of sad about the set up now
It was an awful long set up for that punch line now that I think about it
I have the afternoon off with my kid today
Have a great weekend!

Christmas Gifts

I have no idea what I want for Christmas. This is a problem of mine. Every year when December rolls around I come up against this wall. I have no idea what I would like for Christmas. No idea whatsoever. While it sucks for me, it is really bad for Wifey and her mom as they attempt to find gifts for me. They constantly ask me what I want, and I constantly have no idea.

I think my lack of gift ideas for myself stems back to my childhood. My parents abstained from comforts and didn’t spend much money on anything whilst I was growing up – and they passed this tendency toward self-deprivation onto their children. Well, not both of their children. My brother has been known to buy a $400 sweater, but I balk at spending more than $50 for one.

Both of my parents came from households where, while they were not poor, money was pretty tight, and so they have never allowed themselves to have anything nice. For example, the sofa that they have is one that they got as a wedding gift 41 years ago. That’s right, they haven’t replaced their couch in 41 years. “They just don’t make them like they used to,” says my miserly father. No, Dad, they don’t, no one uses stone and un-tanned animal skins now. They were incensed when they had to replace their 18 year old microwave oven. It was the size of a steamer trunk, and took forever to “cook” anything. It was the premier technology of 1981, though. And when their refrigerator finally gave up the ghost it had been in the house since before they signed the mortgage 28 years earlier.

All that is pretty sad, actually, but let’s get back to me.

I was never taught to think about getting stuff. I wear the hell out of clothes. I am still using a cell phone from 4 years ago. I have been trained not to think of new things for myself. In fact, I remember one time …

Fade out SRH at his work desk…

Fade in...*

…Young SRH is sitting at the kitchen table. The same kitchen table he has sat at for the past 12 years. His seat has a tear in the cushion, the same tear in the cushion that has been there for 9 years.
Hey, Mom? I was wondering if for Christmas, this year, you could get meTron on tape?
But, you already have that copy that the Hendersons made for you when they taped it off of HBO.
Yeah, I was kinda wondering if I could get a copy that wasn’t grainy or didn’t have sync issues with the audio.
Your video still works, you don’t need a new one.
Speaking of HBO, Mom, maybe we could get cable this year?
Cable?!? We are not paying to watch TV! But I will grow up never having watched Fraggle Rock…

Fade out young SRH at his dilapitated kitchen table

Fade in SRH at his work desk**

… I just have no idea what I would like for Christmas because those thoughts have been slowly eroded out of my system by long nights on a lumpy couch with only 3 television channels. Maybe when I have been married for longer than I lived with my parents, I will finally figure out how to come up with a Christmas list.

Any ideas to share?

To Recap:
I have a terrible time coming up with Christmas gifts for myself
Maybe a Graphire 4?
How about some S H O E S?
I need 2 CD’s from A Perfect Circle?
So accessories for the Nano I got last year?
As evidenced by yesterday’s post’s comments, my blog facilitates free and open communication between couples
That makes me proud
Little Man is going to be unhappy when we put his Thomas pajamas in the laundry tonight
They are a little ripe smelling at the moment
3 nights and 1 day seems to be the limit that his poor ‘jammies can take before Wifey and I have to condemn them to the hamper
Maybe my love for Tron can be directly traced to my parents’ unwillingness to buy me a copy, it’s an “I made it” kind of feeling
No really, if you have any ideas for Christmas gifts for me, I’ll take them

*the sitcom flashback sequence is harder to do in a blog than I would have thought
** no, really!

20 Questions Tuesday: 20 - Christmas Time is Here

Here we are in December. The Holiday shopping month. The month that contains within its mere 31 days, Christmas. Without getting into the mythos of Christmas or whether it happened the way the Bible tells the story or not, or whether one is Christian or not, everyone has to acknowledge the fact that this is the Christmas Season and respect the amount of hoop-lah that accompanies this season. So without further ado, thanks to Capt. McArmypants, Info Diva, Bomber, and Dr B-Dawg. Here come the questions.


1. Secret Santa? WTF!?!?!?
I know, everyone gets Ted’s name in the Secret Santa program. I think we should stop letting Ted put the names in the hat.

2. Why doesn’t anyone wassail anymore?
I think it is due to the fact that one really only goes wassailing among the leaves so green,” but there are few places in the Northern Hemisphere during December that have green leaves. Heck, even in ‘Bama the leaves have fallen by that time.

3. “Scrooged” or Capra/Jimmy Stewart's masterpiece, “It’s a Wonderful Life”?
Honestly, I like Scrooged better. It is funnier, and that is why I like it more. One cannot beat the upbeat ending associated with It’s a Wonderful Life though. Well, except for the fact that Scrooged the song number, Put a Little Love in Your Heart, with the Solid Gold dancers.

4. Is it really the thought that counts? I mean. Sure in some circumstances, but as a universal maxim?
Typically the people who hold true to the maxim, “It’s the thought that counts,” are of 2 ilks. The first are the people who really didn’t put much thought into the gift and just threw something together. The second people are the ones who got a less than wanted gift but decide to be gracious about it because the gifter really did try. So for the first, no, and the second “Yes.”

5. How do you feel about the tradition of hiding pickles on Christmas Trees? Why pickles?
I am not big on that tradition, I think it is German in origin. Ummm… having Wiki’ed it, It is not German. For a run down of the tradition without speaking to its origins: On Christmas Eve the parents put a glass pickle ornament on the tree, and the first of the kids who finds this ornament on the tree on Christmas morning gets a special present.

6. Why do guys not like to buy jewelry as presents for women? What's so hard about picking out a bracelet or necklace?
It can be rather expensive to buy real jewelry. I think that is part of it. On top of that there is also a reluctance to purchase an expensive gift ( I am assuming you meant “real jewelry” and not costume) and see it relegated to the special occasions box.

7. When is a person too old to sit on the Mall Santa's lap for a festive photo?
When they are older than Santa. I would say that is a good rule of thumb.

8. Why leave cookies and milk for Santa? Does a kid get better gifts if the snack is pizza? Or an adult beverage?
I imagine Little Man’s presents under the tree would be better if he left a Mama Mimi’s: Mama’s Favorite Chicken Pizza and some Killian’s for Santa.

9. I love 80s music. But what possessed Billy Idol to record a holiday album?
The Christmas Spirit grabbed Billy Idol, whilst he was dancing with himself, no doubt, and shook the album out of him. I do not know whether or not he adds a hard edge to the songs, but he seems to have made it for his friends and family.

10. What's your favorite Christmas movie/cartoon/special?
This is a tough one, but I think 2 of the three can be summed up with How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I love the TV Special and the Boris Karloff version of the song. The Ron Howard movie from a few years ago was quite weak.

11. Adam Sandler's Hanukah song...your thoughts?
I think Adam Sandler is a bit over-rated. By “a bit” I do mean, vastly. All of his songs are not impressive to me. They really do tend to be mediocre at best. His shtick is to be sophomorically amusing, and it does not translate well into his ode to Hanukah. His forced rhymes are not funny, and his falsetto voice is annoying. He is unable to keep a straight face during his musical interludes because he either feels that they are incredibly witty, or (more likely), he can’t believe that people find his shit funny.

12. What's the best Christmas gift you received as a child? As an adult?
Child: One I remember clearly to this day. I was probably 6 year old when I got a Godzilla bendy toy. I loved that thing all the way to the point where his head torn free of the wire “skeleton.”
Adult: Hmmm, I would have to say the Looney Tunes Chess Set given to me by my parents my super-Senior year of college.

I have to clarify this a bit though. You see, my parents are quite possibly the worst gift givers ever (as long as I do not consider my grandparents from my dad’s side of the family). I believe I have expounded upon their gift giving prowess before and how it is necessary to open their gifts prior to Christmas morning so that the rest of the Christmas Day is not completely ruined. I typically get every thoughtful and wonderful gifts from Wifey and Mimma, but I, alas, have come to expect reasonable to wonderful gifts from those 2. It makes it difficult to choose one of their gifts, whereas the vinyl pike smoke infused green table cloth gift givers actually sending something nice…. It was a surprise to get something that I actually wanted.

13. What puts you in the holiday spirit (if you get "in the spirit" at all)? It's okay if your answer is an alcoholic beverage!
An alcoholic beverage… Well, actually it is seeing Wifey get into the spirit of the holiday. She and Mimma really love Christmas, and that tends to buoy me up as well.

14. If you could be anywhere in the world on the morning of December 25th this year, where would you be and who would be there with you?
My house with Wifey and Little Man - and that is what I am doing.

15. To settle this matter once and for all (unless you supply the wrong answer), who sings better Christmas songs, Bing Crosby or Burl Ives?
Honestly (and I await the vitriol filled diatribe about to be heaped upon me by Capt. McArmypants) I find Burl to have a better catalogue of songs. Although, as a caveat, the duet of Bing and Bowie for Little Drummer Boy is out of this world surreal goodness.

16. Do you use an angel or star to top the tree?
A star but sadly not the Death Star. I have always wanted to say, “This is not merely a tree topper. Now witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station!”

17. Real or fake tree?
Fake, too much cleaning associated with the real ones.

18. As a kid, what was more likely on Christmas morning, opening a gift to be ecstatic that you got what you wished for or opening a gift and wondering if some stranger crept into your house and switched your gifts for things you would have never asked?
Not so much that, but I never understood why my grandparents would think that getting maroon socks was appropriate. I was a kid for goodness sake! Just a KID! Kids should get toys for Christmas, not maroon socks.

19. Pro or anti egg nog?
I loved the pre-made egg nog that the local milk distributor in Birmingham, Alabama made. Barber’s Egg Nog was amazing. I could take down a full quart of that in one sitting. I have not been able to find anything that comes close to the taste. It is one few things I miss from Alabama.

20. What do you use as your seasonal slogan: Season's Greetings, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas....
In person I tend to say “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas,” but in written correspondence I tend to stick with “Happy Holidays.”


To Recap:
I definitely have enough questions to carry this topic forward to next week as well
Overheard from Little Man: It’s okay, Leopard. I know you want to play on the bed, but we’re going downstairs now
Leopard is his favorite stuffed animal
Wifey’s on me to get cracking on designing the Christmas cards
Helluva good dip is evil, even when it’s dressed up in pretty holiday packaging.
I’m having trouble developing my Christmas gift list
No such trouble is being had by Little Man and Wifey
Looks like we are having faux pizza for dinner tonight
That means I need to go and get some faux cheese
Happy Holidays!

Whose Child is This?

Oftentimes Wifey laments how much Little Man is like me, SRH and not like her, Zany Mama. She goes on and on and on to anyone who will listen about how much our kid looks like me. She will wax eloquent about how laid back Little Man is about his interactions with peers, à la me. She will talk to total strangers about how she seemed to be left out of Little Man’s genetic soup other than the asthma and his eyes. She will shake her head in consternation and raise her fist in frustration when he and I get enthralled in TV shows (different shows… ummm... typically. Sometimes I really want to Know how Paz is going to fix the model he broke, okay?!?! Lay off!).

But this picture seems to tell a different tale.

Wifey is looking through the Garnet Hill catalogue while Little Man is perusing the Thomas the Tank Engine Catalogue

As does this one.

Wifey is reading a book while Little Man is perusing the Thomas the Tank Engine Catalogue… yet again

Wifey, I think the little one is more like you than you care to admit.

To Recap:
Wifey has stated some feelings about the whole speech/hearing issues that Little Man is dealing with much better than I can
If Little Man makes it through today, it will have been 5 days peeing accident free
I hope this is a trend
Tomorrow is 20 Questions Tuesday: The Christmas Edition
We love looking through the Garnet Hill catalogue
We cannot afford anything in the Garnet Hill catalogue
We have purchased enough from the Thomas the Tank Engine catalogue
Sorry about posting so late, but it has been a bit demanding for me at work today

Conversations with Zed

Nothing to post about today. So instead of writing a few paragraphs about “nothing,” I will go straight to the recap. Really, posting about nothing for me has become kind of a crutch. I have far too many times waxed eloquent about absolutely nothing. I can go on days and days about the absence of something. The concept of nothing is really a forté for me.

In my misspent college youth I actually studied some higher level math that focused almost solely on the concept of nothing, on the empty box, on the null set, I contrmplated φ for a semester, I spent quality time with the big goose egg, conversed with the Zed. I accomplished nothing for a semester, and it was good. The history of nothing, the applications of nothing, the membership of nothing, the cardinality of nothing, the cardinality of nothing, ummm the cardinality of nothing (I seem to be stuck on that one for some reason), the very existence of nothing. We looked at nothing as a concept, nothing as a construct, nothing as a logical building block. We used nothing as a foil, we used it as a basis, and we built 1 and 2 from nothing. We complimented the universe with nothing, and complemented nothing with the universe.

Honestly it was an interesting class, and when my parents asked what I learned that semester, I could look at them and in my most petulant 13 year old voice say, “Nothing!”

To Recap:
You ca say anything you want about nothing and be correct
Little Man did not want to go to pre-school today
He wanted to stay home and play trains
He went to pre-school… much to his chagrin
Grandpa R is in the hospital for stroke-like symptoms
Grandpa R and Grandma D really cannot catch a break
Google images for “nothing” suck
The section’s Holiday Hootnanny is this afternoon
Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like a Chinese buffet followed closely by bowling
I mean it. NOTHING says “Happy Holidays” quite that way
Nothing, nil, nada, zilch zip, zero, zed, rien, bumpkiss, the big goose egg, φ, null, null set…
That’s all I got without a consulting Roget
Gimme some synonyms for nothing folks, I need to replenish my lexicon
Have a great weekend

Old project sweat stinks more

Not sure what is going on with the bidniz’s themostat today, but it is absolutely scorching in the office today. My forearms (not four arms á la Ganesh)

mmmmmm Sacrilege

are sticking to the desk. On Tangent: Okay, I was just going to post a benign pic of Ganesh, but Sweet French Onion Dip! why in the world would someone put a diety on a scooter for their website! Jesus on a scooter would never be acceptable, similarly with Mohammad. I obscured their website's URL in case they copyrighted their sacrilege, but if one wants to find it just do an "image" search on Google. Off Tangent The whole sticking to the desk thing really is quite disgusting. Everyone I am working with at the moment (more near than with. I am a crogetty curmudgeon from Anti-socialville) should be happy that I wore deodorant today. It was a whim, what can I say. I am really quite un-comfortable here at the moment. I even recognized that today was going to be unseasonably warm. I wore short sleeves and everything (everything defined as: shoes {Keen: Bronx}, socks {ummm Khaki-esque}, underwear {at least I am pretty sure I put them on}, pants {lighter khaki than my socks}, undershirt {deep mossy green, ooooooooh stylish}, and short sleeve button down {deep blue, but not navy blue}). Every time I feel the air move, even slightly I have hope that I will no longer be miserably sweating at my desk. Alas that is not to be. I will be soaked through and through before I leave this building.

To top it off, I was running around the building today to the various color printers that we have (none of which are located near people who actually print stuff out in color, but, most importantly, me.) to collate printouts of an entrance and exit plan for a local sports venue’s parking plan. A job, by the way, that I haven’t had to touch since January 22, 2006. That is one of the issues with my industry (Transportation Planning): Old projects never die. They linger on… forever and ever and ever and ever and ever… So, I have been working frantically all day for a project that ended in January. That is the way of things. The sweaty frantic way of things.

The printer is adding some weird artifacts to the prints. And it is a good 600 feet (183 meters for my metric readership) away. So far I have attempted 4 different fixes to get rid of the spurious white triangle that appears in the lower left corner of the prints, and none of them have worked (4800 fruitless feet of travel to and from my desk {1464 meters for the metric folk}). I am on my last possibility to make the prints print out correctly.

So here I am, sticking to my desktop, saturating the carpet around me with perspiration, and working on a project that we turned in a final report on in January. It has not been a stellar Wednesday for me. So, how is your day going?

To recap:
Why in the world would someone Photoshop Ganesh onto a scooter?
I mean, really, Ganesh would be all about the H3
Wifey is in Cincinnati this afternoon, not to return until 8 this evening
I am not sure what I am going to feed Little Man tonight
I need to do laundry
I need some sleep
Tomorrow is the section Holiday Hootnanny
We are going bowling
I can wait
I can most assuredly wait

20 Questions Tuesday: 19 - Little Man

So to round out the 20 Questions Tuesdays about my family, today we will focus on Little Man. I would like to thank Zinger Zapper, Nadolny, Dustin, Belsum, the Em, and Peefer for their thoughtful and tasteful questions regarding Little Man.

Here come the questions:


1. If you could choose an obsession for Zane, other than trains, what would it be?
Mopping or some other cleaning activity

2. If Zane lost his allergy to one particular food group what would you prefer it be?
I think I would like him to loose the peanut allergy. That one is the one that would most likely result in a really bad anaphylactic reaction and/or death. That one scares the absolute beee-jeeezus out of us.

3. What things is little man actually allergic too? We hear there are a variety, but what specifically?
Okay, I will list out the ones he is allergic to currently and the ones he used to be allergic to.
Current: Dairy, Eggs, Tree Nuts, Peanuts, and pet type animals
Past: Soy, Tomato, Potato, Green Beans, Peas, and Carrots
Those are the ones I remember, I am sure that Wifey can add to list, and I encourage her to do so in the comments section.

4. How is he on bath nights? Our little one isn't too keen on water over her head and raises a fuss.
Actually he has a bath every night. It is part of his evening ritual: The slaughter of the Chickens (Chicky Fingers), the prayer to the Craven Images (trains on YouTube), the ritual cleansing (bath time), the reading of the scriptures (books before bed), the polishing of the fangs (tooth brushing), the recitations (stories before sleep), and the all encompassing battle of will (allowing himself to go to sleep)

5. What are his favorite three toys?
Currently in order, Amtrak F-40 Deisel Engine, CSX Deisel Engine, and Santa Fe Deisel Engine.

6. What is his favorite ethnic food?
I would have to say his love for Lentil Soup. But keep in mind what one group considers to be “ethnic food” another group just considers “food.” In China his favorite ethnic food is fat back green beans.

7. Does he like tater tots?
He does indeed, but he tends to like Crispy Crowns more. It is like the best parts of the tater tots combined into one delectable morsel.

8. Have you ever picked out (fro'd) his hair?
Occassionally he gets some rather tight curls near his head, so we have to untangle that hair and pretty much fluff it out. He lets me preen him like I am a big old silverback. He just sits in my lap and lets me pull out his “tangles.” He has not had a true afro (his hair is just not thick enough) but he has definitely had an “Einstein.”

9. What's the funniest thing he's said in the last 24 hrs.?
Mama, No go to Potty! Mama Chair! (He was sitting on Wifey’s lap and she needed to go… umm… well… potty (Giblets and Gravy! I sound like a parent. She had to pee! She had to use the facilities! Add to the toilet water! Potty?!?! I am really losing my ability to relate to non-parents.) ahem… she had to go to the bathroom, but Little Man really liked her as a chair.

10. How did you choose his name?
We went through an insane amount of baby name books and finally came up with 2 names that we both liked. An odd fact about Wifey, she will read a baby name book for fun. Infact there are usually at least 3 baby name books out and about in the house at any one given time. Anyway... we waited for the little tootsa to be born and decided which name fit him best.

11. What is his favorite cartoon/toy/song that you can’t stand?
Oh, there are so many… I would still have to go with Higgly Town Heroes!

12. What do you secretly (or not so secretly) hope that he will be when he grows up?
Rich! Stinking RICH!!!

13. What’s the most “testosteroney” thing he’s ever done?
Lately he has really enjoyed climbing the doorjamb, but have I mentioned his love for trains?

14. What is the name of his blog?
He has 2 that he occasionally has his duo of ghost writers pen for him: this one and this one

15. Now that Little Man is getting older, does he ever communicate a dislike and/or unfairness of how many allergies and breathing problems he has?
He has not really been socialized enough to realize that he is missing out too much. It also helps that he really is not that willing to try new foods.

16. What's the most shocking thing Little Man ever said or did? (good or bad)
Hmmmm... I believe it would be pantsing (to remove someone else's pants without permission in a public space) Wifey in the Library

17. I heard ANOTHER man refer to his wife and child as Wifey and Little Man respectively, so I Googled "wifey AND 'little man'" out of curiosity (which also made me realize that I should get a life). Do you realize you are result #4? Which begs the question: Why "Little Man?"
He is male and small. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Eventually, I imagine that I might have to alter his moniker.

PSYou need to get out more…

18. Does Little Man know about your blog?
Not so much. I am pretty sure that one day he will be unhappy with its existence

19. Please describe Little Man's love for trains.
It is an all consuming passion brighter than the sun. The fire of addiction burns in his belly much like a junkie craves heroine. He simply cannot get enough trains. It is impossible. I hope it passes because I don’t really want to set up the basement as a big old train layout.

20. What are the top two traits Little Man gets from you? One good. One evil.
Good: He really is pretty laid back and go “with the flow” about his schedule
Evil: (From Wifey) willfulness. That and the inability to use pronouns – your whole “SRH will be cooking dinner now, and SRH will be going to bed now” - has set a terrible – nay, evil –precedent at our house.


To recap:
SRH is done with this post
I really don’t refer to myself in the 3 rd person all that much
I am, however, wearing a purple shirt today and therefore will be using the royal “we” for a while
We have no idea what we shall be having for dinner tonight
We still need a royal nap
We wonder if the King of Pirates would employ the royal “we” in their pirate speech
Then… we drift of to another subject
You can all imagine the dismissive waving of our royal hand during this recap
We are now finished with our posting for the day

2 Ended Candle Burned

This past week my 2 very best friends came into town to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. It was absolutely wonderful. This is the first time that the 3 of us have been able to get together in about 4 years. It was the first time that Dr. B-Dawg (I have decided that B-Dawg was a bit too disrespectful, he has his PhD in physics after all) was exposed to Little Man. It was a great .

The week of enjoyment started out Tuesday afternoon. Both Wifey and Capt. McArmypants got into town within a 30 minute time span. Tangent: Okay, I understand that airports in the US were all built prior to the terrorist events that occurred on 9-11. So, I understand that the terminals are set up for friends and family to wait for passengers at the gate. But since that is no longer allowed, is there any way that the airports could somehow let people waiting for passengers know when flights de-plane? I got really tired of getting excited that the people exiting the concourse were from my wife’s flight, when her plane had not even landed yet. End Tangent. Anyway… the late nights with friends started Tuesday evening and finished early Sunday morning. Unfortunately the mornings with Little Man did not take a significant break on Wednesday through Sunday as well.

Around 5 days of little sleep tends to make one rather tired. Today, more than the typical Monday I am tired to the point of distraction and maybe distortion. The candle was definitely burning on both ends. I hearty shout-out to Wifey for letting me get an extra bit of sleep here and there, but all-in-all I did amass a rather significant amount of sleep debt over the holiday. I probably won’t be well rested again until 2007. Good times.

The festivities were tempered with how much Dr. B-Dawg, Capt. McArmypants and my lives are different. We are all in radically different stages of our lives right now. I am in a wonderful marriage and father as well as professionally being a low level manager. Dr. B-Dawg is in a relationship that he is very happy about and doing individual lab research at a rather large university. Capt. McArmypants is un-abashedly single and not interested in a relationship, a prosecuting lawyer for the Army’s JAG corps, and deploying to a combat zone in early 2007 to do less prosecutorial duties. Clearly some differences going on there.

I found myself having some difficulties balancing what I perceived as my familial duties and truly allowing myself to interact with my friends. So, to my friends I say, “I’m sorry for not engaging like I should have.” I found myself on the outside looking in a couple of times, and it was completely of my own doing. I think it wasn’t until Friday that I really allowed myself to be part of the group. It might have been sleep deprivation that finally made me jump in, but I cannot be certain.

To recap:
The candle is well burnt on both ends
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions is about Little Man
I haven’t been drunk in a long time
Late night drinking + early morning wake up by Little Man = really really tired SRH
Luckily I was not hung over
Much
I am really close to changing Capt. McArmypants’s name to LL Cool G
He knows why
Hint for those of you who aren’t Capt. McArmypants, it is not because of similar physique
Not in the least
Only got my hunter to level 12
Not level 20 L
I forgot to mention on Thursday’s post:
Cranberry Salad
Dinner Rolls

mmmm Feast!

So Thanksgiving is upon us, but instead of the obligatory “What I am thankful for” post I am simply going to write our menu.

Main Courses:

• Turkey
• Ham

Side Dishes:

• Mashed Potatoes
• Fat Back Green Beans
• Corn
• Stuffing (2 kinds, Bob Evans Stuffing Sausage, and some green olive-y stuffing that Wifey makes us fix every year.)

Desserts

• Iced pumpkin bars

Mmmmm Thanksgiving

To recap:
Everyone have a nice weekend
B-Dawg and Capt. McArmypants are here and enjoying the holiday
The eggless and dairyless pumpkin pie did not work out
I don’t want to talk about it
It wasn’t pretty

Day before the feast

Ah, the day before the feast of feasts. The day that is spent running arund to various grocery stores in search of last minute ingredients. I love this day. So far I have been to 2 grocery stores and a spice store. That’s right. A spice store. Looks like I will be attempting an eggless dairyless pumpkin pie tonight, and then trying to get my Hunter up to level 20. It is a hard road I travel.

Little Man was absolutely ecstatic about his mama coming home, and only a little confused as to who and why Capt. McArmypants was here. All he knows is that “Uncle Capt. McArmypants is silly silly." We have no idea how many times he will be uttering that throughout the rest of his life. Really kid, you don't know the half of it.

I am not at work today, so that makes me happy. This post is going to be rather short, because Little Man is now up from his nap and terrorizing Uncle Capt. McArmypants. I think I might just wait a bit to increase McArmypants’s agony…

To recap:
I will post tomorrow, but most of you won’t read it
B-Dawg gets into town tomorrow, even though today is his birthday
Happy Birthday B-Dawg!
My post tomorrow will basically be a menu
Mmmmmmmmmmm menu
I need a shower
I have no idea what we are having for dinner
Probably something with chicken
Maybe steamed chicken
Mmmmm steamed chicken

20 Questions Tuesday: 18 - SRH part the second

It seems that enough of my background and sense of “who I am” must not come through very clearly because I got sooo many questions from people for the 20 Questions Tuesday focusing on little old me, SRH. So today I would like to thank IC Yellow, Dustin, Lsig, JW, and Atmikha. Everyone who has ever sent in questions, again, thank you sooo much. Without you I would be at a loss as to what I should write about on Tuesdays. On to the questions.

1. What is your very first recollection of meeting "Wifey"?
I am sure I “met” her previously at a party that an old roommate of mine invited me to, but I met tons of people that night and remembered less than I should have, so we will ignore that party. I truly met my wife at a meeting for a college honor society. Our nerdiness brought us together, but our dorkiness kept us there.

2. What was the worst fight you and your brother got into as kids? Who won?
Hmmmm, I don’t remember what the fight was about, but I won because I had a hatchet. He backed down like a chump.

3. What is your biggest pet peeve?
People with a ranking system for their pet peeves. Ooh that really chaps my hide, but not so much as people running their nails down a chalkboard…

4. What is your best quality? Your worst? Can we answer this one?
Best: How laid back I am about things.
Worst: How laid back I am about things.
Can you answer the question: I require it!

5. If you could be the king of any country, what would it be and why?
Scotsylvania, because it would rock! Vampire Highlanders! For teh win! “Ack! I gonna bite you-ur neck, lassie.”

6. You find $500,000 in cash on the street. Do you keep all it, some of it, or none of it?
Ummm… I don’t know what you are talking about. I only found $200,000.

7. What kind of shaving utensils doth thou usest?
A Mach 3 shaver by Gillette. I hear Gillette is the best a man can get, which really is kind of sad when you think about it.

8. What's your general feeling concerning neck ties?
I absolutely hate neckties. They serve no useful purpose anymore and I find them greatly disturbing. I understand why they were invented and what purpose they served when they started out, but they have no use in modern society. And they get hot and uncomfortable and make me feel like I am choking all the time. Heck, I am the wrong person to ask. I cannot even wear turtle necks because of a “choking incident” in 4th grade. Stupid kid's name was Bobby, and he was quite the oafish brute of a 9 year old. Downright Neanderthalish.

9. What is the main difference you've found between the state you grew up in and the state you live in now?
Well, there is a huge disparity between the State of Denial that I grew up in and the State of Change where I am now residing. Denial was pseudo comfortable but stagnating, while Change is a bit exhilarating but somewhat tremulous.

10. Discuss your feelings regarding "Magnum PI".
One of the most perfect TV shows ever. It had action. Magnum would get in 1 to 2 dust-ups per episode. It had romance. Every week Magnum would get the hook up. It had humor. There was a whimsical sense to the dialog and interaction between Rick, TC and Magnum, not to mention the comradery-esque tension between Higgins and Magnum. It had intrigue. He was a private eye afterall. There was also the on-going intrigue associated with the whole Robin Master’s issue.

11. Is there anything (realistic) that you wish you'd done/seen/accomplished before you became a parent?
Interesting question. I can’t say that I have any real regrets prior to the introduction of Little Man into our household. I would have liked to do more traveling with Wifey, but we were not financially stable enough to do world travel frequently. So, I would have liked to travel more, but it really wasn’t the kid holding us back as much as it was the wallet.

12. If you were to be abducted by sci-fi aliens, which would you choose and why? (Wookies, Cardassians, E.T.s, etc.)
That alien race that Vanessa L. Williams played on that one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Yowzas!

13. Because we have the technology to rebuild a man better... faster… stronger... what ONE bionic capability would you have?
Jaw. It would come in handy, but not be hampered by lack of supporting issues. One strong leg makes one run in circles faster. A strong arm with no back support is bad. Super hearing would get annoying. Sight would be cool, but there are enough vision engancement gadgets out there. Biting through shit! That wuld be the stuff.

14. Which of little man's dvd's would you consider rolling over with your car/rubbing with sandpaper/warping with an open flame/flinging across the room/and snapping in half- then lying about what really happened to it?
Luckily he broke the darn thing himself! It was a DVD of just trains around Ohio.

15. What is your most prized possession?
My sense of humor.

16. What annoys you most about family gatherings?
My family.

17. What is the THIRD luckiest thing that has ever happened to you?
Hmmm, the annals of history might have missed this one, if you had not asked. 1 and 2 are notable due to Wifey and Little Man. I would have to say the 3 rd luckiest thing would be the time I found $20 just sitting in the ATM machine. Wow, I need more lucky things to happen to me. That was pretty pitiful to rank number 3.

18. What is your earliest memory?
I got bit on the nose by some kid trying to climb a slide while I was trying to slide down the slide properly. The little jerk! It was at Gunter Air Station in Montgomery, Alabama. I was 3. Oh the trauma! Oh crap. Little Man is 3! He could, 30 years from now, potentially remember things currently happening.

19. Is your Celtic heritage important to you?
It is a common link between my wife and I, so yes, it is important. Would I feud with someone from a different clan’s lineage? Nope, but I do identify heavily with my Gaelic heritage.

20. Is there a particular work of art which has fascinated you?
I have always been haunted by this work by Caspar David Friedrich.


To recap:
Wifey gets home today
Capt. McArmypants gets into town today
I am neglecting work as we speak
Little man wasn’t too keen on preschool today
Until he got there
Then it was hard to get a kiss goodbye
Grandpa R had a surgical procedure on his nose yesterday
He has raccooned up quite nicely due to the procedure
I am not coming into work tomorrow
I might try to do some stuff around the house with Capt. McArmypants
By “stuff” I mean: lounge around
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
I am sure it will be good though
Little Man is done with the Orapred
Hopefully he will be back to an even keel by tomorrow
He is going to be all over Wifey tonight
He = Little Man
He ≠ Capt. McArmypants
I think Capt. McArmypants is a bit scared of Wifey
He should be…. He should be

The Weekend That Was

How should I start out this post? Oh yes, I know. Little Man is bat-shit insane. He is off his rocker. Loopy. Nuts. Manic. Coo-Coo for Coacoa Puffs. Frappé à la tête. Loco de la cabeza. He is wacked out of his mind on (wait for it…. wait for it…. ) Orapred! That’s right the 11 month hiatus from Insane Little Man is over. Little Man’s breathing took a nose dive Thursday evening. Friday morning, the doctor decided that it was, indeed, time to hop Little Man up on goofballs. But this is only the beginning of the weekend. There is more to come.

Wifey had a conference this weekend, in fact she is still at the conference right now. It is some conference about dialog facilitation at a resort outside of Boulder, Colorado. (she gets to go to all the best trainings and conferences)

Umm.. I make maps for a living

For those of you in the know, you know there ain’t nothin’ outside of Boulder, CO. For those of you not in the know, there ain’t nothing in the Boulder, CO area. She is in the sticks, the boonies, the middle of nowhere, the not in cell service area. (Her actually getting there was an event in it’s own right, but that is a story for her to tell, and she kind of already did.) Anyway, to make a long story tediously laborious I would have Dickens ghost write for me, but Dickens is dead ("ghost write"? "dead"? quite the unintentional pun), so that ain’t happening. I guess I will have to sum up via a time line.

• 12:30-ish pm: Little Man takes a double dose of Orapred
• 3:40 pm: we pile into the car to take Wifey to the airport
• 3:50 pm: The “You need to buys some gas, Idiot” light comes on
• 4:00 pm: Little Man and I start our trek home from the airport. Little Man is starting to cough.
• 4:10 pm: Finally find a gas station. Little Man is coughing more.
• 4:14 pm: Traffic sucks so bad we have to go the opposite direction of where we want to go. Little Man’s coughing is even worse
• 4:20 pm: Still working towards home in a VERY roundabout way. Little Man’s coughing is nearly constant
• 4:45 pm: Finally home. What is typically a 15-20 minute trip has taken 45 minutes. Little Man is really coughing now.
• 4:46 pm: Little Man is getting a breathie (aerosol treatment with Xopenex and Attrovent)
• 6:00 pm: Second dosage of Orapred
• 6:45 pm: Coughing is bad again, time for another breathie
• 8:45 pm: Time for another Breathy
• 9:30 pm: Start getting bags ready for the trip to the ER
• 9:45 pm: coughing just is not getting any better time to go to the ER
• 10:00 pm: ER
• 10:15 pm: ER triage
• 12:30 am: Leave ER waiting room to go home and give Little Man a breathing treatment
• 2:30 am: Little Man finally falls asleep
• 3:00 am: Papa finally falls asleep
• 8:40 am: Little Man is up and ready to go, but no longer coughing

By up and ready to go, I mean, nuts. Bonkers. Cracked. Unhinged. Balmy (is “Balmy” a synonym for crazy? It sounds almost right.).

This morning began day 4 of the Orapred saga. I am tired and cranky. Little Man is tired and cranky. Wifey is tired and cranky (for different reasons, she will have to get into those if she wants), and she will not be home until tomorrow afternoon.

To recap:
This is the second time Wifey has left me with Little Man in the throws of Orapred loopiness
Bat-shit insane, off his rocker, loopy, nuts, manic, coo-coo for Coacoa Puffs, frappé à la tête, loco de la cabeza, he is wacked out of his mind, nuts, bonkers, cracked, unhinged, balmy
I am exhausted
Mimma has been a lifesaver
Everything will be back to normal tomorrow
Right???!???!??!!!??

Snippet, Snippet Real Good!

Okay, so Wifey did this a week ago and I thought to myself, “That is an absolutely great idea! How can I steal it and make it sound like I came up with it on my own?” Well, I guess one way I could make it seem more like my own is if I don’t start out the post with where I got the idea. Good Lord! I suck at claiming credit for stuff I didn’t do. Anyway, the idea trail associated with this post started probably in time immemorial, but the furthest I will trace it back is as far as Wifey did, because I am lazy. Wifey got the post idea from here, and Kristi got it from here. Done and done. No more trail of meme to be dealt with.

Okay, now the concept. These are the 10 best song snippets that I can come up with today. These are not necessarily the best songs, although many are really good songs, the idea here is not to talk about the best songs ever, just the best snippets of songs. It is a much more daunting task than one might think. I have also decided in my benevolent wisdom that I shall not use the same band twice. Deal with it, I am benevolently wise. Similarly, I have tried to not include any songs created primarily for movie soundtracks. The reasoning behind this is: “Movie soundtrack elements are inextricably intertwined with the scenes of the movie from which they are within. Many mediocre memorable snippets of music are associated very heavily with incredibly well-done memorable movie snippets.” I don’t know who I am quoting here, (especially since I made up the quote) but it looks good. Ergo no Kenny Loggins.

Here it goes, in no particular order:

1 The end of Etta James’s At Last. Oh, my goodness golly goshness, that last “at last” that she softly belts out at the end of the song. Goosebumps everytime. Every. Single. Time.

2 REM’s It’s the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)’s quintessential moment is when the song takes a grand pause and Michael Stipe drones out “Leonard Bernstein.” With a rapid fire litany of names and events that many a drunk college student cannot possibly hope to keep up with, there is a glorious pause and raucous unison of drunken voices lifting up into the night air, “Leonard Bernstein!”

3 The now defunct Soundgarden was one of the most underrated bands of the grunge era in the early to mid 90’s. At the beginning of, Searching with my Good Eye Closed, prior to the beginning of the song proper, a see and say says, “A cow says: ‘Moo.’ The Devils says: ‘ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOHHH….” and then the actual song starts Absolutely gorgeous beginning to a pretty good song.

4 Georg Friedrich Händel’s Halleluiah Chorus from The Messiah. I like it when they sing Halleluiah.

5 Pearl Jam is a favorite band of mine. Not as much of a fan as Wifey, but a fan nonetheless. Ten is their most recognized album and it was their first. Many people feel that they were never able to recapture the magic of Ten and honestly, they are correct. One cannot trap lightning in a bottle twice. One their songs that could never be on the radio due to the F-bomb being dropped as word number 3, Porch starts out with a primal noise that only Eddie Vedder (for Wifey) can deliver. That is the snippet I am talking about.

6 Tool’s sophomore effort Undertow had a “hidden” track on it. Track 69 is the song Disgustapated. Buried within this song is an odd percussion instrument, a .357 magnum. Listening to the rhythmic firing of the handgun in a song is quite a moving experience. There are some really powerful lyrics that Tool has generated. There is a primal-ness in their music that is intoxicating and unrelenting. The hidden track’s atypical percussion epitomizes this primality.

7 The Police’s beginning and ending of King of Pain.

There’s a little black spot on the sun today,
It’s the same old spot as yesterday

Symmetry

8 LL Cool J’s Mamma Said Knock You Out when he growls out “I’m gonna knock you out!” Makes me happy every time I hear it.

9 Les Claypool’s (he did the South Park theme song) concept band, Primus, really “made it” when Tommy the Cat got some airtime on commercial radio in 1991. The album was Sailing the Seas of Cheese, but Tommy the Cat is not the song I am talking about. I am focusing on the title track Sailing the Seas of Cheese. For this super short song (a snippet in its own right), as far as I know and as legend has it, Les plays his bass with a bow. Badass

10 Cake is an underrated band. They are quite possibly my favorite band. They are who I turn to when I am not craving listening to anything specific. There are a couple of snippets that I would select, but I have decided to go with the spoken word beginning of Never There. It is just a great song beginning. Just great. Amazing even.

I need your arms around me,
I need to feel your touch,
I need you understanding,
I need your love… So much.

There you have it 10 snippets worth mentioning, and my favorites for today.

To recap:
At home today with a sick Little Man
He isn't real sick, but sick enough to need to miss pre-school and stay away from caregivers with comprimised immune ystems
I have consciously omitted Rage Against the Machine
There was no one RATM moment that out-weighed the tastiness of the entire rest of the RATM catalogue
Also I have refrained from U2 for similar reasons
Except with U2 there were some real duds
I think I am partial to song beginnings
If i did a list again tomorrow, it would be a different 10
Wifey is going out of town this weekend
Little Man and I are going to par-té!
Not really
I will be a mess when she gets back on Tuesday
I am sure that Monday and Tuesday’s post ill be rather scattered
Have a great weekend
Save us…

Pics

We just got Little Man’s pre-school pics yesterday, and honestly, I am not sure whose child they photographed. ‘Cause that kid ain’t mine. My kid is a perpetual motion machine. He contests the laws of thermodynamics. He has an insatiable need to touch cameras. He doesn’t stand still long enough to focus a camera, much less stage a photograph. This is not my child. It cannot be. This situation just is not. I defy its existence! “Defy!” I say. “DEFY!”*

There are 3 main issues that I have with this picture, so I will go through them one by one.

Issue the first: How old is my kid again? The boy in that picture is at least 5. Little Man is only 3.25 yrs old.
Issue the second: Umm… who is this coy child so demurely holding his hands behind his back whilst innocently shrugging? Little Man is not coy, demure, or (picture posing-wise) innocent.
Issue the third: This child clearly has more meat on his bones than Little Man. This is an issue that we have with many picture taking episodes. For some reason pics tend to give Little Man a rounded cherub-like face that one would see shining down from heaven conferring peace and love over the populace of the world. In actuality, he is a bit thinner and not so benevolent. All pics of him that are taken with him facing camera (how did you get him to do this, O master photographer?) seem to add weight to him. Really, he is a skinny little guy. “Skin and bones,” I say!**

So, I think a more accurate picture of him is this one,

even if it is older.

To recap:
Little Man is still sick today
Not as sick as yesterday
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
Might be left overs
Got my flu shot today
My shoulder is starting to tighten up
I am certain I will be sick tomorrow


*curious, would “Defy!” says I! “DEFY!” have worked better? I am just not sure if the atypical phrasing would have messed up the pacing by drawing one’s attention to the atypical phrasing. Heavy hangs the head of the lowly blogger phrasographer.
** I “say!” a lot, don’t I?***
*** I am asking tons of questions today, arten’t I?****
**** I did it again

20 Questions Tuesday: 17 - SRH part the first

Turn about is fair play and all, so this week’s 20 Question Tuesday is, well, all about me. I sent out my typical email asking for questions and so far I have 45 questions. So, next weeks 20 Questions Tuesday will be about me as well. I am one of my favorite subjects after all, and it seems that I am one of yours as well. Anyway… Narcissism aside, thanks this week go to Anon in love with Wifey, J.A. Coppinger, ACW, and Bomber. I just went in order of receipt, so everyone else will be take care of next week. Here are the questions and answers.

1. If you could be spokes-model for any non-food product, what product would you choose?
Clarks Shoes. I love me some Clarks shoes. Although I am wearing Merrell’s right now. That would probably get me fired from the spokesperson job.

2. If Wifey had said no, who was your backup?
I had no back-up. All my eggs were in one basket. It was all or nothing. I would have been plinking freshmen off from a bell tower, ummm…. Strike that last comment. I would have been plinking freshmen off from a bell tower Good job, Blogger!

3. What is your favorite Broadway musical number to fantasize about restaging, starring yourself?
Ummm… I am not sure how or why I would restage it, but the animal procession in The Lion King is my favorite. So I guess I would probably make it look very similar to how it is now, but the spotlight would be on me whilst I did my 90’s hip-hop dancing in Hammer Pants. I would love to tell the Rhino, "Stop! Hammer Time!"

4. Do these jeans make me look fat?
No, there are other factors at play.

5. If you couldn't do what you're doing now (as a job), what would your dream job be?
My dreams have nothing remotely jobby about them. My dream job would be independently wealthy philanthropist.

6. Name the person from history you’d most like to eat lunch with.
When I first read this one, I read “Name the person from history you’d most like to eat for lunch.” And I thought, "This is an odd question." Then I re-read it and was much less confused. So I will answer both. Whom I would dine on and whom I would dine with.
On: Middle Years Henry VIII (late 20’s to 30’s)
With: Salma Hayek. She is historical, right?

7. Why that person?
On: He is still moderately fit, but starting to put some weight on. So he is not too gamy but fat enough to be flavorful… mmmm kingly fat
With: Do I really need to explain this one? If I must: Hawt!

8. If you could live in any time period other than this one, which would you choose?
The Star Trek future. Everybody on Terra gets along just swimmingly.

9. Character of the opposite sex -from a novel- you’d most like to meet?
Sofia from The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell.

10. Six words that best describe you (individual words, not a sentence!)
Sarcastic, Sardonic, Acerbic, Cynical, Caustic, and Laid-Back

11. How much soccer did you play? Favorite position(s)? Any championships/titles?
I started playing soccer when I was 4, and I stopped playing when I was 17. That breaks things down to playing for 13 years. In those 13 years I played every position on the field and even keeper. I would have to say that I was best at playing either stopper or sweeper in a 4-4-2 or 4-3-3 scheme. When I was 14, my team won our state tournament and basically promoted ourselves into a stronger league. That year I scored 21 goals from the sweeper position. I was the leading goal scorer on the team. 15 of those goals were from un-assisted corner kicks. Bend it Like Beckham my ass. Bend it Like SRH. At 14 goal keepers weren’t able to cover the back corner very well. In U-16 soccer I only scored 5 on corners. In high school, I sat on the bench. I peaked waaaay too early.

12. Why did you really attend Kent State? I believe KSU is too far away from Alabama to be known.
My parents are both originally from Northeastern Ohio. My mom is from Stow and my Dad is actually from Kent. I got an alumni scholarship there and the rest is history. Actually, I can think of 7 people from my family who graduated from Kent.

13. What weird twist of fate bought you and Wifey together? (If you really think about all the decisions that had to be made for the first meeting even to take place)
Honestly, the watershed event of my life had to occur for my compatibility with Wifey to actually be possible. If that had not happened, things in my life would definitely be different.

14. What about "little man" part 2 - when is the happy family becoming a foursome?
You know, Wifey is at home today with a sick Little Man. He has a fever and a bit of a cough. We need to have his hearing evaluated to make sure that there is not some kind of hearing deficiency going on there. We are still dealing with multiple life-threatening food allergies. He is in his full-blown bad asthma season. We are giving him at least 3 breathing treatments daily, when he isn’t sick. Ummm… You tell me, should Wifey and I load that genetic gun again? This one is a tough enough case to deal with.

15. What are your current hobbies? Hobbies that you wished you stayed active in?
I draw somewhat, I write occasionally. I play World of Warcraft way too much. I wish I had kept up with my drawing. Those skills are quite rusty.

16. You seem to be an open book, so confess something that most people don't know about you!
I, ummm… this is a more difficult question than many would think. I am pretty open on this blog without being a completely “naked blogger” (one who writes everything that they feel, good bad, ugly, pretty, emotional, etc…) I am pretty open about foibles and what-not. I guess I would have to say that I am not nearly as knowledgeable as many people think I am. I speak and write very confidently, and this is how I get through life. Basically, I am a sham.

17. Borrowed from "Inside the Actor's Studio"..."If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?"
There’s nothing to see here, move along. Move along…

18. When you've had a really crappy day, what movie is guaranteed to make you laugh?
The frying pan scene from Throw Mama from the Train. Anne Ramsey (this crodgety old woman) is Danny Devito’s (Owen) mom, and Billy Crystal is an acquaintance of Devito’s.
Ramsey: Who are you?
Crystal: I’m Owen’s friend.
Ramsey: Owen doesn’t have any friends. He’s fat and he’s stupid.
DeVito: You lied to me!
{Whacks Billy Crystal in the face with a frying pan}
I laugh every time.

19. Someone else asked what person from history you'd most like to have lunch with...I want to know what you'd eat - where would you go and what would you order?
Actually I like me some Costa’s Famous Bar-B-Que in Birmingham, Alabama. Best damn B-B-Q I have ever had. Although, if the meal was with Salma, I would want it to be at some place that has 8 to 10 courses so she could not run away too quickly.

20. If you could move to another country...name it.
Without really knowing that much about really living there, Scotland.


To Recap:
Little Man is sick today (as mentioned in answer 14)
I got waaay more responses to questions about me than I though I would
I would have thought reading my constant blather would get tiring, but you like me, you really do!
Spaghetti for dinner tonight?
Had to layoff one of my intrepid cartographers this week
That sucks
It really really sucks
Did I mention the suckitude associated with this?
Cause it Sucks

The First Person

One of the statements on Little Man’s speech evaluation administered on Tuesday of last week was “Doesn’t refer to himself or others using pronouns.” Or something very similar to that, I don’t remember the wording exactly. Anyway the gist of that particular critique of Little Man’s speaking ability is that he always refers to himself by his name, much like Bob Dole. First person is unheard of in Little Man’s world… until this weekend.

So, after not using “I” statements around the evaluator of his speechificationabilities Little Man comes up with this over the weekend:

But I want to kick Papa’s belly now-wuh!

What the Hell?!?!? There are so many things that are wrong with that I have trouble knowing where to start.
Okay I am going to give it a go - here are the problems with this statement:

• It is in first person. Other than the now infamous I said, “No TV!” Little Man really has not employed the first person pronoun as much as what we hear the typical 3 year old does.
• It involves bodily harm to Papa, albeit in a place that has much padding.
• It was whiny. When the heck did my little guy get all whiney!

To recap:
My little boy has entered the whiney 3’s
But I want chicky fingers right now-wuh…
Yeah, people in Hell want ice-water, kid
I had to do some of that managerial crap today that really sucks
Houston Dynamo won, Fulham tied, Bolton tied, and Reading won
All in all a nice weekend of Footie
Back to work for me
20 Questions Tuesday, the SRH edition tomorrow

On speechies and carbon

Little Man got his speech and hearing evaluated on Tuesday. I didn’t mention it on Tuesday because, well, I forgot. So far at each well visit check up that he has had with El Doctoré, Little Man tended to just barely meet the speech requirements associated with his age. For example, at his 3 year check up, at the last second he pulled out of nowhere that he was a “little boy” whose age was “treeeeeeeee.” Well, played Little Man. Well played, indeed. Anyway, he had his speech and hearing evaluation done at his preschool today. To make a lengthy post only medium sized, he failed the speech portion.

Okay, here is where the ranting and waving of arms commences. One of the criteria determining his failure was, and I attempt to quote without a copy in front of me, “Does not listen and has difficulty following directions.” Ummm… I don’t want to remotely negate any of your evaluation, but I think you may have stumbled onto one of my darling little boy’s overdeveloped personality traits more than a speech deficiency. The boy listens when he wants to and soaks up information like a sponge. He won’t say anything that he gleaned from listening until he finds it to be most in-opportune. Not to mention the fact that he is 3! He is an obstinate little cuss, and I imagine that the speechies were keeping him from playing with the train table. So, one other thing about the eval. If one is going to fail a child on a developmental diagnostic test, one should make sure that one writes clearly and legibly, oh, and make sure that the carbon copy you give the parents actually transferred. Half explanations and indecipherable scribblings do not help a parent understand what is going on.

On the good side, they said that his pronunciation was good and that his cadence was okay as well.

To Recap:
Little Man is an obstinate little cuss
I have a meeting to get to in 15 minutes
I slept for crap last night
I am sure it will make me nice and cheery for the meeting
Not sure what is going to be for dinner tonight
If Little Man had an accident free day, it might include root beer
If they had talked to him about trains, I doubt he would have shut up
Have a great weekend

Meeting Hell

I will be in a meeting today from 9:30 am to 4 pm. Envy me. No really. Yep 6.5 hours of Meeting Hell. Lunch will be provided, but it will be crappy. Cold sandwich, stale chips, flat coke.

By noon I will be clawing my eyeballs out with boredom.

Why won’t anyone envy me? Oh, I think it might be the lovely picture I have painted. Nevermind.

To Recap:
6.5 hours of meeting = 390 minutes of boredom
I would doodle and draw during the meeting but company bigwigs are going to be there
Little Man has had 2 days of not having any bladder accidents
I hope today makes 3
Sloppy Joes for dinner
With crispy crowns and corn
There will be much rejoicing by Little Man
Wifey added comments to yesterday’s post
Read’em if you haven’t already
Wish me luck in the meetings
I will need it