No time for questions

So, I was in Cleveland yesterday, and that prevented me from posting anything worthwhile. Visiting Cleveland yesterday for the meeting reminded me why I dislike the city. I will just leave it at that, so as not to rile the Clevelanders. They seem to be rather staunch defenders of their city’s “honor.” With all that in mind, they are also very aware and sectarian about their “East Side” / “West Side” status.


Oh well.

I really do not have much to go with today, so I will be doing another 20 questions.

1. Paper or plastic? and why.

I go for plastic. The plastic bags can be wadded up much tighter than paper when thrown away. Many people feel that it is blasphemous not to get paper bags and recycle, or at least get paper bags and let them biodegrade in the landfills. The issue with biodegradation is that it requires sunlight and water, neither of which are present in large quantities inside the landfills.

2. Why is it that we always find what we are searching for in the last place we look?

Because, at that point we have found it, and no longer need to search.

3. Why is it "red sky at night, sailors delight, red sky in morning, sailors take warning?"

The idea behind that saying is that a red sky in the morning herald’s a stormy day. The only reason I can think that this might have any basis in reality has to do with the sun’s rays over all angle of incidence when it sets and when it rises refracting off the water molecules in the air. Maybe the humidity necessary to generate supercell storms at sea causes a more ruddy glow of the sky those mornings? That is my best guess.

4. Why are puppies considered cute, but adult dogs are not? Are they not still dogs?

They are still dogs, but puppies are all playful. They are new and fun, and they tumble around. If they bite, it is not hard. Dogs really bite the crap out of you.

5. Why do those who have a boyfriend/girlfriend insist on hooking up a single friend? Why couldn't they do that while they were also single?

Ah, misery loves company, take that how you want, it could go either way ;)

6. Does little man have a favorite item he wants from Santa?

You know, Wifey and I have not really had a chance to think about what Little Man will be getting this Yuletide season. We have either been dealing with his asthma, working our asses off, or sick ourselves. It is a good question. I think it may be time to get him more drawing supplies and get his creative juices flowing.

7. Anything good from Santa to you and wifey?

Not sure, I have not asked Santa. Next time I see him…

8. Are you moving before Thanksgiving, considering the onslaught of the uninvited?

Good question. Unfortunately the answer is “no.” I am still contemplating the idea of turning off all the lights and acting like we are not home. Yes, that is a better idea, then I can hear the swearing.

9. Favorite junk food? Like, if for all special occasions, holidays, and between-meal snacks forever you had to pick one thing, what would it be?

Favorite that has to fit all those caveats? That is a difficult question to answer. I would have to say that a Vanilla Bean Cheesecake would be the best of all worlds.

10. If you had to flee the country, where would you go (in general. We wouldn't want you to give away your whole plan, just in case)?

Well, I think a first stop would be Canada. They do not have a protected border, and they connect to everywhere.

11. Do you have a favorite romantic comedy? If so, please elaborate.

I would have to say, that currently it is Love Actually. It used to be L.A. Story with Steve Martin, but it has definitely been usurped by Love Actually.

12. Why is Paris Hilton famous?

Sweet mother of God! I have no freakin’ clue. The best I can come up with is that she has insane amounts of money and has decided that she wishes to be famous. When one has inordinate amounts of money, one can pretty much do anything they like. She hired a publicist and became determined to be famous. I hate her.

13. Coke or Pepsi?

Pepsi. Coke has a bit of a salty harshness in its after-taste. Pepsi is sweeter, in general, but more importantly, Pepsico is the company that owns Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew is my life sustaining elixir.

14. If the Hamburgler and Birdie got married, who would perform the ceremony? Mayor Mcheese? Ronald? It would have to be Ronald right? I mean the city would collapse if it were not for that clown. right?

I honestly think it would be Mayor McCheese. I am not sure if Ronald is a public notary. Is there something going on between Birdie and Hamburgalar? I always thought that Birdie was Ronny’s chick.

15. Is Grimace light in the loafers?

I think maybe.

16. I am sorry I am on this kick but... Who would win in a steel cage death match, Ronald or The King (burger king's new mascot)?

If it were on sheer longevity? I would say Ronald. But that King mascot is one scary looking bastard. Right now, my money is on the King. He is just plain hungrier than Ronald.

17. If you were forced to lose a sense, which of the 5 would it be?

My sense of decency, oh wait, that one’s already gone.

18. What is the secret song that you have always really enjoyed but would be embarrassed to admit for fear of ridicule?

Living La Vida Loca. It is just a fun little song, and that Ricky Martin is hot!

19. Do you think the Proclaimers would REALLY walk 500 miles or are they full of it?

Those me are sooooooo full of it. They might walk 5 or so, and then go wheezing into obscurity again.

20.

The graph of v = ƒ(t) is shown above. If 0 t 5, and if (t, v) is on the graph of ƒ, which of the following must be true?
a –10 ≤ v ≤ –5
b –5 ≤ v ≤ 0
c 0 ≤ v ≤ 5
d 5 ≤ v ≤ 10
e 10 ≤ v ≤ 15


The answer is D. This was labelled as a "Hard" question by the SAT's website.

To Recap:
I have work to do
Both Little Man and Wifey are doing well it seems
Some poor sucker actually found this site looking for "Arabian Whores" on Yahoo
I bet he was sorely dissappointed

Turtle Porn is still the most popular search that leads one here

People are perverts

Cleveland Rocks

Had a meeting in Cleveland today. Got into work stupid early, worked until we left for Cleveland. I just got back into town, I am going home for supper. I will be here stupid early tomorrow.

To recap:
Deal with it

Hey, Man, Can you spare a dime, I just need an Elmo!

Wifey’s throat is all scratchy, she is all chilled, achy, and stuffed up. I feel really bad for her, but, sadly, more worried about Little Man. It seemed, last winter, that any time Wifey or I got sick, so did he. Subsequently, every time he got sick he was put on Orapred due to his asthma flaring up. I am not sure that I can survive another winter of this.

On another matter, we have tabled the idea of moving Little Man out of our bed and into his own, until after Uncle G-Money visits us for Fowl Holiday ’05. That is just the way it has to be. We are not going to start instituting a new sleep regime only to parentally violate it the week after starting it. That would be insanely counter productive.

On another matter about Little Man, yet again. Seems the shower is not the answer I was hoping for as well. He did not like the shower one bit. His aversion to the night-time ritual can be traced back about 3 or 4 weeks ago. 3 or 4 weeks ago, I had a cut on my thumb on which I put a band-aid brand adhesive bandage. Little Man saw said Band-Aid and wanted one as well. It turns out that these Band-Aids were Sesame Street Band-Aids. We did not have any plain ones. Since then, my little boy has been demanding us to put “Elmos” on his arm.

Multiple “Elmos” are now his demand, and he has decided to forgo his bath for more “Elmos.” He only talks abnout his “Elmos” these days. I catch him staring at his “Elmos” all the time. Sometimes, I think he is talking to them. He doesn’t want to wear long sleeves, cause they cover up his “Elmos.” He sometimes stops in the middle of eating to attempt to get more “Elmos.” He really loves his “Elmos” …a bit too much.

It is an addiction, my little boy is addicted to “Elmos.” There I said it. My darling little boy is addicted to “Elmos.” He is trying everything he can to get his “Elmo” fix. He is badgering his caregivers for “Elmos.” He is only a few steps away from stealing from the house to fund his “Elmo” addiction. Then he will be saying his ABC’s up to J on the street to anyone who will listen for an “Elmo” fix… counting to 7. He is only a few steps away from being an “Elmo” whore. It He is getting pretty desperate for a fix. The big question I have though is, “How do you have an intervention for a 2 year old.” The other question I have is, “What are the withdrawal symptoms for an ‘Elmos’ addiction.” Will he need hospitalization? During withdrawal will he be a threat to himself and those that love him. I am truly concerned.

To Recap:
Wifey is not feeling well
Get well soon
G-Money is coming to visit
It is good that he likes to eat, for we will have food
My parents will still be coming for Fowl Holiday ‘05
Little Man has a problem
It is a problem with “Elmos”
Terrible 2’s are upon us

6 mol HCl

I feel that I have something that needs to be said, and I am going to get it off my chest now.

During a conversation I was having yesterday with someone via email, the topic of the Parisian Riots came up, and it is my fervent belief that someone needs to teach the French how to riot. You Guys (get it? Guy is a French name) have been rioting for over 13 days, and there has only been 1 casualty (I think) and only about 2500 cars torched. Here in America we can get 3 people killed, at least 500 cars torched, 2 housefires, a couple impromptu bon fires, and rampant looting if the Pistons win a game… or lose a game for that matter. For example, when OSU (excuse me The OSU) plays Michigan at Michigan and loses, there are 10 cars burned in Columbus and 3 stores get looted. Conversely, when OSU (excuse me The OSU) plays Michigan at Michigan and wins, there are 10 cars burned in Columbus and 3 cars get looted. I am just saying that if you are going to have a riot due to wealth disparity and racial disharmony it should be more sensational. You guys would never hack it in the US. Hell, we have even had riots in Central Ohio because people thought they “had the right to riot.” Sure, sure they were drunk, but that is beside the point.

The point is you Guys have a good record of strong and flashpoint rioting, this latest attempt just seems to fall flat. It has been pushed off the news shows and news sites by 2 Democrats getting elected governor. I mean, come on, you stormed the Bastille for Christ sakes. You overthrew a government and created the Reign of Terror (not to be confused with Reign of Fire, no one claims to have made that, eeewww), installed a quasi government, overthrew that, and made a short guy an emperor, all basically through your well honed skill of rioting. I just do not see this kind of culmination from your current riots.

I do have to give you Guys some props for the longevity of the riots. 13 days is pretty impressive, even with the relatively small amount of reported looting. Over here, we usually riot and loot a night or 2 and then go home. Not you guys, you guys are in it for the long haul. Maybe that is part of the difference, you guys are rioting to make a point, and we, generally, just like to bust some shit up and then burn it. It is one of our forms of urban renewal. I know, I know, you are going to mention the LA riots of the Rodney King/OJ Simpson Era known as the 90’s. Those were racially motivated and full of righteous racial anger. Well, the Rodney King riots were righteous racial anger, OJ got off and there were riots., not so righteous.

Back to news from home... Little Man is doing well, he ate nine chicken breast tenders last night for dinner, and then we had a big fight about the bath. It seems that Wifey and I felt he needed to get clean and he felt like the bath water was an aqueous solution of 6 mol HCl. It burns! It BURNS! Maybe we will try a shower tonight.

To Recap:
French riots have been a turning point in European history in the past
I do not see these riots having the same impact
OSU + Michigan = burned cars near campus
Reign of Fire was a horrible movie, but not quite bad enough to make it good

Watch out you might get what you're after
Cool baby strange but not a stranger
I'm an ordinary guy
Burning down the house

Hold tight wait 'til the party's over
Hold tight we're in for nasty weather
There has got to be a way
Burning down the house

Here's your ticket pack your bag; time for jumpin' overboard
Transportation is here
Close enough but not too far, baby you know where you are
Fightin' fire with fire

All wet hey you might need a raincoat
Shakedown thieves walking in broad daylight
Three hundred sixty five degrees
Burning down the house

It was once upon a place sometimes I listen to myself
Gonna come in first place
People on their way to work say baby what did you expect
Gonna burst into flame
Go ahead

My house S'out of the ordinary
That's right Don't want to hurt nobody
Some things sure can sweep me off my feet
Burning down the house

No visible means of support and you have not seen nothing yet
Everything's stuck togetherI don't know what you expect staring into the TV set
Fighting fire with fire

Burning down the house
Burning down the house
Burning down the house

2 Dimensional

The only 2 dimensional natural phenomenon known to man is the rainbow. We just got our parking lot soaked by a torrential downpour that lasted all of 15 minutes only to witness a complete rainbow to the north of our fine building. Rainbows really are interesting things. They truly are completely one sided affairs. Anyone to the north of us, looking south would not have seen the rainbow. Truly a wonder.

No leprechauns to be found though. Even though I work near Dublin, Ohio, the wee folk do not seem to tread here... and everyone knows I have been looking. A pot of gold would be the perfect way for me to unshackle myself from the oppression of being employed. Don’t get me wrong, without the means to provide for the fam, I would rather have a job than not have one, and this job, as far as jobs go, is a good one. Employed and comfortable is much better than un-employed and destitute. The issue is that this is still a job, and, if I had my druthers, I would much rather not work due to the whole, it being more fun to play aspect of life. But alas and alack pushing a mouse around on a table all day clicking here and there and watching blue progress bars slowly crawl across my screen, those tasks are my yoke of oppression.

Yes, woe unto me.

As a follow up to yesterday, may parents in their infinite wisdom have figured out a way to piss off both their kids in one fell swoop. They have decided to stay in Cincinnati instead of Columbus for the Fowl Holiday ’05 (as it shall be known from now on…). Let me remind you, kind reader, that this is the same brother and sister-in-law that will be moving about 1 week after Fowl Holiday ’05. So during the holidays, when they would most likely be packing up their crap, getting ready for a move, my parent’s have decided to impose themselves as guests. Well, if one kid can’t be happy, then they both can’t, dammit! If we ever have 2 little buggers, this is definitely a philosophy I will try to live by. I know that growing up it was a practice of my parents, so it does not really surprise me now.

So, now it looks like Chez SRH will be an insane madhouse for about 7 hours on Fowl Holiday ’05, but then calm down considerably. So that is good. While my parents have interposed themselves on us for a meal, they have tied up my brother’s family for a holiday weekend. I have to keep in mind that it could always be worse. I could be in my brother’s shoes at the moment. I thank the powers that be, once again that I am not he.

Sorry about the rhyme. Now that i look back on it, it was definitely a literary mistake. Heroic couplets at the end of blogs don't work like they did for Big Willy (no the other Big Willy) at the end of an act.


To Recap:
Rainbows have height and width, but no depth
Pirates in Somalia?!?
Are they just doping their part to impede global warming?
I just think it is neat that they used sound as a deterrent
A bird in the hand is worth a bird in the hand, and that is about it
Why do you have a bird in your hand?

But, you weren't invited

So I get this call Saturday evening. It is a call we in Casa del SRH dread every 2 weeks or so. It was a call from my parents. The big reason for not enjoying the talks with the ‘rents id our vastly different socio-political ideation. That ideation difference coupled with the relative difference in our emotional health as well. Our differring levels of denial seem to get in the way as well. My level is not even remotely on the same scale as theirs. Mine level of denial, compared to theirs is arithmetic while theirs is logarithmic. We are talking scales of magnitude here.

Anyway… the conversation is going fine. Blah Blah blah substitute teaching 2 times this week, blah blah blah Civitan’s park needs cleaned blah blah blah when do you want us up there for Thanksgiving?

WHAAAAAA?

Okay, let me replay this in my head.

Mom: I had to substitute teach twice this week so I was pretty tired by Friday.
Me: Uh-huh, I had 40 hours in by Thursday morning at 10, which was lucky since I had to go home then.
Mom: Those 2 days were really tiring. They are not allowing substitutes to leave until 3:30 now.
Dad: The Civitan Park needed some cleaning this weekend.
Me: Really, I seem to remember that it needed cleaning every weekend.
Mom: So when do you want us there for Thanksgiving?

Yep, that was the actual question. My brain is reeling now. I forget to turn on my filter and say the first response that comes to my head. Not so much a response as a kick to my parent’s collective gut.

Me: But you weren’t invited.

I followed up hastily but not quickly enough since the damage had already been done

Me: … but we would love to have you up, we just were not expecting you.

Okay this is a wrench in the plans. You see, one of my best friends just shelled out 700 bucks to come and visit for the long weekend. Yep 700 smackers, and he doesn’t really like my fam that much. This is not at all expected or desired. On top of G-Money dropping by for some turkey, we also have invited a good number of local people. Most of these invites have not responded definitively, as of yet, either, but if everyone says “yes” we already have a house of 10 plus 2 kids under 4 and an infant.

Me: I thought you 2 were heading to Florida for Thanksgiving
Mom: No we go to Florida for Christmas, by the way, can [Brother]* and [Brother’s Wife]* come too?
Me: We are quickly running out of room in the house for everyone to be here. We have already invited 10+ people to this meal without adding you guys or [Brother] and [Brother’s Wife] . I am sure that [Brother] and [Brother’s Wife] will want to bring the nephews, right? That means we are up to 16 plus the 2 kids under 4 and an infant. That is a bunch of folk.
Mom: Yes, but [Brother] and [Brother’s Wife] have no where else to go and they will be moving to Virginia Beach in a month so they will be packing then… sob story sob story sob story…

Well, the conversation kinda petered out near the end. Well, actually I have stopped transcribing the conversation, because by this time I was disassociating and Wifey had to take over. She seemed to be doing well with the ‘rents but later they blew through one of the boundaries that she set up. That pissed her off real good.

So that was my weekend’s fun.

Also, since the Orapred was building up in Little Man’s system, and that kind of steroid tends to make people eat a bunch I though I would list what he ate from Friday to Sunday night (his last dose was Sunday morning).

Near as I can reacall over the 3 day span:

1 ½ packs of Quaker instant oatmeal
A cereal bowl of sliced strawberries
A kid’s bowl of cereal
8 Sloppy joes, (mmmm Manwich)
2 Burger King Hamburgers
1 medium and a half sized onion rings from Burger King
1 kid’s bowl of corn
18 Tyson Chicken Beast Tenders (they are not the full size chicken fingers)
A peach fruit cup
4 heaping bowls of pasta and spaghetti sauce
And one bowl of Wendy’s chili

Last night he couldn’t get to sleep very well, it seems his belly was hurting somewhat.

To recap:

They weren’t invited
I couldn’t turn them away
My Thanksgiving will be very popular
At this rate, people will be sitting on the porch for the meal.
Twasn’t a [Little] Man, Twas an eatin’ machine



* Names withheld to protect the innocent

home at 10

What to say. We love the people who watch our kid for free. More importantly, Little Man loves them like the Dickens as well. ( I am not sure what “love them like the Dickens” means, I abhorred reading Dickens in school, so I hope that is not how he loves them, anyway…) They love Little Man like he is their own grandkid. They forgot a bout a medical procedure happening today that involves them not being able to watch Little Man for us. I swear I am going to cut their pay in half if they continue this crap.

So, not much else going on for the day. I am just here at work trying to tie up some loose ends before trekking out of here at 10 this morning. Now, before all of you get all envious about my ability to go “play” with my kid instead of working, remember this child is on Orapred. Orapred makes kids cranky and easily tired and frustrated, but oddly un-able to sleep and function normally. He will scream as loud as he can if we try to play the DVD instead of just watching the menu screen. Yesterday after I got home with little man we “watched” the splash screen for “Bear in the Big Blue House” for 45 minutes. It was truly mind numbing. 2 minute loops of music with a whole 5 different corner images that changed on the screen. Every time Bear showed up in the lower right corner of the screen, Little Man would ask, “Bear?” I would respond with, “Yes, that is Bear.” It was sweet in a sort of repetitious poke-my-eyes-out-oh-God-when-will-this-end sort of way.

We are going to try moving Little Man into the “Big Boy Bed” this weekend. Not sure he will be too receptive to the idea, but we have to try. Again, I have to say that it was never our intention to have a family bed, but the allergies made it that way. Damn you allergies! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!

To recap:
I am out of here at 10
Deal with it
How does one forget a colonoscopy?
I would think that would be something etched in my mind for years
I will be with insane Little Man all day
and all day tomorrow
Wifey is going out of town tonight and coming back tomorrow afternoon
I do not know how Wifey did it on Monday and Tuesday
I guess I will find out
She really is amazing
Saturday we lose the guest bed, but, hopefully, gain a measure of sleeping independence

One sock too many... or too few?

So Wifey thinks that wearing only one sock at night is a definite sign of insanity, much like wearing a boot on one’s head. I, however, disagree. I disagree vehemently. Although it’s totally okay behavior, I’m not into the one sock thing. I swear. It is just that there can sometimes be some…. circumstances, yes, circumstances where one sock is not only not crazy, but absolutely necessary.

Hypothetically speaking of course, here might be an actual instance where wearing only one sock could, nay, should be okay. Say it is time for the evening ritual with a child. Food has already been eaten, the screeching at bath time is done, and the little one is nestled nicely in his momma’s arms while she rocks him to sleep. Unfortunately, this particular momma is rocking this particular little one in a chair that is about 1 and a half inches too tall for her “rocking foot” to hit the floor comfortably. So, Papa, whilst reading aloud to lull the little one to sleep with his droning monotone narration, decides to let Momma use his sore achy ankle as a push off point for her gentle rocking of their progeny. Now in this particular hypothetical situation, the quaint family setting happens to be in the little one’s bedroom which happens to have hardwood floors. Papa’s besocked ankle is not able to stay in one spot whilst Momma pushes gently on his aching ankle to rock their little one into his sweet slumber. This hypothetical papa, ever the problem solver, decides that the easiest thing to do is to remove the sock on the rocking prop so the natural grippiness of his heel can keep his achy ankle from sliding all over the place.

Fast forward a hypothetical 45 minutes. The little one who at this particular moment might be on some medication, hypothetically speaking, of course, for his asthma and therefore finds it much more difficult to fall asleep, finally drifts off to the dreamworld. Momma and Papa get their little one into bed and head downstairs to finish getting ready for the following day. In the substantial time since removing the super slippery sock to the time when Momma and Papa are venturing downstairs to finish up the chores necessary for the morrow, Papa, hypothetically speaking, of course, might forget that he is wearing only one sock. That is until the papa from this hypothetical situation steps on the cold cold tile of their hypothetical kitchen. This is when Wifey, err… the momma in this hypothetical situation would make fun of the papa and his achy un-socked ankle and foot.

So in that situation, Wifey, you can see that it is not crazy to have only one sock on, but, instead is altruistic and loving. Not crazy. Not crazy at all. See, not crazy.

To Recap:
Not crazy
Altruistically loving, not crazy… mumble, mumble
More on socks…. I am not sure why Little Man likes to wear his sandals with socks
At least they are not black socks
What is the point of toe-socks?
What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Riding on the range,
I've got my hat - on,
I've got my boots - dusty.

I've got my saddle
On my horse.
He's called....T-t-t-t-t-trigger
Of course.

I wanna be a cowboy
and you can be my cowgirl
I wanna be a cowboy
and you can be my cowgirl
I wanna be a cowboy

Wearing his skin gives his power

So for Halloween this year we tracked, killed, and skinned Elmo. All of that effort was so Little Man could wear his pelt and take his powers. Much like a silky off the coast of Ireland and the seal suits they wear. Unfortunately, we did all this within sight of Little Man, and he did not want to take part in the barbaric ritual; of wearing dead foes as clothing. He just is too young to truly appreciate ritual yet.

Thanks to all the well-wishers yesterday for the Blogaversary. It was truly a stunning lack of real occasion. I had more hits yesterday than I have in a single day ever. So thanks very much for all the attendance to the party, as it were.

For all those wondering, Little Man is doing well. He is cranky due to the hunger, thirst, and lack of sleep brought on by the Orapred, but he is breathing. So, we at least have that going for us. He did not participate in the Halloween festivities. His lack of participation was two-fold. Firstly, he is allergic to all major candy types since most are made with yummy creamy butter or other ingredients that he cannot have. MMM Butter. Secondly, as I mentioned above, he really was not all that keen on wearing Elmo’s discarded corpse. He was darn cute in it though, even though we had to fight him like he was a crazed banshee to put the thing on. He is a mighty struggler, that one. He stayed on the porch some while other kids in costume came up and gathered candy from our basket. Then he went inside and ran around naked for a while before his bath.

Of course this is all hearsay, because I did not get out of the office until 8:30 last night. Somebody higher up in the food chain at work forgot to mention a meeting that was going on Wednesday that needed stuff done by yours truly and my intrepid staff of cartographers. So, last night and this morning has been a mad scramble. I am tired and without change enough for a Mt Dew from the vending machine. Bottom line, I needs me some caffeine, or somes people gonna die.

I just realized that the Haiku I wrote in my comments from the last post was not a true Haiku. It seems that my second line is 8 syllables instead of 7. That is why I have a Poet Laureate of Under Construction instead of filling the post myself.

To recap:
I guess I am more popular than I thought
I am more cranky than I should be
My filter, the one that keeps me from saying things I should not at work, seems to be faltering
I think this has something to do with the lack of caffeine in my system
Little Man is doing better
I am not sure if killing Elmo and draping his carcass over my son was a good thing
Mainly because what power does Elmo really have… I mean come on, really

Blogaversary

Ah, the blogaversary. Excuse me, the first annual blogaversary. What to do? What to do?

There have been a few ideas running through my head about the blogaversary, and how I should compose said blog for the day. I have a shit ton of posts, most of which are completely forgetful. There are some that I still enjoy going back and reading. I pride myself at being able to occasionally be able to correctly “turn a phrase,” if you will. So the ideas that I was mulling about whilst in the ER for Little Man’s Asthma this weekend centered on some kind of retrospective. I have been dissuaded from that idea, not only by some of my loyal readership, but also from my own misgivings about the process of a retrospective blog, especially one where the archives are laid bare for all to see anyway (I trust that if someone stumbled upon these disjointed missives and thought them enjoyable, they would reach back into the archives for the few little nuggets of mirth).

On the whole, I dislike the retrospective format. In sitcoms, one of the main characters would be in the hospital for some accident of something, and all the rest of the wacky ensemble cast would be gathered around a table in the waiting room reminiscing about past events. There would be multiple fade ins and fade outs, a few quotes like “Remember that time Cast-member-not-at-table killed that bear and we ate deer on a spit at a campfire?” The screen would fade out and into that scene from an episode 3 years ago. Then it would fade back into the current retrospective show. All those around that person would nod and say “Yeah, now that was fun.” Eventually there would be a scene that would flash back to a Family Ties episode where Tina Yothers was in the Keatons’ kitchen watching the crazy antics of Alex and Mallory. She would nod and say, “Yeah.” All of it is basically writers phoning it in for a week.

In truth though, there is not really all that much to retrospect about. So I have decided to go with the Year-at-a-Glance method. While giving Little Man one of his many breathing treatments, I realized that really it has only been a year, and that is not really that long a time frame.

So, without further ado... since I started I have modified my formula of writing. At first it was any day that I came into the office. You guys would get the odd angry Sunday posting then, but now I have modified this to be just the Monday through Thursdays that I am in the office. Much less demanding a schedule, but I figure that if the crack comedy team on The Daily Show can get away with it, then so can I.

Site Meter says that I get about 20 individual hits a day. Of those 20, I would say there are about 10 to 15 people that actually come here often. My readership has almost tripled since June though. There are 2 people that I have to email the posts to because they are behind some tightened Internet browsing. My media empire is growing slowly, but surely. Most of the people coming here are from the US, with Canada coming second and England third. I have had some visits from other UK countries as well as Australia, but nothing sustained. Have I mentioned that we need more “Meat and Potatoes Blogging?” Singapore tends to bring me some visits, but again, nothing sustained. I have only had one comment so far from someone not of North America.

I hope everyone who has been to this here blog, has enjoyed it. I know many of you have not, seeing as how most of the searches that I have gotten revolve around the phrase “Turtle Porn.” Actually, the key word searches that Site Meter says lead to this blog happen to be (I am linking the offending posts as well) Turtle Porn, Most Livable City, Candice Olsen Designer, Orapred, and Grape Soda. I am sure most people who were searching for those items, were woefully disappointed.

Well, on to today’s topics

1. Little Man had another ER visit this weekend. It was Saturday afternoon, and all in all, it was pretty non-eventful. We are pack on Orapred, so Insane Little Man will show up this afternoon and be staying until probably Thursday evening. Yippee. Wednesday Evening should be enjoyable. I foresee more naked chili drinking in Little Man’s future.

His ear infection from Wednesday of last week has definitely been taken care of, but almost at the same moment we gave him anti-biotics his cold got worse. Saturday morning he had 3 rescue breathing treatments in 6 hours and was still retracting, so we got our crap together and went to the ER. The ER is a much more enjoyable place when you have a portable DVD player. All this ER fun has culminated in the use of Orapred again.

Wifey and I are both pretty defeated about this. A 2 year-old should not be on Orapred more than 2 times a year, and Little Man has been on it 3 times in the past 6 weeks. Goody for us.

2. I did not mean for this to be such a downer post today, but honestly the visit to the ER while we are on an insanely aggressive anti-asthma routine really has taken the wind out of my sails.

3. Where exactly are my Damn presents! I mean, WTH? So far, all I have gotten is a necklace and bracelet that do not fit, some bubbles, a magnetic continent puzzle, and some Play-Doh! All of that was from the same person. It is not like you people did not get some notice about this. I have been letting you know that the blogaversary was coming up for weeks now.

EDIT: Via email I have gotten this Haiku as a blogaversay present

wild red curly hair
daily blog makes people laugh
mmm arbys milk shake

The author of that haiku is now the Under Construction Poet Laureate

To Recap:
Happy blogaversary to me
We are doing the “Dance of the Orapred Fairies” right now
It is by Mozart
It is in the post-postlude of The Nutcracker Suite
Wifey and I are really tired
If you stop by, leave a comment today
Consider it a Blogaversary present from you to me

Only for the Hardcore, Strictly for the headstrong...

Okay, there is a ton of work to do at work today, so this will be shorter than yesterday, I promise. I do not promise, however, not jump from topic to topic in a stream of consciousness sort of way.

So, now I am an inter-continental blogger. I would say I can die happy, but Asia, Africa, Australia, South America, and potentially Antarctica are out there just waiting to comment on my blog. Peefer took me to international status, but now I am Inter-Continental baby!

Anyway… As I mentioned in the recap yesterday Little Man has an ear infection. That is the way of kids. He seems to be doing much better, but Wifey had a difficult night last night with him sleeping all over her last night. He was not so onto me last night, so at least I got that going for me.

Today the roof of our building is getting some repairs done to it. Repairs in the style of vibrating the roof and making a shit ton of noise. It makes the concentration on doing work difficult at the moment, but, hey, mere respiration makes that difficult. Work makes the day drag by. Thanks a bunch work, you suck.

Topic number 4: The Theme song by Isaac Hayes from the original movie Shaft, should be remade by someone with a Scottish brogue.
“They say that this cat, Shaft, is a bad mootha…”
“Shut yer mooth!”
“Ah’m just talking aboot Shaft.”
“Aye, we can dig it.”

Just so everyone in the blogosphere knows, I am going back and forth from work tasks to blogging, ergo the odd pacing and lack of lack of continuity. I have the priveledge, nay, the honor to work with a suite of programs that require massive amounts of downtime to watch a blue bar creep across my screen indicating my lack of progress. During, these “progress bar moments I tend to wax eloquent about whatever subject I am blogging about. This is my modus operandi when there is a significant amount of work that needs done. When I am not pressed fror time, I try to make more of a concerted effort to keep things flowing. Today you get none of that.

To recap:
This is the last post until the blogaversary (observed) Monday October 31, 2005
So… 3 days till the blogavesary, 4 till the blogavesary observed
I expect presents
Little Man is doing better, but he is starting to have more cold like symptoms now
We all know, more coldlike symptoms mean potential trip to the ER
I have tons of crap to do before 5
I am inter-continental baby
Like an ICBM without the BM
Tee-Hee, I said BM
Be glad I do not have a podcast, or you would be watching me dance to Jump Motherfucker by The Movement
That is not pretty
Yall some jumpin' motherfuckers

BANE

So here is the deal. I cannot claim top be the bane of many things. I have not brought about the downfall of countries and dictatorships. Media moguls do not fear me. They should, mind you, there are a consistent 10 people who read this blog. Can you say infinitesimally small market share, I sure as Hell know that I can. I can claim to be the bane of one person though. I was a thorn in his side from the get go.

Lets see… a long time ago in a galaxy that was not too far away (well, done the street, but it really is a different world). Some called this particular universe Ohio State University, but those people were horribly incorrect. The true name of this particular universe was THE Ohio State University. I forgot the “The” once and had my head bit clean off. I was a grad student in the Geography Department of the auspicious OSU studying cartography. When I applied for a grad degree at OSU’s Geography department, they were the #5 program in the US, when I left #8. Boo Ya!!!! Take that baby! This poor department thought I would be beneficial for them, but they were wrong. See, I had an article published when I was an undergrad dealing with the Emergency Broadcast System and tornadoes in Ohio. It was all well and good, but I haven’t published a damn thing since… ergo the #5 to #8 phenomena.

Anyway… There was one cartography professor in the department and, naturally, I became his advisee. The particular brand of cartography that this man expressed was “Analytical Cartography.” For those of you who do not know, Analytical Cartography is the analysis of the ideas of cartography. It is not about making maps, it is about determining at what distance 72 point font looks like an 8 point font. It is not about determining what color works best for the mood of the map you are trying to create, but to take a statistical sampling of pure color primitives and determine the most easily readable sets of color forms. For those interested, white text on a royal blue field is the easiest to read, while, surprisingly charcoal grey text on a light green with a hint of yellow field is the easiest text on the eyes for extended periods of reading.

Okay, back to the point at hand… I will call him Mo… (so this will not Google to him, plus you know his name from yesterday’s post) was my advisor (can you see the tension starting to build) and his baby was the Spatial Database Transfer Standards. This was an issue that he had sunk at least 10 years of his life into. The basic principal behind the SDTS is to come up with a, well, standardized set of definitions for basic spatial objects and entities. The whole idea was for his research to establish a comprehensive and static lexicon of spatial object definitions. Unfortunately, after sinking 10 years of his life into this research, some snot nosed kid, right out of college came into his classroom and had the audacity to question his comprehensive list of topological data primitives. I was that snot nosed kid. I found a hole in his 10 years worth of effort. He, now, really did not like me very much. It so happened that I was not only his advisee, but I was the TA for one of his classes as well as attending an upper level course of his. This complicated matters and exasperated them greatly as well.

About 2 weeks after I questioned his SDTS thoroughness, the class I was TA-ing for him had their mid-term. Whilst administering the instructions of how he wanted the students to take the test, he noticed that I was standing in front of the capital letter “N” that he had written on the board that started the phrase “Number of minutes left” that he had written on the board. This wild eyed Rasputin looking professor that seems to be stuck in the 1800’s (He addresses everyone as Mr. This and Ms. That etc…, felt that the students should not ask questions about subject matter, and should just soak up the information imparted to them by the expert in the room, and I think he would have loved to smack people on the knuckles with a ruler if they bothered him) stares at me with this blank look and shoves me back and away from the board.

This fucker just shoved me! I am not a huge person, by any means, but I am also not small. At that time I was easily still at least 215 lbs and around 6’2”, and this man pushed me hard enough to make me take about 2 steps backward. It was a bad enough push that after the mid-term 4 students in the classroom separately made comments about the “incident.”

The thing that really chaps my hide about this incident is that he moved me like I was merely a piece of furniture. He did not regard me as a person, he regarded me as an object (in STDS I would be considered a Volumetric Solid). I know that this is not the first time he had treated people as physical objects that merely obstructed things, and I also knew this would not be the last.

This was at the mid-term. This is a person, whom I now could not stand. I had to meet with him twice a week as his advisee, twice a week as his TA, I had to go to the class where I was his TA, and the class I was taking from him. It was not a good term for me. Finally, after I had taken my final in the class, I went to the Department Head and complained, switched advisors and changed direction in my studies a year in to grad school. Mo… went on a forced vacation until I was done with grad school, and since I had grounds for a grievance, I feel like my graduate degree was conferred upon me to get me out of the system as fast as possible.

I feel this way since there were no comments or edits necessary after turning in my Thesis for review. My review lasted all of 30 minutes. I still have a bitter taste in my mouth about it, but I have my MA in Geography now… yipeee!

Anyway… after the “Mo… incident of 1998,” his activity in the department started to decline. I know that I am responsible for the beginnings of his downfall. I can safely say that I am his bane.

To recap:
Little Man has an ear infection
That explains a whole heckuva lot of his behaviors this past week
I am Mo..’s Bane, but oddly he is not my nemesis
The yeti is my nemesis
Don’t ask, it ain’t pretty
4 days till my blogaversary, 5 days till my blogaversary observed
I still expect presents
Are the British afraid of commenting?
I think so
I am a bit of a legend in the OSU Geography Department now
I hear he hurled me through a closed door
I do not think there a folk song about me.... yet

Me sleepy

Why is it that there is prefect weather for swimming, perfect weather for lounging around outside, perfect weather for soccer, perfect weather for sleeping, perfect weather for football, perfect sledding weather, perfect weather for grilling, but not perfect weather for working?

Today is the perfect sleeping weather. It is cool with a bite of chill in the air. It is raining steadily, but not in torrents. The rain is still a “pitter patter” rain and not a “stampede of elephants” rain. Sleep would be a very welcome, indeed. I want to be back in bed, pretty badly, not badly enough to kill co-workers, that is a course of action saved for the insanity brought upon by Muzak. Muzak is the devil.

Anyway… I would much rather be in the sweet embrace of sleep at the moment. Some of you are probably thinking, “Just quit your whining and get back to work, you lazeabout!” Well, to all of you out there in the blogosphere suggesting that I am a whiney little twit, “Shut up! You’re not the boss of me. I will whine all I want.” Ummm… and furthermore “Dammit!” I definitely have enough work to be doing at the moment, I just would rather be sleeping, or poking myself in the eye with a sharp stick. One of the two, but definitely not working. It pays the bills though, so at least I got that going for me.

Did I mention that I would rather be sleeping? I got my 2 intrepid cartographers working diligently, and I am working diligently when I am not complaining in vain to the blogosphere. Why am I complaining to you people? Number 1: you don’t really care. And Number 2: it does me no good.

I am getting back to work now.

To Recap:
Man, I am one un-motivated map-maker
Just be glad I am unmotivated instead of feral
5 days till the blogaversary
I expect presents
I do not know why my UK readers are not commenting
You could have a nice meat and potatoes conversation with my Canadian friends and I
Or are my readers from Canada Canadien?
Je ne c’est pas
The last conversation I had in French was on the online game World of Warcraft
J’adore Les Guerriers du Nord
Ma Vocabulaire, c’est terrible
I am thinking about adding “Moellering’s Bane” to my business cards
You will have to ask what I mean by that

CAT!!! CAT!!!!

I offer my apologies to the cat on Crestview Road Friday evening. It is important that I make this public apology, due to the severe and relentless “attention” Little Man paid this poor feline on our evening walk Friday.

Oh, the walk started out innocently enough. It was the usual stroll through our neighborhood that we customarily take in the evenings. We head down our street and then over a couple of streets, then down a few more, and finally make our way back home. It typically lasts a nice 30 to 40 minutes worth of the evening. Pending on his mood, these can be absolutely wondrous times or promenades through the ninth plane of Hell. This walk was going pretty well. We were heading through the neighborhood at a pretty good clip. Little Man was intent on running nearly everywhere that night, which we hoped translated into him not fighting sleep so vehemently. Turns out it just made him crankier for the sleep ritual, but that is beside the point.

Anyway… we started down Crestview when Little Man notices a buff/cream colored tabby cat.

This is not THE cat, mind you, just a similar cat to give visual interest to the story. More interested now, aren’t you?

Anyway… redux… So Little Man sees said cat and makes a bee line for him. If he were a thrown football, he would have been considered a perfect spiral shot out of a cannon on a string. If he were a PK, he would have been considered a blistering rocket into the upper 90. If he were a slapshot he would have been considered a short-handed blue-liner down the 5-spot. I could go on, but I won’t. As I said, he made a bee-line for this poor cat. The cat looked a bit stunned, but none the worse for the wear. The approach was just the beginning. Little Man starts getting in the cat’s face and yelling, “CAT!!! CAT!!! CAT!!!” at the top of his lungs. Then he would look at us, point at the frightened feline and say very politely “Kitty, me-ow,” and return to his berating the cat of its familiar species name. "CAT!!! CAT!!! CAT!!!” He would be bending low over the cat screaming at the top of his lungs, and, oddly, the cat didn’t bolt. Had the 2-year old approached me with such verbal fervor, I think I would have bolted.

So the whole time this is happening to the traumatized feline, Wifey and I are telling the cat in-between fits of laughter to “Run, save yourself, we’ll hold him off as long as we can.” To no avail, the cat did not head our warnings or advice. Then the petting began. Luckily, Little Man, contrary to his faunal verbal assaults, is typically very gentle with animals. He began petting the terrorized cat mainly by patting the animal on its back. 5 minutes later we were able to extricate our child from the drubbing he was giving the poor cat. As we got 5 feet away from the poor thing, it bolted only to be jeered by our little one with a giggle and a heart felt “BYE!!!!!”

To Recap:
If the cat didn’t want to be assaulted, it should not have dressed so provocatively
Really, the cat was just asking for it
My ankle is still hurting
6 days till the blogaversary
I do still expect presents
I will be celebrating this milestone on All Hallow’s Eve instead of the 30th
Deal with it
This is Little Man enjoying Sesame Place

Skull worshiping

Thank the gods for whoever in my section decided to cut the muzak cables in my area of this infernal building. Everybody else in this godforsaken place is currently listening to a softer, non-vocal rendition of “Hey, Jude.” Like that needs to be softer. Sweet mother of God, I would have killed at least three co-workers and eaten their spleens with a dull spoon if I had to listen to that crap all day long. I would be living in cubeville in a loincloth armed with a spear, living off the meat of my dead co-workers and praying to their empty skulls for guidance. No guidance would be forthcoming, so I would need to find new skulls. I would be a feral cartographer and there would be a never ending cycle of co-worker slaying and skull worship. Let’s be clear, nobody wants that.

Here is a pic of Little Man braving the net jungle of Sesame Place. I forget the Sesame Place name for this contraption, but it was a cargo net tube that was 4 stories off the ground. He was looking back at me wondering why I wasn’t just climbing out there with him in wild abandon. He is a fearless little one. Some other parents mentioned how brave he was. Let’s be clear, that boy is not brave, he is fearless. “Bravery” is action in the face of fear; “fearlessness” is a complete and total lack of fear. He is just starting to understand the concept of fear. Heights, as yet, have not entered into the boy’s lexicon of fear. As I mentioned recently, seems cartoon thunderstorms and Airedales seem to be his list of fear inducing objects.

Anyway… I got one of the 2 dreaded assignments off my desk. So now I can procrastinate until my next project I do not want to work on comes along.

To Recap:

Work is calling
I don’t want to work, it is 4:30
I pick up Little Man at 5
10 days till the blogaversary
I expect presents

There's some influenza in my shoulder

So, I got my flu shot today. I am sure that I will be bedridden in 48 hours. Yeah me. Hopefully the illness that I will contract from the shot will not be as virulent or as lengthy as if I contracted the illness on my own without the aid of inoculation. A couple of years ago, I got on TV for having that nasal flu vaccine administered to me. I was incredibly happy to have been on local TV, for having medicine shoved up my nose. Incredibly happy indeed. I came to work the following day to many accolades about my television appearance. Goody for me.

I feel like this year I was pretty much badgered into getting the shot. Little Man’s allergist basically said that if we (Wifey and myself) did not get flu shots we would be the worst parents ever and most likely burn in the eternal fires of the rare area of Hell reserved for delinquent parents who do not smoke around who have asthmatic children. I assured said doctor that my reception of a flu shot is not going to be the action that tips the scales for my impending trip to eternal damnation. There are many things that will completely outweigh a simple lack of inoculation. Regardless, Dr. Asthma McAllergy, did stress in no uncertain terms the immediate necessity of both parents getting the influenza inoculation. …Especially since Little Man cannot have the shot due to its being made from egg proteins. Basically this all boils down to me most likely getting sick this weekend, or early next week. So now Wifey and I are sharing sore shoulders. Yea us!

I have work I am avoiding right now. I really need to get it done.

To recap:

I am avoiding doing work for Asshat right now
I just cannot get myself motivated to work for him
11 Days till the blogaversary
I expect presents
One of these days I will post some pics of Little Man at Sesame Place
Ack, cough, cough
Looks like it is a Manwich sort of night
Wifey wanted me to relate to you that one should not teach yoga when one needs to pee
Okay, I get it, I am getting fat. It is time that I start exercising again
My ankle hurts, as soon as it is better, the workouts will begin
No, really

I'm Elmo's bitch now!

Sorry about the lack of post yesterday. I know you people out there in the blogaverse depend on my incessant natterings for some form of mild amusement every Monday through Thursday. Hey, I guy can take a break, can’t he? In fact, Familia del SRH went on a vacation this past weekend. We traversed the half of Ohio and the entirety of Pennsylvania to arrive safe and sound in northeast Philadelphia. We left Friday after lunch and started our return trip Sunday after lunch. Little Man did great. He is quite the awesome traveler. The biggest issue for him is the fact that he does not like to sleep in the car.

So, this weekend, we went to Sesame Place, the amusement park based upon Sesame Street. Little Man went nutso. Whenever a Cookie Monster song would come on the loudspeaker (Sesame Street songs were on a constant loop (but since the show has been on the air for 25+ years, it a looooong loop) he would stop what he was doing and look for the blue furry monster known for eating cookies. He would just stop in his tracks and scan the amassed crowd diligently. Little Man had a great time, but this particular park is definitely meant to be frequented in the heat of the summer, not the mildness of autumn. Half the park was all about the water features. Those were not well attended at all. I only saw one kid in the water the whole weekend, and there were like 17 idle lifeguards watching this kid splash in one of the kiddy pools.

So, all of this amusement park experience was not sunshine and rainbows. When we arrived at our Hotel, a fine one indeed, we found the most up-to-date brochure on Sesame Place that they had available. On said brochure we found out that Sesame Place has lockers for rent on the premises. This is quite the boon for parents of children with food allergies for we can store food stuffs that we know Little Man can eat in said lockers and go about our daily routine. Unfortunately, the brochure did not mention the $12 rental fee associated with the Lockers. $12 for a locker you could rent at the airport for 50¢!!!!! This was after paying full price for a 2 year-old’s admission and $10 for parking. We decided that we would use our car as our “locker facility.”

Oh, but the money grubbing didn’t stop there. Nope, turns out the only way your kid could see Big Bird (or as Little Man puts it Buuuurr), Elmo (or as Little Man puts it El-Mo, there is a pause between syllables), or Cookie Monster (or as Little Man puts it Ookie) was to shell out $12.99 to see ONE of the triumvirate of Sesame Street. Of course that paid for a picture as well. The scrub characters of Sesame Street were out and about for picture opportunities, but who wants their picture taken with Bert or Baby Bear? No One, that’s who! Honestly, Bert was out making his rounds and he actually had to go up to people to have them get his picture. There was no bustling crowd waiting for Bert. Bert is a wannabe character, and always will be.

This doesn’t even consider the debacle of food. Okay, for $14+ we purchased a mini pizza and some fries for lunch on Saturday. Oh, my God, it was as if they made an effort to make the food suck. I would have gladly paid 14 bucks for McDonald’s quality food, instead I got this 1980’s lunchroom cafeteria quality of food. It was like the management got together in a huddle and said, “This pizza is almost edible, what should we do about that?”

“Oh, I know, let’s cook a day ahead of time and leave it under a heat lamp for at least 24 hours.”

“Brilliant!”

We would have saved money and had a better meal had we left the park, eaten at Burger King and paid the $10 parking fee again to re-enter the park.

In all seriousness though, the park should have made all of the attractions and activities capable for adult use as well. There were a couple of activities that he would have loved to do, if Wifey or I could do it with him. Other than that, he had a great time, but good lord, was he exhausted.

Sadly, one of Little Man’s favorite activities in the park was to push his stroller up and incline and back down the incline repeatedly. Like 10 minutes of ramp fun.

To recap:
Little Man travels great
The only thing that saved us on the road was a Bob the Builder DVD and a Bear in the Big Blue House DVD
It seems as if Sesame Place is run by a bunch of money fuckers!
I almost throttled 3 little brats and heaved their still warm lifeless corpses over the edge of the 4 story tall jungle gym
Twisted my ankle on a big old cargo net
The ankle only got swollen after the drive home
Who cares about Zoe? No one wants a picture with that orange freak
I cannot believe I had to pay to be on that craptastic I-76! I hate that interstate
Glad to be home
Thought about posting yesterday, but thought, “Hey, I am on vacation”

The Gift of Fear

Little Man has discovered fear. We are not terribly sure where he picked up this particular discovery, but he most definitely has it. 2 instances yesterday showed this new emotion clearly.

These 2 instances have nothing to do with the time yesterday that he made a made dash for the street when traffic was going by, nor the time he was jumping off the half wall onto the sidewalk. So his sense of fear is not quite tuned properly just yet. Loud noises do not scare him. Fast movement doesn’t really even startle him.

The first instance that I noticed yesterday was while watching a cartoon on Noggin. The cartoon we were watching is quite possibly one of the most bland and slow moving cartoons I have ever had the displeasure of watching. Oddly enough, to go with the relatively flat plot line, the animation is pretty top notch. Anyway… Little Man was watching Little Bear. This show is the sloooooooooooooooow tale of one young anthropomorphized bear in a wooded area that cavorts around with other anthropomorphized animals and some little girl whose name I have forgotten or blocked from my memory. Anyway redux… this particular episode involved a rain storm, and whilst the rainstorm was taking place on screen, my little boy was clearly scrared. I found that a bit odd, since I had never really seen much of a fear reaction to him. The only other time that I had seen any sort of discomfort was a few stanzas into the video for the Gorillaz "Feel Good Inc" video that is so popular with the kids these days. He likes the song, he just doesn’t like the dark portion of the video where the bass player is setting up that wicked bass line… Umm… anyway… as I was saying, my little boy is now showing signs of fear about a storm on a boring kids cartoon.

The second instance occurred whilst we were on our evening promenade. Every night we like to take Little Man for a walk in hopes that it will tire his ass out and he will not fight sleep and stay up late. As a side note, Little Man fell asleep at 11 pm yesterday, so the walk did not do its express purpose. While we were on this walk we saw a friend of ours and her kids for a walk as well. One kid was on his bike, and the little one was in her stroller, and their mother was walking their new Airedale on its leash.

This is what we basically saw. Maybe not so well manicured, and maybe not so "in the country."

I am sure that this is what Little Man saw.

Needless to say, the conversation with that woman, did not go terribly well. There was much crying and trying to burrow into Papa's body.

To recap:
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself”
Which is an un-ending loop, because as we fear fear our fear of fear grows stronger and we fear it more until we are totally immobilized due to our fear of fear
It is much easier to be afraid of spiders than “fear itself,” more “real” and definitely more “squishable”
Some of the shows on Noggin are boring as sawdust
Hell Hounds are scary
Airedales seem to be Hell Hounds if my artist’s rendition is correct
Yes, that is a sabre tooth Airedale

Asshattery

So, I have not spoken of Asshat for a while. There is good reason. I decided about 6 months ago that I would not be posting so much about my workplace. That decision coupled with the fact that his general Asshattiness has just not been as Asshattish as it was in the events that I described to you in this post and this post. Well, I just got Asshatted again. I will not delve into the details of the Asshattery beyond expounding upon the fact that there was definite Asshattiness going on, being pepetrated by the Asshat, himself. I will leave it at that…

So at the allergist appointment this past Friday, Wifey and I found out that Little Man did not react to potato and soy on the skin prick test, and only mildly reacted to dairy and egg. Since then we have re-introduced potatoes into Little Man’s life, and he is happy for it. When I say “happy for it,“ I mean he has a large McDonald’s French Fries for lunch on Friday. That wasn’t the only thing we offered him foodwise for lunch, but that is the only thing he was interested in eating. He is 2 after all. Unfortunately, we think there still might be some level of allergic reaction associated with the soy, but we are not sure if it is the soy or the potato, or any number of other things at the moment. Basically, we are laying off the soy for a bit, but we are shoving potatoes down his throat whenever he opens his mouth. Mmmm potatoes!!!

+++++++++++++

Okay, as many of you know, I compose this thing, usually over the course of a day. That means I type a little bit, then do some work. I type some more, and then gab about with the co-workers. I type some more, and then head to the restroom… Well, I am not a frequenter of the women’s restroom, not being a woman, and all, but in the men’s room there are a few things that one must always keep in mind.

Number 1: the bathroom is the place for a myriad of nasty things to take place
Number 2: there is always someone more disgusting than you
Number 3: this person will always choose the stall next to yours
Number 4: OH, GOD! MY EYES ARE BURNING!!! MY MIND JUST SHUT DOWN DUE TO OXYGEN STARVATION (not the Oprah channel though, I think one can live wonderful healthy and complete lives without ever watching anything on that channel) SWEET MOTHER OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, THE MAN NEXT TO ME SEEMS TO BE MADE OF STINK!!!! AND HE IS CLEARLY COMING APART AT THE SEAMS!!!!
Number 5: I hope my clothes don’t smell like ass due to that sick bastard!

Other than that things are peachy. How ‘bout you guys?

To Recap:
Asshat, Asshat, Asshat
What has nine arms and sucks?
Def Leppard
Tee Hee
18 days till the blogaversary
I still expect gifts
Fart jokes are funny, no matter you age
Who is reading this thing from Blackpool? Leave a comment, don’t be shy.
I think you are my only consistent non-North American visitor
Site Meter is pretty cool

20 questions revisted

Questions for today, just because I do not have enough time to come up with a real post.

1) The mini fridge!??!?!?....fantastic in college, but are they really necessary in the office?

Sadly, they are necessary in the office. Who hasn’t had some food eaten by the office gremlins

2) Why has the Asshat not gotten fired yet?

He has underlings to take the fall for him… you should know that. It is the way of things.

3) You enjoy watch cartoons with Little Man, don't you?

Somewhat, the issue is that the cartoons that he is into at the moment are still a bit young. Higglytown Heroes makes me froth at the mouth and want to vomit, and the lack of pace in Dora the Explorer makes me want to smash my head against the wall. When he is a bit older and watching cartoons like Justice League Unlimited, oh yes, we will be enjoying them together. At the moment, I only like watching these things because they make him happy and giggle. His laughter is magical.

4) I'm about the only person I know that still keeps in close contact with high school and college friends...why is that so out of the ordinary?

Because people grow in emotional intelligence at different rates. As you separate from your childhood and college friends, you start to experience different life events. Those events in turn mature you differently. This difference is where the drop off in contact occurs. I keep up with only 2 people from high school and 1.5 from college.

5) What's your favorite ice cream flavor and why?

I would have to say Vanilla. Mainly because it is the basis for most ice cream treats. Most ice cream sandwiches require vanilla. Most sundaes are based with vanilla. Vanilla tends to not overpower other flavors, that is why it is such a good base.

6) Who's your favorite action figure/cartoon hero? why?

Growing up I loved the smaller G.I. Joe action figures that were released in the mid 80’s. They were great to start out with because they seemed rather realistic. They were just an elite fighting unit. Then they started having characters with neon orange colors and big, stupid, improbable weapons and such, that is when I stopped buying them. Interesting not, I just sold my old G.I. Joe stuff for a nice little sum on EBay. Someone is always willing to buy crap.

One thing has always surprised me though, is the complete lack of appropriate Bat-Man action figure. They always have to tie into the current movie/cartoon. Someone needs to take the merchandising bull by the horns and just make some good Bat-Man stuff.

7) What’s your favorite color?

Green, a kind of soft green, like rubbed sage

8) What color is your toothbrush?

White with yellow accents

9) Why isn’t your toothbrush your favorite color?

Well, technically, I did not actually buy my toothbrush. It was given to me by my dentist. I had no choice in the matter. Additionally, green reminds too many people of algae and bacteria for them to put a green toothbrush in their mouth.

10) If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Knotty Pine, baby! If you know what I’m saying, heck, I don't even know what I am saying

11) If you didn't have to work tomorrow, what would you do instead?

I would stay at home with Little Man, maybe go to the zoo.

12) Where did you go on your best childhood vacation? Would you go back now?

When I was 10 I went to a soccer camp in Manchester, England (Bobby Charlton School of Soccer). It was tons of fun, and my team acquitted themselves fairly well. We did not win any games but we showed them that the yanks were coming up.

13) What is the biggest difference you've found between Alabama and Ohio?

I would have to say the general mentality. Alabama does not place much emphasis on education and that is saying a whole bunch coming from Ohio, where education is clearly king.

14) Do you have a favorite cartoon? (Which one?)

Original Looney Tunes. They are timeless.

15) What's the biggest thing you miss from your days before you had your kid?

The ease of which we could do things… especially with Little Man’s food allergies. I miss the days of, “Hey, Wifey, you wanna grab something to eat?” and then walking out the door.

16) If you could have sex with any animal what animal would it be?

Ha, nice try. I am not falling for the “could” in this question. I believe it would be a “have to” or “must” situation. Not merely a “could,” because, hey, I’m hawt and all the animals want me. I “could” have any number of animals at any time.

17) What is best in Life?

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!

18) The following sentence contains either a single error or no error at all. If the sentence contains an error, select the one underlined part that must be changed to make the sentence correct. If the sentence contains no error, select choice E.

Today photography is (A) widely recognized (B) as a fine art featuring them (C) in art museums, discussed by critics, and studied in (D) art history courses. No error (E).

Umm C, it should be “featured” instead of “featuring them”

19) Favorite shoe brand?

I think I would have to go with Clarks. They seem to be consistently nice shoes.

20) Shouldn’t you be leaving to pick up Little Man at the care giver’s now?

Yes, yes I should.

To Recap:
Potential energy is dangerous
Die! Smurf! Die!
That's German, for "The Smurf, The"
I am outta here.