Seven Thoughts

So this weekend I found out that my brother is most likely going to be shipped to Baghdad. I have a whole range of emotions that cropped up when I found this out. I will take you, dear reader, on a journey. This will be a journey into the thoughts and feelings of one SRH concerning his older brother’s potential deployment to the Green Zone.

The first that the careened through my head was, “WTF? My brother is a full time naval reservist working HR functions in Virginia Beach. Why would he be deployed into a warzone, much less a dry boot warzone?” 1. He is in the NAVY, why wouldn’t he be stationed on one of their big ships? 2. He works in Navy HR doing man-power logistics, what would necessitate him being on-site to plan man-power stuff? 3. WTF? He is in the NAVY!

The second thought that went through my head was, “Hasn’t my brother been kicked out of the military 4 or 5 times? Why would they even WANT him in their war, unless of course it was to get rid of him….” My paranoia is pretty well entrenched in my sub-conscious. I dismissed this thought pretty quickly, but it still popped up. How far down the barrel are they scraping? If my brother the perennial honorable discharge candidate for the US Armed Forces is getting sent into a combat theatre, does that mean they have already used up the qualified people?

The third thought that went through my head was, “Great, now my brother’s going to be in Iraq and my best friend is still stuck in Afghanistan. I don’t need this stress.” I mean, really, between Little Man’s asthma, OT issues, Wifey’s liver mass, and the typical and atypical professional stressors, do I really need a family member to be sent into Operation Desert Handjob?

The fourth thought that went through my head was, “I wonder what exactly they would need my HR logistics brother to do.” I called the guy and asked what was up. He would be doing manpower projections for a joint task force team-up between the Army and the Navy concerning Improvised Explosive Devices (IED’s) and Counter Electronics Warfare. There are 4 types of IED’s running around in Iraq: ones set off via-cell phone call, ones set off using a remote detonator, ones that are physically set-off due to pressure changes and weight, and ones that are set off using sophisticated electronics. It seems that the Navy has a pretty good system set up to deal with Counter E-warfare, while the Army doesn’t. Therefore, the Navy is working closely with the Army to learn this stuff.

The fifth thought that went through my head was, “Whoa, whoa, whoa there city slicker. Why would my brother get this assignment? He doesn’t work with Counter E-warfare. Did my brother volunteer?” Okay, turns out that my brother currently works with some kind of joint task force and has previously been part of some Counter E-Warfare crap, so he might have been tagged, but then he said that he is really excited about this “opportunity.” Opportunity?!?!? Is he just spinning this or was it some kind of “either volunteer and be thanked or force us to send you and not be thanked” situation? Either way he is at least starting to spin this in his head. “It will be a good career move for me.” “I will get a leg up on the next group up for promotions.” Etc…

The sixth thought that went through my head was, “I really don’t have the relationship with my brother that I want. What should I do to help change the status quo.” I really would hate for him to go into a combat zone and get waxed without at least having attempted to create a new friendship with him. I honestly could have stopped the last sentence at “waxed.” I do love my flawed brother, I really do. Whenever I think of him, I remember the fun loving guy I used to throw cold water on while he was showering. I think of the guy who, without prodding from the parents, invited me to hang out with his friends. I think of the guy who was quick to laugh and quick to make a joke. I think of that guy before I think of the guy he seems to be today. The guy who is immobilized by the responsibilities he doesn’t want. The guy who has used the military as a shield and a crutch. The guy who has an inability to make decisions out of his fear of failure. I always think of the fun guy (not fungi) first. Always.

The seventh thought that went through my head was, “I hate this fucking war.” Now there is a chance that I will lose my best friend and the potential of being friends with my brother again.

To recap
He should know his orders within the next week or so
I NEED to exercise tonight
My shoulder is feeling better
It still hurts though
Looks like we have figured out a way to make little personal pizzas for Little Man
That is very nice
Sorry for the melancholy
That is where I am today
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions will be all about Gen X stuff
Cheers

X: 24 of 26

Today’s random letter of the SRH alphabet is the 24th letter of the English alphabet, X. Now before everyone starts remebering that the Internet is made for porn, I want to remind everyone that I try to keep this here blogarooney riding around a PG-13 or R rating. I mindfully stay away from sexual stuff and try not to curse like I fucking (whoopsy, I guess that one slipped through) do in public. So there will not be many porn references here today. Without further ado, I give you X:

X: X is very useful if your name is Nixie Knox. It also comes in handy spelling ax and extra fox.

Since I ruled out porn references immediately upon getting this letter, I really had to think about what X could mean to me. Was I going to cop out and say that it referred to the Roman numeral 10 and come up with 10 defining characteristics of myself? Was I somehow going to make the post about xylophones or x-rays? How many words really begin with the letter X? Would I make some weird leap and talk about how bags of flour were marked with 3 x’s? Would I make this a post about X-Treme sports? I had many decisions to make. I finally decided that I would go with X and how it refers to my place in American Society. When I think of X and the life and times of SRH, I think of Gen-X.

I am firmly implanted within the Gen X society at large. I started college in the beginnings of the Grunge era of music. I was, in many ways, lucky enough to watch the disaffected youth of America shrug off the glam, excess, and materialism of the 1980’s and whole heartedly embrace the dismal apathetic mainstream counter culture of the angst ridden 90’s. If the 80’s were about spending and creature comforts, the 90’s were about spending and self misery. Oddly enough, in modern times every decade in America has been about spending and something else.

Anyway… I got watch the people around me switch from their Guns N Roses themed attire and adopt the fashionable flannel, ripped jean, and overpriced thrift store trends. It was a fascinating time. Fascinating indeed.

But the question must be asked, “What about you now identifies you as a Gen-X-er?” Well, aside from my sarcastic cynicism, I have a pre-requisite goatee and tendency toward gloom. I am not completely hopeless mind you, but my cynicism does get in the way of giving people the benefit of the doubt. Wow, that sentence just reads very odd. I still purchase Pearl Jam releases and I was very sad about Nirvana’s demise. I am a slacker and definitely subscribe to the idea of ironic detachment.

Anyway… It floors me that the Gen-X-ers are now thirty-somethings, and that many of us have kids. What up wit dat?

To recap:
The Ubergeek fest ’07 was not nearly as fun this year
The people I went with were fun, but the vendor area had much to be desired
I probably will not be blathering on about it on Monday
Great! Now I have to come up with a topic for Monday
Just dandy! Thanks a frikkin lot Origins!
No songs running through my head today
None at all
If my shoulder is not feeling better by Monday, I am definitely seeing in a doc
Have a great weekend everyone

July 4, 2007

I have nothing to post about today. So I will not bore any poor soul out there who happens across this blog with any useless tales of nothing. I will however burden my existing readership (I believe there are at least 2 of you) with my inane blatherings. For those interested continue reading. Others.... continue at your own peril... oooooh ominous

On to the blatherings:
Thing the first: Little Man has re-iterated his disdain for fireworks.

Thing the second: Changes are afoot for this web log, but as to what changes.... I am not sure yet. It feels a bit stagnant and I think it needs some updating. Pay attention dear readers, things will change here.

Thing the third: I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT GET A SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!! It is driving me nuts. Well, it is driving more nuts than before. The big reason for this driving me nuts is that it is not a good song in the least. I am happy in some way that it is not a kid's song, but Duran Duran's Hungry Like the Wolf needs to be purged from my subconscious as soon as possible.

Thing the fourth: My right shoulder hurts like a bear right now. Not a vampire bear, (one cannot understand the pain a vampire bear might cause) merely a regular old Kodiak bear. I think I have been sleeping on my right side a bit too much as of late. Note to self: Sleep on back or left side tonight

Not this

This

Thing the sixth: I am Uber-Geeking out tomorrow, so expect to hear some tales of Ubergeekdom come Monday.

That's all the things I can come up with.

To recap:
Dark in the city, night is a wire
Steam in the subway, earth is a fire
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do
Woman you want me, give me a sign
And catch my breathing even closer behind
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Stalked in the forest, too close to hide
I'll be upon you by the moonlight side
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do
High blood drumming on your skin its so tight
You feel my heart, I'm just a moment behind
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Scent and a sound,
I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme
I howl and I whine I'm after you
Mouth is alive all running inside
And I'm hungry like the wolf

(hungry like the wolf
Hungry like the wolf
Hungry like the wolf)

Burning the ground I break from the crowd
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
I smell like I sound, I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Burning the ground I break from the crowd
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Scent and a sound, I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme
I howl and I whine I'm after you
Mouth is alive all running inside
And I'm hungry like the wolf...

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,make it stop, make it stop,

20 Questions Tuesday: 49 - July 4th - July 4th Celebrations - Patriotic Holidays, etc

Today’s 20 Questions Tuesday is all about the impending holiday of July the 4th. The topic for today is technically “July 4th - July 4th Celebrations - Patriotic Holidays, etc” I got an amazing amount of responses to this call for questions. I guess this is a topic that is near and dear to many folk. Thanks this week go to Lord Pithy, Tree Monkey, Bomber, ACW, Belsum, Dr Civil, and JW. I got more than 30 questions, but since the topic is soooo time sensitive I am just going to cull some of the Q’s instead of tabling the topic until next week. In fact in honor of the nation’s birthday, I will add on 5 extra questions. That is a celebration beyond compare.

On to the questions:
1. Could my hearing impairment be in any way connected to having a firecracker go off in my ear when I was 7?
Say again? I missed that.

2. Which would hurt more: a Roman candle enema or forced viewing of an American Idol marathon?
That is a tough one…. Unless it was watching American Idol contestants run a marathon then the answer would be easy. I still will have to go with the AI marathon just because my family has bestowed me with an amazing gift of tuning certain things out.

3. Favorite response: "ooooh" or "ahhhhhh"?
“You said WHAT?!?!” is my favorite, but in this case I will go with “ahhhh.” That is also the sound one makes when they put sore feet in a cold stream.

4. Would having a rocket in your pocket really intensify your lusty endeavors?
Not that I am aware of. In fact it is a bit bizarre and kind of sexually frightening.

5. Which of the Founding Fathers would you say is the yummiest?
I would have to go with Alexander Hamilton. That Scottish burr gets me every time. Not Aaron Burr mind you, although he is involved with Hamilton’s ultimate demise.

↑↑↑↑HOTTIE↑↑↑↑

6. Will you and the family be attending any fireworks this 4th? Does Little Man like fireworks? Will Little Man go to any fireworks viewings? Which fireworks display will you be viewing?
We are not sure whether or not we will go to the local fireworks display here in Clintonville. Last year we got Little Man ready and went but after the first explosion went off, he was done.

7. Is Red, White and Boom really as great as it is talked up to be? Red, White & Boom - I've heard "skip it." What do you think? Which is more interesting, the fireworks or the people at "Red, White and Boom"?
You have to seriously consider the source of your Red White and Boom information. I personally do not like people, therefore large gatherings of people is not a big draw for me. If you like festival type stuff and shoulder to shoulder people, this might be your thing. I don’t like people and am not overly impressed with fireworks, so Red White and Boom is not a good fit. I would (and am) personally skip (ping) it. As for the people v fireworks? I hate people, so I would only be there for the fireworks.

8. What is your favorite “picnic” food?
Hamburgers

9. If you could invite anyone to your 4th BBQ this year and they would attend, who would you invite? You're allowed two answers - one famous person and one not famous person (as in, you know, a friend).
Famous: Mathew McConaughey: We could charge admission to many a folk to come by, and I could be entertained by his folksy Tennessean humor. Plus, I would get lucky with Wifey later. She wouldn't be thinking about me, but I would still be getting lucky.
NonFamous: Capt. McArmypants – he would not be in Afghanistan then

10. Do you like North Carolina vinegar-based BBQ?
Not really, I am more of a Kansas City BBQ guy. Texas style is nice as well.

11. What's the secret ingredient in Bush's baked beans? And what's the secret ingredient in Chipotle’s rice? My husband and I swear it is some kind of sleep-inducing crack cocaine. It makes us simultaneously want more Chipotle AND want to sleep!
RE: the baked beans - Apathy and Brazilian brown sugar.
RE: the Chipotle - Cilantro is an odd beast of a flavoring. It is not a strong flavor but it is noticeable when it is there, and it makes you want more. The sleep is induced by the vast quantity of food.

12. Is it true that the Declaration was signed on July 8th and that everyone just agreed to it on the 4th?
Word on the street is that the resolution was adopted on the 4th and then signed by the majority of signers on August 2nd.

13. Was Dolly Madison an 18th century porn star? Come on, with a name like Dolly?!
Nope, she makes baked goods, doesn’t she?

14. Has there ever been a US war that the US public hasn't been totally feed up with by the 3rd year? I believe the answer is no.
I do not believe so.

15. Why is it called "flying the flag?" We don't fly it - it just stays there on a stick - not unlike a hot dog.
That is a very good question. A question, in fact, for which I have no ready answer.
16. I’m going to go ahead and rip off Jay Leno. Feel free to attribute The Tonight Show as the source of these questions. He asked them last week in a Jay-Walking segment and people did not know the answers. Sheesh. What the hell man?
A: What is the reason for celebrating on the 4th of July?
B: Who did America become independent from?
C: What did Paul Revere say when the British were coming?
D: Who was the general during the American Revolution?
E: What year did America become independent?

A: No other summer holidays that we can use as an excuse to drink.
B: From whom did America become independent? Be mindful of your grammar.
C: EGADS!
D: General Horatio Gates
E: We are still dependent on oil from OPEC, labor from Mexico, cheap goods from China, etc...

17. Is it true that only a man can properly operate a grill?
Are you saying that a woman cannot handle your meat?

18. Did our forefathers declare independence on the 4th of July because they were ready and it was the first step to international recognition or because it was hot and muggy in Philly and they were just feeling a bit pissy?
A little of Column A, a little of Column B.

19. There ain't no Question 19.
Why there no Question 19?

20. Did the Canadians just pretty much copy us with their whole Canada Day thing? And couldn't they have come up with a better name?
Well, I think it was a bit of a “Hey, I want a day too” from our northern neighbors, but as for Canada Day vs 4th of July? I am not sure either of them really wins a holiday naming contest.

***FIVE EXTRA QUESTIONS***

21. Independence Day...cool movie or dud?
That movie sucked baboon butt. God, it was horrible!

22. Will you be attending the Doo Dah Parade this year?
Nope. I hate parades. Too many people in one place for me.

23. What hunk/s of meat will be grilling for Wifey and Little Man for the 4th?
There will probably be some hamburgers, brats, hot-dogs and possibly chicken.

24. Have you blown any appendages off due to firecrackers? (Or at least come close)
I am the epitome of fireworks safety on the 4th of July. Now, on the 5th of July, my brother and I would attach the left over fireworks to some old models and blow them to smithereens (Stop weeping, ACW). In fact we joined the “snap-tight model of the month club” just for that purpose. On July 5th we would blow up 24 crappy snap together models with m-80's, black cat firecrackers, whistlers, and the odd roman candle or two.

25. Have you become the old guy in the neighborhood that always complains about "Those damn kids and their fireworks" when those said kids start lighting said fireworks?
Not yet, but if that ball comes in my yard again, it’s mine!


To recap:
Happy 30th Kim!
I am hungry
Lunch was tasty, but small
Not really small, but I am still hungry anyway
I mean, really, it was a significant portion of food
Not sure how the family will be celebrating the holiday tomorrow
ZingerZapper has decided to be an auburn haired vixen
Little Man ate 12 mini banana muffins yesterday
It is a good thing Wifey and he made 24
Little Man had a nightmare last night
I slept with him in his big boy bed from 4:30 to 7:30 this morning
His “big boy bed” is not really that big of a bed
And his Spongebob Squarepants sheets are like fine grain sandpaper
Hey, Wifey, we need to wash those sheets about a dozen times!

Meme is the Word

Uh…yeah…so…SRH won’t be joining you for his regularly scheduled posting today as we’ve decided to switch blogs for a minute. Both of us were tagged with the “8 Random Facts” meme (by Riley), and we decided to make it more interesting by supplying each other’s random facts.

So without further ado:

8 Random Facts About SRH

Fact 1: SRH is an Eagle Scout.

Yep, I mean the squeaky clean, loves God and his country, faithful to his wife, hates it when the flag is hung incorrectly kind of Eagle Scout. Which is completely at odds with his personality, really.

I mean he’s faithful and gets a bit honked off about the flag thing, but he’s actually quite liberal and hasn’t said the Pledge of Allegiance at any point in our marriage. On the other hand, he does do what’s expected of him and both his dad and his brother were Eagle Scouts, so an Eagle Scout he became.

Fact 2: SRH has never smoked pot.

In keeping with the Eagle Scout phenomena, SRH has never done any illicit drugs. None. Never. Not even the wacky tobacky, Mary Jane, the plant otherwise known as Ganja.

He says he’s never felt like it.

Interesting.

Fact 3: SRH wanted to be a comic book artist.

This was not the typical fantasy of a geeky, pimply, 13 year-old, either. SRH has real drawing talent and actually went to college as a studio art major. Of course, he changed to being a math major his junior year, and we’re planning to sell all his old comic books on e-bay, but it was a dream once…

Fact 4: SRH hates strawberry ice cream.

This isn’t really all that remarkable, however, it’s amazing that I didn’t know this fact about my husband for almost 9 years of marriage.

I just never knew. He never mentioned it. He simply failed to tell me this important facet of his culinary preferences. Apparently, it wasn’t “important enough” to mention.

We’re still getting over this one.

Fact 5: If it’s on TV, SRH will watch it.

The man has no self-control or discrimination when it comes to television.

Fact 6: SRH had braces for 8 years.

I know. Do you remember when people wore braces forever? Well, SRH was one of those kids. He started with head gear during third grade and was finally done with the torture devices in his junior year.

He says he wouldn’t have dated me in high school because I was a cheerleader. Let’s be clear. There would have been no dating. That’s true.

Fact 7: SRH hates to get his hands dirty.

And I don’t mean he doesn’t like to work hard (he doesn’t), I mean that he literally hates to get his hands dirty. He gets a distressed look on his face and makes a high squeaking noise whenever it happens. And he holds his hands out from his body until he can get to a place to wash them.

Apparently, this is where Little Man gets his “tactile issues.”

Fact 8: SRH has serious adoration for dioramas.

It’s the strangest thing, really. I don’t get it, and I don’t have any reasonable explanation. When at a museum, SRH heads straight for the dioramas. He’s fascinated by them. It’s a very strange facet of his personality – one of several strange facets actually.

So, there are the eight random facts. I hope you learned something about SRH that you didn’t know before. The man is a riddle wrapped in an enigma inside a puzzle…or however that saying goes.

So, now I’m supposed to list the rules and tag eight people. But since I don’t remember the rules, and I can’t really think of eight people I like, I’m going to skip that portion.

Feel free to grill SRH about any of these random facts in the comments.

The Meme to Come

So Wifey and I have been tagged with the nearly universal "8 things" meme that is going around the Internet like influenza during WWI. We decided that we were going to attack it from a different angle and post for each other in our respective blogs. So, later today/tonight Wifey (aka ZanyMama) will be posting 8 things people don't know about me and I will be doing the same on her blog. We are planning on writing these at the smae time and posting them simultaneously so as not to bias each other.

I have a baaad feeling about this...

To recap:
Wifey will be posting here sometime tonight
I am scared
I am very scared
No really
I always mistype "scared" as "sacred"
That will change the meaning of a sentence and make me look rather full of myself
Weekend was great
Especially after Wifey got home
Tomorrow's 20 Questions Tuesday will be all about the 4th of July
That flutter you just felt? That was a flutter of excitement and anticipation
Or, it could also be that you have been eating waaay too much grease and you heart is starting to fail
One of the two

O: 16 of 26

This is the 16 th installment of the Random Alphabet of SRH. Oh, I and I am sure it will be a doozy. The letter for today is the 15 th letter of the 26 letter English alphabet, O. O is one of those vowels that you never notice how much it is used until someone points it out. The reason no one recognizes the importance of O is because it is often paired up with other vowels or at the beginning of a list of rather short prepositions. Without further ado, I give you…

O: O is very useful. You use it when you say: “Oscar’s only ostrich oiled an orange owl today.”

I have always been surprised that Suess did not make that sentence “Oscar’s only ostrich often oils orange owls.” I think it is better alliteration, but who am I to question the Suess?

Anyway, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about when O graced my page. It really was rather simple when I even remotely thought about it. When I think O, I think Orange Rice.

Orange Rice has been a theme of Wifey and my life ever sine we made it for Little Man for the first time. I remember it pretty clearly because this little guy who couldn’t eat too many things really liked this meal the very first time we made it. It has been a weekly or bi-weekly staple ever since.

I get questions about Orange Rice all the time. “What exactly IS Orange Rice?” “Is it really any good?” “Why does Little Man like Orange Rice soooo much?” “Do you like Orange Rice?” “How many times have you made Orange Rice?” “What is the biggest amount of Orange Rice Little Man has eaten in one sitting?” “Does Little Man really like Orange Rice that much?” “Come on, I have a 3 year old, there is no frikkin way a 3 yr old can eat THAT much at one sitting. How much does he really eat?” There are others, but they are basically variations on the above theme.

I would answer all these questions today, but half of the questions are all about not believing me. I am going to ignore those. Sure I am given to hyperbole (it is the funniest form of humor afterall) and sometimes I exaggerate (like every second of every day), but really in matters dealing with Orange Rice I assure you there is no need for either.

What exactly IS Orange Rice?
Orange Rice is a casserole found in the Betty Crocker’s One-Dish Meals cookbook. It is on actually the Beef and Wild Rice Casserole found on page 118 of this cookbook. We started fixing this meal when Little Man was still allergic to soy, egg, dairy, peanuts, and tree nuts, so we had to “doctor it up” pretty significantly. Here is the recipe that is now emblazoned in my skull. I can make this stuff with my eyes closed now. Sure the kitchen would be a nasty mess if I did so, but who cares? I made it with my eyes closed. Beat that!

Anyway here are the ingredients to the version that we make currently.
1 box Uncle Ben’s Long Grain and Wild Rice Fast Cook Recipe
1 Can Campbell’s Condensed Tomato Soup
1 lb of Ground Meat (I switch it up between Beef, Turkey, and Chicken {Hey, I need more variety})
1 medium sized white onion
1 / 4 th cup soy-milk
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons of Penzey’s Italian Herb Mix
2 teaspoons of Penzey’s Granulated Garlic
Salt and Pepper to taste

Directions:
Preheat the oven at 350 F

Prepare the rice according to the box directions except throw away their craptastic seasoning packet and add a pinch of salt, a couple shakes of pepper, 1 tsp of the Italian Herb Mix and 1 tsp of the Granulated Garlic.

In a separate dish,
Chop the onion into medium sized pieces. It doesn’t have to be diced, but if you want it diced, be my guest
Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil and cook the onion until it just starts to become translucent
While the onion is cooking season with salt and pepper
Brown the meat until cooked through
While browning the meat season with salt and pepper and add the remaining garlic when the meat is almost done
Add the condensed soup, rice, and soy-milk
Sprinkle remaining Italien Herb Mix on top of casserole
Bake for 30 minutes

Done.

We often eat this meal using tortilla chips as a scoop. Little Man is adamant that the tortilla chips be the Tostitos Natural Yellow Corn Tortilla Chips. He is a picky eater.

Anyway, that is what Orange Rice is.

As for how goods it actually is? Little Man really likes the stuff and I find it to be an “OK” meal. I could not eat it everyday like the boy can, but that is okay. We really have made this meal every week or every other week since the first time we made it. Little Man does not seem to tire of it in the least. There are some doctored versions that he has not been impressed with however. For example, one time I tried using Penzy’s Buttermilk Ranch Dressing base as the predominant seasoning. He didn’t like that so much.

Little Man has honestly eaten 3 full sized plates of this stuff in one sitting. It was a bit scary. I swear I could have bounced a quarter off his over full belly. Wow, was he full.

Anyway, that is the tale and construction of Orange Rice.

To recap:
Work was an absolute bear today
My apologies to Lord Pithy
He knows why
I was a bit unhappy about the email as well
I went from one fire drill to a second and then oddly enough to a third
Stupid fire drills
It doesn’t help that I am physically exhausted
Wifey, hurry back so I can sleep
Just kidding, Sweety
But not really
I had to wait until I was home and Little Man was asleep to post
Wifey gets home late Saturday night
It won’t be soon enough
I fear I shall be more insane by then
I am sure that next week’s posts will all be happy go lucky due to the return of Wifey
No really, next week will be all rainbows and unicorn farts
Have a great weekend everyone

Just a Recap

To recap:
I think that Little Man is getting a bit tired of me
He is getting a bit cranky and ouchy
He was a bit disappointed in seeing me this morning
I don’t blame him
I must have looked a fright
You see, I am not sleeping well at all
It takes forever for me to fall into a restless sleep
I get waaay more junk email at work than I probably should
Especially since I cannot go to many websites to virtually sign up for the stuff
DAMN YOU INTERNET COOKIES! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!
Right now there are 56 messages in my “Junk Mail” folder
I cleaned that folder out yesterday before leaving work
Little Man tried some faux Monterey Jack and faux Cheddar cheese last night on his tacos
He liked it very much
Ate a handful of the stuff by itself after I grated it up for taco consumption
Then he had some on his taco, so it clearly wasn’t a fluke
The dishwasher has been running almost non-stop since Wifey left
I trimmed Little Man’s toe nails and finger nails last night
He was very patient with the fumbling papa
So, take that nail clipping doubters!
Did I mention I was tired?
Nope, I just said, “I am not sleeping well at all”
To clarify then, I am tired
Quite so even
Mountain Dew is my prop
Still have until Saturday Night for Wifey to get back
Saturday Night’s alright
Ummm… alright, alright?
I have been writing things out today with a pencil on actual paper
My hand is cramping
It really is quite pitiful
My hand is actually hurting
No really
I am hungry and thirsty
Not bloodthirsty mind you
Well, Ok, maybe a little bloodthirsty, but who isn’t?
To mix things up a bit, tonight is going to be a movie night for Little Man
Provided that he is not tooo all dirty
No, not Dirrty, he is only 3.9 years old
Well, I have work that I have been avoiding
I leave you all with a question
And a random one at that
Why can the worlds of Star Trek and Star Wars never intersect?*
I have been watching waay too much geekiness without Wifey at home
Wifey, come home, my grip on sanity is failing…
Please feel free to answer this question in the comments section
Cheers

* I have an answer, but I will not bias those answers I get by posting mine.

20 Questions Tuesday: 48 - What's Going on while Wifey is Gone

Oh, 20 Questions Tuesday, where would I be without you. Today’s topic is all about the single parenting whilst Wifey is in Nova Scotia. I would wax eloquent more about this but we are only on day 3 or 7 and I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I have thought that I should write a post this Friday and Saturday as well so you can see my Little Man forced descent into madness, but then I thought about how much effort that would take and how much effort I have to give. Those levels didn’t match.

Anyway, thanks this week go to Nancy at Blog Pourri, Bomber of no known affiliated blog, Allrileyedup from the redundantly named All Rileyed Up, and Themikestand at Speak into the Mike.

On to the questions:

1. How many real chores will you aspire to do? How many will get done?
Hmmm, I will aspire to do quite many, but most likely I will only be able to get the living room/dining room picked up and keep the dishes in relatively good order, but I am not making any promises here.

2. Take out? What’s the fave?
I love Chinese take out, but there is such a high probability of peanut cross contamination with Chinese food that we tend to stay away from it. The closest thing to take out that we will most likely have this week will be Wendy’s Chili acquired from the drive-through.

3. Boredom busters….before and after Little Man goes to bed.
He is always up for a good showing of The Upside Down Show from the DVR. I also randomly tackle Little Man and wrestle with him on the floor. That tends to end the boredom pretty quickly. As for after he goes to bed, there are the post Little Man chores that need to be done and I have popped in some of the Star Wars DVD’s to pass the time late at night.

4. How much time will you REALLY waste on the computer?
Define “waste.”

5. Will you cut his finger nails and toe nails? Is that your job?
This is typically Wifey’s job. I honestly am in awe of her ability to trim the keratin. If he has some egregiously long/snaggly nails I will attempt to trim them.

6. Typical bachelor day for the two of you…both the ‘fun fun fun on the go really cool kind’ and also the lazy-arse in jammies all day kind
I more like the lazy arse days, but Little Man likes to go to at least one fun place.

7. What kinds of crafts will you do? Will you show us pics?
He might want to paint some, but that is about as crafty as I will get with him. Sadly there will be no pics.

8. What will be the popular dinner of choice this week - McD's, Burger King, orange rice? What else is on the dinner menu now that you don't have the prying, judgy eyes of Wifey in the kitchen every night?
My bet is that Burger King wins out over McDonald’s. So far we have made pizza and orange rice. Tonight is a Taco night and Wednesday is to be a “left-over” night. On Friday or Saturday there is a good chance of California Pizza Kitchen.

9. Give an estimate in percentages - how much do you think Little Man's TV watching will increase during Wifey's absence?
10% but he has not been that interested in the TV as of late. It has been really nice.

10. If Mary Poppins were to descend upon your household this week to provide full-time assistance, which task would you be most grateful for her assistance with? *I'm not sure that's grammatically correct, but you get my drift...
The bath or taking him to the rail road crossing. That is a chore and a half.

11. Do you and Wifey have any little traditions/send offs you do for each other before one of you departs for a trip without the other?
No we don’t but I think we will need to since her vocation seems to be sending her to 3, 4, and 5 day events elsewheres.

12. How many times a day will you talk to Wifey? Will Little Man speak to her over the phone while she's gone?
Probably around 2 times a day. I wish it were more often. I always forget how often I talk with her during the day. If Little Man is willing to talk with her, he will, but sometimes he is not about the phone. Last night he asked her if she was still on the plane and then told her that he helped make some orange rice.

13. What is the origin of the phrase 'when the cat's away the mice can play'?
It is code. Serfs couldn’t talk about how lazy they were going to be when the Lord of the estate was away, so they talked about cat’s and mice because Lords were idiots and did not understand metaphor. In short what I meant to type was, “I don’t know.”

14. Who has a harder time with Wifey being gone, you or Little Man?
I tend to miss Wifey more than Little Man misses her, mainly because she is an adult and I need adult interaction. Little Man is not an adult and his conversations are difficult to parse sometimes and usually about trains.

15. Who is more easy going with the movie options for Little Man (ie, are you letting him watch movies Wifey would other wise un-allow?)
Not really. He is not that into movies right now. 30 minutes seems to be about his TV attention span, and even then that is pushing it.

16. Your life compared to Mr. Mom. Similarities? Differences?
Both Michael Keaton I went to Kent State, so we have that going for us. I am holding down a job outside the house, so there is a difference. I am also not wrangling 3 kids. My hair line seems to be about the same as Michael Keaton’s though…

17. Will Wifey come to a home that is cleaner than/dirtier than/the same as when she left it?
I hope it will be just about the same, but there is a good chance it will be worse.

18. How have you rearranged your work schedule to adjust to your new Daddy on Duty status? (read: Have you made up excuses so that you can leave the office at 2:30 every afternoon?)
I am getting in late and leaving early, or what I like to call the “PhD schedule.”

19. What will be the first thing that Little Man wants to tell his mother about when she returns? And what are the chances you'll have to bribe him so that he doesn't tell her something terribly incriminating about you?
It will most likely be about the last train he saw at the local train track crossing gate. The worst thing that I do while Wifey is gone is feed Little Man’s root beer habit.

20. How many train movies will you watch on YouTube before the week is out? 10-50, 51-100, or over 100?
So far I have not had to watch any. I have, however, seen 5 trains at the Weber Road crossing gate. 3 were waiting by the tracks in a car and 2 were by dragging Little Man from our house in his new wagon.

Bonus Question 21: Name one thing you would have liked to do if you and Little Man had the chance to tag along with Wifey on the trip.
Hung out with themikestand, duh! Little Man would have loved to see the container operations going on with the port facilities. I imagine we would have to pry him away from watching trains with a crowbar.


To recap:
Little Man is testing boundaries this time around
Wow, is he testing them
A bunch
I have tons of work I need to get done that I am avoiding
I am also sleeping like crap
I need to buy some faux Monterey Jack and Cheddar cheese for the taco extravaganza we are enjoying tonight
My work desk needs cleaned pretty badly
So does my computer desk at home
Hey, wait so does the bed-room
And the kitchen…
There seems to be a trend going on here
I imagine that tomorrow’s post will be even more of a descent into madness
Much like Brando in Apocalypse Now
Except I don’t have a private army or the rank of Colonel
Noggin and Nick Jr are flipping morons for not renewing (read the news post from June 1, 2007) The Upside Down Show

3 more things

So I am at home today with Little Man. He is not sick or anything like that. Wifey is out of the country for some more training in her conversation-fu martial art. She is soooo close to getting her black belt in conversation-fu. Anyway, since she is usually home with the little miscreant on Mondays and Fridays and she is away from home until late Saturday night, I have decided to take today off and (workload willing) Friday as well. If I do have to work on Friday, I figure that Little Man is 4, knows how to work the microwave enough to get his chickies warmed up, and does really well playing on his own.

Anyway… Here are some things I have noticed about Little Man recently to get your week off and running.

Thing the first:
He is still quite in love with trains. He is not all that interested in steam engines because they do not really ride the rails these days. He does not like trains that make the proverbial “chugga chugga choo choo” noises. This makes it rather difficult to find a set of “special sheets” for his bed that have trains on it that he actually likes. There are, to my knowledge, no Santa Fe Blue Bonnet or Santa Fe War Bonnet sheets sets out there. This fact makes Little Man a bit sad, and has really taxed my abilities to research stuff on the old Intertubes.

Thing the second:
Little Man’s eating is slowing down somewhat. Instead of him eating 2 whole Burger King hamburgers and taking down a medium fry with that, he now almost finishes his burger and wolfs down most of a small order of onion rings. Instead of the 2.5 pieces of his weekly homemade pizza getting scarfed, he now only consumes about 1 piece. Where as before he would have 3 full sized plates of Orange Rice (this is what he wants for dinner tonight), he now eats a polite 1.5 plates full of the rice casserole. We honestly get worried when he doesn’t eat like he has to fill up a hollow leg, but then we realize that he still eats more than most kindergarten classes combined in any one sitting. That tends to take the edge off. “I wonder, is he feeling OK? He only ate half a box of chicken nuggets.”

Thing the third:
He really cannot name his toys. He has a Giraffe named Brown Giraffe. He has 2 baby dolls named Cabbage and Truck respectively. He gave his stuffed animal lion the name Bumper. He refers to himself as a mouse named Dale, a big tomcat named Whitey, or a big fat yellow kitty named Fluffy. Often when he is playing with a toy that we haven't heard him name, we ask him what the toy's name is just to have a laugh. On a side note: I had always thought that if we ever got more cats that we would name them Ultraman, the Lizard King, and Captain Sisko, but now I am thinking that Little Man should get a shot at it. I would love to have a cat named Dumptruck, CSX, or Lolly Gagging. We will have to wait a while until either Little Man grows out of his cat allergy or the price for one of the hypoallergenic breeds comes down to something reasonable.

To recap:
Wow, Little Man is quite the tired one after his OT appointment
Still not napping though
He is quite content to be humming and clucking to himself in his bed while playing with his feet
Wifey is out until Saturday Night
There is a good chance that by Thursday my post will be incoherent gibberish pleading for Wifey to come home and take this infernal daemon spawn from me
This kid knows what buttons to push, I tells ya!

B: 2 of 26

Today’s installment of the Random Alphabet of SRH is not really all that random. I mean, come on, when I decided to do all 26 letters on Thursday’s and my birthday is on a Thursday. It only makes sense that Today’s letter is the second letter of the English alphabet, B.

Without further ado,

B: Big B, Little b, What begins with B? Barber, baby, bubbles and a bumblebee

Like I said earlier, the serendipity of the whole calendar thingy really made this one an easy one. B is for Birthday.

I have mentioned before that my birthday is bittersweet (here and here), but I am going to attempt to not dwell on this too terribly much because, well, I have covered the topic pretty thoroughly and I really don’t want to become repetitive in my posting repetitive in my posting repetitive in my posting repetitive in my posting repetitive in my posting

**SMACK**

Thanks… where was I? Oh yes, today I am going to belabor a point that my previous birthday posts haven’t touched on. Let’s see… ummm… what to write about? What to write? Ummm… some aspect of birthdays and how they have affected my life. Okay here we go, where I was on my Birthday, as far as I can recall.

0 - 2 Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
3 Moving from Oklahoma City to Montgomery, Alabama. No really that was the day the family was driving to Alabama
4 Montgomery
5 - 17 Birmingham, but nothing remarkable. I know I had the requisite pool party (even though I hated the water), a few themed parties, but nothing sticks out in my mind.
18 I think Capt. McArmypants and I were in Edinburgh, Scotland for that birthday
19 The fateful day that altered my life
20 Kent, Ohio visiting some college friends. We went white water rafting and then had a party
21 I remember absolutely nothing about this day… and I can’t for the life of me think of why this day is completely obliterated out of my psyche
22 I seem to think I was in Columbus, Ohio for this one, but I cannot think of any details surrounding it.
23 I was working at RPS as a loader. This was the summer prior to the nuptials so many a day is blurred with wedding plan details
24 – 30 all in Columbus, Ohio with Wifey
31 Columbus, Ohio just after a trip to Colorado Springs
32 and 33 Columbus, Ohio

Well, that is the listing of birthday locals. All the same birthday angst and emotions apply as in the previous birthday posts, but those survivor guilt feelings and sadness of the loss seem to have been dulled by the passage of time this year.

To Recap:
I am 33
And yet only 14
US v Canada tonight on Fox Soccer Channel
It should be interesting, the US is not playing that great and Canada is
Luckily what seems to through the US out of its game is extremely physical play, and I don’t think the Canucks will come out studs up the entire night
Little Man and I will be watching the first half
Then it is bed-time for the little one
I will be getting some “Birthday Chocolate Chip Cookies” sometime this afternoon lovingly made by Wifey and Little Man
What can I say, the boy really loves baking
Mainly because he like eating the cookie dough
Since he is allergic to eggs, there isn’t any in the dough and he can eat as much of it as he wants
So can Wifey and I
That cookie dough is absolutely sinful
Have a great weekend everyone

Tabula Rasa

Here I am staring at a blank page in Microsoft Word. I do this 4 days a week. Sometimes the words come flowing out of me to spill onto the page creating my typical incoherent babblings, and sometimes (like today) I just sit and look at a blank page. Sometimes I sit and think, and sometimes I just sit.

Since I am at work, I can stare at this blank page for a minute or 2 and then do some work. I come back to the blank page for a moment or 2 hoping for some kind of inspiration, and then do a bit more work. Sometimes whilst converting a file or saving a rather large image or dataset I will come back to this blank slate and be mesmerized by its stark white lack of content.

Often times I start out a post and then wipe the slate clean because what I wrote sucks. I will get a few paragraphs/sentences/words in and decide that is not the direction I wanted to go in. My muse is a fickle one. She taunts me with almost good ideas, and “could be nice if” posts that in the end won’t work. She laughingly sends me topics that don’t have an interesting angle.

Then… every once and a while she gives me something that I can work with. The times that my muse actually delivers the goods are few and far between, but when they happen my fingers fly across the keyboard as fast as they can (which is not too fast since I only learned the HPC method of typing*). Those are the posts that I am usually most happy with. These are also the posts that rarely get comments.

Today is not one of those days, today is a day where I have started this post about 7 times and gotten no where. Currently, the post I am working on as I type this… this post is the one I will go with today because really this is meta-posting at its best. I am writing about how I write, or how I don’t write. Can I get a ruling from a judge here?

Go with “how I don’t write.” That sounds right to us…. Right? Write? Get it?

Oh, goodness, even my impartial ethereal judges are corny.

... I am writing about how I don't write.

So there you have it. Most of my posts are an uphill struggle through 4 feet of snow. They are written, not with wild abandon or inspired fancy. They are written with the plodding determination of a dromedary silk caravan just after a sandstorm. The words must escape the inaccessible prison of my convoluted mind before being painstakingly affixed to the digital files I use to create my posts. Much like the relentless pursuit of the Komodo dragon, the posts are my once bitten and slowly dying prey. Basically, like the large bacteria infected lizards, I wait out my posts until they flop over from sickness and exhaustion. My writing is the tortoise telling the crowd after the hare has lost, “Slow and steady wins the race, bitches. Who’s betting against me now!”

And then again, sometimes I am inspired.

To recap:
Had a wonderful lunch today with Wifey and Lord Pithy
It was wonderful due to its pizza buffetishness
Oh, and the company
Tomorrow is my birthday
I will be taking the day off
But I will still be posting
Bitches


*HPC = Hunt Peck and Curse

20 Questions Tuesday: 47 - Questions You Really Wanted Answers to But Were Too Afraid/Uncomfortable to Ask

Ah the completion of the 20 Questions Tuesday called “Questions You Really Wanted Answers to But Were Too Afraid/Uncomfortable to Ask.” Last week’s was uproariously fun, this week’s should be doubly so. It should be, but I am sure it will fall short.

Thanks this week go to ACW, J.A. Coppinger, Allrileyedup, TheMikeStand, and Wifey. Again, as I did last week, I shall endeavor to answer these questions as if I were the one you meant to ask the question.

On to the questions:


1. Why does the majority agree with the boss (or authority) when you (and a few others) know that the idea presented is crap?
Because, people are, in essence, a herd animal.

2. Why am I so damned handsome?
You could have stopped at “damned.” It would have been a more realistic question.

3. Why does US Soccer blow - for that matter MLS?
The big reason that the US blows at the moment is the lack of finishing ability. The US cannot put the ball in the net. As for MLS, the level of play would get better if they raised the salary cap. Adding the designated player rule helps, but until the league minimum is more than someone could make at Applebee’s waiting tables, the overall quality of the player is not going to go up much.

4. To the “waist-enhanced” young lady with the belly-shirt that shows the extra 50 lbs you’re carting: do you OWN a mirror?
Just cause you don’t like it doesn’t mean I don’t feel sexy.

5. To the soccer mom driving the huge SUV while talking on the cell AND eating a bowl of cornflakes while doing 85 on the highway: How friggin’ late are you for work that you felt this was necessary?
Get off my road. You don’t know where I am going or what I am doing or how many things I am juggling. It is best you get out of my way.

6. To the lady in front of me at the COSTCO checkout who tried to pay with a credit card: Did you not see the dozens of four-foot signs that said “CASH ONLY” or did you just assume it didn’t really apply to YOU?
Hey, meatbag, today’s retail should be cashless. This is my passive way to let COSTCO know that they should get with the times.

7. To the white-haired granny wearing the micro-mini and the see-through tube top that barely covers your ridiculously large silicon implants: Honey, are you ever gonna just let it go?
Old men need love too, I am not advertising my wares to you, young’un. Move on.

8. Also to the granny: is the young lady from question #1 your great-granddaughter?
Nope.
**author’s note: Umm… the last 5 questions were decidedly anti-female. Methinks one should look into why one is decidedly unhappy with women, ‘cause it is pretty clear that there are some un-resolved issues going on in regards to the womenfolk.**

9. To drive-thru coffee place: do I really need to tip you? Come on, dude, it's a drive-thru.
When you put it that way, no. But maybe you should tip the fast food drive through people as well.

10. To driver riding my ass: can you ease up? Why are you in such a hurry?
I will ease up when you are out of my way. I need to be over there now instead of here.

11. To certain family members: Why all the drama? Is life really that complicated?
You don’t know, you weren’t there, man! You were handed everything on a platter, and I just got to see the platter being handed to you. Mom always did like you best.

12. To Arby's: how do you make your roast beef?
Slow oven roasting and tons of salt and fat.

13. To certain family members in the midst of a divorce: are you seriously fighting over who gets 'custody' of a friggin' Snackmaster sandwich maker?
IT IS MY SNACKMASTER, GODAMMIT!!!!! I will be damned if my soon-to-be-exe gets the snackmaster.

14. When I'm at a four-way stop, and everybody's frantically waving everyone else on, and I seem to be the only one who knows whose turn it ACTUALLY is, am I supposed to go when it's my turn, or when there's actually an opportunity to go through (without running down a pedestrian) while clearly violating my conscience as it relates to traffic codes of conduct?
I suggest you always wait if you know you do not have the right-of-way. Otherwise if there is a collision, you will be liable for failure to yield.

15. Which is more important to personally concern myself with: the global implications of violence in the Middle East, or the sad state of social welfare in our own cities?
In many ways the 2 issues are inter-related. Social inequity on a local scale often mimics social inequity on a global scale. The issue is that the “have nots” are unhappy with the “haves.” I am not saying that the “Have nots” necessarily want what the others have (sometimes they do), but they at least don’t like what the others have.

16. To the parents of youngish children: How did you get pregnant with an “oops baby” when you already have a young child, know how babies are made, and know the consequences of making a baby? If you planned on having 2 kids so soon, that is one thing, but how could you get pregnant with an “oops baby?”
We had difficulty getting pregnant the first time. When it takes 3 years of unprotected sex and medication to get pregnant the first time, you think you have free reign to have all the unprotected sex you want. Turns out that your body changes after giving birth.

17. To the woman in the mall with an asymmetrical top: Doesn’t your one shoulder get colder than the other one? How do you deal with the un-eveness of skin to cloth contact?
It is fashion; I will do anything to stay in fashion. Even look like a late 1980’s crappy comic book villain.

18. To stinky cheese lovers: Ummm, even you refer to this crap as “stinky.” There is a strong relationship between the olfactory sense and taste, how can you stomach that rotten filth?
It is an acquired taste, you couldn’t possibly understand the sophistication one’s palette must live up to, to push past the stench.

19. To my young child: What is with all the “Why’s?” Sweet Mother Googly Moogly, I swear to anyone who will listen, if you ask my “why” one more time…
Why?

20. To Salvatore Ferragamo: What exactly makes your shoes worth $650… not that I wouldn’t spend it for the shoes, but I am honestly curious. Are the shoes manufactured differently? Are the materials that different from, say, a $150 pair of shoes? Would I just be buying the name?
My shoes are made from extraterrestrial moonbat skin, stardust, and a space-age polymer only able to be generated in a weightless environment. The international space station isn’t being used for research… it is my sweatshop to produce shoes. There aren’t 4 astronauts there, just 872 Malaysian 8 year olds making shoes. They have such cute tiny precise little fingers. Add all that up and you get one expensive shoe.


To recap:
I need to learn how to do this new piece of software
IT did not give me the discs with the tutorials on it
It is not going well
Lunch today was heartily unsatisfying
Stupid frozen lunches
I hope I can whip up something nice for dinner
Trying to decide on a 10th anniversary trip
Oh, the middle-class angst -
Ireland, Scotland, or Canadian Rockies?
Is storytelling the same as lying?
If so, I am quite the liar
Wood chisels are not friendly to one’s hands

Root-Beer Float

Much happened this weekend, but most of what happened is not that exciting so I am going to gloss over the weekend that was.

Little Man got me a new chair for the computer as a Father’s Day gift. We had been using a nice straight backed chair as a computer chair, but, while that chair is comfortable for 30 minutes meal-like increments, it has something to be desired when sitting in front of the computer for hours at a time. The new chair is really nice and cushiony so that makes my butt quite happy. We also got this thing that we can put on the chair as added lumbar support. All in all, it is quite comfy to sit at the computer for hours on end for digital painting, or World of Warcraft adventuring. So whether you are adding lights to Darth Vader’s chest or just into killing trolls, this chair is the chair for you.

The bulk of my weekend was getting Little Man’s swing-set up and running. So far it has been a swing set without a swing. We had to replace one crossbeam to get the swing all swingy, but the manufacturer of this particular swing-set uses lumber that is a just a bit off-size from typical lumber. This weekend’s foray into the world of home repairs took waaaay longer than it should have. Little Man now has a swing though, and that is all that matters. Sure my hands were all eaten up during the construction and assembly process, but it is worth it even though it made the weekend one sweaty outdoor mess. Now I can safely say that we are done with Little Man’s monumental swing-set (until we add on to the other side)* .

But I don’t want to focus on the weekend that was, I want to focus on one particular event. Little Man had his first root-beer float this weekend. This is a big thing because Little Man to this point has been absolutely unwilling to try any sort of cold confectionary treat. No ice cream (soy-based “ice cream” in his case), popsicles, ices, or other various frozen treats in general were just plain un-appealing to him. I am not sure where or why, but he decided yesterday that he wanted to try some “root-beer and ice cream.” We are ecstatic that it was a hit.

He now knows that it is called a “Root-Beer Float,” and woe unto others who might get in his way when he wants one.

To recap:
Tomorrow’s 20 Question Tuesday is a continuation of last week’s
It is going to be hawesome
Yes, “hawesome”
Which is more awesome than mere “awesome”
See, this blog isn’t just about inane drivel, one can also be educated by it as well
Just overheard on the phone with Wifey, “Please don’t do that, your hands smell like ass”
She was talking to Little Man
He is going to be so well adjusted into society
Now I need to find some doughnuts (“donuts” to you, Allrileyedup) made without eggs or dairy
Cabbage and Truck?
Little Man is soooooo not naming any potential pets
FYI: when searching on the Internet for “Deck Stain,” for the love of God and all that is holy, and I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT MISSPELL ANYTHING ESPECIALLY THE FIRST WORD!!!
I need Clorox for my brain!
Make the images go away.... make them go away

*this is the equivalent to a “mumble, mumble, mumble.”

U: 23 of 26

I am going to attempt to crank out the 14 th instance of the evermore increasingly Random Alphabet of SRH. Today’s letter shall be U, the 23 rd letter of the English alphabet. Again, this is a letter that was a late addition to the fold. In fact the Romans never even heard of this letter. If you asked a Roman to spell “nuts,” first of all, you would need to be asking a relatively wealthy one, and secondly you would have to ask them in a dead language, and I am pretty sure your pronunciation would be off. Not to mention the lack of Latin words for nut, almond, walnut, hazelnut, pecan, etc… Anyway… if you somehow broke through the language barrier to have them spell this word, they would spell it N-V-T, because they used “V” as a “U.”

Wow, that was a lot of work for very little humor payback.

Anyway…

U: Big U Little u, What begins with U? Uncle Ubb’s umbrella and his underwear too.

Nothing just jumped out at me for the letter U. I did not expect it to because it is not a letter that very many words begin with. Especially if you remove the category of “un-”’s. Anyway, I chose to go with Underwater. I can’t believe I am sharing this crap with you people.

Okay here it goes…

When I had just turned 5, my parents enrolled me into a swimming class at the local pool. I was the youngest and smallest of the kids in the class. No big deal, right? Wrongo! I remember being very happy with the class, because I was getting to play in the pool. Who doesn’t want to do that? We did kick-board exercises, boatloads of splashing, and jumping in and out of the pool was always fun. It was all good clean cool-water fun… until the end of each class.

There were about 15 of us with, if I remember correctly, 3 instructors and a couple of life guards on the edges of the pool. At the end of class the instructors and students all joined hands and formed a big circle. We sang some stupid song like “Ring around the Rosie” or some such crap and everyone in the circle bounced up and down to the music while the circle slowly rotated. Whilst in the shallower parts of the shallow end of the pool this was great fun, but as the water started getting deeper everyone was dipping lower in the water until finally they were bouncing off the floor of the pool and getting a breath of fresh summer air when they bobbed out from under the surface. I was the smallest kid in the class, so I had shorter arms and shorter legs than everyone else in the class. When I was in the deep water, the surface was tantalizingly close, yet ultimately denied to me.

You are beginning to get the still-traumatizing picture aren’t you?

Since my legs were shorter, when the other kids in the class pushed off from the floor of the pool, my feet had not hit yet. By not hitting the bottom, I was not able to get any upward momentum so I could breach the surface like a gasping humpback. Since my arms were shorter and I was dealing with bigger kids who also wanted to breathe, I was in essence held underwater by their longer arms. They held their arms straight down and as close to their sides as they could so they could stretch for the surface wanting to inhale sweet sweet air. Hey, you six year old jackasses, I wanted some air too!

There I was slowly turning blue going around in a circle, I couldn’t push off the floor to make a dash for the surface and only the top of my head cleared that surface when those selfish bastard breathing kids basically held me under with their longer arms pinned to their sides. There I was straining for the surface, in the deepest depths of the shallow end of the pool, while all the older kids were greedily gulping down air.

Oh sure, one could argue that I never did drown, but that is immaterial. You weren't there, Man! You don't know! I may not have drowned but I was certainly traumatized! Needless to say I don’t necessarily like to be underwater. Don’t get me wrong I can swim like a fish and hold my breath for a goodly long time now, I just don’t like to. One should not be surprised that I am not a beach person.

To recap:
Work was busy busy busy today
Ergo, I am posting from home tonight
Sunday is my fourth Father’s day
I am trying to think of where I would like to eat
Speaking of eating, I am thirsty
That was not a huge leap
Food - - > drink
It isn’t six degrees of separation or anything like that
I mean I wasn’t trying to find a link between Craig T. Nelson and Kevin Bacon or anything…
That is the task set forth for comments
Craig T. Nelson to Kevin Bacon in 6 steps or less
Extra points if you can do this connection using Samuel L. Jackson and Joe Pesci
Okay… break!
Have a great weekend everyone

Unforeseen power outage

The power went out at the office today when I had a pretty evil deadline to keep ahold of. Sure the power was only off for about 1.5 to 2 hours, but that was enough time to knock me off a delicately balanced schedule. I am not 1.5 hours down and about to go pick up Little Man from G-Ma D’s and G-Pa R’s. I will have to mea culpa to the PM and get everything to him before lunch tomorrow.

Unforeseen power outages suck.

To Recap:
I am insanely busy today
This is the digital painting I was working on
It goes to this fictional character on this rarely updated blog
I am hoping to start it updated more frequently, but the rest of the authors and I are in the midst of re-tooling a little bit
Most likely orange rice for dinner
I am tired of orange rice
More alphabet of SRH tomorrow
Cheers!

20 Questions Tuesday: 46 - Questions You Really Wanted Answers to But Were Too Afraid/Uncomfortable to Ask

So I sent out my typical call for questions yesterday and got an overwhelming response. The topic I sent the questioneers was this one: Questions you really wanted answers to but were too afraid/uncomfortable to ask. And then I gave them 3 examples.

To Ex-Boyfriend: Did you think I wouldn't find out about you and my sister?
or
To Angst ridden teenager: How different are you from the host of other Goth people out there? Why soo emo, angst-ridden-teen?

Whoa Nellly, did I ever get a response. Questions from the right of me, questions from the left. People shot questions to me from all over the place. It was a question ridden pandemonium. The first batch of questions is from (I think the topic will carry over to next week) Lsig, Lord Pithy, Bomber, Dr B-Dawg, and Karen. I shall endeavor to answer these questions as if I were the one you meant to ask the question.

On to the questions:

1. Why do the sports gods hate Cleveland?
It is the same reason social workers get paid for crap. Cleveland fans are going to be Cleveland fans whether or not the team gets positive results. Just like people who hire social workers will pay them crap because they know those people will want the job anyway. The sports gods know that they don’t have to reward Cleveland fans with championships to keep the people being Cleveland fans. They save the championships for more fickle fans like folks from (oh, let me pick a random city from a hat) San Antonio.

2. Hey, dude in the office behind me: Do you know how much your food stinks? Every day? Do you bring it on purpose to torture me?
Nope, I did not realize that you found my food so malodorous. So the answers are No, No, and from now on Yes.

3. To the gentleman in the truck driving down the road: What, exactly, do you hope to accomplish by hootin' and hollerin' at me? It can be a nice ego boost, I suppose, but you're in your car. I'm on the sidewalk. You will never get any closer to me than you are right now. What's in it for you?
You could show us your boobs? Would that be so much to ask?

4. Why do people -- specifically this person, me -- die?
Lack of oxygen flow to the brain. Ultimately that is the reason everyone dies in the end.

5. Why is religion so all-fired important to people?
People need something to believe in, a purpose. Religion is one of the frameworks that provides some sense of a raison d’être. OOoooooh French!

6. If the question "What was there before the Big Bang?" is irrelevant and nonsensical, shouldn't it be easier to answer?
Who said that this question is irrelevant and nonsensical?

7. When Western civilization switched to a single-god system, did the leftover deities go on a divine version of welfare?
Nope, they went to Florida. That guy in the light blue shorts with the black socks wearing sandals; That's Heimdall

8. What is the significant difference between a worship system of many gods, and a worship system of a single god with saints?
The significant difference is that each of the minor deities in a polytheistic system had a certain amount of power and control over very limited aspects of the natural world, while in Catholicism, the saints simply bring your concerns to God on your behalf. The saints themselves do not have power and dominion, they have to curry favor with God to get your prayers answered. (was that too judgemental or not judgemental enough? I can never tell).

9. To SRH: If you had to compare me to some well-known/famous person, who would it be?
If you had to pick another name for me, what would my name be?
I would go with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and your new name would be Samantha Keen, but you would go by Sam Wise.

10. What do you think is the most challenging/difficult aspect of marriage? Now to flip flop, the best aspect?
Good communication and the results there of.

11. To ex-boyfriend from college: Did you break up because you cheated on me? If yes, which I suspect is the answer, is that woman now your wife? (sidebar - I really should write the guy a "thank you" note because he did me a HUGE favor, but this is still a lingering question)
Yes and no. If you send me a card I will get back in touch with you.

12. To the cosmos in general: Where the hell is my cell phone that I lost last month??? Please, cell phone, show your face!!!
***Your question is too insignificant for the cosmos in general to answer, so in effect your answer is the crushing silence that only comes from realizing your overall insignificance in the face of infinity***

13. What guy did I have a crush on that I would be shocked to know had a crush on me, too? (okay, probably no one, but just humor me and make up a name, 'kay??)
Chad Barstow

14. To acoustic singer-songwriter: Why do you think your trite observations about life are profound?
Yes, no one has ever been a depressed white chick from Milwaukee before me.

15. To local news anchorperson: Why do you move your head so much - left and right and up and down - to a final gently nod and close your eyes at the end of a news piece.

I am a trained classical actor from Julliard, I have my Masters in Communication Theory from Emory, and a Doctorate in Media Relations from Harvard Business School and I my lead in story is about some Purse thieves on the East Side. I wish I could have gotten my break on CNN where I could talk about Paris Hilton 24/7.

16. To movie actor: Don't you realize that you are just a puppet?

Yes

17. To morning driver that drove so slow that I missed a light at a long intersection and you made a right turn and were ultimately not affected by your oblivious driving: Do you know that your ilk will be responsible for the downfall of civilization?

That seems a bit grandiose or excessive, but it’s probably true. Initially, I thought you were being a bit grandiose, but then I realized that my lolly-gagging, unnervingly slow procession is one of the reasons for civilization’s downfall because I am so self absorbed in my slow procession that I have not noticed all the ills in society that a little bit of global attention would fix. You have it aright, sir. I shall endeavor to be more mindful of others.

18. To a recent traveler to Mexico: When you decided to try ecstasy, for God only knows what reason, why did you think taking it from a stranger in a night club in Mexico was a good idea?
If someone is going to buy illegal drugs in Mexico and has not brought one’s own pusher, one must rely on the kindness of the nice drug-dealing Mexican stranger.

19. To the guy who walks High Street (Clintonville and Worthington) and rides COTA, always wearing a blue button-down shirt (tucked in), sunglasses, and has a beard: What's in the paper sack (neatly folded down, under your arm) you are always carrying?
If it were your business, you would know.

20. To Crazy guy wearing the clown hair and muttering to himself while walking his dog: Have you ever thought about getting a blue tooth headset so you didn't look so nuts talking to yourself?
Who SAID that!?! GET out of MY HEAD!!! I like eggs with a little bit of Tartar sauce...

To Recap:
Tonight US vs. El Salvador in the Gold Cup
So I was all stoked since I have almost finished my first all digital painting without referring to an existing pic until I saw this
I am not so impressed with my meager skills now
I didn’t even know that was possible

I would embed it, but I cannot get to YouTube from work

When I get done with my pic I will link it
All I have eaten in the past 2 days is pizza
Pizza from 4 different places, but still only pizza
I feel like I am back in college
Except fatter
I bought a hack saw this weekend
When I asked the Lowe’s Customer Service Specialist which he would use he said, “I would get a Sawzawl.”
Wellll, Duh! If I could get a Sawzawl, don’t you think I would?

Yeah, I can post from work again

Already?

So today once at home with the fam, Little Man did one of the things that makes Wifey and I roll our eyes and/or giggle. It is something he has been doing ever since we really felt that we had succeeded in "conquering" his day-time potty training. Night time potty training is an issue we haven't yet tackled. Stop judging us! If he realizes that he can get out of his bed when he has to pee, he will "have to pee" a whole bunch in the middle of the night. I mentioned that we got him a bed with a slide on it, right? Anyway... ever since we felt like he has been successfully day-time potty trained he does the same thing prior to going to the bathroom to pee. He looks at us like we have been forcibly keeping him from the bathroom and frantically says, "I Gotta PEE!" He then runs up the stairs to our bathroom to relieve himself.

Well, this early evening is one such case. He was, oddly enough, playing with some toy tractors when the frantic exclamatory statement of "I Gotta PEE!" was issued. He ran upstairs. He peed like he was an adult who had just consumed a 6-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. We could here him pee-ing from downstairs. We had 2 fans on, the TV, and I am sure the phone was ringing, but we heard it nonetheless. He stopped pee-ing, and if he were an adult with a 6-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his gullet we would have heard an, "AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!" But instead we heard a loud THUMP! followed by eerie silence. I looked at Wifey and she in turn looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders and she in turn shrugged her shoulders at me.

I went to the foot of the stairs and called up to Little Man, "Hey, Little Man? Everything all right?" More unsettling silence. "Whatcha doing up there?"

Pregnant pause... "Nothing" he said sheepishly.

Oh, it begins....

To recap:
I remember quite vividly some of the things...
***New Little Man animal persona alert!***
This just in, Little Man is now a Tomcat named, "Whitey"
Yep, "Whitey"
Laughter abounded when he told us his name
He was quite confused
***We now take you back to your regularly scheduled recap***
... I did as a kid when I said, "Nothing"
The USMNT has won its last 2, but they have not done so in resounding fashion
They need to come down on El Salvador like a hammer or many a fan will be unhappy
20 Questions should be a good one tomorrow
The topic is "Questions You Have Always Wanted to Ask"
Still blocked from posting at work
I really don't see it changing much
There are wose things in life

M: 13 of 26

As per Wifey’s comment on yesterday’s post, today’s letter from the Random Alphabet of SRH is the letter M. Oddly enough there is a certain symmetry for this post being about M. This is my 13th post in the Random Alphabet of SRH and aptly enough, this is the 13th letter in the English alphabet. So without further ado...

M: Big M, Little m, Many mumbling mice are making midnight music in the moonlight… mighty nice

This was one of those few letters that I was able to come up with nearly immediately. (I still haven’t figured out I, J, and Z, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it.) The mere shape of the letter evokes memories of what it symbolizes to me. When I think of “M” I think of mountains.

Some people love the water. Some people love the beach. Some people feel like they are not recharged until they have dipped their feet in the ocean. Those people probably don’t have enough salt/mercury in their diet. Me, I love me some mountains. Growing up it was only an afternoon away from being in the Appalachians, but those mountains are too rounded for my tastes. If I am going to visit a mountain range that I absolutely love, I am most likely going to the Rockies. (Not the Rocky’s). So far I have only been to the Rockies a few times. Once with my family in the 80’s. Once with the Boy Scouts for a backpacking extravaganza. Once with my wife and our then 1.5 year old. Once to visit my best friend. Each time I have fallen more and more in love with that particular mountain range.

For me, there is just nothing like seeing the sunset create pools of molten gold on the side of a mountain. Waking up in the clouds where all is quiet is a wonderful experience as well. The majesty and grandeur associated with mountains is something that fills me with awe, quiets my mind and brings me a certain level of peace. People often ask where I would like to live and each time I immediately think, “In the mountains, you dullard. Where people won’t ask me stupid questions, and I can have a well fortified compound where I am the cult of personality for a small group of devoted followers, you humdrum boob!” I usually say, “Oh, I don’t know. Someplace with mountains and hiking or something,” because I don’t want them to know that I think they are a dullish humdrum boob. My internal voice external voice filter is like magic.

There is something about the forested sides of the mountains that just makes me at peace. There is something about knowing I have stepped foot above the tree-line that just makes me happy. The words alpine tundra are like music to my ears. So for the letter M, you get Mountains.

To recap:
The Internet access issues are still issues
The .blogspot domain is active, but I cannot log in to anything with blogger.com in the URL
Basically, I don’t think this will really ever be resolved
It is not a high priority on the IT staff’s “to do” list
No big deal
Tomorrow I will finish up this rail stuff that I am working on
Looks like some of my art was selected for the cover for an RPG manual
I am going to be a published artist
Who would have thought?
Not me, for sure
USA v Guatemala tonight for the beginning of the US’s run on the 2007 Concacaf Gold Cup
Have a great weekend everyone

Car Straw

So on the way to G-Ma D and G-Pa R’s today Little Man looked out the windshield and stated, “The straw on the car is used to bring the radio in.”

Ah, the world as seen through the eyes of someone with a limited vocabulary.

Anyway, the blog “reading” ban has been lifted, but my abilities to post and comment are still compromised (or sporadic at best). Many of the pictures that people embed within their posts are not visible for me. Basically, I am only partially connected to the blogosphere, so I am still posting from the homestead tonight. I will see how the commenting/posting thing works for tomorrow.

On some of work related blogs that I go to, I am not able to see the dreadfully dull conversation that ensues after the post, nor can I participate with my droll comments. Such witticisms as, “WTF, you can’t do a choropleth map using a standard deviation classification system when you are using ordinal data! Sweet Jebus on a stick! Do you work for USA Today or something?” Can you feel the burn? Yeah I brought it on that one. Oh, those blogs fear the sting of the mighty SRH.

One time I had this guy near tears because he wanted to use graduated symbols on nominal data. I was like, get to the back of the class, Poindexter
And he was all, but all I did was ask a simple question.
And I was like, well, duh.
And he was all, why do you have to be soo mean
And I was like, because stupid people need to know their limitations. So STFU, n00b! kthxby
I got a few virtual high fives for that one because I pwned him so bad.*

To recap:
The antennae on my cup is used to emit the drink in my mouth
Speaking of drinks in my mouth, I am a bit parched at the moment
I will have a real post tomorrow
Today, I just have too much to do
Yes, tomorrow’s will be another letter
You may suggest letters in comments
Do not chose any of the letters I have already done:
A, C, D, F, K, L, N, P, R, T, and W
Also please do not chose B, H, or Y
They have been saved for the end
So I guess you can fight over me doing one of the letters in this group:
E, I, J, M, O, Q, U, V, X, and Z
Boy, I am bossy

*all stories associated with comments on GIS/Cartography blogs are purely fictitious and never happened anywhere but in SRH’s weak little head. Nothing that exciting ever gets posted in the comments sections of mapping/GIS/Spatial Data forums or blogs. The most exciting thing is when someone finds another place to download more free data. Oooooooh exciting!