20 Questions Tuesday: 2 Little Man's Birthday

Today is Little Man’s mighty 3rd birthday. Please refrain from telling him this because he will want even more presents. Anyway, as a birthday treat for the little boy of the day, he shall answer all the questions. I will also give some explanation of his responses. Everyone knows that 3 year olds need interpreters.

Special thanks to KimM, Jude, Continuity Girl, B-Dawg, Peefer, and Wifey for their contribution of questions for this week.

Here are the 20 questions.

No Papa turn, Little Man turn
Yes, Yes, it is your turn Little Man.

1. Now that you have been blogging for sometime...if you could change the name of your blog (Under Construction), would you? and to what?
Papa… PAPA… PA-PA!!!
Okay what he is trying to get at here, is that he is not the one who blogs, but I do. I have toyed around with the idea of changing the title of the blog, but I have come to see "Under Construction" as an okay title, so it shall remain.

2. Why is it so absolutely delicious and pleasurable to eat (yummy stuff, of course)? Shouldn't we be bored by the endless, endless repetition; the interminable habit of putting stuff in our mouths and chewing? Clearly it's a survival of the species built-in thing; but shouldn't it be possible to harness that same capacity for routine for other boring necessities, such as working and getting up in the morning?
I chicky tenders. Ketchup. Hot Dog! Dinner! Orange Rice. Toast, Nilla Toast, Ta-co, yellow chip...
Okay, Little Man is giving you his lexicon of food. PINK JUICE BOX! What he is trying to get at is that even at the tender age of 3 he has a goodly amount of things to choose from for food. PINK JUICE BOX! The choices for eating are pretty much endless, but even with those endless possibilities, people do still get into a rut of food prep. Since eating is a sustaining and pleasurable event, PINK JUICE BOX! it is much more enjoyable than working or getting up . I think that is the difference. There would be very very few obese people, if eating were distasteful but necessary. PINK JUICE BOX! Fine, I will get you a pink juice box.

3. Sweet or savory? perfect red baby strawberries with fresh whipped cream on a buttery, crumbly shortbread; or super-smooth, slightly spicy guacamole with incredibly crisp salty nachos? (I'm hungry)
Straw...berry
Little Man would merely go for the strawberries and then probably eat some nachos, so in answer to your question, both.

4. Reading or writing?
Read, Papa. No write.
Little Man really does not like it when I write things down, but he does enjoy a good book. By good book I do mean about 10 pages, made of cardboard with simple sentences. Beat that Grisham!

5. Who would make the better father Superman or Batman?
Papa
It seems that he thinks I would make a better father than Superman or Batman, and I actually tend to agree.
Firstly Superman: he is from another planet, but more than that his dual identity would get in the way. He could not really be there for a child as a true father whilst keeping his day job at the daily planet and saving the world from nefarious super villains.
Secondly Batman: Aside from the same issues that Superman would have being an absent father, every time this man has taken charge of a kid’s well-being, he has dressed that child up in tights, made them wear a mask, and shown them the “Secret Bat Cave Entrance.” I don’t think I need to go into just how icky that is.

6. Did you have a pet as a child?
Kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat. 3 cat.
Little Man had three cats when he was born, but we had to find new homes for them due to his asthma and allergies. I miss the kittens terribly

7. Which fictional character would play you in a film about your life?
Little Nut Brown Hare
Looks like he would like his part played by a little brown rabbit, and, honestly, who wouldn't

8. What’s your favourite type of pasta?
PASTA!
He really likes mafalda

9. Who was the best James Bond?
Pip and Pop
His favorite characters on Bear in the Big Blue House are the otters Pip and Pop. Tutter a mouse. He also likes Tutter. Ojo… Yes and Ojo the little bear as well. Bear! That pretty much is the entire cast, Little Man. Anyway, he doesn’t really know about Bond as of yet.

10. How do you feel about "grok" from Heinlein's stranger in a strange land being listed in the dictionary?
What grok?
There is a certain appeal to such a guttural sounding word

11. Will you be disappointed if in the new wonder woman movie, she doesn't spin to change identities like Linda Carter.
Little Man spinning
Yes, yes, you are spinning. Luckily when Little Man spins he does not change into an Amazonian warrior princess. Sadly, I do not think that that will be part of the movie.

12. Is “spin in circles” redundant like “tiny little” and “great big?”
It a Big Big World, it a great big world…
Yes, it truly is a big, big world. Anyway, I think one could spin in an elliptical path, so it does make some sense unlike "little tiny" and "great big."

13. Does it surprise you that meerkats have to be taught how to kill and eat scorpions? And could they teach us how to do it?
Cat?
No, a meerkat, Little Man. I have a 3 year old who is ripe for the training in the killing and eating of scorpions

14. Could you handle the pressure of being "a gangster of love"?
I luv you.
I love you too, Punkin. Being a “Gangster of Love” is much easier than being a “Gansta of Luv.”

15. What is your favourite style of carpet: Berber, shag, or hand-knotted and sheared by a child labourer?
Wood floor
He likes his allergen free hard wood floors, personally, if I have to choose a carpet, I want to make sure my choice helps a child start out their career.

16. What is the true answer to life, the universe, and everything, not to be mistaken with the most-often quoted answer to life, the universe, and everything, which is "forty-two"?
Red caboose at back, orange tank car, yellow hopper car, green cat car, blue gondola car, purple boc car, black tender, black STEAM engine
I, unfortunately cannot disagree.

17. What is the proper usage of the ellipsis?
…
… indeed

18. Will you ever post a picture of yourself on this blog?
Little Man, Papa
I am near the bottom of the post.

19. What is the brightest and/or most blinding light you have ever seen?
Sun in sky
Yep, I think the Sun is about as bright as it gets

20. What would make a great band like Weezer think about breaking up?
Weezer, WEEZER, W-E-E-Z-E-R!!!!! MORE LOUD!!!!
I think they may be thinking about giving up the idea of the band, because they have never met their biggest 3 year old fan.

To recap:
Thanks to Little Man for the help on today’s post
Happy Birthday to Little Man
It seems like just yesterday that he was born in some ways
In other ways it seems like non-parenthood was a lifetime ago
I guess it was Little Man’s lifetime ago
For a more heartfelt and less glib tribute to my little boy, go here
I did not write that one, but most of the sentiments still apply (except for the whole job thingy, oh, and I was not the one who bore him into the world)
I just bore him now
Tomorrow I will be posting solo again
For good or for ill

A little bird told me...

Would it be so wrong to have some roughage in sesame chicken or sweet and sour pork? I mean really, there are no vegetables associated with those 2 Chinese dishes. I get a bit tired of just having breaded meat in a wonderful sauce with rice. I need some veggies. Need them, I say. Wifey and I went to our favorite local Chinese place this weekend for lunch on Saturday whilst we were picking up the last bits of presents and gifts for Little Man. My sweet and sour pork lunch special was wonderfully tasty, but pineapples don’t hack it as the non-meat portion of a meal. I think sugar snap peas would work wonderfully with sweet and sour dishes. Whether it be chicken, shrimp, or pork. They have a crispness to them that would be necessary in a rather saucy meal and they also have a sweetness that would compliment the savory-ness of the meat of choice. Sure, one could still have the typical pineapples and carrots, but put something green in there as well. Especially since we know that this is not anywhere near an “authentic” Chinese dish. As for the sesame chicken, throw in some broccoli at the last second, and you have yourself a damn fine meal. Work with me restaurant, work with me.

Okay, On the eve of my little boy’s official 3rd birthday I feel it necessary to spend some time on Little Man:

This weekend whilst on our way to Big Walk (a hike at a local Metropark, Highbanks, where we strap Little Man into our Kelty Journey and walk a 2+ mile trail (3.5+ km) before we set him loose on the playground in the groomed park area) Little Man is in his car seat with his stuffed animal that is appropriately named “Bird.” It is a stuffed animal bird that he talked his Mimma into getting him during one of their many trips to the zoo. Anyway… Little Man is singing along with Weezer when all of the sudden …

Little Man: Screams as if he’s been shot

Me: What’s wrong? I was ready to slam the brakes and get the car headed to Children’s Hospital.

Wifey: Dear God, what’s wrong?

Little Man: Bird hurt his tail.


It seems that Little Man caused bird to wrench his tail a bit and Bird, not Little Man, vocalized the Ow!

Our mistake. “Bird” screamed out a couple more times on the drive and had a couple more accidents during the Big Walk. Bird fall down. Bird hit door. Bird clumsy…

There is some fear in the family about Bird and Little Man’s abusive relationship, but Bird is clearly bringing this on. Bird knows what buttons to push and likes to push them. If Bird wanted to leave this relationship, he could. Nothing is stopping the green, red, and blue plush doll from leaving. We think the avian stuffed animal must like to be abused…why else would he stay? What we can’t figure out is why Bird keeps flying into doorknobs when we’re not around – doesn’t he know this gives him a black eye?

To Recap:
Little Man’s unofficial birthday was yesterday
We consider yesterday as Little Man’s Birthday (observed)
I do not often recommend changes to Chinese food, seeing as how I am not Chinese
Nor am I food for that matter
At least, I do not consider myself food, when Wifey and I were on our honeymoon in DC (we were poor and nerdy, both at the same time) a Tiger did seem to want to gnaw on our bones whilst we were at the National Zoo
It was a bit disconcerting
Tomorrow will be 20 Questions Tuesday:2 (as answered by Little Man due to his birthday)
Not sure where he picked up his abuse issues
Wifey did work in the DV movement for a bunch of time
And Little Man did go to work with her for the first 6 months of his life…
Not to mention his time spent with DV professionals whilst in utero
It all makes so much sense now….

French Bread Pizzas

The problem with microwave frozen French bread pizzas is that they are not really on any real semblance of French bread and they are not really all that pizza like. Oh, and they always burn the roof of my mouth.

To recap:
I hate frozen lunches
Especially without my lovely toaster oven
Microwave stuff is always crappy
I am not in a good mood today
And I just don’t feel like waxing poetic about the minutiae in my life at the moment

Signs...

So on the way to work this morning I ran across 2 signs that just puzzled me greatly. Since I do not carry a digital camera with me at all times, and since it is not really all that wise to snap off pictures whilst driving, I do not have any photo evidence as proof of these 2 signs, but I will do my best to relay them to you.

Sign 1: This sign was in the alley that runs behind my house. It was a sign made from a card board side of a box with its message written in ball point pen. The sign reads “Free” and is decorated by some stars. The text of the sign is made legible by the repeated scratching of the letters and stars over themselves until readable by a passing car. Nope, no markers are being used for this sign. Anyway, the issue is not so much with the construction of the sign as much as it is for the pile of crap that the sign was referring to.

The sign was referring to a pile of trash that was waiting to be picked up on this coming Friday (our current trash pick-up day). It was trash that the previous owners felt that someone might want. Thank you very much, but I do not want your discarded pizza boxes and/or empty 40’s.

Photoshop Rendering (not actual sign)

Sign 2: This sign was again on the remnants of a large card board box that had been heedlessly torn and stapled onto a telephone pole. The cardboard was that light yellow colored cardboard and the crappily penned message of “PitBull 4 sale” sprayed on in light gray spray paint. Quite eloquent in its simplicity, really. It is a straightforward message with no areas to question. There is a pit-bull terrier for sale somewhere within this area.

There was no contact information associated with this hastily scrawled advertisement, so if one were in the market for a pit-bull one would find this piece of cardboard really more taunting than helpful.

Photoshop Rendering (again, not actual sign)

This advertisement does bring up some other questions. Torn cardboard with poorly written sales pitches using light gray spray-paint without any contact information does not a registered breeder make.

All in all the viewing of these particular marketing devices has led me to ponder about them all day. In a way, I guess their marketing campaigns are working, in a fashion…

To Recap:
I think I could help them in their marketing campaigns
Just with my Photoshop skilz alone
I cannot believe that Little Man will be 3 this Tuesday
That is plain scary
The Cleveland renderings are raising their ugly heads again
I have a hang nail
It hurts
A bunch
The poison ivy rash is still there
On my forearm
It is annoying, but it doesn’t hurt
Pancakes and sausage for dinner
Mmmmmm pancakes
But that is how it looked
I even wrote more legibly

20 Questions Tuesday: 1

Okay, I have been getting blogger’s block way too much lately and, honestly, I am not sure if I consistently have 4 days worth of blogging in me a week. I do lead a pretty boring and dull life after all, so from now on (until I tire of the concept) we are going to have 20 Questions Tuesdays. I always enjoy doing these 20 questions blogs, and I have heard that others enjoy it when I do them.

For those of you who sent in questions that did not make it this time, I got 20 questions within 2 hours of sending out my question requests. So, those question that were not used have gone into a "question bank" for future usage. Also, if you read this here blog fairly often and would like to be added to the 20 questions request, just write out what your email is in the comments section. What I mean is substitute the “@” symbol with “at” and the “.” with “dot” so the email spammers don’t get you. I switch up who I email from blog to blog so I do not overtax any one particular person. If you did not get an email from me this time, and you have in the past, I will most likely get to you again.

Without further ado, the 20 questions:

1. Shouldn’t you add blogger into part of your job title?
There are many things I should add to my job title to give a better impression of who I am, but Senior Cartographer/GIS Coordinator/Blogger Extraordinaire/ Snarky Bastard is not that catchy of a job title.

2. Why is life so complicated, and dependant up on how much money one has??
I think life is more complicated depending on how much money one does not have.

3. Movie you are most looking forward for??? Can you say transformers???
I am definitely looking forward to the Transformers Movie. Is it just me or is there something there that is more than meets the eye?

4. Do you love Pound Puppies????
Nope, I have never understood the appeal of Pound Puppies.

5. What city do you want to visit that you haven't been to yet?????
That is an interesting question. Currently, I would have to say Honolulu.

6. Charcoal or gas?????? And can you really tell the difference??????
Gas. The emissions are cleaner, in general. And one can definitely tell the difference by both smell and feel.

7. Is the ‘Little Man’ you keep referring to any relation to the movie out right now by the same name???????
Sweet mother of God, NO!!! I am disturbed that this movie got a green light. I guess there is a market for crappy movies like White Chicks!

8. Hey cartographer boy, this is 2006. I am tired of excuses about Greenland’s size being exaggerated on maps. What are they really trying to hide???????? I am 32 and have no idea if the actual size of Greenland is more like Vermont, Indiana , or Russia????????
Greenland is distorted on most American maps because the Mercator projection map was used given for free by the US Government during the cold war years to make the Soviet Union absolutely gargantuan and foreboding. If you notice on most of those maps, if they used a 4 color theory for the countries, the USSR was always the pink color, because that was the most noticeable. Greenland and Canada were unfortunately caught up in that distortion as well. Greenland is just a bit smaller than Mexico as seen in these side by side Orthographic projected images provided by Google Earth.

9. If you found yourself constantly daydreaming about a friends’ hot wife riding a horse, wearing a slinky Indian costume and singing a bad 70’s song, would you tell your friend?????????
Umm…. Never, although I do have this friend in Virginia whose wife is a fiery redhead who is known to wear a classic mini skirt Star Trek uniform on occassion…

10. What is the most horrible thing you have done to break a law but were never caught?????????? (ie speeding – how fast?????????? Stealing – what was it?????????? Murder – anyone I know??????????)
I have traveled through the entire state of Tennessee (all 118 miles {189.9 km}North to South) in 1 hour and 15 minutes. (I had to slow down in Nashville). I only did that once though

11. Why doesn't SRH have gmail???????????Honestly, I am a bit of a technophobe

12. Is Google hiring History majors????????????Not that I can see

13. Why do shorts make my legs look fat?????????????I am not sure it is the shorts, Tubby.

14. Is downloading Photoshop illegally something that will keep me out of heaven?????????????? I am sure that it is not the offense that will tip the scales.

15. Why does everything (yes, everything) taste better with ranch???????????????
Because Ranch is God’s gift to food

16. What do you get out of the whole "blog" thing? Why do you continue it????????????????
This blog is a nice creative outlet for me. It has been a way to start me writing almost every day. Sure sometime the writing sucks, but it is still writing. Since I started this here blogarooney, I have started drawing more and writing more stuff other than the blog. All in all this blog was created in an effort to help me express myself.

17. Why was the chicken so all-fired anxious to get to the other side, anyway?????????????????
Have you seen its side of the road?

18. How's the house-hunt progressing??????????????????
Not so good, we are thinking of just refinancing the current house and staying for a few more years.

19. Did you get any reply from Wheezer???????????????????
Nope, and I am a bit afraid I will not

20. How do you really feel about Cher, anyway????????????????????
I think there comes a time in every artist’s career when they need to realize that it is time to hang it up (I’m looking your way Madonna), and Cher should have done this about 10 years ago.



To Recap
Thanks to Monkey, Anon: if that is truly who you are, Dustin, and lsig for this week’s questions
When the Mayor’s staff asks for 3 maps in 3 hours, you are obliged to do your damndest
Sorry about the late posting today was absolutely nasty at work
Sloppy Joes for lunch today
Is this day over yet?
Next Tuesday will be 20 Questions Tuesday 2
I have to catch up on the rest of my non-fire-drill work now
If you have additional questions, feel free to ask them
Sweet Jesus, this day was freaking nuts

Puppy

It seems that we now have a puppy. We did not want, nor did we encourage the acquisition of a puppy. Really, our family is more cat people than dog people, but we ended up with a puppy anyway. The issue with this particular puppy is how big it will eventually get. If this puppy continues to grow as it is projected, it will be quite large indeed. “What kind of puppy did you get?” you might ask. Well, fine reader, we got a Little Manrador Retriever.

It seems for some inexplicable reason that Little Man has started a persona that is a puppy. It is wonderful to see him using his imagination, but honestly we have no idea where he picked up his doggish mannerisms. We do not own a dog, his caregivers do not own a dog, he doesn’t watch any shows that prominently feature dogs, no one that we know of chat about dogs consistently, and yet, he plays the part of the dog very well. He crawls around and barks and yips as if he were a juvenile dog. It is all so weird, because we have no idea where he got the idea.

Far be it from us not to use his obedient canine persona against him though.

Little Man, grab a diaper so we can change you,
(silence, looks through his sticker book)
Little Man Grab a diaper so we can change you.
(silence, looks through his sticker book)
LITTLE MAN Grab a diaper so that we can change you….
(silence, looks through his sticker book)
If only there were a puppy to bring me a diaper so I could change him
Ruff! He grabs a diaper and crawls over to me to get changed.

Little Man, it’s time for your bath.
(silence, continues playing with the train)
Little Man! Time for your bath!
(silence, continues playing with the train)
LITTLE MAN, You need to come take your bath
(silence, continues playing with the train)
I have a bath up here that is just waiting for a puppy!
Arf! He crawls up the stares and sheds his clothes to get into the bathtub

You need to finish up your breakfast so we can get going
(silence, studied ignoring)
Little Man, finish up your breakfast so we can get you to Grandma and Grandpa’s
(silence, studied ignoring)
For the love of…. I guess I will have to feed the rest of Little Man’s breakfast to this cute little puppy that is studiously ignoring me.
Woof! And he takes down the rest of breakfast eating like a puppy. It is good that he is eating, but, Great Googly Moogly, is it messy.

To recap:
Little Man seems to be a puppy
Wifey and I are flabbergasted by this turn of events
The puppy listens to us much more than Little Man
In some ways we like having the puppy around
Had to put out a fire in the kitchen yesterday
I had to clean the oven out yesterday
Yes, those events are inter-related
Trying something new for tomorrow’s blog
It is new, and yet old
But going to be more frequent
And deliberate
Hopefully it will help with the blogger’s block I keep getting

Steak

I did something last night I never thought I would be able to do in a million trillion years. Oklay, that is a bit of an overstatement since there is no way I will be alive for a “million trillion” years. So let’s just say that I did something that I thought I would never do in my lifetime. “What did you do, SRH?!” is the question you are all asking. I am sure you are all sitting on pins and needles waiting for me expound upon what it is that I did. What monumental feat I accomplished. What Gordian Knot I untied. Well, fine readers, I ate more steak than my wife.

Yes, that is correct; I ate more steak than my wife. Sure this doesn’t sound like much, but it really is something quite special.

The facts:
I am 6’2” tall (1.87m for my metric readership)

Wifey is 5’2” tall (1.57m for my metric readership)

I am 220lbs (99.79 kg for my metric readership and 15.71 stone for the Brits)

Wifey is considerably less (honestly, even if I knew how much she weighed, I wouldn’t risk my life by posting it, let’s just say that pending on the brand she wears anywhere from a size 2 to a size 6. This variation is why I hate shopping for her, but that is a rant for a different day)

We are both 32 years old and lead moderately active lives

One would think that steak eating would be no contest. I am significantly heavier than her and 15.6% taller than her. I should win hands down just from my sheer comparative girth. All that being said, typically, she just schools me when eating of steak. She has stunned many a person withy her ability to pack the red meat into her gullet. “All you can eat prime rib” is one of her favorites. Restaurants lose money on her for foolishly allowing her to truly eat all she can. On one occasion one of the wait staff asked her if she really wanted a third slice of prime rib.

There are only a few other things that she can pack away like she has a hollow leg. Other than steak, dairy queen soft serve vanilla ice-cream is one, watermelon is another, and cherries are the final one. For example, one time after taking down a 16 oz steak at Outback Steakhouse, my dad challenged her to eat a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen. Her response to him was this, and I kid you not, “I just ate a full pound of beef, but I reckon I can take you to school.” And better yet, she did.

Anyway… last night I ate more steak than her. That was a first. Don’t get me wrong, if I had challenged her to a steak eating contest, she would have beat me hands down, but as it is, I ate more steak than her. It is a first for me and a small triumph.

To Recap:
I ate more steak and someone significantly smaller than me and I am proud
How pathetic is that?
That is a rhetorical question, by the way
Not sure what we are having for dinner tonight
Probably not steak
I couldn’t eat another bite
In her defense, the steak was rather tough
My lunch was unsatisfying
That is a really bad thing considering I just ate it
It is going to be a long afternoon
Have a great weekend folks

Ivy

I mentioned yesterday that I have a couple of small patches of poison ivy on my forearms. Well, I feel it might be good of me to elaborate further. ( I mean, who doesn’t want to hear about my poison ivy? Anyone? Anyone?) I have two patches of the rash on my left arm and a couple of dots on my right forearm. I think I got them from weeding the area around the air conditioner – yet another completely useless task I have been doing to sell my house.

Anyway… I have had poison ivy before. I have had it bad enough that I needed a super steroid shot to help clear it up. It was bad, bad, bad. This time, things are really bizarre. I did the weeding on Saturday and the rash did not show up until Monday morning. Maybe it was a mutant strain of poison ivy that I was dealing with. One that has a rash dormancy period. Natural selection would do this, right? Any biologists out there that can confirm this? Dermatologists? Anyone?

The really bad thing about getting poison ivy after not having had it for at least 12 years is that you really forget how itchy it is.

To Recap:
The space between the deck and the house looks really well-groomed now
House still hasn’t sold
But my forearms are rather itchy
Meeting with Super Realtor Traci tonight to discuss
Catherine the Great’s first name was really Sofia
While cooking bread in your house is supposed to make it sell better, cooking cabbage doesn’t seem to help
Stupid poison ivy
Not “le stupid poisson ivre”
Different meaning entirely
Ivy-Dry works great, by the way
But I think they should update their photos of the family hiking
Number 1: All of them have external frame packs
Number 2: All of them are wearing cotton
Number 3: Their sleeping bags are huge
This pic is from the late 80’s, I mean look at the kids glasses

Bev Hill at at at to BEEEEE!

Okay, I remember what it was that I was going to write about yesterday, but due to my forgetfulness I… um... forgot.

Little Man has moved on from solely kids’ music. Friday afternoon of last week, Little Man embarked into the unknown world of non-kids’ music. It was a complicated turn of events, but I will relate them to you, as best I can. First, for variability’s sake, I will give you some background on what it is that Little Man listened to on a daily basis. Second I will give you a timeline that shows how these events unfolded.

Background: Little Man is a particular little beasty. He likes things how he likes them, and no other way. For the past year and a half, when Wifey takes him to his day care givers, he has listened to Songs from Jim Henson's Bear in the Big Blue House, and when I picked him up in the evening he listened to Laurie Berkner’s Buzz Buzz. For almost 235 of the past 550 or so days Wifey has endured Bear and I have endured Buzz Buzz. Little Man would not allow any other music to be listened to. He would not allow for there to be no music at all, and he was certainly opposed to us listening to NPR. For 235 of the past 550 or so days I had to listen to the same thing over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over again. It was quite tiresome to say the least.

About 2 weeks ago, Little Man started “letting” Wifey listen to The Wiggles instead of Bear. So for 2 weeks Wifey has been close to an insane killing spree due to bad kids’ music, but Little Man showed a chink in his rigidity armor.

Timeline: all times are approximate

Friday 5:30 pm: Little Man and I are entering the Taco Bell closest to our house
Friday 5:33 pm: We have ordered and are getting our drinks from the self-serve fountain drink machine
Friday 5:38 pm: Our food is ready
Friday 5:40 pm: We are eating our food when a Moby song comes on
Friday 5:40.15pm: Little Man starts bobbing his head
Friday 5:41 pm: Other patrons of the Taco Bell take note of the dance stylings of Little Man
Friday 5:45 pm: Lenny Kravitz’s Fly Away comes on and Little Man really starts dancing in his seat
Friday 5:59 pm: We leave Taco Bell and get in the car
Friday 6:02 pm: I put in Weezer’s Make Believe
Friday 6:04 pm: Little Man is singing at the top of his lungs BEV Hill at at at to BEEEEEE!

The shackles of kid’s music have been released

To Recap:
Little Man likes “Weez” because Weezer has a strong base line and easily defined chorus that he can sing along with
Little is not a fan of the ballad
Cake varies their tempo too much for Little Man to get into it
Jamiroquai’s Virtual Insanity is also something the Little Man like as well
We are still sifting through our music libraries for things he might like
I think Tool maybe a bit adult for him yet
Unfortunately for Wifey, Ani drops the F-Bomb too much
I actually sent Weezer a “Thank You” e-mail
I have some poison ivy-ish rashes on my forearms
Teach me to weed around the airconditioner

I had something better

Usually during the weekend, whilst the my humdrum life boils along, 2 or 3 things happen that make me think, “Wow, now I have a topic to blog about.” Then Monday rolls around and I completely forget what the heck I had thought was so “blogworthy.” That is definitely the case for this fine Monday.

I think there were at least 3 topics this weekend that lodged in the labyrinthine passages of my noggin, only to be forgotten. I am sure, had I had a paper and pen, and I had remembered to write down the idea during their conception, you, dear reader, would be reading something inherently more amusing than this post about forgetting post topics. As it is, I must make do with the limited mental faculties I possess and post about something.

Here it goes.

The main issue with having one’s house on the market is that one’s weekends are not relaxing. Especially if one has an open house sometime during that weekend. On Saturday we had a showing during the prime I-want-to-be-at-home-on-my-couch time of the day. Then on Sunday I had to watch the World Cup Final on a not-as-nice-as-mine TV. Not that I really missed any spectacular soccer there. Crappy World Cup ending in PK’s. That just sucks. Anyway… my point is that when one’s house is on the market, one typically has to not be at home on the weekends because that is when all the working folk who are looking for houses are out looking.

Okay, I need to start writing stuff down. That was pitiful. Just plain pitiful. We are going straight to the recap.

To Recap:
I really am curious as to what was said to Zidane
Are rib-cages supposed to take that kind of a beating?
Work was a really tiring folly today
I had to get in stupid early to finish something for this afternoon
Now, I am rather tired and more than a little cranky
Zidane, a headbutt, really?!!?
It is not relaxing at all to maintain a high level of cleanliness with a near 3-yr old in the house
That doesn’t even take into effect how abjectly lazy I am
Last night, for dinner I mad Little Man a hamburger, reheated some turkey chili, some chicken tenders, and some pasta with sauce
He asked for each meal in succession
He only ate the pasta and sauce
It is the equivalent of him saying “Dance, Monkey, Dance!”
No one really expects the headbutt as a lead off
We went hiking on both Saturday and Sunday
Saturday was just Wifey and I
Sunday was all three of us
Saturday was 5.2 miles (8.37 km for my metric loving readers)
Sunday was 2.7 miles (4.35 km for my metric loving readers, again)
I am not sure what we are having for dinner tonight
But I do know it takes tomatoes
I promise, tomorrow will be a better post
I promise

Number 5 is Alive

I usually do not participate in the whole meme thing. Occasionally I will go in search of a good questionnaire to answer, but I do not really respond to memes. Typically memes are long, laborious, and take too much effort to copy, paste, and clean. This meme is a fairly easy one as far as the format is concerned and allows for more of a free-flowing writing experience than most of the other ones I have seen.

I will do this meme, Dustin, but not because you tagged me for it, but because I feel like it.

Top Five Nouns I want to Fight!

Well, the first 2 easy answers would be Hippos and Yetis. So lets consider them to be given, much like the “R,” “S,” “T,” “L,” “N” and “E” are given to Wheel of Fortune contestants now in the bonus round. So without further ado

Top Five Nouns I want to Fight, Excepting Hippos and Yetis

1. Packet: Not necessarily the actual physical object, but the spoken word “packet.” I HATE that word. It is just a bad combination of letters. Use the words file, package, or something even more specific like folder or envelope. The word “packet” is an abomination and should never be used in polite company.

2. Bug-Bite: I want to collectively beat the ever living snot out of bug-bites. Sweet Jesus and Mary Jane I hate bug-bites. Right now Little Man has 4 gigantic bug-bites on his right hip and leg, and I hate them for that. If I saw a bug-bite in a dark alley, I would give it what it had coming to it. I haven’t been watching Kung-Fu movies since I was a kid to sit idly by while a bug-bite sits undisturbed in a dark alley. Oh, No. If there were a bug-bite in a dark alley, even if it were minding its own business, I would jump that bustard and give it a beat down… Old School!

That, and I have a bug-bite on my ass right now, and it is not that comfortable. You might have won this round, Bug-Bite, but I will have my revenge…

3. Paradise: We all know that you don’t exist, so why don’t you let me remove you from our list of nouns. Paradise is simply a made up construct of a fictitious place that cannot exist. There is no such thing as a true paradise, so I think we should give the noun “paradise” the beating of its life to commemorate all of our dead dreams about “paradise.” Jerk, out there giving false hopes to everyone. Nobody wants you around here anymore. You don’t and can’t exist, so… “You better move your feet, If you don’t want to eat a meal they call Fist City.” 10 points to anyone who knows this reference without googling it, Wifey is excluded from this contest.

4. People: People suck. I mean it, they really really suck. The very concept of people annoys me. If I ever catch some people in a dark alley, oh, they sooo gonna get it. And not a good “it” either. I mean a bad “it.” The baddest of the bad “it”’s. Sweet mother of God and all that is Holy, if those people happen to have bug-bites, then it ain’t gonna be pretty.

5. The People who Green-Light crappy movies: Not only are they people (see above) they are also people doing their best to actively annoy the piss out of me. Fast and the Furious 2, 2 Fast, 2 Furious? What in Beelzebub’s beard made you think it was a good idea to give this movie a go? Arena? Arena? Why did you make someone waste film on this? Friday the 13th’s 2 through whatever number we are at now. Sweet Baby Jesus, what in God’s name made you think these were good ideas? Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, you bastards made kittens cry because of this movie. Cruel Intentions!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!? Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!?!?!?!!?!?!? I will so beat the ever living snot of you for those. You guys owe me, and you owe me in blood now. Money will not hack it anymore, I require a limb with which to beat you…

To Recap:
Memes, go figure
I am not tagging anyone, but if my 5 loyal readers would like to take this on, let me know in comments
Please feel free to comment on your least favorite movies
We have another open house this Sunday
Right in the middle of the World Cup Final
I am hungry
Stupid frozen lunches
Hippos and Yetis are really on the top of my list though…

Block Party

I have writer’s block pretty severely. I mean it is a bad case of it. So far I have started this entry 6 times.

Attempt 1: A post about how a middle of the week holiday sucks

So did the beginnings of that post

Attempt 2: A post waxing nostalgic about blowing up snap together models with my brother on July 5th with left over fireworks

Just could not come together

Attempt 3: The complete uselessness of fireworks

They aren’t even pretty, but they are pretty smelly

Attempt 4: How holidays without gifts are kind of silly when they art(e) in the middle of the week

Very similar to Attempt 1, same issues

Attempt 5: Something about witches and warlocks

Really didn’t work… at all

Here we are at attempt 6 and I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I think it has something to do with the sleep debt I constantly live with. Stupid sleep debt.

So I asked my darling wife for some help with the writer’s block and this is the email I got back:

From: Wifey [mailto:xxxx@xxx.xxx]
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 1:38 PM
To: SRH
Subject: RE: wednesday

Well, you may compare your dislike of fireworks and the associated farfalle of the holidays with my hatred of numbers. I don’t think they’ll compare – and I know that’s an inappropriate use of “farfalle” but it was fun – but you may try. You can typically call up strong hatred for minutiae like nobody’s business.

So, I do not even know how to take that and I cannot come up with a topic for a post. I can “typically call up strong hatred for minutiae like nobody’s business?” Is this a positive thing, or a negative? I cannot tell. So I asked Wifey for some examples of my minutiae hating ways. She responded with

From: Wifey [mailto:xxxx@xxx.xxx]
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 3:18 PM
To: SRH
Subject: RE: wednesday

Well, your hatred of hippos, your anger at not having a variety of food in the vending machines, your hatred of the yeti and all he stands for, you don’t like it when people eat part of the ham they are giving as a gift to someone, and you don’t’ care for san serif fonts.

To name a few.

I guess I do hate minutiae.

To Recap:
Writer’s block sucks
Even for a blogger
Attempt 6: A post about how I cannot come up with topics for a post
It didn’t go great either
I still posted it
We are having some kind of Turkey and bean thing for dinner
France v Portugal right now
I am too post weary to link all my various tirades about minutiae

The Beat Down

I would not be surprised if I have a shiner over my right eye by tomorrow. It seems that Little Man has decided to take out his “ineffectiveness in his environment” against me. Let me define “ineffectiveness in his environment.” This is a home-coined phrase that I just made up like 30 words ago. Hey, I am clever like that, deal with it. Okay the definition without all the self praise.

“Ineffectiveness in his own environment” means that Little Man is not really in too much control of what goes on around him. He eats when we give him food, he sleeps when we make him, he wears his blue shoes and socks when we put them on his feet, etc… Sure he has some semblance of control. He tells us that he would like chicken tenders or a pink juice box, but it is really up to us to make that happen. In this environment he is essentially powerless. We, hoping to be good parents, try to empower him as much as we can, but in almost all serious ways, he is completely bereft of power.

That is to say he only affects the environment that we allow him to - with one major exception. The exception? Well, that is Little Man beating the ever living crap out of me. So far for my July 4^th holiday at home I have been kneed in the groinal area twice, have taken a couple of elbows to the throat, been kicked in a few other tender areas, and been cracked upside my head really hard (the whole right eye area thingy). After breakfast this morning, he ran up to me and hit me in the arm twice screaming “KNOCK! KNOCK!” Before I could ask, “Who’s there?” He would giggle and run away, only to come hit me again later.

Now, one would assume that this is just Little Man not being quite able to control his body as gracefully as someone with full body awareness, but it seems targeted at me. Wifey does not have a cracked noggin. He typically doesn’t knee her “accidentally” in the groin. Sure he head-butts her rather forcefully in her chesty boobage area, but I think that is mainly getting back at her for stopping the whole breast feeding thing. Anyway…as for sheer amount of physical violence, I tend to take the brunt of it.

The constant stream of knees to the nethers and cracks on my noggin have started to take their toll on me. I am starting to take up defensive stances around the Little Man. I find myself flinching when he comes near. I am constantly awaiting the eventual head-butt to my nose. I am pretty sure he will give me a black eye sooner or later. I have started blocking his hands when we are near each other. I cannot wait until the day I have to explain to the cops that I “fell down the stairs again” because my little boy has been beating the crap out of me.

To Recap:
Little Man 4 – SRH 0
I already have a small lump over my right eye
I swear he broke my nose 3 weeks ago
Happy 4thy of July
It rained really hard this morning
I don’t like hot dogs no matter how many times Wifey tries to make me eat them
Germany v Italy is on, so I will post more tomorrow

Yeti

So I have received an ultimatum (comments 7 and 12)

If you ever want to see it [the toaster oven] again you will write another post about the Yeti.

While it is the US’s stance not to negotiate with terrorists or give into terrorist demands, I am a pansy, so here it goes, but I better get my Toaster Oven back, or there will be Hell to pay! I am onto you, Appliance Stealer, I am onto you. I have a crack team of experts (not experts on crack, or experts about crack, mind, I mean a top-notch group of experts) waiting in the wings if this capitulations falls through. If I do not get my Toaster Oven back… (I will leave it as an open ended threat, those are more menacing)

My post about the Yeti:

The Yeti and I have not been in communication since my last Yeti post. This is unsurprising since I called the Yeti out on his less than sincere threat to gnaw on my bones. My history with the Yeti is a long and tiresome one, so I will instead give you a brief description of the Yeti.

Look and smell: The Yeti is a bipedal furry animal that stands around 8 foot tall. His face is a wind-chapped pink and, he is a foul smelling beast that rarely bathes. His coat/fur would be the palest of pale yellows if it were not for the amount of encrusted filth that resides in his hairy mantle. “Can his fur really be that disgusting?” you might ask. In a word, “Abso-frikkin-lutely.” You see, the Yeti is a messy eater, and by “messy” I do mean “a disturbingly in-efficient eating thing that has difficulties getting food in its mouth on the first try.” The Yeti has a tendency to smear food on its face and then slowly push that food toward its mouth. No one really understands why, but the Yeti is pretty consistent about this. This leads me to the next point of conversation.

Food: What exactly does a Yeti eat? Well, they are omnivorous beasts who live in an area with very little sustainable food stuffs. Therefore, the Yeti will consume things that most animals would consider taboo as food. Basically, if it ain’t moving fast enough to get out of the way of the surprisingly dull teeth that all Yetis have, it is considered food. This list includes, but is not limited to fowl, fauna, other smaller yetis, flowering plants, shrubs, vegetables, Sherpas, rich mountain climbers left on Everest to die, and sometimes paste. Yes, they are the cryptozoological equivalent of that kid in your kindergarden class.

How they move around: Yetis actually tip-toe everywhere. Much like they are trying to sneak around. It is rather comical to see an 8 foot tall befoul furred biped slinking around the mountains like an ineffective cartoon detective. Occasionally, Yeti’s drive around Nepal in Citroens, I have no idea why. They often have to remove the roofs of these cars to accommodate their pendulously large frames.

That is about all I have to say about the Yeti.

To Recap:
If I don’t see a toaster oven in the break room by Friday, the Appliance Stealer will have a reckoning
A reckoning I say
A Reckoning
I am glad the Appliance Stealer didn't ask for a post on the Orang-Pendek
We bought a Futon this weekend
It is surprisingly nice
I forgot to bring my lunch today
So, now I am really hungry
Geeking out on Friday was fun
The convention was not as spectaclish as last year
No one really wants to be at work today
Ginger beef for dinner tonight
Mmmmmm

Origins of Man

Tomorrow I get to be a handsome, svelte, well-groomed, successful, tan, enviable man… relatively speaking, of course.

It is that time of year again. It is gaming convention time.

Other than going to Wal-Mart, nothing makes me feel better about myself than going to a gaming convention. There is nothing like being surrounded by a convention of pear-shaped, black clad, basement dwelling, scraggly bearded, long-oily-haired, balding, gaming geeks, to make yourself feel better about your life choices. There I am a god! And it feels good. So tomorrow whilst in the midst of these light-fearing dorks, and while casually listening in on conversations about how the D-20 system has ruined pen & paper RPG’s, I will be resplendent in my married to a hotty, un-obese, salaried professional ways, and no one can take that away from me. On a slightly less me-centric topic (but only slightly less), there is also news on the home sale front. Unfortunately it is not news on our home sale, but news on our stupid neighbor’s house. Our crappy neighbor’s house has gone into contract, which means that with his un-aggressive marketing and our aggressive marketing, we basically sold the jerk’s place for him. Let me tell you, that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I really wish we would have gone into contract prior to him, but that was not in the cards. We are still getting a good amount of traffic through the house, but no one has even offered up a crappy bid. Anyway, that is about all I have today. To recap:

In a room full of über-geeks, I am a enviable by those very über-geeks for my lack of über-geekdom

Ëvërÿthïng ïs bëttër wïth ümläüts

It is a good thing to embrace one’s inner geek every once and a while

Our neighbor sucks

Hopefully with him out of the way we can sell our house faster

We just hope he didn’t undersell his place and undercut our potential sale

Steamed chicken with potatoes, green beans, onions, and corn for dinner tonight

It is both healthy and tasty, but it takes forever to cook

Short post today

Next week will be better

But I will not swear to that

For some reason, Blogger has decided to bork up my paragraphs, I apologize on its behalf

Toaster Oven

So where the Hell did the toaster oven go?!?! Now, I am not one to vehemently complain about barbaric office conditions in the land of cubes, but this has gone too far. Too far I say!

I hate eating lunches at the office. I abhor the whole process of nuking something in the microwave so I can slop down some craptastic “meal” just so I can make it to dinner. Lunch in the office always sucks. Always. The only times it does not just absolutely blow is when I can finagle myself into a lunch meeting where lunch is provided.

At least that was the case until they brought in the toaster oven. Ah, the glorious toaster oven. An oft maligned and misunderstood piece of kitchen equipment. It works like an electric oven, but it is small enough that you do not have to worry about preheating. It is a wonderfully glorious device that browns and crisps frozen food while cooking it all the way through. Instead of getting from a frozen stick to a floppy eggroll in 5 minutes, I got crispy wonderful tasty Asian morsels in 15 minutes. Instead of getting rubbery French bread pizzas that taste like soggy pieces of cardboard, I got a toasty delectable French bread pizzas that tasted like firmer, non set out in the rain pieces of cardboard. Anyway… the machination of my bearable frozen lunches is now gone. Gone I tell you…. Gone

I do not care who says that Lean Pockets now have a crispier flakier crust. They can go straight to Hell, those lying bastards! Those microwave foodstuffs can not hold a candle to a frozen burrito lovingly brought to its gooey warm pinnacle by the workhorse toaster oven. I cannot help it if the other employees of the company did not understand how the toaster oven worked or how much better it was than their gimme-my-crappy-food-now-now-now microwave. You stopped the warm embrace of the toaster oven to my eggrolls by turning it off thinking the egg rolls were done and no one was watching them. I did not complain, even though I was constantly checking on them. You always thought something was burning whenever I turned on the toaster oven, but that fragrance you were detecting was a direct result of a little something called “cooking.”

They have taken my toaster oven away, and now I must sink to the level of a common grad student. Easy Mac it is…

To Recap:
Microwaves heat food by twisting water molecules back and forth and having those water molecules rub against one another to experience a molecular form of "friction"
Toaster ovens heat food because the heating element in the oven starts to glow red-hot, much like a conventional electric oven, the way God intended
I think I must have a tapeworm
I am stunningly hungry and I just ate lunch
I was hungry yesterday immediately after eating lunch
What’s up with that?
And what was up with Spain losing to France?

Minty Fresh

I did not eat enough lunch and I am still quite hungry. Unfortunately, it is the kind of hunger that free mints will not satiate. Although I have been giving it my best to quell the hunger with breath mints. So, as a consequence, I am still quite hungry, but my breath is full of pepperminty goodness. So, I at least got that going for me.

The odd thing is that I ate breakfast and a pretty good lunch. It should have been satisfying but, alas and alack, not satisfying at all. In fact, quite unsatisfying. If you haven’t noticed, I am a bit on the hungry side. To help things along, I just got my monthly email from the “Friends of Krsipey Kreme” program. Bastards. Don’t they know I am hungry? Actually, they probably are counting on it. Anyway… today’s installment of the Krispy Kreme newsletter is all about different shapes of doughnuts. Different shapes of the delectable doughnuts. Different shapes of their glistening, warmly glazed delectable doughnuts. Different shapes of their stunningly easy to eat glistening glazed lovingly deep fried doughnuts… mmmm… umm, where was I? oh yes, “hungry.” Jerks. I reiterate. Don’t they know that I am hungry?

The other problem with attempting to subsist off of mints is the fact that even if I do find some food to tide me over till dinner, I will need to wait until the indelible taste of peppermint leaves (“leaves” the verb not “leaves” the tree foliage.) my mouth. That being the case, I think I just found some crackers in one of my drawers, and now I have to wait until the burning coolness of 21 Eclipse mints consumed over a 2 hour period subsides before I can dig into the stale Ritz-y goodness of unknown age that I just found in my desk drawer. I have at least 10 more minutes before I can crack open the Ritz without them becoming some kind of gooey pepperminty paste. Yep, that doesn’t sound that appealing to me either.

Man, my life is hard

To Recap:
I am wholeheartedly uninspired today
I need to take containers home from work
They are disgusting and need to be washed badly
I still need more new music
Too bad most of the new stuff sucks
Damn you, Krispy Kreme! Damn you to Hell!
Almost out of Eclipse mints
My sinuses are clear and my breath is ultra-minty
Mint plants think my breath is minty
I can’t feel my tongue in some places
And the roof of my mouth is still coolly on fire
Too bad mints are not filling
Spain is up 1 - 0 versus France in the 40th

Garbage Garbage everywhere

I need to fix the garbage disposal. And by fix the garbage disposal I do mean replace the non-working thing. The other day the thing just up and died. One second the InSinkErator was InSinkErating and the next it was just dimming the lights and making a humming noise. Well, poop. When the heck am I going to make the time to go and, first purchase a new InSinkErator and second, install said garbage disposal. I am a busy man with things to do and people to see. I will translate that last sentence: “Tuesday night.”

On a totally different topic, today Wifey and I met with the pre-school that Little Man will be attending this fall. It was avery nice place that was very clean. Both Wifey and I were impressed with the candor of the woman we spoke with and her knowledge of the comings and goings of that pre-school. Just a really goof feeling overall for the entire space and the people who would be running it. Little Man will most likely love the whole experience of being at the pre-school.

I imagine that after his second trepidacious day there, he will start wanting his dorky parents to drop him off further and further away, so he can bask in the coolness of not being associated with us. When he starts asking for that I am getting a 1988 station wagon with faux wood paneling on the side. I will break him. Oh, yes, I will break him… ummm… forgot myself for a second. Ah, what I am getting at here is that I want to embarrass my kid as much as possible, even if it makes me buy a crappy station wagon. Umm what I mean is, that my kid is growing up.

What really hit me like a ton of bricks was just how much older Little Man is. This little guy is almost 3, and I have no idea how three years have passed in this short of a time frame. How my perception has packed 3 whole years into, at most, a 2 year time frame is absolutely amazing. It seems that it was just a few weeks ago that I was changing his diaper in the hospital. Now I am getting hugs and kisses from a little boy who can say, “I love you, Papa.” Sometimes he hugs me just to wipe the ketchup off his mouth. It is very sweet and yet quite annoying.

Anyway… my little boy will be going to pre-school soon, and while it is a good thing, I am not sure I am quite happy about it.

To Recap:
Australians were robbed in the 93rd
Tuesday night I will be replacing a garbage disposal
I hate replacing garbage disposals
Even though I have never done it before
Little Man is growing up
Much to my chagrin
And eventually his

Broken

USA 1 – Ghanna – 2

The offense for the US never seemed to show up, throughout this cup play. We qualified playing a 4 – 4 – 2, but we tried to play a 4 – 5 – 1 for the cup. Play what you know, and bring some offense. There is more that could be said about the US play today, but I am going to restrain myself. Very disappointing cup experience.

Onto today’s topic.

I got the card my parents sent me for my birthday yesterday, which is quite appropriate since it was my birthday yesterday, after all. That makes sense. There was some money in the card, and that was very welcome and nice to see. All in all, very appropriate. Honestly, this is not even a complaint about the main parental units. The funny thing is that this is the 4th year out of 6 years that I have gotten the exact same birthday card from them.

The exact same card. I did mention that it is the exact same card. I wonder if they see the card every year and go, “Now this is a card for SRH!” or if they bought 10 of them 6 years ago and when they forget to get a card they send this one. If it is the former and not the latter, when they see the card, does it ring a bell at all? Is there any statement like, “This card seems vaguely familiar… I hope SRH likes it.”

So, 4 out of the last 6 years. Same card as last year. It has a picture of a rodent in a state of first aid treatment. The rodent looks like it was really worked over, probably by 2 truckers. And on the front of the card it states in classic Comic Sans Serif font: “When they made you…” You open the card and the punch line is just waiting for you. “They broke the mole. –Happy Birthday” you see it is a play on words that is kind of mildly clever. Instead of “when they made you, they broke the mold.” The card says “When they made you, they broke the mole.” And on top of this clever word play, they also have a darling little picture of a “broken mole.” Clever. Very clever indeed.

I guess my parents just find this card too much to handle. In the past 6 years I have gotten this very card 66.667% of the time. There are 2 to 3 odds that I will receive this card next year for my birthday as well, and I am looking forward to it. I hope I do get this card for the birthday next year. It proves one thing and one thing alone: Even though my parents may not be very original, they are most assuredly consistent.

To recap:
USA out and Ghana goes to the second round
All the analysts got Group E wrong, wrong, wrong
Now, I think I will root for the Socceroos
Just because that is what they want you to call them
Turns out that my parents believe that my creation has led to the demise of a mole
And they keep telling me that
They will not let me forget the mole who was broken for me
I will not accept the responsibility of one broken mole
I have Little Man to worry about
I can’t go taking in a broken mole just because I was born

2.4615384615384615

Today is an odd day for me. While I should be collecting money from doubters and others who didn’t think I should last this long (knowing that my smart, sassy mouth should have gotten me killed by now), and while I should be celebrating the wonder that is having a life, I am also shadowed by an event in my past that occurred on this very day, the anniversary of my entrance on this ball of mud careening through the void of space. Every year this tiny planet circles a big ball of gas and we consider ourselves older and hopefully wiser. I have circled that ball of gas for 32 times now. I have done many things and seen even more done in those 32 years, but basically it has all boiled down to meaning my knees will ache when it is going to rain. Much like today. A gray, gray rainy day of aching knees.

You see part of the issue for me is that for the first 19 passes around the sun, I don’t think I even realized that time was passing. I was immortal. I was maturing but not aging. But then I saw a man, a good man, taken down in the prime of his life, and I realized I was not immortal. I saw G-Money’s (also referred to as “Capt. McArmypants” and “that jerk in Colorado.”) father get struck by a drunk driver. I saw it happen and could do nothing to stop it. It changed my life, because after that point I had witnessed the Grim Reaper descend from the Twisting Nether and claim something that was not rightfully his. That will change one’s views on death and dying. That visitation by death himself will alter how you view other’s death and hopefully, how you live your life.

Because of this event that happened on my 19th birthday, in many ways I am also 13. 13 years ago a new person emerged from that tragic event. A new me. A more introspective me, but also a more callous and jaded me. Case in point: Wifey, Little Man and I were on our way back home from a local Metropark when we saw 2 truckers beating the ever living crap out of another trucker. 2 weeks later Wifey looks at me and asks, "How do you not dwell on the fact that these 2 people were beating another man?"

I responded with, “2 guys whalluping another has nothing on a half-ton flatbed smacking someone.” Jaded? Yes. Cynical? Yes. True? For me? Hell, Yes.

To Recap:
For the first time ever Little Man said to me “Happy Birthday”
My knee hurts because it is raining
Crap games being played this morning for the World Cup
US plays Ghana tomorrow at 10 am
Go US
I need a hair cut
Having Mama Mimi’s’ Mama’s Favorite Chicken Pizza for lunch today
I still have to come into work for a meeting on my day off
Stupid meeting
Today is my 32/13 th birthday
It is a very bittersweet day