20 Questions: 30 - Exercise

Today’s 20 Questions revolve around the idea of exercise. Thanks this week go to Belsum, JACoppinger, the Em, ZingerZapper, Atmikha, and JW.

Disclaimer: Exercising is an absolute necessity for me. My joints necessitate a certain level of maintenance. I have a degenerative condition on my left knee that activates when I am woefully out of shape. This injury is due to my left leg overcompensating for my right leg’s crappy assed knee. I have hyper-extended the right knee on multiple occasions. I have strained the medial-collateral ligaments on my left knee. The degenerative condition on my left knee was stated to me as “patella-femoral agitation,” where basically my left knee-cap slams into my femur when I straighten my leg (unless I have been strengthening my leg, so it won’t occur: ergo the exercising). I have a bad ankle and a worse ankle. I can dislocate my right shoulder at Will (Will hates this). My elbows have a bit of hyper flexion. Finally, I am generally one of the poppiest, creakiest, crunchiest people I have ever met. Maintenance exercise is an absolute must for me, and at the tender age of 32, I really need to start paying serious attention to my skeletal/muscular health issues.

All that being said, I absolutely hate exercising. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I have mentioned before, and I will again. I. Hate. Exercising.

To the questions!

1 Does Tetris count as exercise?
Sadly, for some it is their only form of exercise. Does it elevate the heart-rate? Yes, as the levels fly by and the game speeds up there is definitely a bump in the heart rate. Does it keep the heart-rate elevated for more than 15 minutes? If one is very good at it, then “yes.”

2 What time of your life were you in the best shape and why?
It is a tie between High School and College. In HS I was in better cardio-vascular fitness due to HS Soccer, but in college a combination between the Club fencing team at Kent State and the group of guys I was lifting with, I was in better strength conditioning shape.

3 Health clubs vs home gyms vs exercise DVDs?
This is a matter of personal preference. I think I would like an exercise room in the house of my dreams, because I don’t really like people when I am exercising. As it is, a health club/gym seems to be the best bet for me. Exercise DVD’s are too easy to stop.

4 What’s your favorite aerobic activity that you’re totally embarrassed to admit you even know about?
That I know about? hmmmm… as long as we all understand that it is not something I have done, but that I merely know of its existence. I would have to say the “exerslide” or “bodyslide.” The fun of Olympic speed skating in your living room!

5 How come extreme runners always die of heart attacks?
That is a really good question. I think it has to do with the fact that they can wax eloquent about their “runner’s high” and “how good running makes them feel.” They tend to like running and they also tend to tell others how much it helps their life. Basically it is a Karma thing. I hate exercising, and that hate will sustain me for a long bile filled life. Stupid happy runners!

6 Did the devil invent sit-ups?
Yes. Sit-ups are the exercise of the The Dark One. Old Scratch likes crunches. Lucifer is known for his six-pack. Mephistopheles has a washboard. El Diabloà El Abdominal. I abhor ab workouts. Can’t stand them. All incarnations. All of them. Hate them.

7 Large women in spandex at the gym – your opinion?
Large anyone in spandex anywhere is really a no-no. Spandex as an outer covering for anyone is a questionable offense.

8 No pain no gain, or: “screw it, I’m watchin’ the tube!”
I am not much for pain. If it hurts whilst doing it, it stops getting done. Sadly, this does not apply to pain 30 minutes post exercising, and especially does not apply to pain 2 days after exercising. I do love me some tube watching though…

9 Weights or Cardio?
I do both. At least 30 minutes of cardio and then I head to the weights. The light weights, I just ran for 30 minutes people. Give me a break.

10 Stupidest exercise machine on the planet?
The exercise gliders/rockers/riders that hit the market in the mid 90’s. Those things are horrid. You cannot sit your way to a better health. I don’t think anyone is making them anymore, but you can find them at thrift stores and ebay aplenty (“just like new!”). I remember the commercials though… Bunch of in-shape women dry-humping exercise equipment. Oddly, when I worked at NordicTrack, we never sold one of their rocker machines to a guy. Were they mis-marketed or was it marketing genius?

11 Do you think it's possible for the people who really hate to work out to ever find a way to get in shape that they like?
I do believe there are exercises out there for everyone. Alas and alack, I have not found mine, unless World or Warcraft is considered “exercise.”

12 Why do you hate working out so much? Maybe it will explain why I hate it so much.
I hate working out because I find that I feel like I should be doing something better with my time. You know, like rearranging my sock drawer. I am not able to remove myself from the task at hand when I am exercising. When I am on the elliptical, I am acutely aware of time passing rather slowly. People who enjoy exercise, often lose themselves in the exercise and are surprised when they are finished. I have not found an exercise where I could do that. Exercise should be like a good movie. It should transport you away from your life for a short amount of time. If the exercise you are doing does not “take you away” it is more of a laborious chore than a past-time.

13 If you could repeatedly run over (on the bike) or stampede (while on the eliptical) any person’s body parts who would they be and what body part would you choose?
Sadly exercise bikes and ellipticals don’t move, so the person and their body parts could easily get away.

14 Do you glimpse at other fitness addicts (much like yourself) and compare your muscles?
Number 1: I am not an addict. I really could walk away from exercise really easily.
Number 2: I don’t compare myself to anyone whilst at the gym. I am incomparable.


15 Whatever happened to those gorgeous spandex, thong unitards? Man, they should bring those back. Nothing inspires like shiny fat rolls.
For laughs, you should do a Google image search on “unitard.”

16 If you were a knight, how would you train, and for how long every day?
I would do the elliptical with my cuirass, greaves, gauntlets, bevor, and sallet for at least 1 hour a day, then I would swing cinder blocks around on chains for another 30 minutes. Then I would spar with a dragon. Who wouldn’t want to spar with a dragon? If I were a knight that would be my job, so it could take up most of the day. No sit-ups though…

17 Why can't achieving and maintaining a "socially acceptable" body type-according to Men's Health, and Cosmopolitan magazines be easier?
Because our society is set up for convenience, and convenience is easy. Exercise, on the other hand, is not easy.

18 Why is it necessary for women to spend more time on their appearance going to exercise than their actual workout (That is, if they're really working out to begin with) -courtesy of the lovely wife
Honestly, I don’t understand that either, but I am partnered up and have been for a long time. After college, there are few places that people can really meet these days. I would assume that people who are getting all duded up for the gym are going for mate finding as well as exercise.

19 Why do I want to eat EVERYTHING that's HORRIBLE for me AFTER a workout?
Because you have earned it! What is the point of exercising if not to allow oneself to indulge in fatty goodness?

20 Worse form of torture to you during gym class- the wall peg things you had to pull yourself up with, or the rope that hung from the ceiling?
I was never able to do either, so I hated them both. Hated.

To recap:
I am sore today
Badly sore
Okay, not that bad, but I am still sore
Maybe I will do some sit-ups tonight
Maybe I won’t
Yeah, I won’t
Thinking about sit-ups is enough
Good thinking, Papa! (I love getting validation from a 3.6 year old)
Speaking of in-shape women dry-humping exercise equipment (Question 10), isn’t that what guys loved about ESPN 2 in the mornings in the ‘90’s?
I could watch a replay of Sportcenter, or I could watch these women exercise... hmmmm
What to do? What to do?
R.I.P. Maggie Moo’s in Columbus
Hippos reek from the odor of fear and the stink of destiny

Just a recap

Straight to the recap today

To recap:
Penguins make me laugh
But not penguins with forced Jamaican accents
It is because they waddle
Waddle is a fun word to say
Waddle Waddle Waddle Waddle Waddle Waddle Waddle
It is actually kind of fun to type
Yes, I typed it out all 7 times
Waffle is similar, yet not as fun to say
I define “type” in the above sentence as “ctrl + v”
It gets me through the night
To get through the knight, you need a lance
Sure there are other piercing weapons of the Middle Ages, but a lance would do
Or maybe a pike
Yes, a pike Okay, a different pike Not that pike either There’re the pikes I’m talking about
Pointy sticks
Skewers
Skewers Skewers Skewers Skewers Skewers Skewers Skewers
Another fun word
Oddly “sewers” isn’t as fun
Can’t tell if it is the connotation, denotation, or extension
Probably the connotation
We had our first day in 4 weeks of only 2 rescue breathing treatments yesterday
There was much rejoicing
Much rejoicing indeed
Lunch was unsatisfying
I am hungry already, and it has only been 90 minutes since I ate
Looks like there are some chips in my future
Mmmm chips
I couldn’t come up with a topic today
Especially since I already wasted my Vampire Bear post
Little Man had a play date with Benny this weekend
I swear those 2 kids are hopped up on goofballs when they are together
We have to slow Little Man down to make sure that he is able to breath
We are 2 steps closer to complete potty training
If we knew how much further it was to complete potty training that might actually mean something
I have to work out tonight
Have to, for maintenance purposes
I am not looking forward to that
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday will be about exercising

My eyes

My sunglasses broke this morning, and I have very photosensitive eyes. Bright sunlight hurts me, much like a vampire. Well not like a vampire hurts me. Vampires hurt me by never acknowledging me in public. I know you can see me Nosferatu, why won’t you wave back?!?! Why?!?!? It’s the garlic, isn’t it? Well, Count, it just so happens that I like white pizzas every now and again. I can’t help it if the base of that is olive oil and garlic. It is not my fault that you are mortally weakened by the pungent bulb. (tee hee, I said, “pungent bulb”) Ahem… where was I. Oh yes, broken sunglasses.

Anyway… this morning after cleaning off and digging out Wifey’s car, I reached into my pocket to get out my sunglasses and heard a small ‘tick.”
No, not that Tick. A small ‘tick’ that could only be due to the rim of my sunglasses snapping and letting the lens fall free into my pocket. I don’t really know when exactly my eyes became the wussiest eyes on the face of the planet, but, in truth, they are. They have been this way at least since college. Yep, since college, I have put on sunglasses the moment I step out of a door into the big wide world. I kind of feel naked without them. Naked and blind. At the same time.

I know that my eyes should be able to handle the big bright world without the aid of dimming spectacles, but for some reason I have lost that ability. I also am aware of my propensity for losing and breaking sunglasses. I lose and/or break sunglasses at an alarming rate. At one point in time I used to purchase more expensive glasses, but due to my amazing ability I found that cheaper glasses made more fiscally responsible sense. Instead of the Sunglass Hut and Oakley’s, now it is Target or a grocery store and no memorable brand name. The sad thing is that the ability of the glasses to filter the UV and shade my delicate lace-like eyes is about the same.

I usually have an extra pair in my car just for this kind of “emergency.” Alas and alack, Little Man appropriated the glasses as a train table decoration about a month ago. Seeing as how I have kept my most recent pair of glasses for 8 whole months, I guess I got cocky and didn’t think I needed the extra. How wrong I was. How how wrong… Now I am snow-blind and fighting off a headache induced by the brightness of the sun and snow.

To recap:
SPOOOOOOOOON! I am not sure if anything momentous will be occurring this weekend
I really feel like I am whining just to be whiny today
That and I am lacking a certain ability to filter UV rays from my delicate delicate eyes
Shading the sun from my eyes with my hands doesn’t work that great
And people think I am saluting them
Mockingly
Actually, people think I do a bunch of stuff mockingly
People are rarely correct
But sometimes they are
This is one of those rare timed that they are correct
I do a bunch of stuff mockingly
Tons really
I miss The Tick Cartoon
I need to get it on DVD
Have a great weekend everyone

Name your price

It seems that bribery works. I am not a big fan of the process for moral reasons, but it seems that it works and therefore is a viable solution to some of our more entrenched Little Man behaviors.

Case in Point, the first: Little Man’s potty training.
So far Little Man has been fine about peeing in the potty. He especially enjoys when Papa and Little Man pee at the same time. Bonding at its finest. The potty training issue that we have been fighting against is pooping on the potty. He has adamantly been against pooping in the potty for the past 6 months. Wifey and I don’t know exactly what that is all about, but we have been wiping poo off his 3.5 year old butt for far too long. Enter the bribery. Turns out that Little Man, who will not listen to reason, he determined on his own, what his price is. He named it and we haggled, and now we pay him to poop on the potty. “His price?” you ask. Well, other than answering, “None of your Damn business,” or “Get yer own kid to bribe,” and also in realizing that I have started this line of thinking, I really should answer with “Special root-beer.” That is right. Little Man will excrete solid waste on a proper toilet receptacle for a shorty (8 oz) A&W Root-beer.

Turns out he would most likely sell us to street thugs for some root-beer from a can. It is good to know he has a price. It is better to know what that price is, so we can top it…

Case in Point, the second: Little Man’s sleeping situation
We are co-sleepers. This was not a decision that we entered into thinking that we wanted to be closer to our little one and help him feel safe and secure in his slumbering. This sleeping arrangement was a decision made purely out of necessity. I shall explain. Back in the wee Little Man days when we were just the typical happy-go-lucky parents of a typical little boy, we were on the path top sleeping freedom. We were reading the No Cry Sleep Solution book and implementing its ideas as we started to move the boy into his own sleeping quarters. We just are not “cry it out” people. Nothing against people who use that solution, it just was not for us. Some people like vanilla ice cream, some French vanilla ice cream, and some people like vanilla bean ice cream. mmmmm ice cream.... where was I? Oh yes, he was at about 6 hours of sleep on his own at night and then the rest of the night in our bed. It was working. His stays in his own bed were lengthening and the time that he was not in our bed allowed for some wonderous slumber.

Then the food allergies really hit. He was scratching himself awake at night due to the rashes and eczema reactions from his food allergies (we think the itchiness was mainly soy and the eczema was the egg). For 3 months we slept, Wifey on one side and me on the other holding his little arms down so he couldn’t scratch himself awake at night. It was horrible… just plain horrible. We finally figured out all that he was allergic to and he was not itchy, but the damage had been done. We left one of the developmental stages where he would easily transition to another bed.

We started the transition process again, but this time it was halted due to his asthma kicking in. When you have to give breathing treatments every 4 hours for nearly a year, you just put the kid in your bed and sleep as best you can, when you can. When we were finally on a pretty good maintenance routine with his asthma and food allergies, he had hit the terrible 2’s and the effin’ 3’s, that was not the time to introduce a new sleep pattern. Now, I recognize that some of these are rationalizations, and some are real reasons, but the end effect is that his bed is currently butted up against ours and we all sleep (to steal a phrase) like a pride of lions.

Which leads me to the next bribery. It seems that Little Man is enamored with a loft style bed… with a slide! There is a light at the end of the family bed tunnel and it is a loft with a slide. He likes the mission style loft in black (Twin Junior Loft with slide in the Mission style in black... Boy's got taste). Not our choice in color, but if it gets him out of our bed it could be pink with yellow polka dots. If Little Man can sleep in his bed on his own for a while (Wifey and I have not discussed the time frame yet) we will order the loft. He is on board with that.

To recap:
Took an hour to dig out and get the car moving today
Yeeee-uck
Happy Valentine’s Day to all who celebrate
Happy Single Awareness Day to those who celebrate
VD and SAD, that is just pitiful
Bribery could definitely pay off
Goodness Gracious! I hope so
Not much more to recap
Not sure what is for dinner tonight

20 Questions Tuesday: 29 - Valentine's Day

Ah, Valentine's Day is tomorrow, and I am stunned at the amount of people on the questioning list who sent in questions. Since Valentine’s Day is such a singular event, I am not going to push this topic on to 2 weeks, so instead of answering every question I got (51 questions in total), I am just going to answer 20 of them that pique my curiosity. I will also answer the few common questions that everyone seemed to ask. These questions are:

What was your worst Valentine’s Day/Valentine’s Day gift? Pretty much any of the Valentine’s Days when I was in High School would suffice. I was unpaired and lonely and acutely aware of that loneliness because I was an angsty teen at the time. As far as gifts go, I have never really gotten a Valentine’s Day gift so “no gift” would be my answer.
What was your best Valentine’s Day/Valentine’s Day gift? 11 years ago was the best. Wifey and I had gotten engaged the previous week, and that Valentine’s Day was just special and nice. As far as gifts, it was 11 years ago as well, when Future Wifey said, “You know, the engagement is more special than this holiday, let’s not celebrate Valentine’s Day and remember the engagement instead.” In one fell swoop, I no longer had to think about Valentine’s Day. Yippee! Love you, Wifey!

Is Valentine’s Day a “real” holiday or just one manufactured by Hallmark? Valentine’s Day is a real “event.” I hesitate to call it a holiday because no one observes it by not doing stuff. There is some actual history to it, but I think a bunch of the history ascribed to the day is more lore and legend than actual historic fact.

Valentine’s Vs Sweetest Day? I had honestly not heard of Sweetest Day until I moved to Ohio in 1992. Never. Heard. Of. It. Sweetest Day is the definition of a “Hallmark” holiday, because it was manufactured. I hate the mere existence of Sweetest Day.

Today’s Questions are from (in order of receipt): Lord Pithy, Lsig, Peefer, The Em, ZingerZapper, Dr Civil, Bomber, Info Diva, Allrileyedup, JW, and Atmikha. If I did not answer a question you asked, I apologize, but paring down the questions to a measly 20 was difficult. To the questions!

1 What the hell does my husband really want for VD? Are silk boxers ever an appropriate gift?
I think, based on a conversation with you this morning, he wants you to stay away fro Valentine’s Day. Silk boxers are always appropriate. Always! They just make it nice to walk around. In fact when I wore silk boxers, I would walk around a lot, for the sheer umm… enjoyment of them.

2 Why does it amuse me so much to refer to the day as VD?
Because it is tragically funny. I think VD actually made the medical community change Venereal Disease into Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s)

3 Nougat or nut-filled? White, milk, or dark? Chocolate, that is. What's your favorite Valentine's day confection?
Nougat, White Chocolate, I am not terribly partial to any day specific confection.

4 How many times can the average person see the same, stupid Valentine's-themed jewelry store commercial and not kill someone?
437 ... I am at 267

5 Is there any implication to the fact that we give our loved ones bits of chocolate in a box shaped (symbolically, anyway) like an internal organ for this holiday? And why does a Valentine's heart look nothing like a real heart?
People like treats, ergo the chocolates. The heart shape is more aesthetically pleasing than an actual heart shape. I mean, really, how do you put lace on the aorta?

6 If you were Cupid, where precisely would you aim your arrow? And why?
For lust? A kill shot to the inner thigh, hoping to nick the femoral artery.
For love? A kill shot to the Carotid Artery.
I think the reasoning is self-evident

7 You are a woman. (Go with me for a moment.) Did you appreciate your gift of lingerie?
I am not sure I like where this question is going. I am not some cheap floozy whose physical affections can be purchased with some frilly lacy undergarment… although, they do make me feel pretty…

8 I love the new anti-V-day parties and such that are happening in recent years for the singles. What's your take on it?
Ah, Single’s Awareness Day. I think it is a great idea. Those sad sad un-coupled masses trying to take control of the singular loney existence

9 What's your favorite love song?
"Tainted Love", by Soft Cell. Sure it wasn’t originally done by Soft Cell, but their cover is easily the best

10 What do you do on a VD date when your date spends 85% of the time talking about his dead mother and how he was forced to fly to England to bury her and he is still bearing the cost of the funeral? You know, they weren’t that close…(blah, blah, blah)
a. End the date on the sentence, “My dead mother…”
b. Refuse to return his calls even after he tells you what a great time he had
c. Tell him at the door that you hope his mother haunts him in his dreams
d. Marry him
Definitely A

11 I recently read that men spend on average 17 million dollars on VD, while women spend half of that amount. Is it because men are trying to make up for the other 364 days in one fell swoop, trying to get a little loving later on, or sincerely want to show their partner how much they love them with a big, honking diamond? Just curious.
Sorry, I stopped reading after “VD.” Men spent $17 million on Venereal Disease? I’m sorry what was the question again? Oh, yes…I think if a singular honking huge gift such as a diamond didn’t work to get men laid, they would not continue that attempt.

12 What was the most appropriate message on the little heart shaped candies? The most inappropriate?
You decide which is which

13 If you were to give out drugstore "themed" cheapy Valentines to your coworkers (like all the kids do - you know Sponge Bob, Cars, etc.) - what character/cartoon would you choose?
Law & Order SVU Valentines!

14 If you were forced to watch a chick flick romantic comedy on Valentine's Day (so not your genre!), what movie would you choose?
Shaun of the Dead. Hey, it is classified as a "romantic comedy."

15 My married friends don't celebrate Valentine's Day anymore, but they did when they dated. What's up with that?
Married people are dead inside…so so dead…

16 Valentine’s Day Clichés: I was at the Mall on Saturday and I saw men with glazed over expressions at the jewery counters looking for engagement rings. Should guys use Valentine's Day to pop the big question or not? By the way, giving a woman flowers and chocolate. Cheesy or traditional? Who actually gives or wants to receive the oversize stuffed animals of fluffy white bears holding a red heart-shaped pillow?
I think the Valentine’s Day/New Years/Christmas proposals are a bit too cliché. There is no originality in them at all.
Flowers and chocolate are a cheesy gift.
I have no idea about the teddy bear and pillow thing.

17 If cupid is a boy, then why do people freak out at you if you dress your baby son up as cupid for pictures?
I don’t know, but people thought I was weird last year for having this up on my computer.

18 Do you think Valentine's Day is a good day for internet couples to meet for the first time?
I think picking a day with less expectations and seasonal weight would be a better choice. There are just too many strings attached to the idea of Valentine’s Day to make it the first physical meeting – in my non-internet dating opinion.

19 Are you a fuddy-duddy who claims that Valentine's day is just a commercial ploy to get people to spend $, or are you the type that uses the day to celebrate the person you love just a little more than you usually do?
I am quite the fuddy duddy on this one, but I do not think it is a commercial ploy as much as I think it is a day that holds no significance to me or Wifey.

20 Does your Valentine like funny wife cards, dirty wife cards, or does she like the mushy, gooey, sentimental wife cards that make you want to throw up in your mouth?
She likes the mushy cards. I don’t get it, but those are the ones she likes

To Recap:
The roads are really crappy today
I will probably be leaving work early today
Around 4-ish
Tacos for dinner
Wifey and I had to go to the grocery store last night
I was surprised at how many college students were there buying beer
Then I remembered (what I could) my collegiate years
Snow, beer and college mix well
I could have omitted snow in that last line

conspiracy of flab

It seems that things are not aligning properly for me to get into a routine for exercise. Between various family illnesses, scheduling conflicts, weather issues, apathy, and a general lack of motivation, the gym just has not been in my weekly routine. Here is how it is supposed to work. Monday and Wednesday evenings, I am supposed to go work out after work. I am supposed to get at least 30 minutes on the elliptical machine and then do some lifting. These in week workouts are supposed to be capped off with my exercising on Saturday morning.

That has not happened since the second week in December. Since that fateful week I have averaged about 2 exercise sessions every 3 weeks. Sure that sounds bad, but what sounds worse is that I have only gone to the gym 6 times in the last 8 weeks. Not really a stellar record for someone who (at least marginally) wants to be remotely healthy.

There have been some legitimate reasons for not exercising. Firstly, the sinus infection is definitely one of them. I have been recovering from the infection for the past week and a half, and suffering from it for 2 weeks before that.

Secondly, Wifey’s gallbladder issue is another reason that the elliptical has not be moving because of me. Sure it is not really my illness to claim, but when one’s partner is in the throws of gall bladder induced pain, one does not foist the kid on her and go lift some weights. I know it hurts to move, babe, and it is hard for you to interact with Little Man, but I just gots to gets my butt in shape. Just suck it up and parent the little bugger on your own for a while. Sheesh! Yeah, I wouldn’t be here today if that was uttered or even thought. (She can tell when I am thinking things…. It is very eerie.)

Thirdly, Little Man’s breathing being compromised does not help. I do not really feel much like an attentive parent if I choose to exercise instead of getting the “we’re-going-to-thehospital-at-any-moment-bag ready. For those who are interested, the bag consists of a portable DVD player, a smorgasbord of DVD’s, Little Man snacks, changes of clothes, etc…

Tonight, I was going to get myself all sweaty and start the process of getting sore, but Wifey and I have committed to make sandwiches for Little Man’s pre-school fund-raiser. No exercising there. This list of reasons doesn’t even touch my general apathy for working out. I hate it. HATE. IT. I really cannot stand it. It truly is my own private hell. I only do it so my health will be better. It is the equivalent of taking really nasty tasting medicine for 45 minutes. I try as hard as I can not to interact with anyone there because I loathe being there so much. There is a good chance that my response to anyone there would be a snarl and possibly a bite.

I hate the in-shape people there because they are in shape and clearly enjoying there exercise routine. I hate the out-of-shape people there because they are in my way. I hate the perky people who work there because they clearly don’t understand how horrid the place they work in is. All in all, exercising is not my favorite thing.

Update on the breathing: Little Man is doing better, but nearly where we would like his breathing to be by the end of a full course of Orapred. Really, he should be doing fine by now, but that just is not the case. He is doing okay. Not doing “great,” just “okay.” Whatever was causing so much breathing issues seems to be on the retreat. It has not left the field of battle, as of yet, but it seems to be withdrawing. Wifey and I definitely think it is due to the anti-biotic, but we would like it to be getting better faster, Damnit!

To recap:
I forgot my lunch today
I am hungry
I will scrounge up something for lunch
A late lunch mind you
But a lunch none-the-less
Wifey is getting a surgical consult on the bladder of gall, at the moment
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions will be about Valentine’s Day
Hopefully I will be in a better mood then

2 things

Firstly, Little Man’s breathing is better. It is not where we want it to be, but it is better. Thanks to all the positive thoughts sent our way.

Secondly, Honestly, I don’t have a “Secondly.” I am pretty drained from the roller coaster event from yesterday. Breathing issues are difficult to deal with, because, well, by our definition life requires respiration of some form. So I leave you with this image instead of some inane ramblings on my part.

Someone once asked me what animal was the scariest. Well, I will tell you again, and this time I will back it up with a terrifying image.


I am afraid of Vampire Bears

To recap:
Each time I look at the post, I cringe
In fear and in shame
Both about equal
I need some sleep
Who isn’t afraid of Vampire Bears?
I mean really?
Some people are afraid of vampires
Some are afeared of bears
Me? I like to consider myself the more sane of those 2 groups for I am afraid of the combination
It is like a fear combo
You know where fries and a drink cost less
But I am not afraid of this Vampire Bear
That would be just plain silly
Honestly, I didn't watch any of the videos because they are blocked where I am

I could be incredibly frightened of that Vampire Bear and just not know it

I find it disturbing that someone blogs/vlogs by the name "Vampire Bear"
I really am just rambling now, aren’t I?
Have a great weekend

Comprimised part 2: the revenge

Update: 2:00pm

After the visit to El Doctore, we are now on a anti-biotic as well as an oral steroid. Even though Little Man is coughing a ton at the moment, it seems that there is still some really good air exchange going on in his little lungs. So at least we got that going for us.

Since the cough does not seem to respond to breathing treatments he has given us another course of action. We are attempting to treat the symptoms. Little Man seems to like hot lemonade with some honey in it. He doesn't know about the honey, so everyone, shut yer flappin' yaps.

To recap:
He is blissfully unaware of the honey he is consuming
So far he has not minded the anti-biotic
At least not nearly as much as he minded the Orapred
Today is Wifey and my anniversary of getting engaged
11 years ago I asked her to marry me and she accepted
SUCKER!
I definitely won out on that one
I am going to go se if he wants some more warm lemonade
With honey

Comprimised

Little Man's breathing seems to have finally realized how crappy the weather is. Ergo, I am at home with his coughing self today. So far we are doing breathing treatments around every 3 hours, he is on Orapred, and he is still coughing. I think that very little of the coughing is the typical phlegmy cough that everyone has this time of year, but 19 of every 20 coughs is definitely the asthma-non-productive-dry-cough that we know so well.

We are really not that sure as to what to do. He is not responding great to the breathing treatments and o far I am unimpressed with the Orapred results. Usually that stuff knocks the cough on its ass, but... right now, the cough seems to be winning. I will be making an appointment with El Doctore soon, but his office isn't open yet, so I will have to wait a bit for that.

Needless to say (and yet still being said) I do not like this cough one bit.

To recap
Grandma D and Grandpa R are going to think they did something wrong
It is how they roll
It is picturesque as Hell out there
The roads are atrocious though
Soccer: US v Mexico tonight on ESPN2 at 9pm EST
I will be very interested to see this team play
Little Man's breathing is definitely compromised
Great a full day of Go, Diego, Go! and playing trains
Hopefully I will have a better report about his breathing tomorrow

20 Questions Tuesday: 28 - the 2nd Style Edition

For some reason the people I canvas for questions really seemed to like asking me about style. Why? I am not too sure. Anyway, today’s installment of 20 Questions Tuesday is brought to you by: Belsum, Toadman, Atmikha, and Dr B-Dawg

On to the questions!

1. "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" with Robin Leach: good memories or 80s dreck?
Why does this have to be an “either/or?” I submit to you, fair readers, that these 2 categories of “good memories” and “80’s drek” (nice frelling use of the word “drek” by the way) are not mutually exclusive categories. Something can be both a good memory and 80’s drek at the same time. For your consideration I give you “The A-Team.” So to answer Question 1, I say “Both!”

2. What are your feelings on the newest Bravo show to use the Project Runway format: Top Designer?
I have not watched it, so I can’t really give much of an educated opinion about it… but that has never stopped me before. Therefore, I say that I am tired of these shoestring budget reality TV shows. I understand that production budgets are not terribly huge, but I would rather the mega conglomerate media corporations reduce the sheer number of stations that they won and make better overall programming. Instead of weak crap 90% of the time on 140 channels, I would much rather deal with weak crap 60% of the time on 80 channels.

3. On “trend” versus “stylish:” can you successfully explain the difference?
I think it is easiest to distinguish between the 2 by defining how the 2 intersect. Stylish typically has some trendy elements to it, but has a more timeless quality to it. If something/someone is truly stylish, they transcend the trend at the moment. Trends tend to be more ephemeral and cheap. Style can be made from trends, but tend to have more of a timeless quality about it.

4. Do you pay any attention to clothing/grooming styles and if so, what are your sources?
Sadly, I do not pay that much attention to clothing/grooming styles, but I am always happy when cargo pants come back into style.

5. Space leather or clingy pajamas: which future clothing style do you prefer?
Space leather. The pajamas really did not seem all that utilitarian. Even in the future, people still need pockets

6. What's with the giant sunglasses already!?
I have no idea! I don’t get it, I just don’t get it. I would understand more if this was not a fashion trend that hadn’t already been thoroughly explored. This is not new territory people.

7. Would you rather wear a dress made of condoms, or cardboard?
Cardboard

8. What does it mean to be "cool" nowadays anyway?
You are asking the wrong guy. I guess “cool” for me is more of a state of mind than anything else.

9. Why do so many people use the word "random" these days? Is that a new style?
Random is the new eclectic. Both, in my opinion, are crap (or drek, if you prefer). What it says to me is that the person who defines their sense of style as “Random” or “Eclectic” has not thought much about what their sense of style actually is.

10. Why can't we bring back the 70s?
People are too fat now. 70’s style only really seems to work with skinny skinny folk

11. What is the difference between style and affectation?
Style is an ascot (not really), affectation is holding you pinky out whilst taking a drink

12. If you were asked to represent your state at a national conference, how would you communicate "Ohio style?"
Well, that varies from region to region in Ohio itself. Ohio is kind of a crossroads. In the northeast (Cleveland area) you are dealing with the Western edges of the rustbelt. Southeast Ohio is in Appalachia. Southwest Ohio is pretty much an extension of Kentucky. Northwest Ohio is basically Michigan. Sadly, all that leaves is Central Ohio, but Central Ohio is only one area. But I will give it a go, today’s style is basically bundled up for warmth.

13. Whose style do you admire and aspire to?
This is a very interesting question. I do not really have a style icon that I follow. There are people out there that I think are quite stylish, but I do not look to them for my style direction. I guess I am a style maverick. I do my own thang!

14. In engineering, the term "Elegance" to describe a process with the least possible number of steps. How are you elegant?
I have 2 steps. Tres elegant, n'est pas?

15. What are the key elements of the SRH style?
A wink and a nod

16. What has been you're all time favorite fad - and did you wear it?Z Cavaricci’s. The narrow high waist with the flaring pant that you had to peg. You had to wear a super skinny braided leather belt with them that was 4 sizes too long. Oh, that was one of the best fads ever. Sadly, I succumbed to this fad, but luckily the picture references from the time seem to have gone missing.

17. Although this doesn't deter me, but it has been pointed out a few times to me: why does black, gray and brown clothing clash?

I think a bunch of this has to do with the flavors of black, gray, and brown. First of all there is no true black in clothing, so black is always tinted with some other hue. Grays can be cool grays (blue tinted) or warm grays (brown tinted). Browns are also tint towards a cooler and warmer set. The problem with mixing these colors is that very often you end up wearing a yellow tinted brown with a blue tinted gray and a red tinted black. Very very rarely will yellow, blue and red go together in a fashionable combination.

18. Why is the waist of men's clothes measured in single inches, yet the length of the pants are measured in even increments of inches?

That’s easy. You only have one waist while you have 2 legs, duh!

19. What do you think is the reason for the obtuse system used for the sizes of women's clothes?

I have no idea what the hell that Machiavellian system of numbers is based on, or how to navigate through it. It is illogical, irrational, and completely arbitrary.

20. Do the Scots make wool so itchy just to demonstrate how tough they are?
Scots don’t make the wool itchy, sheep make the wool itchy. I can only guess that the sheep make the wool itchy for the Scots past, present, and future, shalle we say, "transgressions."

To recap:
Looks like I will be making Orange Rice for Little Man tonight
It has been an entire week since we last made it
By “we” I do mean the royal plural
It has been an entire week since the realm and I last made the Rice of Orange
Yes, yes that sounds more regal
Somebody gets root beer for pooping on the potty -
It’s not me
No pre-school for Little Man today
It is too cold for the pre-schoolers
Little Man looks mighty cute in his cold weather gear
Heck, Little Man would look mighty cute in a burlap sack
I need a haircut
Unfortunately, my selfish hairstylist went and had a baby
Diet Mt. Dew makes me feel less guiltyThat’s why I got fully leaded all sugar filled Mt Dew
I like the guilt

Confessions

I have a problem. It is an egregious problem. A problem that left unchecked could lead me and my family to financial ruin. I am not afraid to admit this problem in a public forum. There are no support groups for this problem. I am out on my own with this one, and the only person who can save me from myself is myself. It is a horrible cross to bear! So I will make my statement here for all to see. But I must confess… Here it goes.

(This is kind of like taxi cab confessions without the bad camera angles and, well, interesting confessions.)

I like eating lunch out.

There I said it! I am a lunch-out-a-holic, and I am all out of lunch-out-a-hol! It is out in the open now. Maybe that can start me down the road to healing. Acceptance is the first step right?

It really is a problem. I am going out to lunch about 9 times a week. I know some of you out there are trying to figure out the mental gymnastics associated with eating more lunch than there are lunches to be had, but stop your rationality and come with me here. Anyway… here is the deal. I love me some lunch out. Absolutely love it. There are a couple of good reasons for this as well as a couple really crappy ones.

The Good Reasons:
1. Gets me out of the office. I need to vacate the premises to reconnect with the “I’m not at work” me. It is a physical and mental necessity… plain and simple

2. Promotes coworker bonding. I do not have many opportunities to really bond with co-workers in a non-project oriented manner. It allows me to get to know these people around me on a more personal level since I am not willing to meet with these kooks outside of office hours.

The Bad Reasons:
1. It is a stupid expensive habit. $5 here and $6.40 there adds up after a while. With 9 lunches a week at an average of $6.00 a whack we are looking down the barrel of a $2,808 annual habit.

2. The food is crappy and bad for you. Sweet Sliding Barn Doors! McDonald’s is starting to print the “nutritional” information for their products on their re-vamped packaging. Let’s just say that I was disturbed. Disturbed greatly. I don’t eat at the Golden Arches every day, but the competitors aren’t any healthier. This has got to be hell on my body. I can’t keep shoving this crap in my body and consider myself even remotely healthy.

3. I need to be waaay more thoughtful about getting ready for work if I am to have lunch plans ready the night before.

4. Frozen meals typically suck. They tend to feel too small. Sure their portions are most likely more than a healthy human “needs”, but I want more. I don’t want to be hungry again 3 hours after eating lunch. This doesn’t even get into the lack of flavor typically associated with meals from the freezer. Bland, too small lunches do not a good meal make.

Well, it looks like I need to turn over a new leaf and bring my lunch to work. Wasting almost $3k a year on lunches is a bit much to ask of our funding. I mean, really, I could use the $ 216 a month on hookers and blow. The financial ramifications of my lunch-out-a-holism aside, I think the crap lunches are also contributing to my general sense of malaise and tubby feelings as of late. Maybe if I only go out to lunch twice a week…

To recap:
It is cold as a witch’s tit in a brass bra out there
And believe me, that’s cold
I had to jump start my car today
When I went to start my car this morning it was 1° F
That is -17.22 °C
That is 255.9278 K
I had meatballs for lunch today
They were tasty
Paella tomorrow
Hopefully, tonight’s and tomorrow’s meals will supply the rest of the week’s lunchtimes
I was going to tie my problem into the 12 steps associated with Alcoholics Anonymous, but it seems that some of that looks kind of “hooey-ish” to me
A bit too religious for my blood
Honestly, that kind of “higher power” this and “higher power” that would drive me to drink
But it works for some folk
So who am I to judge
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday is the 2nd Style Edition

Nap?!?

So I am home this afternoon with Little Man. This is a planned homestay, so no diatribe against the caregivers this time. This one I completely scheduled and expected. I just hope that Little Man wants to take an inordinately long nap today, because his papa needs the sleep. Badly.







Steve:

Joe:

Little Man is currently forcing me to watch Blue’s Clues. I have nothing against the show, but I have to know how Steve or Joe made it to adulthood being so completely unaware of their surroundings. Sweet goose down quilts! those 2 couldn’t find their hand in a bag if their hands were in bags. –Wow, that metaphor didn’t work at all- Anyway, it goes to the overall topic or questions regarding awareness and children’s shows. I think the characters on kids' shows have gotten rather complacent in their situational vigilance. I mean, come on, they rely on toddlers and little kids to find everything for them. I swear to pizza on a stick, if Blue’s paw print were an angry venomous snake, there would be 2 less children’s TV hosts around.

Oh, and Dora, Swiper is behind the bush. He is always behind the bush, every single time. Behind the bush. Every time. Why don’t you check there prior to enlisting the aid of my train distracted child. Send your weird footwear-challenged primate to look behind the bush, if Swiper isn’t there, then ask my 3.5 year old if he’s seen him. My child is not your lookout. I don’t want you priming the pump for him to be “the lookout” when people he is loosely acquainted with want to knock over a convenience mart and need another set of eyes.

Where was I? hmmmm Oh yes, not much to say today.

To recap:
I am napping in 20 minutes
Please, please, please let me nap in 20 minutes
Okay, Blogger is being all wonky
I will try publishing again after the nap
Please, please, please let there be a nap
I will publish this after the nap
Have a great weekend

Update: it was a glorious nap. I feel much better. Now we are giving him a breathy. Aaaaah nap. Now I know I won't get to sleep tonight

Sleep

I am not sure why but for the past week and a half I have not been able to get to sleep at a reasonable time if I am supposed to work during regular business hours. Last night, even while being exhausted, I stared at the ceiling for at least an hour before I jumped on the PC to play some spider solitaire and online Sudoku. These mental pursuits tend to occupy my mind but do not suck me in and force me to use benchmarks as reasons to stop playing (a la World of Warcraft’s addicting “just one more level/quest/skill level/etc…” mode of play).

The bizarre thing is that my mind is not racing or flitting from subject to subject. I have to actually think up things to occupy my bored and un-sleeping mind. Sadly this usually takes the form of mental time calculations. I look at the clock and figure out how much sleep I would get if I went to sleep riiiiight now! Okay… now! That doesn’t help, but it seems to be where my mind gravitates, and since this noggin doesn’t seem to gravitate unless I ask it to, I usually stay in that space thinking that I will get 4 hours and 37 minutes of sleep if I fall asleep riiiiiiiight now! And really, base 60 math calculations are not really my forte, but it marginally passes the time.

I kind of do the same thing when I am working out on an elliptical machine as well. Except on the elliptical I make myself determine the fraction of time I have been on the damn machine and the fraction of the whole I have left to be on the damn machine. More than once I have thought to myself, "I am 8/15ths done which means that I only have 7/15th left but that means that in 2 minutes I will be at 3/5ths completed and only have 2/5ths to go. Yea! In 4 minutes I will be at…" As one can see, I absolutely hate exercising due to the fraction laden mental gymnastics I do. It is even worse when I up the time on the damnable machine to 45 minutes. Those fractions hurt my head… badly.

Anyway… 2 to 3 AM is when I have been getting to sleep, and I should be getting up by 6 AM. Clearly that has not consistently been the case. I have been able to pull it off occasionally, but this week has not be stellar is the way of getting up.

Oh well. I guess this is a round about way of telling everyone out there that I am rather tired.

To recap:
I need me some sleep
Badly
It is amazing how fast one can re-arrange one’s daily schedule when the alarm is going off
Alarm: I will just skip breakfast
Alarm: I don’t need to shave today
Alarm: I can shower tomorrow
Alarm: There’s some unfolded laundry on the couch, I could just grabs some clothes there
Alarm: I drive pretty fast…
Truth be told the second time the alarm goes off leads to this
Alarm: Wifey: Get out of bed! And stop waking me up!
Me: Sorry… then I turn the alarm off
Wifey is not happy in the morning
She is not a Neanderthal cave bear like a certain room-mate of mine the last year of undergrad But she is grumpy enough
I am not saying she doesn’t have a right to be grumpy either
If I didn’t have to get up and the alarm kept going off I would be grumpy too
Heck, I did have to get up and the alarm kept going off and I was grumpy

20 Question Tuesday: 27 - the 1st Style Edition

Here we go with 20 Questions Tuesday: 27: the 1st Style Edition. Thanks this week go to Lord Pithy, JA Coppinger, WV Slim, and Lsig. Also thanks to everyone else who sent questions, I will get them in next week’s edition “The 2nd Style Edition.”

On to the questions:

1. When designing your henge, do you prefer sandstone, marble, or granite? Wait, you said "style" not "stele." No matter, let the question stand.
The outer ring would have to be rough hewn marble while the inner was all Dolemite! Oops, I meant Dolimite. My bad.

2. Would you, man o man,
wear tan shoes with pink shoelaces?
Umm… Only with a polka-dot vest? Did I get that one right?

3. Zoot suit, raccoon skin coat, or bell bottom jeans with a Brady Bunch shirt?
Zoot Suit. I have always dug the stylist angular lines of a well oversized Zoot Suit.

4. Who's your favorite queer? (On "Queer Eye," not in your everyday life.)
Ted, because he seems to have the best sense of humor and I am more of a foodie than a fashionista, coifferouse, cultural maven, or interiorologist. And we all know that you’re my favorite “queer”, Pithy, that’s why folks at the office talk about us all the time.

5. If you suddenly discovered yourself being chased by zombies into a marshy cemetery, would you take a moment to kick off your stilleto heels, or would you press on, hoping you wouldn't trip and tear your long white nightgown?
My character in that genre of B-horror movie would have been the one whose grisly death frightened said stiletto heel wearin/ nightgown clad femme fatal.

6. Tell the truth: did you ever do the Greg Brady look, ala: bell bottoms, platform heels and see through shirt open to the navel?
Lots of folk wish I had Brady-ed up as a kid. The worst thing I can remember are the polyester red, yellow, black, and white plaid pants with the silk brown, orange, and yellow paisley shirt and sandles. That counts right? Sweet Rhino Molars! I think my Mom hated me.

7. Finest piece of clothing you ever saw on a woman that made you sit up, rub your eyes and say: “Dang!”
That is an interesting question. I do have to say that my wife’s wedding dress made me do the whole double take thing. Absolutely exquisite… but too schmaltzy. In fact I am now limiting the question to people I have actually seen who I am not married to (she’ll win every time), and I am sorry ladies, nothing is coming to mind. You need to work on that. Come on… impress me. Might I suggest something skimpy?

8. Same as above for the worst you ever saw.
Again, and interesting question. Hmmm… I grew up in Alabama… in the 80’s… there are many a thing to talk about there.

9. Writing Style: Steinbeck, King, or Fitzgerald?
They all got style. I have read both Steinbeck and Fitzgerald, but I have never gotten into any King. His typical subject matter just doesn’t “thrill” me. The Stein beck reading and Fitzgerald readings were so long ago, I don’t remember much about them. Where would you place me? You guys are the ones reading my blather.

10. Most embarrassing hairdo you ever wore?
I think I mulletted it up for 7th grade, but my hair was too curly to really tell. At least that is what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.

11. How would you describe your "style"
My style is he had a kid within the last 5 years style. Meaning, I have not bought any clothes for myself in 3.5 years. Otherwise I would say Utilitarian Camping Chic or Derelicte.

12. Do you think Zane will adopt your style? Has he exhibited behaviors of finding his own style?
I think he will start out by emulating it and then branch off on his own. His only style right now is being willing to wear any and everything with trains on it. Had a big fight this morning about taking off the Thomas jammies.

13. What do you have to say about your shoe fetish?
What can I say I love me some shoes. Now I have not purchased any insanely expensive footwear, but I am not saying that I would or would not. So far $150 for a pair is about as ‘spensive as I have gotten.

14. Would you say Wifey has more style than you?
Most definitely. She is entirely more put together than me… in many many ways.

Did you really have to ask?

15. What memory of your past do you remember feeling the most stylish? A date... a dance...
Hmmmmm… I have to say that rarely, if ever do I think of myself as “in style.” I like to skirt around the edge of style in the “not hideously out of style” bracket.

16. Must one have money to have style?
It is definitely easier to stay in the style game with money, but not absolutely necessary. Without money one has to really work for it though. It takes effort to really look for the bargains and such. Effort I do not have. So I am neither rich nor industrious which means I have no style.

17. When all is said and done, does style even matter?
I think to a certain point it does matter. If one looks at style as a tasteful presentation of one’s outward appearance to indicate personality, then, yes, style does have some substance. If it is merely being “trendy” then I don’t think so. One can have style and not have to be trendy.

18. I've heard people describe fashion-followers as shallow and superficial, and I've also heard the opinion that those who care about such things are actually more evolved, sophisticated humans. Your thoughts?
Yes to both. I think it’s entirely possible to be both shallow and superficial AND evolved and sophisticated – look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They’re Hollywood stars (shallow and superficial) who do humanitarian projects (evolved) while wearing the coolest chinos (sophisticated).

19. Do clothes make the man?
They can. The clothes have to be appropriate for the person wearing them though. It is kind of a nature/nurture argument though. I think the clothes make the man to a certain extent and the man makes the clothes to a certain extent.

20. Who is the most stylish person that you actually know?
Aside from Wifey I would have to say WV Slim.

To recap:
Busty, busty, busty today
Err… I mean “busy”
Yes, definitely busy
Not “busty” at all
Really? No comments from yesterday?
Everybody gets comments when there are fart jokes…
Wifey is home sick today
I know way too much about Hollywood gossip
For that I blame Wifey
She’s also to blame for my shoe obsession
I take full responsibility for my WOW obsession
Kind of
Getting slammed at the office today

Snuffily

So, Thursday Little Man decided it was nigh passed the time when he should get another cold. I has been 3 weeks of new year with barely a sniffle, so I guess he might be right. Don’t get me wrong, since about November Wifey and I have been giving him at least 1 rescue treatment a day, so it hasn’t been all roses, rainbows, and unicorn farts here in SRHville. I said “unicorn farts” not “Unicron farts.” There is a big difference:


Shout out to the Gen X geeks out there! “Holla! Holla!”

Anyway… Thursday Little man gets his first cold of 2007. I happen to get the same cold Friday morning. Friday evening Wifey decides that she is feeling left out and jumps on the cold bandwagon. This weekend was a sniffily, snuffily disgusting weekend of phlegm and inability to breath. Eventhough we had our ER bag packed Saturday night we were able to ride out the multiple breathing treatments necessary to keep the little one alive. The rule is 3 in a 6 hour timeframe and to the ER we go. We were at 3 in a 6.5 hour time frame. So we were 1 episode of ALF away from Orapred.

Hey, Willy!

To recap:
Unicorn farts = potpourri
ahhhh... orange peel and anise
Unicron farts = annihilation
My planet is gone!
It is a simple transposition of letters
Speaking of mis-types…
I accidentally hit the “t” when I type “busy” all the time as well
That makes for some odd emails to co-workers
“You sure look busty today, Bob.”

“Ummm… I don’t understand your email”

“You know, Bob. ‘You have a nice rack,’ or maybe I accidentally hit the‘t’ key. I am not telling you which is the truth though. I like to keep you guessing.”
20 Questions Tuesday tomorrow
Not sure what is for dinner tonight

Hairs

Okay, I am not much for giving advice to other parents. I mean, really, if you have kids, you have enough people telling you how to parent. Your parents chime in every now and again, co-workers with kids, (surprisingly enough) co-workers without kids, total strangers, doctors, social workers, children’s services workers, etc… You know, people who should mind their own business and let you parent how you wish. That being said, I feel it is my duty to inform other parents of Wifey and my parental discovery of last night. Keep in my, I am in no way telling anyone what to do. I am merely imparting knowledge gained through adversity. Adversity one hopes you, other parent, will not have to experience. I am altruistic like that.

When attempting to cut your child’s hair for the first time on your own, do not:
Number 1: make the attempt when one or more parents are fending off a migraine
Number 2: make the attempt when one or more parents are having gall bladder issues
Number 3: make the attempt when one or more parents have not eaten recently
Number 4: make the attempt when the child is nearing the end of his day without a nap
Number 5: make the attempt within view of anything more enjoyable than sitting and getting his hair cut by his parents
Number 6: make the attempt while blocking the view of the Library’s copy of Blues Clues on the TV.

Last night we broke all 6 of those.

I was hungry and fending off a migraine, while Wifey was hungry and dealing with gall bladder issues. I accidentally nicked Little Man’s ear with some scissors. He cried… a bunch. He cried a bunch more than it hurt because it was close to bed-time, he didn’t have a nap, the train table was still within his sight (but waaaay over there in the other room), and Papa was too opaque thus blocking Blues Clues.

The whole hair-cutting experiment had to be halted while Little Man calmed himself with some passenger train action on the train table. By the end of the fiasco it looked like he had been mauled by a little tiny bear. The side of his head was all bloodied, there were tears streaming down his face, and 2 patches of hair that clearly had not been cut yet. He was in the living room holding tufts of newly shorn locks in his hands saying, Want hair back on head…” He really looked pretty rough. The ear stopped bleeding before bath-time, and the final 2 areas were taken care of in his bath. We felt vindicated.. headachey, bellyachey and vindicated when he liked how it looked when he saw himself in the mirror.

All in all, I have to say that his hair looks pretty good… now. I still would wait until more favorable conditions before making the attempt again.

Just a friendly bit of advice from me to you.

To recap:
Need to get to the grocery tonight
I also need my hairs cut
It seems that my hairs cutter is unavailable due to birth of his first child
Congrats JW! Get pics up soon!
Looks like I will be scruffy a while longer
Speaking of scruffy, I need me some new pants
Heck, I probably need some new shirts
I am a disheveled unkempt shaggy headed blogger
Really, It is not pretty
Oh, yeah, make sure you kid goes to the bathroom before mauling his hair
Have a great weekend everyone

Deal Breakers

So in our search for a different child care set up for Little Man Wifey and I have run into some deal breakers for childcare.

The first of the deal breakers has been the lack of part time daycare availability in the area. Some places say they do part time (not full week) but they are lying through their plaque ridden teeth. Most places have only a limited amount of part time spaces, and oddly enough, they are all filled up. Most places say that they offer part-time because they feel that you, as the parents, can just decide not to bring your kid in on all 5 workweek days. You pay for 5 days a week, but only have to use the place the days that you want. Well, thanks a bunch guys. Other places set up their daycare like a timeshare. We can only use them as a part-time child care facility if we can find someone who is willing to have their kid take Little Man’s slot on the days that he isn’t there. I like to think of the other kid like those seat fillers at the Golden Globes and the Oscars. So far only one place we have contacted has full on part-time capability, and Wifey has called a shit-ton of the places recently.

The second of the deal breakers is their food allergen policy. I mean seriously. In this day and age with the prevalence of lethal and near lethal reactions to the major 8 food allergens, a daycare should have some kind of food allergen policy in place. Each facility should at least be tree-nut and peanut free. That is a no brainier, but the facilities should also have a policy in place for people with multiple food allergies. I am not saying that all child-care places should be tree-nut, peanut, dairy, egg, soy, wheat, fish and shellfish free, but they should have at least an idea of what they could do to ensure the health and safety of a child who has multiple food allergies. For the record, I do think that most places should also be fish and shellfish free, because, that is just weird to have tilapia and lobster out on the snack table.

The third of the deal breakers is location. The realty maxim of “Location, Location, Location” also matter when dealing with child care. It does no good if the potential childcare is a 40 minute commute from where we live or our relative places of work. Some of the more attractive places are across town from where either of us even remotely roam. One would think that places would abound near us, but they all have issues with the idea of 3 days a week with food allergies.

The fourth of the deal breakers is environment. Well, more to the point, this deal breaker happens to be about carpet and small furry creatures. I am amazed at how many day care facilities have carpet. With the number of spills and messes associated with kids, I would think that a surface that could be hosed down makes the most sense. If we were currently building with Splashy McSpillsalot in our household, Wifey and I would be hard-pressed not to have cement floors in all the rooms with drains on all the floors. Not to mention Little Man’s asthma. Carpet is a bad thing for him. It traps stuff in it that makes him cough. Again, I am not saying that all places need to be carpet free, but our kid’s asthma kind of necessitate it for or decision making purposes. The asthma and his allergy to most things furry also mean there should not be any hamsters, guinea pigs, marmots, ferrets, cats, dogs, rhinos, etc.. as class pets. Not to mention cedar chips don’t really work. They just make the poop and pee smell like it has been in a cedar chest.

The fifth of the deal breakers is murals. Not all murals, mind you, just the murals that depict hippos as kindly, happy go lucky friends to people. Those animals are vicious killers. Most African animal encounter deaths are due to the hippo. They are insanely territorial and murderous slavering beasties. My son, heir to my self imposed moniker, Natural Hippopotamus Enemy, will not… nay… can not abide in an environment that makes hippos seem that friendly, cuddly friends. It would be like having murals of cartoony dictators plastered over the walls for the kids to play with. You know, like murals of a dancing Ivan, the Terribly Fun for Kids, and Ghengis Duck Duck Goose Khan.

The sixth and final deal breaker is their stance on cryptozoological existence. Little Man’s uncle happens to be a half Yeti. Most pre-schools and daycares discourage children from believeing that yetis and bigfoots (bigfeet?) okay… sasquatches, amoks, elves, jabberwockies, satyrs, dryads, nyads, trolls, giants, unicorns, dragons, jack-a-lopes, etc… exist. The odd thing is they are more than willing to propogate the holiday entities charade. Oooh, look it's Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy (wait, the Toothe Fairy isn't associated with a holiday, nevermind). Well if they feel that cryptos don’t exist, they are denying Little Man’s uncle’s existence (well, half his existence anyway) and that is not acceptible.

To recap:
Looks like we have solid child care for the next few weeks at least
Back to the normal schedule
And therefore the normal posting schedule
Not that this schedule ever really changed
Little Man wore his jammies to “work” today
Who wouldn’t want to wear jammies to work
I have one of those headaches today Yep, one of those pine marten trying to escape the confines of my skull headaches
Stupid weather
Our questionnaire for in home/private childcare is going to be rather interesting, isn’t it?
Sorry for the lateness of the post today, Blogger was acting wonky

20 Questions Tuesday: 26 - Hobbies

So today’s topic is hobbies. Which led to some interesting questions for me here at work. Anyway, thanks this week to Lord Pithy, ACW, WV Slim, Bomber, Allrileyedup, and Nadolny.
On to the questions.


1. (This question was posed by more than 4 individuals that I work with. Some sent in questions, some didn’t, but it seemed like this was a question on everyone’s mind) Is masturbation a hobby?
Okay… I am going to the dictionary on this one. Let’s very precisely define past-time and hobby. From Dictionary.com

hob·by’ [Origin: 1325–75; ME hoby(n), prob. for Robin, or Robert, used as horse's name, as in Dobbin] —Related forms hob·by·ist, noun hob·by·less, adjective
–noun, plural -bies.

1. an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation: Her hobbies include stamp-collecting and woodcarving.
2. a child's hobbyhorse.
3. Archaic. a small horse.
—Idiom
4. ride a hobby, to concern oneself excessively with a favorite notion or activity. Also, ride a hobbyhorse.

So, by definition 1: check, check, and check : yes
So, by definition 2: ummmm you sick freaks, I hope not : no
So, by definition 3: ummmm nope
So, by definition 4: ummmm gonna go with check on this one : maybe

1.5 out of the 4, but a big old yes to the primary definition, so I would say that I now have a “new” hobby.

2. If you were a LARPer, would you admit it publicly?
LARPer = Live Action Role Player. Heck NO! I so would not admit that in public… if it were true, which it’s not true at all.

3. What attracted you to role playing games: the shared-world experience, the use of imagination, or the really cool dice?
The dice, most definitely the dice. I am a duo-decahedron-o-phile

4. If you could earn a living being involved with any of your hobbies, which would you pick?
Ummm… definitely not question number 1. Nope not that at all. I would go with drawing

5. Do you feel that hobbies, in general, are being pursued by older Americans as opposed to the young Gen Ys?
Yes, I do. The Gen X-ers and Gen Y’s and subsequent generations rely on the pc for their past-times. Leveling up their respective toons in their hobby, along with really tight arena style combat with team based games tend to be the “new” cyber-hobbies.

6. In the absence of this enjoyment of hobbies, do you think the Gen Y’s will adversely suffer as they get older? (I hope so...)
You are a bitter bitter person. I think there will be an eventual back-lash to the computer only hobbyists. They will, after some time, decide they need to unplug and do something in the “real” world (other than question number 1).

7. Besides WoW do you have any hobby-like pursuits?
Occasionally I draw. I need to do this more often though. When the weather is nicer, Wifey and I enjoy hiking. Let’s just ignore question 1 for now…

8. When does a hobby become an obsession?
When the hobby starts to invade other aspects of life. If all clothes worn by an individual refer to a hobby, if all conversation eventually leads back to the hobby, if the only people the person can truly relate to are involved with the hobby those are good signs that the hobby has transitioned to obsession. (for question number 1? When chaffing occurs)

9. Do most people use their hobbies to escape their significant others or do they actually enjoy
them?
As far as I can tell, most people actually enjoy their hobbies. This may be because their hobbies vex and frustrate significant others, but that is just a side benefit. Most people’s hobbies were there prior to the relationship with the significant other. It is the hobby that turns to obsession that tends to make relationships suffer. Sometimes hobbies are actually done with the significant others, such as the aforementioned HIKING (not question 1. All of you minds are in the gutter. ALL of them.)

10. I think knowing every stat of every player on every team is absolutely ridiculous. Do you think that kind of hobby is a waste of time?
I believe that has passes over into obsession. When someone knows the stats for a relief pitcher of a mid-sized team, that is a problem. When they can quote year of graduation and university of a sub corner-back for a crappy team, that too is a problem. These, however are not problems if the person’s vocation is an announcer.

11. Isn't something that passes time really just a waste of time, or without them would we go mad?
I think to some point, without hobbies we would go nutso. People need an activity that relaxes them but is still intellectually stimulating (still thinking about question1, aren’t you? Gutter dwellers)

12. What past-time or hobby do you really hope Little Man enjoys as he gets older?
I would like for him to enjoy something artsy. It would be nice to see him do some sort of creative release.

13. Does Wifey have a past-time or hobby that really annoys you or that you just don't get?
Wifey’s primary hobby is reading. All other hobbies tend to be pushed to the severe margins of her schedule beyond reading.

14. Do you think people past the age of 10 who still collect stickers are weird?
Yes, but there are levels to the weirdness. Are these adults collecting NASCAR stickers or are they collecting Power Rangers?

15. If someone collects bottles of beer, should they drink the beer and keep the cleaned out empty bottle or keep the bottle in its entirety?
Both. 1 empty (to show that the beer has been consumed) and 1 full because true collectors like things to be in mint condition.

16. If a random hamster somewhere managed to become a human being, do you think that person would store their coin collection in their mouth?
No, because mouth storage would not keep the coins in mint or near mint condition. The coins that the hamsterman stored in his mouth would be purely for vending machine purposes

17. Do you keep any of the hobbies you had when you were a kid? How about the hobbies you had when you had in college?
Let’s see as a kid I drew a lot and collected comics. In college I drew a lot and collected comics. As an adult I drew infrequently and play World of Warcrack Warcraft

18. What hobby are you most embarrassed to admit?
18.1 Come on, you can't say you’re embarrassed to admit it, fess up?
18.2 I mean it fess up.
Ummm, aside for the hobby posed in question 1? Let’s see… ummm…. I really don’t have too many hobbies. I guess the paper and dice role-playing games. It don't get dorkier than that, well Live action role-playing games are dorkier, but that is a different story

19. How much soccer do you watch on TV?
I would say that during the MLS season I watch 2 to 3 games a week, and during the non-MLS season probably 1 a weekend. So 2 hours a pop. In MLS season 6 hours. Out of MLS season 2 hours. Wifey will have a different opinion of my viewing habits, but keep in mind these are just averages (only watched 20 minutes of soccer this weekend).

20. What do you think of mountain climbing as a hobby?
Mountain climbing is a hobby that can only be undertaken by the truly privileged. As far as hobbies go, it is rather blasé. One could get the same cheap adrenaline thrills by running across a moderately busy street and have the same life expectancy. Just my opinion though.


To recap:
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
Lots of work to do today and very little motivation
I need to clean up my work space
That will help my motivation
No really
I need some new pics of my Wife here at work
Speaking of pics
Here’s Little Man
Thanks to Jgoenar for the pic
Now both Wifey and I have used it publically
I probably should have moved Question 1 to Question 20
I am going to get so many visits today because of the word “Masturbation”
I bet it will rank up there with “Turtle Porn”

Clique, clique, clique

This weekend was the Great Train Expo for Central Ohio. Little Man went to the expo twice this weekend. He do loves hims somes trains. For his first foray into the world of train enthusiasts this winter, he attended the show on Saturday with his Mimma. The weather was really nice that day and the expo was attended really heavily. He made it home with some new trains: Lionel Santa Fe War Bonnets to be exact… to go with his other 2 Sante Fe War Bonnet engines he already had. He has a thing for Santa Fe’s. Honestly, it is surprising that he left there with so little. So, Sunday Wifey, Little Man, and I made it through the nasty weather to attend the show for Little Man’s second day in a row. He then got another Santa Fe. The blue this time.

The expo is set up as train “lay-outs” on the left and vendors on the right. Never shall the 2 mix. It turns out that there are quite a few subsets of train enthusiasts. The first group is kids. Theys loves thems somes trains. This group is easily identified due to their lack of age. Little Man falls into this category. The second group is of the collectors/vendors. These are the folk the ones trying to hock their wares. They are the business people who are out there trying to make a buck. The third group is the collector/antiquarian group. Some of these folks have vendor booths set up, but they don’t really want to sell there stuff to people, they want people to recognize their wares’ rarity. These are the people who don’t want to take the toy out of the packaging and play with it because then it will be worth less. The fourth group is made up of the guys who really wish they were train engineers, but due to their inability to climb ladders or stairs, their questionable grooming habits, and lacking social acumen are forced to build their own little dream worlds in their garage/basement/attic whatever. The fifth group are the railfanners. That group are adults who do not play with scale model trains. These people stalk real trains and videotape them for later viewing when they are not watching actual trains. There were not many railfanners at the expo because they were out watching trains.

It turns out that the train enthusiast community is a bit of a closed community. None of the four groups want to mingle together. Well…. That is not quite the case. The vendors really want the kids around. Annnnnd some of the unwashed wannabee engineers REALLY wanted the kids around, but I am not going to get into the creepy vibes I was getting from some of them. That is a topic for a different post… maybe. The collectors did not want the kids around, because they might devalue one of their prized possessions. The collectors don’t get along with the wannabees because the wannabees want to play with the collectors items like they are some mere toys. Okay, the vendors liked everyone now that I think about it, but that is beside the point, the point is that this hobby is one of cliques and divisions.

The divisions even ran between scale models as well. The N-scalers thought the HO people with idiots and too old fashions, while the S-Gaugers looked down on the Z, N, and HO people because their trains were too small and did not have enough detail. The divisions were deeper than that though. The Central Ohio Railroad Enthusiasts did not talk to the Railroad Enthusiasts of Central Ohio, the Model Railway Club of Central Ohio didn’t mingle with either Railroad Enthusiast groups, and everyone equally shunned the Dayton Area Model Railway Club. There were cliques within cliques within cliques. I haven’t even started talking about the fights between the different factions of controller technology. The vehemence and derision displayed by these varying groups rivaled the ill feelings between Newtonian Calculus Supporters and Liebnezian Calculus Supporters in the 1700’s. Talk about 2 groups you didn’t want to have tea with.

Anyway… The show was a success with Little Man but I was appalled by the lack of interaction within the different sects of that community. I hope Little Man does not necessarily want to cultivate this hobby full-time. I don’t think I could handle the cliquishness.

To recap:
Overall it was a good weekend
I am a bit harsh on the wannabees, but they weren’t willing to interact with anyone who was not in their club
Sweet Mulberry Bushes! Guys you have kids between the ages of 2.5 to 10 who are enrapt with your train displays…
Interact with them
Talk to them about your hobby
Shower
Oh yeah, stop leering at my wife!
The Lego train layout was incredible, and the guys running it were very personable
They did not belong there

Schemocityishness

Some of you don’t know this, but some of you clearly do. I will call those that do, oh, shall we say, “parents?” Yes, I will call them “parents.” One cannot force a 3.45 year old to eat quickly. This is an issue when you have to pick him up from pre-school, get him fed, and get him to his afternoon childcare and you need to be back at work because of some crazy deadlines you did necessarily agree to. Little Man will eat his orange rice at his own pace thank you very much. If that pace happens to coincide with the ending of a Blue’s Clues episode, that is mere happenstance. It is not some master scheme devised by a not yet 4 year old Machiavelli to keep you from getting back to work and completing your insane tasks. No sir-ee Bob. Not a scheme at all. Definitely not schemish. Low value on the schemometer. Utterly lacking in schemoscity. Could not be studied by a schemologisty. Well, might be studiable by a schemologist if the schemologist is doing a case study on something anti-schemic. .

Again, some of you don’t know this other truism, but some of you clearly do. Probably the same set of folks. Anyways… sometimes it is easier to cave in than stand up. “Choosing one’s battles” is a label for it, but more than anything it feels like caving. Yes, Wifey, I caved! You weren’t there! You don’t know!!! It was a warzone man! People were leaving left and right of us! We were just sitting in the car... I thought orange rice would assuage the beast in the seat, but it didn’t! It couldn’t. The beast beat me. Beat me, I say! BEAT MEEEEEEEE. To make a long story short, Little Man got a Sprite from McDonald’s on the way home. It was the only way… THE ONLY WAY!

To recap:
I still have a shit ton of stuff to do today
I do not have a shit-ton of time left to do it
World of Warcraft’s Burning Crusade Expansion is really nice
I gotta get in stupid early tomorrow
Wifey has apparently discovered Pandora.com
Thanks a bunch JW!!!
She loves it
I can’t access it from work; therefore, I hate her
Little Man is at a friend’s house today
Let’s hope he naps, and we’re all still friends after they have him alone for 5 hours
Have a great weekend