Just a Recap

Just a recap today. I am topicless and would rather blunder through the stream of consciousness poetry that is a recap than string together some weakly constructed prose a la the Writing Exercise.

Without further ado…

To Recap:
If one does not belong to an organization with a uniform, one should not dress like the person to whom one is adjacent
It really is just stupid
Wifey: I’m a snotty disgusting person, Husband.
How does a husband respond to that one?
I have many responses that are INCORRECT at the tip of my tongue
Today is my brother’s birthday
I need to figure out a way to sleep better/more
This sleep deprivation stuff just isn’t hacking it
Wifey is out of town all of next week
I don’t know how single parents do it
I am not looking forward to her absence
I got the hairs cut today, Thanks JW!
I don’t mind rain, but seriously, this can stop now
My basement is weeping for all of this rain
I define “weeping” as water coming up through the cracks
Tonight shall be a night of soggy laundry
I mean, really, why dress alike, People?
You are holding each other’s hand, we know you are together
Matching shirts just make you look stupid
Matching shirts AND matching pants make me question your intelligence even more
Evan Moore would be an unfortunate name
There are just too many jokes
This is coming from a guy whose name rhymed with “potty fart” as a kid
Themikestand thought this would change my opinion about the arrogant needs-to-be-killed hippo
It is amusing and I have decided not to hunt the rare New Zealand Hiphopopotamus
But the hippo is still on my shit list
Little Man is pining for the Hungry Hungry Hippos game
We will use it as a training tool for baiting hippos
Seriously people, wearing the exact same thing as your significant other is just plain weird
Major League Soccer starts up in 10 days
Wifey is sooo not happy about that little tidbit
One thing she hates is the noise associated with televised games
She especially hates the color commentary
Yet she loves the personal interest crap when the Olympics are going on
She is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, hungry for steak
If you really love what your significant other is wearing, might I suggest wearing it later that week
Buy a T-shirt!
John P, Little Man has nothing to do with the production of t-shirts
In fact, I bet he would be detrimental to t-shirt production
He would be good at watching the t-shirts get shipped by a train to far off places such as Montana
Digital Thursday tomorrow
Listening to Cream and Bastards Rise by Harvey Danger off of their Little by Little release

20 Questions Tuesday: 84 - Attire

So, since I have opened up my t-shirt shoppe I have just been raking in the sales. So far even I have not bought a shirt yet… but on Friday (a payday) there might be a purchase for a certain someone in my house. Anyway… in creating the The U.C. T-Shirt Shoppe I got to thinking about clothing, so today’s topic is “Attire.”

Thanks this week go to Sparky, ACW, Belsum , and JW

On to the questions:

1. What's your favorite piece of "flair" to wear?
I have an olive green booney hat that I used to wear all the time, but I am thinking of up-grading to the Columbia Sportswear Bora Bora Booney.

2. Uggs boots - cool, comfy, practical or Uggs-ly?
Uggs are practical if one is an Inuit and lives on the ice and frozen tundra of the great white north. Uggs are completely ludicrous when it is 70 outside and partly cloudy on the treacherous streets of L.A.

3. Complete this sentence..."Almost every woman looks good wearing..."
Uh.. diamonds… this one seemed kind of like a set-up…

4. Complete this one..."Really, no woman should be caught dead wearing..."
A poncho. If your name is not Poncho Villa, you should politely turn down opportunities to wear ponchos. FYI: if your name is Poncho Villa, you are required to wear a poncho

5. Can you tell me about a favorite piece of clothing or outfit from your elementary school days? Something YOU really dug, not something the p's made you wear.
Hmmmm… nothing is really coming to mind here. In elementary school I did not really have any particular clothes that I remember being attached to. The only thing I can think of is a Scotty’s Hardware t-shirt that I had from the now-defunct Florida based hardware chain.

6. Green on St Patrick's Day - appropriate for non-Irish? or even necessary for those of true Irish descent?
Meh, I understand the sentiment behind “the wearin’ o’tha green,” but I think there should be something a bit more to the holiday than getting drunk whilst wearing a certain color.

7. The underwear with the butt flap - pretty handy - any particular reason this went out of fashion?
Ummm… it’s out of fashion? Why didn’t anyone tell me?

8. Why did pink come back as a color for men's clothes? I thought we got rid of it in the 80's
Pink as a men’s color is an interesting beast. In some ways it is about defying the conventional ideas about masculinity by being confident enough to wear a "soft" color. In other ways it is like watching a bad 80's TV dramas on TV. Pink shirts with white collars, suspenders and insanely pleated pants. I shudder

9. Will there be a widely accepted substitute for the necktie?
Yes, the “lack of tie,” God Willing! If there is one think I hate it is hippos, but a close second is a necktie. If a hippo was wearing a necktie…. Ohhhh, that hippo gonna die.

10. White after Easter or after Memorial Day?
I am white before after and during Easter. What kind of crappy question is this? Oh, wait, this is about attire. Context clues, SRH! Context clues!

Okay here we go…No one reigns in the Pope for his fashion faux pas, it is like he gets a get-out-of-jail-free pass or something. What’s that about? (after Easter, by the way)

11. Thongs?
No thank you, footwear or other

12. Suspenders?
Belt

13. Leg warmers?
Bizarre

14. Fanny packs?
1999

15. Bow ties?
Dork

16. Biggest fashion faux pas you see?
Well, I am not a fashion expert or even remotely a fashionista, but the biggest thing that I see that makes people look bad is wearing clothes that do not fit. I don’t care if someone can shoehorn themselves into a pair of 32 jeans or into a size 4, if you overfill the clothes, no matter what the label says you will look fat.

17. Which will come back first? Neck Ruffles, or ascots
Ascots. They seem more useful than ruffles.

18. Be honest. Did you ever have a pair of "Moon Boots"
Nope, never did.

19. When is the last time you wore a tuxedo?
Hmmm…. I think it might have been at my wedding…

20. Do you thing lil' man will grow up to primarily wear oxford shirts and loafers or t-shirts and Birkenstocks?
I am not sure what style will dictate to Little Man. I am also not sure what style he will adopt as his own. At the moment, he seems to like to put short sleeve shirts on over his long sleeve pajamas. He rawks the jamas!


To recap:
Looks like Wifey is getting the cold Little Man had
She is also going to Nova Scotia next week
Little Man’s preschool is awesome
I just don’t understand why they need a week and a half off for “Spring Break”
I have one thing ready for Digital Thursday
I would like one more
Buy a t-shirt!
Listening to: Don't You Evah by Spoon off of Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga...

Three Things

Three Things--

Thing the First: Having Gaelic ancestry, I find it necessary to have something O’bligatory in the blog about Saint Patrick’s Day. The interesting thing about St Patrick’s day is that there weren’t really any snakes in Ireland before he got there anyway. His accomplishment of ridding the Emerald Isle of snakes* is akin to my glorious accomplishment of removing the hippos from Columbus, Ohio. While both statements are true, they are a bit misleading, well, except the one about me getting rid of the hippos in Columbus, Ohio. I can fuck a hippo up, yo!**

Thing the Second: Little Man is a flipping brilliant artist. Seriously, the stuff he paints is really really good. They would be artistic genius if what he put on paper was even remotely intentional. Seriously, if he were a 58 year old white artiste going by the moniker Bello, and his paintings were 4’ x 6’ he would be opening to sold out gallery shows every weekend.

Exhibit the First: Composition in Yellow

Exhibit the Second: Study in Contrast

Exhibit the Third: Gurple

Seriously, artist types would eat babies to be able to throw together compositions like these. If there were any intention behind his actions, I am positive that he could be considered an artistic genius. Even as a parent who is smitten by his excellence, I understand that he is just having fun and it happens to be with a brush laden with paint.

If he were an 85 year old woman with a 5th grade education, he would be rolling in the money with these paintings.

Thing the Third: SWEET JEBUS WE ARE GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER KID REALLY FRIKKIN’ SOON!!!!1111!!!elevnty one11!!

Every once and a while that thought just seems to creep into my head.

To Recap:
The U.C. T-shirt Shoppe is open and ready for business
I will have no idea what to do if I actually see one of these shirts on someone I don’t know
If you see something and would like it in a different format, let me know
I can modify stuff
Umm… I meant to say that sales are skyrocketing and you should all get at least 3 t’s before they have to shut down the shop for clogging up the Internet
I constructed a new filing cabinet system for Wifey
It was part of her spoils from the Ikea hunting trip
Wifey is happy when she is filing

*I understand that the serpents in Ireland were in fact the serpentine tattoos associated with druids. In this case “Ridding the isle of snakes” means “got rid of the pesky druids.”

**Proper equipment is necessary

Digital Thursday

I think I will start up one of those Cafépress shops this weekend. They are free and I would only get money if people bought shirts and stuff from it. So far I only have 2 designs that I am working with… and they are the subject of today’s DIGITAL THURSDAY!

First up is from Monday’s Atlantis post.



And second up is more general.




Eventually, I will get a “real” domain name and put that on the back, but I do find the blog url being a .blogspot address to be funny in its own right.

To recap:
You too could own these fine T-shirt designs
When I get the site set up, I will link it here
Probably Saturday
I will keep trying to add designs
Wifey is going to the new Ikea this weekend
She needs filing cabinets
She likes to be organized
Go figure
Have a great weekend everyone

Writing Exercise

So today is another day that is leaving me hanging as far as coming up with a topic. So, here it is again, writing exercise time. This exercise is pretty open-ended. Describe a character… Here we go:

If you scan a crowd, invariably your eye will rest on Tom - if he is there. He is never in the front preferring to hover on the edges. His intense desire not to be noticed seems to be the very reason that you end up concentrating on him. People do not immediately realize just how tall a man Tom is. He always seems to be stooping with the conspicuous droopy shoulder and shuffling gate of someone who did not want to get noticed. The truth is that Tom is rather tall. If anyone can get him to stand up straight he would tower over most people in a room. Getting Tom to stand up straight is like asking the wind to stop. The interesting thing about Tom is that you cannot help but notice when he is there, but you will not realize when he is gone. Turns out he is gone more than he is there, which is an interesting fact in and of itself.

If anyone ever asks what Tom looks like, the answer is typically the same. –He has kind of blondish or light to medium brownish hair. His eyes are either blue or green, but they might be a light-ish brown or something. Sometimes he wears glasses. His voice is hard to place because he is so quiet. He dresses pretty much like anyone else.—basically Tom is a attention grabbing but ultimately forgettable presence.

Getting Tom to look you in the eye is quite a challenge. It would be an easy task if your eyes were somehow attached to either of his shoes. Furtive glances seem to be the most eye contact anyone can drag from him. If you are lucky enough to be right next to him, he might grace you with his quiet commentary of what is going on around him. You wouldn’t think that someone so incredibly intent on not being observable would have such scathing wit. The sarcasm seeps from his frame almost like an undetectable gas leak. You can catch hints and whiffs of his observations, but cannot ever truly get a full picture of what he is saying. If you laugh because of his muted remarks, he will quietly slip away with the slightest possibility of a smirk on his face. A few people have laughed at his mutterings only to be faced with explaining to others why they were laughing by themselves.

Anyway…

To the recap:
Digital Thursday is tomorrow
Dinner is tonight
Not sure what that will be
Wifey has a 5 PM meeting
That means it is a early day for me
Kick ass
Other than “Pyramids Happen” any other T-shirt quotes that you have read here?

20 Questions Tuesday: 83 - Snow

Since we had an inordinate amount of snow heaped upon us this weekend I felt that a adequate 20 Questions Tuesday topic would aptly be “Snow.” So here we go.

Thanks this week go to: Sparky, Allrileyedup, ACW, and Dr B-Dawg

On to the questions:
1. Favorite song about or that mentions snow?
The only Snow song I can think of is Informer. I know he was big in the Canadian Reggae scene, and I also know that isn’t necessarily saying anything... Oh, wait, you meant songs ABOUT snow

2. Did Little Man like the big snowfall?
He really enjoyed playing in the snow. His favorite activities were trailblazing and sliding down our slide into a big pile of snow.

3. Snow as a name for your soon to arrive baby girl...discuss.
Snow is a wonderful word name, but really a child most likely should be a winter baby to get that name as their moniker. Since the Duchess will be arriving in June, Snow is not a very good name choice.

4. Which do you prefer - blizzard or thunderstorm?
Thunderstorm. Lightning and thunder are mesmerizing.

5. Accessories of choice for your snowman?
A corncob pipe, a button nose and two eyes made out of coal… although a noose is a good addition

6. What are the five best adjectives to describe snow?
Cold, delicate, soft, ephemeral,and melty

7. What is your favorite thing about when it snows?
I love after a snow just how amazingly quiet it is. I absolutely love that.

8. Greatest amount of snow you've ever seen?
Hmmm… In one snowfall or storm system, I would have to go with the 20 + inches we got on Friday and Saturday. Playing around in Colorado let me see large amounts of snow accumulation, but I never saw it snow there.

9. Do you think Frank Zappa ever ate the yellow snow?
I am sure he did, and I am sure he was tripping at the time. “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow” was penned from experience.

10. Favorite snow cone flavor?
Cherry

11. Did you bury the Little Man and leave him in the snow?
Nope. He buried himself up to his waist and giggle like a banshee the whole time.

12. Did you make flavored snow cones?
Nope, but we did have hot lemonade after playing in the snow.

13. Are you happy with your city's snow plowing response?
I think the city’s snow plow response was adequate enough. The Interstates and Freeways were clear fairly early on and arterials and major collectors were clear as well. The only roads un-plowed were the neighborhood streets.

14. Did you feel "trapped" in the house over the weekend?
Nope, we could have gotten to necessary places if need be, but it was nice to just stick around the house and not run around all weekend.

15. Did you do anything special since you and yours were snowed in?
We cleaned out the old kitchen to get it ready for demolition. Crazy lives we lead. Can you feel the excitement?

16. What is the best phrase for which S.N.O.W. can be an acronym?Superstitious Natural Ogre… Severe… Sorry Nobodies Oblivious… man that W really is difficult. SuperNatural Oracle Women (SNOW)… that’s the best I have.

17. What is funnier, someone you know slipping on ice or a complete stranger?Complete stranger. Definitely. People you know will punch you in the arm when they regain their footing, while people you don’t know will be

18. Do people clean the stores out of all of the perishables in Ohio in preparation for upcoming end of world snow storms, ala AL?
Nope, everyone here was pretty reserved about the whole thing. There was a run on snow shovels though.

19. Snowman or snow angel?
We made snow angels.

20. Any truth to the rumors that this snow will give Frosty sufficient opportunity to venture off to his secret north pole "fortress of solitude" with Superman?
That is completely false. The snows will be gone soon enough, and then the magic hat will be mine!


To recap:
So busy today
Mainly because I am waiting on crap from people
Tomorrow is another day
Hip hip hooray for tomorrow
I have printing to get to
Cheers

Atlantis

I will refrain from waxing eloquent about the massive amount of snow that has fallen this weekend. Suffice it to say that my back is tired and I hate shoveling. As an addendum, I would like to add that Little Man enjoys trailblazing in 24 inches of snow. When I download the pics I will put on up here.

Anyway… this weekend had a bunch of TV shows dedicated to one of my favorite myths, the Myth of the Lost Continent of Atlantis. Oooooh Atlantis… Now there are many theories associated with the lost continent/civilization of Atlantis, but the one that always makes me both giggle and rage is the super-advanced civilization theories. You know... the theories that Atlantis was a super-technological wonder civilization with hover bikes and laser spears. In this theory the surviving Atlanteans impart the knowledge of pyramid building to nascent civilizations (early Egyptians and Mayans) by becoming part of the civilization. I have a couple of bones to pick here.

Bone the first: pyramids as a building concept is not very hard. The execution of it is difficult, but the theory behind it is pretty darn simple. The bottom is not as big as the top. The taller you want it, the bigger the bottom needs to be. Not rocket science. This is not a “technology” that an ancient civilization couldn’t smurf out. Given time and nearly inexhaustible man-power with enough incentive, pyramids happen. Deal with it. The process is not elegant, the process is brute force.

If, all of the sudden, the Old Kingdom Egyptians started making 14 story tall office buildings with steel girder construction methods, I would assume some outside influence from a more advanced culture.

Bone the second: I highly doubt that the skills a super-advanced society would bring to bear on a stone/iron/bronze age society would revolve around building large edifices of stone; I think it would more likely revolve around bathing and the brushing of teeth not being the precursor to demonic possession. Maybe they would have taught them not to shit in their streets or to wash their hands. If a culture has achieved the micro-processor or the ability to focus light into a laser, I am positive that they have gotten the rudiments of hygiene down pat.

Hey, Bob, should we teach our Iron Age cousins that sanitation is one of the keys to staving off massive amounts of disease?

Nope, let’s teach Anok Sabé over there how to stack stones on top of each other.

Yeah, you’re right. They couldn’t handle “clean.” Let’s go native and crap in the corner and wipe our ass with our hand.

To recap:
So much shoveling
My back is quite angry with me
Not like “Screw you! I’m outta here!” angry
But unhappy nonetheless
Lord Pithy is heading to Ireland tomorrow
Lsig has procreated
That unfortunately means that ksig has as well...
Congratulations to the whole sig clan
I think I should make a T-shirt of “Pyramids Happen: Deal with it”
Any takers? I could Café Press something up real quick like

Digital Thursday

This week’s Digital Thursday is a smorgasbord of digital drawing came from 2 different sources.

The first is from the weekly Ten Ton Studios Sketch Challenge. This week’s challenge was the Phantom from newspaper comic strips to comic book to film and back again. I have a soft spot in my heart for The Ghost Who Walks. This was a comic strip that I read in my childhood. The story lines would last for about 2 weeks and then a new story would start up. I decided to show the Phantom having kicked a white guy’s ass because so many of his exploits are about him kicking black folks’ asses. You see he is based in Africa. The child SRH didn’t mind seeing a white guy righting the wrongs in Africa while the native population sat by helpless. The adult SRH thinks that is a bit race-o-centric. Anyway… the Black and white version

And the color.

The second is something that Sassyfrass mentioned from yesterday’s comments. I give you the Fellowship of the White Star’s version of the Yeti.

Sassyfrass, I will send you the Hi-Res version this afternoon.

To recap:
Haven’t gotten the screws for the cabinets yet
I am a busy guy… you get the screws
Maybe we will watch a train this evening during dinner
Maybe we won’t
I have no idea what to do for dinner
A trip to the grocery store may be in order
Then again, so could a trip to Wendy’s
Maybe Mimma would like to stop by with food
I don’t know
Have a great weekend everyone

Memories

When I was a kid my relationship with my brother was much tighter. With a 5 year difference in age there was a bit of a disparity in activities. That is just what a demidecennial age difference will do for you, but even with that age difference there were things that he and I had in common. We were both playing in the same soccer system even though we were in different age brackets. We both were involved with the Boy Scouts (my father’s one true love). We enjoyed many of the same TV shows and music. We had very similar senses of humor. Oddly enough, when he and his friends were hanging out at our house they wouldn’t mind me joining in.

It started out easy enough when they would play “war” in the woods. We all had realistic looking cap guns and would run around “shooting” each other in the woods. It started out with war in the woods because there were 3 of his friends that would hang out at the house then and they did not want un-even teams. They reluctantly agreed to have his “kid brother” join in. 2 V 2 is better fun than 1 V 2. What they did not realize is that I was a stealthy little bastard with a fairly tactical mind for a 9 year old.

After schooling the older kids a few times I was begrudgingly accepted into the group. A few years pass and the cast of characters has changed somewhat due to my brother’s new found drivable freedom and his involvement in a soccer team. By that time I was firmly ensconced into the group. One of Bro’s soccer teammates invited his group to “try out this new game he was playing.” So we all headed over to Mark’s house to play this game called Dungeons & Dragons. There was Bro, Mark, Austin, Marshall, Todd, and I all huddled around a dining room table rolling dice and laughing.

For about 2.5 years this group of six would meet every week at various houses to play D&D (excuse me) AD&D and eat pizza. It was a glorious time. I was hanging out with older kids and killing orcs, kobolds, and generally fighting the evil that abounds in the imaginary lands.

Bro graduated and his friends graduated from high school and dispersed to the various colleges and institutions that call high school grads. Austin and Marshal both got soccer scholarships to a local university. Todd went out of state to school. My brother went to the US Air Force Academy on crutches. Mark joined the USMC just in time for Desert Storm 1. I was left behind due to my age and lack of high school graduation. I tried to recreate that table top role-playing game experience with my friends, but it was never as consistent. AD&D had become somewhat passé by that time, and the game seemed to switch from Shadowrun to Call of Cthullu to some such other crap.

Anyway, the point is Gary Gygax one of the creators of the original Dungeons & Dragons passed away yesterday. Gygax was considered the father of RPG’s and most of the massive computer games that are in the news owe their existence to his vision. Everquest, World of Warcraft, and even to some extent the Sims are almost direct offshoots of the table top role-playing game. Since I have become more and more involved with production of the role-playing game The Fellowship of the White Star as a content artist and as a play tester, Gygax’s passing means a bit more. You see his fingerprints throughout all of gaming. He was approachable (even though he went looney for a bit) and his genre will last for a very long time. In essence, he will be missed.

To recap:
Wifey is going to the Ani DiFranco concert tonight
Excuse me, Ani Fucking DiFranco
I am going to balance the checkbook
We lead disturbingly dissimilar lives
I hope to have something fun for Digital Thursday
I always hope to have something fun for Digital Thursday
I don’t always have something fun for Digital Thursday
Not sure what is going on for dinner tonight

20 Questions Tuesday: 82 - Memory / Memories

I would bore you all with the lyrics of Memories, but alas and alack I have forgotten them (bad um tish). Thank you I will be here all week. Please don’t forget to tip your waiter.

Anyway… today’s 20 Questions Tuesday topic is Memory/Memory. We all have them, and we have all lost them. Thanks this week go to: Dustin, Lord Pithy, Peefer, and Allrileyedup.

On to the Questions!

1. “Memory” as a first name, like “Memory Johnson”: Totally cool or totally lame?
I would say a bit lame. I think you would be setting someone up to not be able to live up to their name. People would expect Memory to have a good memory. Kind of like people thought my kindergarten classmate Hottie McHotterstein was going to be a super-model. Sadly that is not the case for ugly Hottie McHotterstein...

2. Greatest college memory?
We there was this one that I saw in the National Scottish Galleries that involved broken glass, a bicycle wheel, a tea service, and newspaper…. Oh, college… Ummm… I don’t remember much about college.

3. If could design your own memorial, what would it look like/say/do?
This is a good question. I am not sure there is enough platinum and amber in the world. We will leave it at that.

4. Title of your eventual memoirs?
Isn’t that what this blog is? Under Construction: Musings of a life less extraordinary.

5. One memory you hope Little Man keeps from his childhood?
The stove is hot. No Touchy

6. What's your favorite memory of me?
Not so much of a singular memory but more of a process of realizing our sense of humor were compatible.

7. If you could erase one memory from your, um, memory, what would it be?
The one about the things with the dowhackers that had the pointy stuff and teeth and stuff. Yeah, I would get rid of that one. All the teeth…. Oh, God so many bitey bitey teeth…

8. Do you remember you promised I could name the next kid?
I remember that I did not promise any such thing. I promised that if we had naturally occurring quints you could name 1 and keep 2.

9. If you could tap into any one other person's memories, who would it be?
Little Man’s. I would love to learn what he is remembering, and then modify my behavior accordingly.

10. What's your favorite memory of me?
The blue and yellow sweater incident. I haven’t worn that sweater since.

11. Where did I put my keys?
I would check the small table near the door. If not there, I would look in my coat pocket. If they aren’t there… in the lock?

12. What is your earliest memory?
Having my third birthday “party” at a rest stop in Alabama while we moved from Oklahoma City, OK to Montgomery, AL. My Grandma and Grandpa drove up from Florida to meet us.

13. Can you say mammary without smiling or snickering?
I just tried, and nope still smile and/or snicker. The co-workers are a bit confused now though.

14. Can you listen to Memories without wanting to smash your head?
Once… but only once

15. What is the memory capacity of a human in bytes?
The last human brain I ate was a good 50 bites, but I prolly could have taken it down in 25 on a bet… That wasn’t what you were asking was it. In my defense, everyone knows that if you eat the brain of your enemies you steal their power and trap their soul, right?

16. What do you hope will be one of Little Man's earliest memories of you?
This is a really tough question. I just hope he remembers that he has always been loved. aaaaw

17. What is your favorite memory of Wifey?
Walking down the aisle. Good Lord, what is with the schmaltz?

18. The song Memory from cats. Good? Bad? Irritating?
Bad and irritating.

19. Favorite mnemonic device?
ROYGBIV and VIBGYOR

20. The movie “Johnny Mnemonic”. Lame in general or lame because of Keanu?
That movie is not ruined by Keanu. There are many things wrong with it. Henry Rollins being whacked like a chump. Ummm… even a geeky shop doc Rollins could open a can of whoop ass. Ice T was in it when he would do any movie for money, seriously the man was a bit part in 6 movies that year. Dolph Lundgren was in it, that shouldn’t require any more explanation than that. The super good guy that all the guys were working for was a dolphin. WTF?!? I forget the chick in the movie, but she couldn’t act her way out of an audition. Don’t get me wrong, Keanu was no shining light amid a universe of darkness, but he wasn’t even the weakest element. That movie did such a disservice to Shadowrun. Ummm, I mean, "I don't know what movie you are talking about."


To recap:
So I did not get to buy the screws last night
Big deal
I’ll get them, don’t you worry none
I will be sooooo happy when the primary election is over today
I am tired of getting recorded calls from people I don’t care about asking me to vote for someone
I slept for crap last night

Five things

Five Things today:

Thing the first: It is amazing how much better a kitchen looks when you put hardware on the cabinets. That being said, it is amazing how unfinished it looks when you are only able to get about 70% of the hardware on. The other 30% waiting on longer screws. It is amazing how many trips to the hardware store are necessary during any particular home improvement, and how many more are necessary when it is the kitchen being remodeled. The cabinets will look nice when done though.

Thing the second: The Super Marble Run is a bitch to reconfigure. Little Man decided that yesterday was the day to change how it had been laid out since Christmas. Over an hour later, Little Man had a shiny new layout and a tired papa who was incredulous at the lack of playing with said new Super Marble Run configuration. I guess an hour’s worth of construction is a bit too long of a wait for a 4.6 year old to wait to play with all its marbly goodness.

Thing the third: Is it wrong to throw other peoples’ recycling out of the big neighborhood recycling drop off point dumpsters so that I can get my recycling picked up? I mean, this is about ME feeling good about my environmental conscious. I KNOW my recycling is getting picked up, while those sorry littering suckers who got there before me only THINK they are helping the environment. Nope, you sorry suckers aren’t recycling, you are littering… by proxy, you environmentally unfriendly jackasses! Yep, all your Girl Scout cookie cases are now litter.

Thing the fourth: I had a fourth thing not too long ago, but I have clearly forgotten what it was about. That’s how it seems to go with the old memory. Some days I gots it, some days I don’ts. This does not bode well for Thing the fifth though…

Thing the fifth: oooh. Oh yeah, The Computer Room (nee Office) is now relatively clean. For some reason Wifey’s laptop occasionally decides that it needs the network authentication key for our wireless network. You know the bajillion letter and number code that lets our router know that it is okay for the laptop to use our Internet services. It looks something like…

IOJBGFOIUWGRFWE089H54LKJBEDFGVOPIYHE054RHGLEK5RGE90U509NGLJKE
RFBEIUHRV9OI3HN45OPGIN3509VH5

But completely different. Anyway… the information used to be in this blue or black folder on the edge of the computer table. I am not sure where that folder went, but it was not to be found in the computer room. Even after the room was semi-cleaned up. Therefore I had to have a delightful online chat with the good folks at Geek Squad. Luckily they are required to type in real words, because I could not have followed an IM Txt lingo’ed IT chat. Anyway, the Geek Squad guy was very pleasant and helped us out pretty much immediately and now Wifey’s computer is all netted up AND the office is relatively cleaner.

To Recap:
I have to get those new hardware screws tonight
Okay, I am soooo adding this to the blogroll
The wrong kind of funny
20 Questions Tuesday is tomorrow
If I could only remember what the topic was that I had picked out

Digital Thursday

Okay here we go. I do not traditionally do any desktop wallpapers, but since Little Man loves the Aquabats! So much and since I am taking quite the shine to them as well, I figured what the heck.

Two versions. First up is “Charge!”


And secondly we have “The Group Shot!”
To Recap:
It is nice to find bands that don’t take themselves too seriously
I feel like such a 7th grader doodling band pics on my Trapper Keeper
Kitchen is completely operable
Now we just have to figure out something good for dinners
This week has just been weak for digital stuff from me
Ack! I am so embarrassed
That being said, if anyone wants versions of these that are formatted for their screen, just email me
The email is in my profile
Have a great weekend everyone

Breathe

Nothing to post about today, so here we go with another writing exercise. This one is “write about combat in first person.”


Just concentrate on breathing. Breath is life. Feint. Life is breath. Parry. The flurry of activity around me is blinding, I just focus all my thoughts on the breath. Thrust. Instinct saves me. Kill. Instinct driven by countless hours of training. Parry. Spin. Instinct honed in countless melees. Pivot. Thrust. Another kill. Breathe in. Three more. Breathe out. Concentrate on the breath. Dodge. Breath is life. Lunge. Life is breath. Kick. Breathe. I am alive. I am breathing. My sword drags across one of them. I dodge the other’s lunge. Three down. Breathe in. Breathe out. They have no choice, but to attack. Breathe. I have no choice, but to kill. I make it swift. Not deep and slow like my breathing.

One more. The dance slows, but I keep my breathing steady. His breath is ragged and heavy. Breathe in. Action. Reaction. Instinct. Time slows more. Feint. Breathe out. Parry. Focus on the breathing. His breath is irrelevant. Breathe in. Move. Breathe out. Advance. Lunge. Breathe in. Retreat. Breath is life. Life is breath. Parry. Spin. Time slows even more. I see his blade. I breathe in as the blade passes. Parry. I breathe out as I move it out of the way. I slow down my breathing more. I slow down time even more. I lunge. I thrust. I parry. I breathe. He lunges. I hit. I kick. I thrust. I breathe. He doesn’t. Time speeds back up to normal, and I take a deep breath.



Meh, I am not sure if I like it, but it is only an exercise.

To recap:
I miss my constant caffeine high
Should be able to use the sink tonight
I have a dental appointment tomorrow morning
I haven’t been flossing much
Oh well
Not sure what is on tap for tomorrow’s Digital Thursday

20 Questions Tuesday: 81 - Laziness

Today’s topic is one that is near and dear to my heart. Today’s topic for 20 Questions Tuesday is Laziness. I have been lazy for more years than I have been alive. “How is that possible” you ask? Well, when you are as good at being lazy as I am, it is like 2 lazy people accomplishing nothing. I am so efficient at being lazy it stuns other people into shocked awe inspired stupors. My Laziness causes others to do nothing… in admiration. Now, my dear readers, that is lazy.

Anyway, thanks this week go to Dustin, ACW, Belsum, Allrileyedup, and JW. Thanks for getting off your collective duffs and getting me these questions.

On to the questions:

1. Who’s lazier: Garfield or Homer Simpson?
I would have to say Garfield because Homer Simpson has held many a job, in fact he has been an Army Private, agent, ambulance driver, amateur-division professional arm wrestler, astronaut, attack-dog trainer, baby proofer, bartender, blackjack dealer, bodyguard, bootlegger, bowling alley employee, boxer, butler, candle maker, car designer, carny, CEO, chauffeur, Chief of Police, choreographer, chiropractor, clown, clerk, coach, cook, con artist, conceptual artist, day-acre worker, detective, drug smuggler, door-to-door salesman, executive, farmer, film critic, film producer, fireman, fish monger, fisherman, food critic, fortune cookie writer, garbage commissioner, grease collector, guard, ice cream truck driver, impotency spokesman, informant, ISP, inventor, lucadore, mall Santa Claus, manager, marriage counselor, mascot, mayor, mini-golf assistant, missionary, mob boss, monorail conductor, mountain climber, musician, night school teacher, oil rig worker, one man band, opera singer, ordained minister, outsider artist, owner, paparazzo, performance artist, personal assistant, prank monkey, public speaker, roadie, railroad engineer, rollercoaster rebuilder, referee, safety inspector, Saftey Salamander, sailor, Salesman, security officer, silhouette model, smuggler, snowplow driver, softball player, superhero, talk show host, town crier, trucker, union leader, used car salesman, voice actor, and a webmaster to name a few. Garfield, however, has only been a cat

2. I find that I’m most lazy on Sunday afternoons. Is this a common national affliction, or merely something that only North-westerners feel?
I think Sunday is the laziest day for most everyone whose work-week starts on Mondays.

3. Laziest animal in the world?
The Koala… it sleeps a lot and gets by on its cuteness.

4. Should I add this poster to my birthday wish list?
Add anything you want to your birthday wish list, it is your wish list. You don't have to ask me. I'm not your keeper. Sheeesh!

5. If there was a job that lazy people gravitated towards, what would said job be?
Truly lazy people are like super cooled liquids and slowly slide and ooze down the path of least resistance. I guess their job would be “ooze.”

6. What’s the difference between laziness and procrastination?
Procrastination is putting off something that could be done at the moment to do it later at an accelerated pace with questionable results. Lazy is not doing anything. Procrastinators often get stuff done, lazy people don’t.

7. Is laziness the same as not caring?
Nope, that would be apathy. Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain level of apathy that a lazy person must achieve, but one can be apathetic and not be lazy.

8. Shouldn't I feel better about being lazy? - I just feel soo guilty - what should I do about the feeling of guilt?
Here is our relativeness to the size of the universe. It is important, when being lazy, to realize that every individual is truly and honestly insignificant.

9. What’s up with the La-Z-Boy chair? Why would anyone buy a chair with that name?
Cause they are comfy

10. Has being lazy caused you to miss (at least in hindsight) a very worthwhile activity?
Not that I am aware of that would have taken effort to find out

11. What if I’m too lazy to send you any questions?
Then you should not have sent this question

12. What if you’re too lazy to actually respond to any questions?
I am skilled at being lazy, so I am not worried about that.

13. Why is it called a Lazy Susan?
Because the "Innovative Susan" wasn’t derogatory enough

14. Do you have and/or enjoy the La-Z-Boy?
We o have a La-Z-Boy, but it was purchased for the sole reason to make breast-feeding Little Man easier. Therefore the chair is the right size for Wifey and not the bigger guy she is married to.

15. What is your idea of a "lazy day"?
One that involves very little movement other than a 45 minute shower, preferable a shower with a chair in it.

16. Does sleeping in immediately constitute someone as being lazy?
Nope, sleeping is absolutely necessary, and "sleeping in" is a gift from the divine.

17. Is Godzilla lazy? I mean, he's so slow when it comes to destroying everything.
Nope, Godzilla is quite industrious. What we do not see from the movies is his extensive macramé hobby.

Now, Mothra, that Kaiju is lazy

18. Is it possible for parents to be lazy?
I have not found that to really be the case. Wifey has to be soooo un-lazy due to my laziness

19. What did you do/not do on your laziest day in history?
Uhhh… nothing. That was a silly question.

20. Are "bums" really lazy?
If by “bums” you mean srh-and-others-like-him’s ass, then "yes." If you are talking about the homeless, I am going to go with a big old “No.” Survival takes a bunch of energy.


To recap:
Sink is in and all should be usable by this evening
Dishwasher is in and all should be usable by this evening
The new kitchen is now officially usable
Wooo-hoo!
We will be cooking tomorrow
We might even be cooking this evening
Little Man said something about pancakes
And pancakes shall be his…
So it shall be written
So it shall be done

Tedium and Inactivity

I have run into a problem associated with reducing the daily amount of caffeine in my diet. I guess since I was not feeling 100% last week I did not notice the issue. Without the illness weakening my perceptive abilities I have noticed something that was not apparent to my adlepated brain. It turns out that caffeine is absolutely necessary in my professional life because my job is mind numbingly boring.

Sweet Jebus help me. My job is akin to picking up spilled toothpicks while watching paint dry. It is mindless tedium followed by large moments of inactivity. It is clipping the grass one blade at a time and watching a tree grow. It is… you are probably tired of the analogies by now, I will move on. I have the inglorious task of connecting vector lines and then watching progress bars slowly creep across my screen. Conversion progress bars… print queue progress bars… print to PDF progress bars… flattening progress bars… save progress bars… my life slowly draining progress bars… Please make it stop!

It was not until I got to work today and watched my concentrative energy slowly drained by the difficult to focus on tasks at hand did I realize that caffeine is the only thing that has kept me from sleeping on the job. The job sure as hell isn’t keeping me from taking a snooze. Trained monkeys could sleep at this desk… under-trained St Bernard’s could find slumber easy. However, squirrels on crack would not sleep through this job, because, well, they are squirrels and they are on crack.

Caffeine is all that keeps me remotely employable. Caffeine, my co-worker… Caffeine, my friend… Caffeine, my companion … Caffeine, my lover … Caffeine my savior…

To recap:
I am fighting the urge to sleep and the urge to drink more caffeine today
I hope I do not lose either of these fights
One would think that I would find a more efficient caffeine delivery system than Mountain Dew
One would be incorrect because coffee tastes like boiled socks and I am unwilling to use a pill form of caffeine
I am not a trucker
I do not drive a big rig
I am not known for hauling goods cross country in the vehicle that Peter built
I am no truck driver
I have lately been mistaking thirst for hunger
I need to drink more water
The counter-tops are stained and have three nice coats of acrylic on them
The water elements (sink and dishwasher) in our new kitchen should be attached today
Oh, Glorious Dishwasher! How we have missed you so...
That means we are only a sky-light and some cosmetics away from having Phase 2 of the construction done
Phase 3 is coming fast on its heels
Phase 3 will be interesting to say the least

Digital Thursday

In honor of the unveiling of the new Captain America I whipped this up. The black and white version was for one of them there Ten Ton Studios’ Sketch Challenges. I didn’t win.

Let's be clear, I am like third tier talent over there.

My initial version had the wrong mask. It was like batman with an “A” on his head and little wings instead of bat ears.

For a second I almost went on a rant about the direction they have taken Captain America, but you guys wouldn’t care less.

My belly is feeling better, but my intestines are giving me some issues.

To Recap:
Going to work on the counter tops tomorrow
Wait… did he just say that his intestines were giving him “some issues?”
Ewwwwwww…. That’s disgusting!
DISGUSTING
I have work that I am neglecting
I guess I should get back to that
Have a great weekend everyone

Stupid Stomachabitch

Last night I was up until stupid early because my stomach was on fire. A strong burning sensation in my belly made laying down and sleeping nearly impossible. I have had a track record of upper gastro-intestinal issues and pretty consistently take medication to alleviate some of the more tiresome symptoms. Forget the Prilosec for 3 days and the belly will let you know.

But the issue last night was something more than mere GERD. Last night was something… well, something more . Now I have to go about the arduous task of finding a new primary care physician. The previous 2 that I have most recently seen changed practices to areas of town that are not at all convenient.

Anyway, I am preoccupied with belly woes, so this post will be rather short.

To recap:
Crackers and water are not a way to live
I am tired of burping
Stupid Stomchabitch

20 Questions Tuesday: 80 - Coworkers

I seem to be in a bit of a rut as far as coming up with topics for posts. Yesterday got so bad that I subjected you to a crappy writing exercise, and today, to come up with a topic for 20 Questions Tuesday I had to resort to some randomizing processes. I threw a stapler over my cube wall to see what it interacted with. I was expecting today’s question topic to be about dented printers, but it turns out that it is about angry coworkers who don’t like random staplers being lobbed in their general direction. I felt that “angry coworkers who don’t like random staplers being lobbed in their general direction” was a bit too specific, so I broadened the topic to merely “Coworkers.”

Thanks this week go to themikestand, Dustin, Sassyfrass, Dr B-Dawg, Wifey (who posted yesterday {what up wit dat?}), and allrileyedup.

On to the questions:

1. What are your top three complaints about your coworkers (be as general as necessary to avoid dismissal)
Number 1: Not nearly attractive enough. If I am going to be locked in a box for 8 hours a day, I should at least be able to share it with some non-troglodytic knuckle draggers
Number 2: They do not respect the genius that is SRH
Number 3: I mentioned that they were all ugly, right? Some of these monsters could make a train take a dirt road.

2. Are you a worker, or a shirker? Where are you on the work-shirk (1-10) scale, assuming there's a normal distribution bell curve and +/- 1 standard deviations encompass 34.1% of the distribution on either side of mean.
I would fall in the first standard deviation on the worker side, probably around a third of the way towards the second standard deviation. I am motivated, but not supremely so.

Did you seriously just answer that last question?
Ummm… yeah

3. What's the angriest you've ever seen a coworker? Were there tears? Did they throw something?
He stood up and angrily said, “Fuck this, I’m going to go buy a Jaguar.” He left the building and we didn’t see him for 2 weeks… When he came back, we all wanted to see the new car. That made him even angrier.

4. Do you find you and your coworkers are angriest in the morning, or near the end of the day? What about during the week? Early or late?
This changes pending on the coworker in question. I would say there is an even distribution. Some people come in angry early because the weekend is over, but some people end the week angry because of work stuff that accumulated over the week.

5. Is it wrong to despise a co-worker who hums incessantly?
Depends on what they are humming. If it is the Raiders of the Lost Ark theme and they aren’t running around, then without hesitation, yes.

6. Do you sometimes feel like office settings are really just extensions of High School? There’s a popular clique, and then the techno geeks, and then everyone else…?
I think this is valid for many a work place, but pending on the market sector, the popular clique varies wildly. For example, at the civil engineering firm where I work the “cool kids” are still civil engineers.

7. Do your co-workers try and suck you into political conversations?
Rarely. Since my viewpoint is typically radically different from theirs, and most political discourse is not really about a civil exchange of political ideas, they stay away from me.

8. Has a co-worker ever stolen your lunch?
Yep. They are no longer working. (Was that menacing enough?)

9. Who are the angriest workers? I'm going to go with the old cliché standby of postal workers. They even have their own catch phrase, "Going Postal".
The angriest I have seen are bank tellers, but the ones that make the news are postal workers and machinists.

10. Are workers angry more because they are at work at all or because of something that happened at work?
A little of Column A, a little of Column B

11. How many angry employees does it take to make an office environment uncomfortable? Is the anger from angry employees usually from personal or work circumstances? Is it wrong to make the angry coworkers angrier, if they have a better desk than yours and you really want it?
If they are effective, just one can ruin it for all the rest. I think most anger at work stems from personal stuff associated with the angry person. They most likely have a shit ton of stuff going on in their life that they are not “allowed” to be angry about. Being angry about work is socially acceptable, but being angry at an emotionally unavailable family member is not. I am more interested in the better desk chairs than better desks…

12. In a no touching workplace, can you freely taunt angry coworkers like a tiger that is safely behind a 5 foot fence and has no chance of actually harming you?
I think the recent San Francisco tiger attack, should indicate that taunting any caged beast is not wise… tiger or co-worker

13. What do you do if a co-worker wants to be your friend, but you don't reciprocate? What if it's someone you just happened to meet at Wal-Mart? You don't have to give them your phone number, right? Why does this always happen to me?
Ummm… I ignore coworkers and Wal-Mart patrons whom I do not wish to talk with.

14. What is the perfect number of people (co-workers) to have in an office? 5? 50? 500?
50 to 200. Enough people to know most everyone and enough to avoid some if you don’t like them.

15. If your coworker were crackin' corn - would you care?
Depends on if they were crackin’ the corn for a purpose or if they were just crackin’ corn to crack corn. If they are just crackin’ corn for the hell of it… and much depends on if they go by the name "Jimmy"

16. If you were a gay bee, and one of your co-workers was a gay bee - which they're not - but if they were...would you be their valentine?
I assume I would be required to be the gay bee’s valentine if I were also a gay bee.

17. I know that your most hated job ever would be to be an assistant crack whore. But what job would you be doing if your coworker was an assistant crack whore? Would you be willing to share a cube?
I imagine I would have to either be a crack whore or a pimp, and if there is one thing we all know, it is that it’s hard out there for a pimp.

18. Ever blamed a coworker for something you did wrong? Ever taken credit for a co-worker's good work?
Nope, and nope

19. Why co-worker? why not cow-orker?
Cow-orker seems a bit… ummm… dirty. ewww

20. Do you participate in office gossip, or merely listen in and laugh occasionally?
Hell, I start most the rumors.


To Recap:
No coworkers were harmed in the making of this post
Some coworkers wanted to be harmed in the making of this post
They are a bit weird
And could live under bridges demanding tribute from billy goats
Did I mention more attractive co-workers would be nice
I have said it before, and I will say it again, “Hyperbole is the funniest form of humor”
I am reducing the amount of caffeine added to my system
It is a difficult task

Writing Exercise

Days where I cannot come up with a topic will involve some weird writing exercises. This one was given to me by some drunkard from my college days.

And Captain Jenkins raised what was left of his right hand to signal the final charge on the German trenches. After the first sweep of the German machine guns 90% of the charging force was stopped in the muddy wasteland between the trenches, the other 10% were being propelled skyward by the myriad of artillery fire haphazardly peppering no-man’s land and by the land mines that were now randomly strewn about the battlefield. At one time the land mines were planted in orderly rows with white picket fences (The way land mines were meant to be planted), but over the course of the war these explosive devices had been messed about all higgley-piggley and the picket fences with nice shrubberies were replaced with the metallic tasting barbed wire that one often finds keeping the cows from taking over Texas. For all know that without the wire that is barbed, the bovine revolution would have to be held in check by the sheep-herders and their flocks of wooly commandos, but that is a story for another time. This is about the fifth charge on the German trenches of the mediocre captaincy of Captain Jenkins. One would think with a name like Captain Jenkins he would be better at being a Captain, but one would be wrong and should most likely keep one’s opinions to oneself. One is awfully nosey, one is.

Captain Jenkins rallied we remaining 4 men to continue pushing toward the German lines, because that was the way of trench warfare. First Captain Jenkins would signal the charge, and then people would charge until there weren’t many people left, and then what was left of Captain Jenkins would rally what was left of his command and those 5 people would heroically dash into the German trenches to gain a new foothold for the British in France, for the sun should never set on the British Empire, unless, of course, it is night-time and then the sun shouldn’t be up at all. The second sweep of machinegun fire, of course killed the rest of us for the third time that day, but being dead merely 3 times over is not enough to stop the dogged charge of the British. Everyone knows that a Brit charging the German lines is quick like a cat and has as many lives providing the cat of comparison is not dodging busses in a busy road or placed into a cage with hungry badgers. For future reference, let’s assume all metaphors from now on imply a certain lack of hungry badgers and confined spaces. It is just safer that way, both for the badgers and for their human meals.

The five of us crested the lip of the German trench in time to see the shocked expressions of those whose conversation had just been interrupted by muddy soldiers intent on killing. Of course, by “five” I truly mean three of us, what was left of Captain Jenkins and oddly a badger in a uniform (they are sometime referred to as Scots especially if one defines “uniform” as a skirt). You can’t follow either a Scot or a badger in times of conversation that is just the way it is.

Luckily for the astonished Germans caught in betwixt conversational topics, the whistle to withdraw had been given considering our 134% personnel losses during this final charge of the day. I nicked a German biscuit and started the sloppy deadly withdrawal process of re-crossing no-man’s land, with what was left of the mediocre Captain Jenkins, a badger in a dress, and 2 other chaps with poor dental hygiene in tow.

To recap:
This weekend Little Man re-discovered Cap’n Crunch cereal
By this weekend, I mean yesterday
4.5 bowls of cereal later the roof of his mouth was hurting
So much that he decided to forego dinner
Much to his chagrin at bedtime
My stomach is a bit on the upset side today
Stupid Stomach!
Or should I say, "Stupid Stomachabitch!"

Digital Thursday

Over at the Ten Ton Studios forums the most recent Sketch Challenge was a Spiderman nemesis. This nemesis is Kraven the Hunter. In one of the posts someone explained Kraven’s costume thusly:

It's like Siegfreid and Roy meets WWE in a gay bar bar for drinks!

That person is very correct. Kraven’s costume consists of an open vest, leopard print tights, and ballet slippers. Later on someone mentioned something about Freddie Mercury, and I couldn’t get the image out of my mind.

So for all of you who have ever wondered:

Well, here is your answer.


To recap:
I thought about dropping Queen lyrics all over the recap, but decided against it
Instead, tell me your favorite Queen song in the comments
Mine is Flash Gordon
He saved everyone of us Oh-Oh
Happy Valentine's Day
Have a great weekend everyone